Quiz, Rant, Advertising and Whatever... A Full Journal Entry by ZX
This fits so well into my rant that I can't even begin to describe it.
There are some things that really REALLY aggravate me. For some reason, it all somehow relates to my love life and how various people view it. I try not to rant about it too often, but... Geeze, I can't get it off my mind, so I'm gonna piss it all out here. (Perhaps not the best word choice... but what's new, ne?) If you don't feel like reading through my rant, then skip down to the --- (hash hash hash?) line for some of my typical self-advertising, as I have some news that my readers would be overjoyed if you all participated in.
Things that annoy me greatly that I speak of:
Numero Uno: Do not, and I mean DO NOT call me gay. Be it joking or serious, nothing pisses me off more than being called gay. I am NOT gay. Just because I've never made out with a girl or humped one in the corner like most of the guys at school, just because I try to show some manner of respect to girls, does not mean I'm gay. For pity's sake, look at me! I dance for discounts on cosmetic surgery! CAN'T YOU READ? *points at poll thingy* Which leads to the next one...
Number two:
GIRL 1: "You two would make a good couple!"
GIRL 2: (less than half a second reaction time at most...) "EW! YUCK! NO! NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN!"
That hurts. Really. I know I'm not the hottest guy on the Earth (I'd be lucky to make the Arctic level of competition, really...), but after the hundredth time (all from different girls) this REALLY gets old. I don't know if you like to make me cry or what, but telling me to go away because I'm too nerdy and barfing at the mention of my face is just plain mean.
#3: My little brother. Irrelevant, but true. He scares people away almost as much as my very appearence seems to. And he's growing to be a jock. A jock who likes raising Chao a tad too much. O_o
In any case, my list ends now, and I proceed. I know I'm appalling as far as girls are concerned. I hang out with a guy who bathes only aftter I scold him for not doing so once I find out he hasn't for three weeks, my face is that of a nerd, I play the role of my face all too well. I'm not something you'd want a poster of unless you're really into monster movies, and I can accept that. But everyone seems to want away from me because they're afraid my appearance will drag them down the social ladder and make them a loser. I'm kind of sick of the only person not afraid of being near me being Gym. It's not helping me any with the being considered a homo thing.
People are afraid of me, too. I'm not going to change who I am. I can't. I am who I am, and everyone who tries to deny themselves winds up falling into failure. Yes, I do strange voices. Yes, some people do find those funny. And, yes, I use those voices for various tasks, be it drama, self-entertainment, running storylines through my mind, acting for my games, or even amazing people with the fact that I can sound like Ed and Edd and laugh like the Pillsbury Doughboy. Why this scares the living crap out of people, I'll never know. Everyone else who does it gets positive attention from it. I do it naturally, so maybe that's what scares the living crap out of people. I hate my real voice. When I say I never use it, I'm hardly kidding. You get my real voice when I honestly don't care or am on the lower half of the emotional roller coaster. If I'm happy, I'm multi-voiced. I can't help it. It's a far more productive way of expending energy than decking somebody. I forgot where I was going with this, but I'm tired of people being freaked out by me because I'm different. Never mind that no two of us are even remotely normal in our damned school, I'm "different". I don't wear pot propaganda, I don't cuss people out in a pleasant manner as part of casual conversation, I don't think a random loud noise like a car horn, large bell or flatulence is funny (unless very well timed, which is horribly rare...). So what?
I wish one of you girls could tell me WHAT is so repelling about me. I wish one of you would tell me that no matter what I do, none of you ever catch on to the fact that I LIKE you. I want to know how the hell I flirted with J for at least four years and she never once acknowledged it. Tristan was HOT to her at one point, Colin and Gym made the list, too, but I couldn't even get her to remotely catch the hint! (Except in, I belive, sixth grade, where Ashley found out, told her, and Things I Despise #2 off of above list happened and would probably happen again.)
I don't get it. I try to be chivalrous. I try to be kind, caring, and slowly but surely I'm learning when to just plain shut up because I KNOW there's nothing I can say that'll make things better because my skills at making things better are little more than trying to make the other person laugh whether or not the moment is appropriate. I do everything I can to even get a girl to acknowledge me as a decent friend, and I rarely even get that. How I managed to get Emily to think so I'd love to know, write down, and make a poster out of so I could study it every blasted day. I don't know if she's yet caught on that I officially like her. We're not officially dating. And I don't think she really wants official anything, as she is trying to move off to Idaho. Potatoes. Yum? Sometimes... Off-subject again.
As with any rant, this has no conclusion, as it is a spilling of random thoughts that I REALLY REALLY REALLY just need to get out of my bloody (literally... heh) system. If I offended anybody, so sorry (but not really, 'cause when I rant I could probably kill somebody before I feel regeret. 'Tis the problem with my ranting. Namely when I can write the rants down and am far too lazy to proofread. Like right now. How many spelling errors, Bob?). If you have a response for this, go right ahead. For the time being, I'm REALLY looking for one. Because this continues to nag at me far too much far too often. And Number Two happens far too often as well.
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Right, on to selfish advertising.
Go to my main page and read the latest update for info concerning this. I'm having a big voting drive, and, if we hit 250 early enough in the month, I have an extra incentive planned to keep vote counts higher. But first we have to hit the present goal.
How do you all like my cheap-o little Flash movie, btw? Draft 2. The first Draft sadi "Jingle Bells" at the end but exported funny and I lost the whole thing due to personal error.
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Halloween. Nothing to do. I'm minding the house for (ha) trick-or-treaters while the parents take the sibling out. Mother has given in to allowing Jayce to go only because I got to at his age. XD Wee.
GM is giving me hell in terms of 3D mode. Even following the bloody tutorial, it won't work right for me. I need it for TB!X's bonus stages, darn it! :( Well, I could do it by another (more mathy) method, but this would look a lot better and be more cool. Kewl. C001. Whatever...
So, yeah, if the typos here are too nasty, I'll fix it up. But I'm not looking over any of this so... Yeah.