Q: "What should I get my boyfriend for Father's Day?"
my answer:
The best gift is personalized based on the recipient's interests, so I can't help you with that part. "But they already HAVE all the comics/figurines/games/yarn!" is a common issue. I only know one way around it and it's too late for this particular occasion: nothing blows me away like when I make an offhand comment about "oh, that looks pretty cool" or "Man, I love this song" or whatever and immediately forget about it, only to discover six months later that someone was, like, taking notes/paying more attention than I was myself and got me The Thing.
Do you know anything about your partner's receiving love languages? (I specify "receiving" b/c many people have differences in how they naturally show affection vs. what forms of affection from others are most meaningful for them.)
For me, getting "stuff" is cool but what I really want is words of affirmation and physical touch, followed by quality time - so a card that says "I like you and I'm glad we're friends" - or "I love you and I'm so glad you're my boyfriend", as the case may be - is a super thoughtful gift. (Some dudes aren't as sentimental as I am, but a number of us are actually pretty insecure despite, or rather because of, pressure to be tough and confident at all times. There's also expectations of being the Provider, doing things *on behalf of* others but not necessarily *with* them - classically, going to war and/or going to work outside the home - that can lead to feeling unappreciated if no one comments.)
More specific is better, and since you say it's for Father's day, I assume your boyfriend is in fact a father. That being the case, something about "hey, I really appreciate how you [insert particularly cool/impressive parenting thing he does]", with a followup "and it makes me even more attracted to you" if applicable, might be a winner.
Or not. If he's the type who only ever glances at cards before throwing them away, he might be less about words and more about actions. Homemade coupon books are a classic for a reason - "one evening of cuddling by the fireplace" or "I will go to [thing you are passionate about that I'm not] and attempt to appreciate it" or "I will do [chore we both hate] one time", etc.
Bottom line: ideally, you want to demonstrate that you care about *him*, specifically, and his particular qualities: the things that make him a named character in your story and not just "Boyfriend (uncredited)". And also that you're listening: "How come we never ____ anymore?" and "I wish I could ____" and "I wish you'd ____" are good gift-giving clues.
Best of luck and let us know how it goes!
---
Disclaimer: the question was about gifts, which are inherently about trying to make someone else feel good, so that's what I focused on. Obviously, relationships should work for everyone involved and not be all one-way. In fact, that's one of the reasons I like coupons - they can work either as a way to formalize reminders to do something you'd both like to do anyway, or as ways of quantifying your boundaries, like, "I will go to the [opera/monster truck rally/whatever] with you ONCE, but otherwise you're on your own" or "I love you and therefore I will take out the trash for you exactly five times this year - the rest of the time it remains your responsibility, according to the chart we've negotiated."
(Pro tip: regardless of how unromantic it sounds, any time you're cohabiting or just sharing housing with someone, negotiate a chart. And then do your best to follow it. And then meet regularly about how it's going - that way, things like "I'm sorry, there's [specific crisis] and I just don't have it in me to [task] this month" and "Honestly, I just don't think [task] needs to be done every week - can we try every 2 weeks?" come to the surface relatively promptly. It's far better than either nagging or silently fuming that [task] isn't happening.)
The best gift is personalized based on the recipient's interests, so I can't help you with that part. "But they already HAVE all the comics/figurines/games/yarn!" is a common issue. I only know one way around it and it's too late for this particular occasion: nothing blows me away like when I make an offhand comment about "oh, that looks pretty cool" or "Man, I love this song" or whatever and immediately forget about it, only to discover six months later that someone was, like, taking notes/paying more attention than I was myself and got me The Thing.
Do you know anything about your partner's receiving love languages? (I specify "receiving" b/c many people have differences in how they naturally show affection vs. what forms of affection from others are most meaningful for them.)
For me, getting "stuff" is cool but what I really want is words of affirmation and physical touch, followed by quality time - so a card that says "I like you and I'm glad we're friends" - or "I love you and I'm so glad you're my boyfriend", as the case may be - is a super thoughtful gift. (Some dudes aren't as sentimental as I am, but a number of us are actually pretty insecure despite, or rather because of, pressure to be tough and confident at all times. There's also expectations of being the Provider, doing things *on behalf of* others but not necessarily *with* them - classically, going to war and/or going to work outside the home - that can lead to feeling unappreciated if no one comments.)
More specific is better, and since you say it's for Father's day, I assume your boyfriend is in fact a father. That being the case, something about "hey, I really appreciate how you [insert particularly cool/impressive parenting thing he does]", with a followup "and it makes me even more attracted to you" if applicable, might be a winner.
Or not. If he's the type who only ever glances at cards before throwing them away, he might be less about words and more about actions. Homemade coupon books are a classic for a reason - "one evening of cuddling by the fireplace" or "I will go to [thing you are passionate about that I'm not] and attempt to appreciate it" or "I will do [chore we both hate] one time", etc.
Bottom line: ideally, you want to demonstrate that you care about *him*, specifically, and his particular qualities: the things that make him a named character in your story and not just "Boyfriend (uncredited)". And also that you're listening: "How come we never ____ anymore?" and "I wish I could ____" and "I wish you'd ____" are good gift-giving clues.
Best of luck and let us know how it goes!
---
Disclaimer: the question was about gifts, which are inherently about trying to make someone else feel good, so that's what I focused on. Obviously, relationships should work for everyone involved and not be all one-way. In fact, that's one of the reasons I like coupons - they can work either as a way to formalize reminders to do something you'd both like to do anyway, or as ways of quantifying your boundaries, like, "I will go to the [opera/monster truck rally/whatever] with you ONCE, but otherwise you're on your own" or "I love you and therefore I will take out the trash for you exactly five times this year - the rest of the time it remains your responsibility, according to the chart we've negotiated."
(Pro tip: regardless of how unromantic it sounds, any time you're cohabiting or just sharing housing with someone, negotiate a chart. And then do your best to follow it. And then meet regularly about how it's going - that way, things like "I'm sorry, there's [specific crisis] and I just don't have it in me to [task] this month" and "Honestly, I just don't think [task] needs to be done every week - can we try every 2 weeks?" come to the surface relatively promptly. It's far better than either nagging or silently fuming that [task] isn't happening.)