'We're weird and screwed up, but we're okay.'
Gosh darn my life!
Seriously!
I finally decided to vent, and ended up crying over the phone to 'Jake'. He just called me up, out of the blue, like he usually does, and tried to see how things were shaking for me and... I couldn't handle it anymore.
I just started bawling and blubbering like I had something pertinent and abysmally wrecking in my life to convey to him.
Nope, just life really, what everyone goes through.
It sucks though, he said he knows how I feel... I debate the actuality of that since I know his situation, but it was nice to hear it anyway. I sobered up by the time his phone decided to crap out on him, but had made him aware of how alone I felt and the loneliness that completely consumes me sometimes.
Seems I'm not the only one having issues with this in my household either.
And, unfortunately. the only one left in my house is Jack.
... I have been having some major problems with him as of late. He, much like myself, feels alone and quite debilitating loneliness...
He's been crying himself to sleep recently, complaining of horrible nightmares and fear of the dark on top of his loneliness.
But I think that a six year old is having issues with the fact that, much like his mother, he feels as though nobody cares about him, the fact that he has to deal with that is sad enough.
After prayers every night recently, he has curled up into a ball and wept his heart out, and this is one of those points in time when I know that I can't do this alone. Jack loves me, but I'm not enough for him. That's enough to make my heart break even more.
We've never had this issue before, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it besides continue telling him how much I love him, trying to get him out to be with people, or just getting him out of the damned house...
Much like me, he has been contented to stay put in our little cabin-like dwelling, staring out the windows at the trees, and pretty much being lost in art and books.
My only guess is that maybe by the time night falls, things change a little, and contentment turns into something... different.
More of a need for comforting, and we've had each others comfort for so many years, I think it's almost as though it doesn't mean as much as if someone else were doing it.
And there lies the heart of the matter.
We are so tired of being alone.
In the foreseeable future, I don't think our situation is going to change much either.
But here we are, still praying to be happy.
And here I am, completely unwilling to go down a path that is new, because I'm determined to keep hoping, as Jack has told me repeatedly as well to not give up hoping, so we are... hoping that we may still get another chance in the future.
He has even said that he would rather be the way we are now just in case He decides to change His mind, then have to deal with Strange being in the house again.
I can't say that I blame him one bit.
At least we know what we are dealing with if we place our bets on Him... but with anyone else... it could be we end up with another drill sergeant. Fuck a bunch of that shit.
If I'm going to get hurt, I'd rather it be by someone I love.
By Him.
Jack agrees wholeheartedly.
We love Him, and we miss Him something fierce.
Seriously!
I finally decided to vent, and ended up crying over the phone to 'Jake'. He just called me up, out of the blue, like he usually does, and tried to see how things were shaking for me and... I couldn't handle it anymore.
I just started bawling and blubbering like I had something pertinent and abysmally wrecking in my life to convey to him.
Nope, just life really, what everyone goes through.
It sucks though, he said he knows how I feel... I debate the actuality of that since I know his situation, but it was nice to hear it anyway. I sobered up by the time his phone decided to crap out on him, but had made him aware of how alone I felt and the loneliness that completely consumes me sometimes.
Seems I'm not the only one having issues with this in my household either.
And, unfortunately. the only one left in my house is Jack.
... I have been having some major problems with him as of late. He, much like myself, feels alone and quite debilitating loneliness...
He's been crying himself to sleep recently, complaining of horrible nightmares and fear of the dark on top of his loneliness.
But I think that a six year old is having issues with the fact that, much like his mother, he feels as though nobody cares about him, the fact that he has to deal with that is sad enough.
After prayers every night recently, he has curled up into a ball and wept his heart out, and this is one of those points in time when I know that I can't do this alone. Jack loves me, but I'm not enough for him. That's enough to make my heart break even more.
We've never had this issue before, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it besides continue telling him how much I love him, trying to get him out to be with people, or just getting him out of the damned house...
Much like me, he has been contented to stay put in our little cabin-like dwelling, staring out the windows at the trees, and pretty much being lost in art and books.
My only guess is that maybe by the time night falls, things change a little, and contentment turns into something... different.
More of a need for comforting, and we've had each others comfort for so many years, I think it's almost as though it doesn't mean as much as if someone else were doing it.
And there lies the heart of the matter.
We are so tired of being alone.
In the foreseeable future, I don't think our situation is going to change much either.
But here we are, still praying to be happy.
And here I am, completely unwilling to go down a path that is new, because I'm determined to keep hoping, as Jack has told me repeatedly as well to not give up hoping, so we are... hoping that we may still get another chance in the future.
He has even said that he would rather be the way we are now just in case He decides to change His mind, then have to deal with Strange being in the house again.
I can't say that I blame him one bit.
At least we know what we are dealing with if we place our bets on Him... but with anyone else... it could be we end up with another drill sergeant. Fuck a bunch of that shit.
If I'm going to get hurt, I'd rather it be by someone I love.
By Him.
Jack agrees wholeheartedly.
We love Him, and we miss Him something fierce.