Naked Muff at 5:00 AM
What a week. Work has just been crazy for me, non-stop, barely getting time to breath. I am so bogged down in machine problems that I haven't been able to finish any of the programs I am working on. In the last two weeks I've driven over 1,000 miles jetting between my office, and the downstate office. Monday I had to finish prepping new server changes, Tuesday and Wednesday I was on loan to a psychological clinic to do systems work, Thursday I was down state, installing new hardware, and trying not to kill someone who was being an absolute bitch, and forgetting the difference between co-worker, and underling. Hello, I'm a fucking division head, I don't TAKE orders from you. *slap*
Drive back home last night, collapse in a heap, and go to bed early.
Now, here's where it gets really fun.
So, I'm actually getting some decent sleep for once, or so I think. I'm having this dream, I think about Jericho. Jake keeps asking me if I am ready, and then BOOM, this tremendous crashing sound. I wake up, and it seems too close to be ignored, so I lurch out of bed, and open the door of my bedroom.
And watch the nice, tight, shapely ass of a cute women sauntering down my hall. Not panty-clad ass, or pants-clad ass, but just ass. Nice, fuckable, what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-in-my-house? ass.
It's 5:00 AM, and there's some girl walking down my hallway that looks fresh from the obligatory panty-flashing, faux-dyke kissing session Girls Gone Wild honey momma.
Now, in the dim light, for a second, I wonder if perhaps what I am seeing is my maid service coming in WAY early in the morning, a week before they should. Then I realize, no... no cleaning service. There's a just a slut sauntering into my bathroom.
So, I catch up to her, and ask "What the hell are you doing here?"
"What are YOU doing here, this is my place!" She says.
If Valkh or Savriel were there, they would have said, "Well, if it's your place, do the dishes, bitch." I didn't though. She was heading into the bathroom, so I told her to do her business and then get the fuck out. Then I went and checked with the neighbors to see if maybe she was a girlfriend, or someone from one of their parties. Nope, she wasn't. Ok, so... what to do now.
I have to admit, my first impulse was to get her bent over the bed, spanked, and telling me just who her daddy was. But I don't like to fuck people so stoned they can't tell whose house they are in, plus, STDs are scary, plus, I do have some morals. I know, I'm working on erasing what few I have left.
I call the cops. They come. ALL OF THEM. It's 5:00 AM in the burbs, and nothing's going on, and someone phones in that there's a hot white chick locked in their bathroom. I had six squad cars around my house. Booyah.
I go out to meet them. Apparently, she ditched her purse, panties, and pants on the way up my back patio to the second floor, where she pushed in through the rooftop entrance.
By the time I lead them in, she was walking out of my bathroom, using one of my towels to cover herself, and carrying a bottle of hair spray and some conditioner. I use product. So the fuck what, leave me alone.
Anyway.
The cops surround her, escort her out of my apartment, and take her away. She's a little surly, and she's trying to tell the cops that I'm the fucked up one. Maybe she say my biography of Anton LaVey, found of the Church of Satan, in the bathroom and made some assumptions. Oh well. Anyway... so that's been my last week.
It's been surreal.
On the plus side, she did have a nice, shaved little puss. The last thing I heard from her was her offering to show it to the cops.
Lock your deadbolts, kids. It's strange out there.
Relax in the safety of your own delusions. - J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, Church of the SubGenius
Drive back home last night, collapse in a heap, and go to bed early.
Now, here's where it gets really fun.
So, I'm actually getting some decent sleep for once, or so I think. I'm having this dream, I think about Jericho. Jake keeps asking me if I am ready, and then BOOM, this tremendous crashing sound. I wake up, and it seems too close to be ignored, so I lurch out of bed, and open the door of my bedroom.
And watch the nice, tight, shapely ass of a cute women sauntering down my hall. Not panty-clad ass, or pants-clad ass, but just ass. Nice, fuckable, what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-in-my-house? ass.
It's 5:00 AM, and there's some girl walking down my hallway that looks fresh from the obligatory panty-flashing, faux-dyke kissing session Girls Gone Wild honey momma.
Now, in the dim light, for a second, I wonder if perhaps what I am seeing is my maid service coming in WAY early in the morning, a week before they should. Then I realize, no... no cleaning service. There's a just a slut sauntering into my bathroom.
So, I catch up to her, and ask "What the hell are you doing here?"
"What are YOU doing here, this is my place!" She says.
If Valkh or Savriel were there, they would have said, "Well, if it's your place, do the dishes, bitch." I didn't though. She was heading into the bathroom, so I told her to do her business and then get the fuck out. Then I went and checked with the neighbors to see if maybe she was a girlfriend, or someone from one of their parties. Nope, she wasn't. Ok, so... what to do now.
I have to admit, my first impulse was to get her bent over the bed, spanked, and telling me just who her daddy was. But I don't like to fuck people so stoned they can't tell whose house they are in, plus, STDs are scary, plus, I do have some morals. I know, I'm working on erasing what few I have left.
I call the cops. They come. ALL OF THEM. It's 5:00 AM in the burbs, and nothing's going on, and someone phones in that there's a hot white chick locked in their bathroom. I had six squad cars around my house. Booyah.
I go out to meet them. Apparently, she ditched her purse, panties, and pants on the way up my back patio to the second floor, where she pushed in through the rooftop entrance.
By the time I lead them in, she was walking out of my bathroom, using one of my towels to cover herself, and carrying a bottle of hair spray and some conditioner. I use product. So the fuck what, leave me alone.
Anyway.
The cops surround her, escort her out of my apartment, and take her away. She's a little surly, and she's trying to tell the cops that I'm the fucked up one. Maybe she say my biography of Anton LaVey, found of the Church of Satan, in the bathroom and made some assumptions. Oh well. Anyway... so that's been my last week.
It's been surreal.
On the plus side, she did have a nice, shaved little puss. The last thing I heard from her was her offering to show it to the cops.
Lock your deadbolts, kids. It's strange out there.
Relax in the safety of your own delusions. - J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, Church of the SubGenius