Raining (Chapter 2/??)

[zb24]

Raining (This Chapter: PG-13)
Pairing: Jonghun/Hongki
Written by ZB24

Hongki:

I feel highly disturbed right now. I can't believe he just did what he did. And... what exactly did he do, anyway? Argh, I can't even think straight.

I numbly turn my head to look out my window and mull over what just happened as we approach our destination.

The biggest thing is not the fact that he touched my face, although I can still feel his touch. The biggest thing is that he seemed concerned about me. Was this concern arising from that fact that we are friends? Or, is it something different and more romantic than this? The way he was looking at me said it was something different. Goodness, what do I do?

My heart is beating so fast...

Jonghun:

I feel so disturbed. I can't believe I just did what I did. That was such a stupid thing to do! I'm giving myself away!

I take a breath and tell myself to sit there and act like nothing is wrong. I know it's too late to play this off though. I saw Hongki's face. He knows that wasn't the touch of a friend.

I close my eyes and lean my head back onto the seat. I sigh and try to calm myself.

Things were already awkward between us. I know that Hongki has feelings for me, but I keep acting cold towards him in the hopes that he'll stop feeling that way. I know he can't help himself, but maybe he won't like me if I act like an asshole. He's still just as nice to me as he ever was. This weird dynamic makes my heart hurt, but I feel like I have to be the responsible one. Us being together would ruin *all of this*. Not just our two lives, but our bandmates' as well.

This reality isn't even fair. I KNOW that reality is not supposed to be, but maybe something can be done. We could negotiate a new contract, make deals, keep it all a secret. Something has to be done because Hongki and I are both at the edge. I know that in a few more days (or less), one of us won't be able to contain ourselves and will make a dramatic move. Hongki may be closer than me... I heard him crying in the bathroom earlier and I can guess why, although he probably thinks I don't know anything about it. He should know me better than that. I know everything about him and I know when something isn't right with him.

Hongki... He drives me crazy.

Hongki:

We finally arrive and I'm dying to get out of this van! I can't stay in here another minute! My blood is pumping too fast, my head is spinning with too many thoughts, there is too much tension between us, I can't breath...

I jump out of the van as soon as the car stops, the other boys open the door, and Jonghun moves out of the way. I start to walk quickly towards the sound studio and I hear Jaejin ask where the hell I'm going. I just ignore them. We've been to this building before, so I know where I'm going.

I dive into the nearest studio and close the door behind me. I hope no one is planning on using this for a while, because I need to think.
This studio is painted in earthy colors. There are no mirrors, like the one we usually use and it is devoid of instruments. The door is solid, soundproofed and the small window in the back of the room has its curtains drawn.
I close my eyes and sit heavily on the coffee brown sofa. I hold my head in my hands and sigh. I feel even more disgruntled, tired, and depressed than I was 30 minutes ago in the bathroom.

I am sitting there, minding my own business and mulling over my collapsing universe, when I hear the door open. My eyes are watery and I know the morbidity shows on my face. I would hate to be seen like this so I don't look up when I say, "Please, I need to use this room. Can you go away for 5 minutes?" I hear the door close, then lock. "No, I can't." comes a voice. I am frustrated now. Who is this person?! I jump up from the couch, ready for a fight in case this person is a creep and I see it's Jonghun.

No... Why me? Why today? I can't handle it today!!!

Click to view

Jonghun:

Hongki looks angry. He obviously thought I was some annoying stranger. No~ it's just me.

"What do you want now~?!" He says, his voice exceptionally whiny.
"We have to talk." I say, putting my hands in my pockets.
"No we don't Jonghun! We don't need to talk about any fucking thing okay!"

He tries to rush past me and get to the door, but I catch his shoulders and push him away from it. I can feel in his muscles that he's just putting on a show; he's not really fighting me to get out of this room. I can see the torment in his eyes though and I wonder if he can see the same amount of torment in mine.

"Yes, we do need to talk."

He bites his lip.

"Hongki... I know that you were crying in the bathroom earlier, I know why, and I know that you're not 'okay.' I know I've been mean to you, and I'm sorry. It's only because I am weak and didn't want to acknowledge reality. I know that you have feelings for me, and I didn't want to face that."

He looks like he's going to cry and if he starts crying I don't think I'll be able to continue.

"But, what maybe you don't know, is that I have feelings for you too. I have tried to ignore them, I've tried ploys to make you hate me, I've tried and tried to convince myself that you're not the perfect person for me, but I can't deny it any longer and I'm tired of trying to! I know you are too!" I'm exasperated, out of breath. "So please, let's address this."

He tried to speak, but his voice cracks and the tears start flowing. I apparently just demolished ever flimsy wall he ever constructed between us...

It made me hurt to see him crying like that and I wanted to comfort him, so I hugged him tightly. Even though it was not the smartest thing to do, I did it anyway. No matter what we do, we're stuck anyway. He immediately wrapped his arms around me, holding onto me and fisting my shirt in his hands. He held me as if he thought I might fade away into oblivion.

"I'm not going anywhere." I said as he was cried on my shoulder.

"What are we going to do~?" He said through a fog of sadness and tears.
"I don't know," I said, moving so we could look each other in the face, "but I will definitely find a way for us to be together. It has to be; there's no other way."

Hongki:

I nodded and said, "I will look for a solution with you."

Jonghun nodded and moved a hand to wipe my tears away. He was looking at me intensely and I was only mildly surprised when his hand moved behind my neck. He leaned in slowly, hesitantly, waiting for my unspoken consent, and I gave it to him by remaining as still as ever.

When his soft lips met mine I forgot about all of the problems surrounding us. The floor, the room, the building, the country, everything fell far away from my consciousness until it was only the two of us. I was lost in his lips, his touch, his everything. I got lost in him.

A/N: I hope you like this chapter, although it's kind of long. // I find it amusing that the Moby song also mentions rain, "I know how it rains, I know how it pours, I never could feel this way for anyone but you." Nice~ // Please comment if you want to read more or if you like it. Thanks! (^_^)v ~Kale.