~Hello sweet grief, I know you'll be the death of me
I almost managed to sleep through the 12th entirely. Almost.
It's been two years, and it doesn't feel like any time has gone by at all. I'm still waiting somewhere for her to come back. To wake up and for her to be there. To find her notes around the house for me.
She's in all my dreams, it always feels so real when she's alive. She tells me in my dreams that it's okay, not to worry, that she's alright, but when I wake up it's not alright, because she's not there.
I'm worried I wouldn't be able to identify a feeling even I felt one lately. Tears come to my eyes sometimes and nothing is connected to it, it's like my body is just reacting to something I can't see.
Sometimes some memories come to me so sharply that they block out everything else, and I'm not sure how I could've forgot them in the first place. Like there's a layer of silt over everything and it all comes flying up when I move.
I couldn't imagine life without her when she was sick, and I think on some level my brain still refuses to accept that this is life now.
At least when it hurts it feels like something.
I also posted this at dreamwidth with reluctant ambivalence. Comment here or there, don't matter to me!
It's been two years, and it doesn't feel like any time has gone by at all. I'm still waiting somewhere for her to come back. To wake up and for her to be there. To find her notes around the house for me.
She's in all my dreams, it always feels so real when she's alive. She tells me in my dreams that it's okay, not to worry, that she's alright, but when I wake up it's not alright, because she's not there.
I'm worried I wouldn't be able to identify a feeling even I felt one lately. Tears come to my eyes sometimes and nothing is connected to it, it's like my body is just reacting to something I can't see.
Sometimes some memories come to me so sharply that they block out everything else, and I'm not sure how I could've forgot them in the first place. Like there's a layer of silt over everything and it all comes flying up when I move.
I couldn't imagine life without her when she was sick, and I think on some level my brain still refuses to accept that this is life now.
At least when it hurts it feels like something.
I also posted this at dreamwidth with reluctant ambivalence. Comment here or there, don't matter to me!