Thoughts!
So last night, I had a very vivid dream, which is unusual here in the Army. I rarely remember my dreams since I left home. This one started out with me back home, visiting my Alma Mater (TSHS). I met up with all of my old friends, Sasha included. As my visit progressed, Sasha and I ended up kissing one another, and being the couple we were before....everything....It was wonderful seeing her smile, hugging her, kissing her gently, everyone telling us how happy we look...And then the alarm went off, and I realized I was at Ft Huachuca, AZ, and I needed to get ready for PT. I left my bed with sucha feeling of disappointment. Not because it was really early or I didn't finish my dream, but that I knew that the dream was just that, a dream. Have I ruined my love life forever? Or at least for a very long time? The only girl I ever had an interest in here doesn't want to have a relationship that she's just going to have to leave in a few weeks, and I spent most of my night with her, thinking how nice it would be to actually be her boyfriend. Then, as usual, I wonder what it would be like if I had never spoken to Kristen again, and Sasha and I were still together. November 2 would be our 8 month anniversary. 8 months...where before I met her, the longest I was ever with a girl was 4 weeks...And they weren't a very happy 4 weeks...But with Sasha, nothing went wrong...We never fought, bickered, never got tired of each other....And then....she came back....and I panicked again...Had it not happened, I might be a lot happier right now....but I turned against everything I stood for, because somehow I still believed I was in love with her. Even though, there was that old me still inside, hidden beneath the brick wall exterior of my Army training, which tought me that emotions only get people killed...I was in love with Sasha...Kristen did what she always did, sang her Siren song, led me into the rocks, I followed blindly, not knowing how I was about to ruin everything....now Sasha doesn't know how she feels about me....and a few months ago, she was still just as in love with me as the day I left. She was so perfect....and I ruined it...I realized, after that dream, that I'll never find another Sasha....No one could ever be as amazing as she was to me.....