~CAN'T SAY GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT OF OUR PREVIOUS PRODUCTIONS: METAL GEAR, METAL GEAR 2, AND METAL GEAR SOLID! ALTHOUGH THERE WERE SOME UNEXPECTED DELAYS IN PRODUCTION, WE'VE ALL PULLED TOGETHER TO PRESENT OUR LARGEST PRODUCTION YET: METAL GEAR SOLID 2: SONS OF LIBERTY! THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND SUPPORT, AND WE HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY THE SHOW AND GIVE US YOUR CONTINUED PATRONAGE IN THE FUTURE!
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO WAIT FOR OUR ACT BREAKS AND WANT THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE ALL AT ONCE, YOU CAN ALSO WATCH THE SPECIAL MATINEE EDITION HERE AT DREAMWIDTH! HOWEVER OUR SETS DO LOOK STRANGE AT THAT ASPECT RATIO, SO WE RECOMMEND VIEWING IT HERE!
HIDEO KOJIMA: I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A NEW METAL GEAR GAME AND GET TONS OF MONEY FROM MY STUPID FANS. DON'T WANNA.
FINE. FINE! YOU WANT ANOTHER METAL GEAR SOLID? OH, I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER METAL GEAR SOLID! I'M ABOUT TO GET META ALL UP IN YOUR FACE, ALL THE WAY UP IN YOUR FACE 'CEPT THIS META GOT FANGS, BABY, IT'S GOT FANGS MADE OF YOU ALL SUCK AND I HATE YOU.
KONAMI: KOJIMA STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AND WORK ON YOUR NEW BLOCKBUSTER GAME ALREADY, WE GOT YOU SOME NEW BUTT ARTISTS.
:D
--TANKER CHAPTER--
SOLID SNAKE: IT'S TWO YEARS AFTER SHADOW MOSES AND EVERYTHING STILL SUCKS SOMEHOW.
HAL "OTACON" EMMERICH: HEY SNAKE WANT TO FORM A NGO DEDICATED TO DESTROYING METAL GEARS
SURE, NOT LIKE I DO ANYTHING ELSE WITH MY FREE TIME APPARENTLY.
I BROKE YOUR CAMO THINGY
>:\
SO HOW ARE THINGS
IT'S GREAT THAT WE'RE ALL STILL FRIENDS AFTER SHADOW MOSES. :3 EXCEPT MERYL WHO SEEMS TO HAVE MYSTERIOUSLY VANISHED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. IT'S ALMOST LIKE MY ENDING WAS CANON INSTEAD OF HERS! HOW WEIRD. ANYWAY OCELOT LEAKED THE PLANS FOR METAL GEAR ONTO THE BLACK MARKET AND THE MARINES ARE MAKING A NEW ANTI-METAL GEAR METAL GEAR METAL GEAR METAL- AN ANTI-METAL GEAR. GO GET SOME PICTURES AND DON'T KILL ANYONE. WE'RE NOT TERRORISTS IF WE CALL OURSELVES PHILANTHROPISTS INSTEAD!
UH HUH. AT LEAST I ACTUALLY STARTED WITH A WEAPON THIS TIME.
HEY YOU BROUGHT YOUR CIGARETTES. YOU AREN'T SMOKING AGAIN ARE YOU >:( I TOLD YOU NOT TO!
I LIKE THEM. >:(
I SAID NO. >:(
>:( THEY'RE SMOKELESS.
IT'S STILL BAD FOR YOU, YOU STOP THAT. >:(
AS FUN AS THIS COMFORTABLE BANTER IS ARE YOU SURE THIS INFO IS LEGIT
HACKED IT MYSELF :3
YOU DIDN'T GET TRACKED DID YOU
OH PLEASE, I'M TOO GOOD FOR THAT. <-- YOUR SELF-ESTEEM'S IMPROVED OTACON
CAUSE THERE ARE BOUNTIES ON US.
GOD YOU'RE SO PARANOID.
ALL THE DEFENSE DOESN'T ADD UP EITHER.
YOU WORRY TOO MUCH. IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE! IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GOING TO GET TRICKED AND KILLED OR SOMETHING. RECON MISSIONS AIN'T NO BIG DEAL.
:/
RUSSIAN SOLDIERS: SUP MARINES WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SWIM
MARINES: BLUB BLUB
://///
WHATEVER, NOT OUR BUSINESS, JUST TAKE PICTURES OF THE NEW METAL GEAR AND LEAVE.
FINE, BOSSYBOOTS. :/
YOU LIKE IT.
SHUT UP.
THIS NEW METAL GEAR IS PRETTY HARDCORE.
HOLD ON, MY LADYSENSE IS TINGLING.
OLGA GURLUKOVICH: WE SURE TOOK OVER THIS TANKER.
SERGEI GURLUKOVICH: YUP SURE DID, NOW GTFO.
WHAT NO
YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH MY GRANDCHILD YES
PSSH WHATEVER DAD.
HEY WANNA FIGHT
DO I!
ARGH TRANQ BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS
CYPHER: HEY WASSUP GUYS
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T LET THE SPY DRONE TAKE A CLEAR PICTURE OF MY FACE... NAH.
THIS IS PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO TELL YOU THAT THE PERSON WHO SENT US THE TIP TO COME HERE WAS MY STEPSISTER E.E. I NEVER MENTIONED UNTIL NOW, WHO I KNEW FOR TWO YEARS AND LAST SAW TEN YEARS AGO.
IS THIS MATH GOING TO BE RELEVANT?
TO THE AMOUNT OF DAMAGE I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE, YES.
WHAT
I DID BREAK INTO THE PENTAGON TO BACK IT UP THOUGH. BUT MAYBE I MESSED UP. :(
BELIEVE ME, YOU ARE THE LEAST INCOMPETENT COMMANDING OFFICER I'VE EVER HAD, AND THAT BAR IS SET VERY LOW.
SNEAKIN FURTHER INTO THE SHIP, TUM TE TUM.
HA HA, TRAPPED HIM IN THE LOWER DECKS WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE! OH HEY OCELOT.
REVOLVER OCELOT: HI
YOU AREN'T GOING TO BETRAY ME AND COLONEL SERGEI GURLUKOVICH ARE YOU
NOW WHY WOULD I DO THAT? BY THE WAY, COULD YOU LOOK DOWN THE BARREL OF MY REVOLVER FOR ME, I THINK IT'S DIRTY.
SOMEONE'S BEEN EAVESDROPPING ON OUR CONVERSATION THE WHOLE TIME BTW. SO FOR ADDED SECURITY, I HACKED A RANDOM PUBLIC COMPUTER ON THIS FLOOR, SO USE THAT TO SEND ME THE CLASSIFIED METAL GEAR PHOTOS INSTEAD!
WHAT'S A COMPUTER
MARINE COMMANDANT SCOTT DOLPH: MAN OUR METAL GEAR RAY IS SO AWESOME. RAY IS THE BEST. IT CAN SWIM! AND IT'S GOT A LASER! RAY IS SO COOL.
HI
AW HELL.
I'M TAKING THIS METAL GEAR FOR RUSSIA.
AW YEAH.
JUST KIDDING, I'M TAKING IT FOR THE PATRIOTS.
THE LA LI LU LE LO?
WHAT? NO. WELL, MAYBE.
OMG OCELOT YOU BETRAYED ME! YOU'RE STILL IN CAHOOTS WITH SOLIDUS AREN'T YOU! HOW COULD YOOOOUUUUU
I LET MY BULLETS DO THE TALKING.
WAIT I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING BLARRRGHHH
HEY WHO WANTS TO GO FOR A SWIM? EVERYONE? GREAT.
TANKER: AAAA EXPLOSIONS WATER AAAA
OCELOT!!!!!
HMM? ARGH MY RIGHT ARM AAAGH
LIQUID SNAKE: HELLO, BROTHER!
WHAT
IT'S ME, LIQUID! REMEMBER HOW OCELOT GOT HIS HAND CUT OFF? WELL THEY GRAFTED ON THE ARM FROM MY DEAD BODY AND NOW I LIVE ON! IN THIS ARM!
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
GET OUT OF MY HEAD, CHARLES LIQUID! I'LL CHEW MY ARM OFF IF I HAVE TO!
YOU'RE DROWNING IN TIME! BECAUSE BIG BOSS WAS OLD WHEN THEY CLONED HIM, OUR AGING PROCESS AS CLONES IS ACCELERATED! YOU'VE ONLY GOT A FEW YEARS LEFT!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT
I'M RIDING THIS METAL GEAR ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK, BUT I DO HAVE A CASHIER'S CHECK MADE OUT... FOR YOUR FACE! IT'S FROM RAY'S GIANT WING ARM!
BLUB BLUB
I'M SORRY I WAS PLAYING ZONE OF ENDERS, WHAT'S GOING ON? OH SHI- SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEE
BLUB
JUST AS PLANNED. EVEN GOT A PICTURE OF SNAKE ON THE TANKER, THE STUPID IDIOT. NO MORE METAL GEAR FOR THE MARINES, EH MR. PRESIDENT? HA HA HA! AH, WE'RE ALWAYS LAUGHING YOU AND ME.
BLUB
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
PLAYER: WOW WHAT AN INTENSE AND MYSTERIOUS CHAPTER! I HOPE SNAKE IS OKAY! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE REST OF THE GAME IS LIKE!
--PLANT CHAPTER--
COLONEL ROY CAMPBELL: HI IT'S ME AGAIN. HEY SNAKE, YOU REMEMBER HOW THAT TANKER EXPLODED TWO YEARS AGO
SNAKE?: I'M CLEARLY NOT SNAKE BUT YES.
TERRORISTS BLEW UP THE TANKER TO SPILL OIL INTO THE RIVER SO THEY BUILT A CLEAN-UP FACILITY OVER IT CALLED BIG SHELL. IT'S SO ORANGE. ALSO SOME NEW TERRORISTS JUST TOOK IT OVER.
YOU DON'T SAY.
IT'S A GROUP OF PSYCHOS WITH SUPERNATURAL POWERS CALLED DEAD CELL. THEY WANT EIGHT KAJILLION DOLLARS OR THEY'LL BLOW BIG SHELL TO KINGDOM COME. ALSO THEY HAVE THE PRESIDENT. SO SNEAK ON IN THERE.
THIS IS JUST ALL JUST LIKE MGS1 EXCEPT SOMEONE ELSE DID IT BEFORE ME AND BETTER. <-- YOU BETTER LIKE THIS THEME BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO BE SEEING IT A LOT.
ANYWAY LET'S CHANGE YOUR CODENAME FOR DUCKS. HOW ABOUT RAIDEN? YOU ALREADY BEAT THIS GAME IN VR MODE LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES SO THIS SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM.
RAIDEN: I FEEL LIKE A LEGENDARY MERCENARY!
SEE, THAT'S YOU, PLAYER! YOU'RE A NOOB IF YOU THINK VR MAKES YOU A HERO! I'M TALKING TO YOU! RAIDEN IS YOU!
>:/
ALL THE GUARDS KEEP GETTING KNOCKED OUT BY SOME MYSTERIOUS STRANGER BEFORE I CAN GET TO THEM. HEY, THAT'S MY ELEVATOR! COLONEL, SOMEONE ELSE IS DEFINITELY HERE.
NOPE. HEY, TOUCH THAT COMPUTER FOR YOUR RADAR.
AAAAAAAAAUGH
HAHAHAHA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT, YOU ARE SO GULLIBLE. BY THE WAY YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S GOING TO SAVE YOUR GAME.
WHATBASFJAHFAHFT ROSE NO YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE INVOLVED
ROSE: I'M PART OF IT NOW WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. I'M AN INTELLIGENCE AND INFORMATION ANALYST!
THIS IS STUPID NO I REFUSE GET OUT OF HERE
TOUGH NOOGIES.
WE LEARNED FROM THE SHADOW MOSES INCIDENT THAT YOU NEED A REASON TO LIVE, SO SUCCEED IN THE MISSION OR YOU'LL NEVER SEE ROSE AGAIN. NO PRESSURE.
SO JACK DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS TOMORROW?
WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING THIS QUESTION IS GOING TO HAUNT ME?
I GUESS YOU DON'T REMEMBER IT, OH WELL, THAT'S FINE, IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME OR ANYTHING, YOU GO ON WITH YOUR LITTLE MISSION AND I'LL JUST WAIT FOR YOU TO REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS, BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT. BUT NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU, I GUESS! BUT THAT'S OKAY, I KNOW YOU'RE SOOOOO BUSY WITH YOUR MISSION. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS! REALLY! IT'S FINE! IT'S NOT IMPORTANT IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER! I'LL JUST SIT... AND WAIT... HOPING YOU'LL REMEMBER... BUT IT'S FINE.
NOW I REMEMBER WHY I NEVER CALL YOU.
ALRIGHT, I SNUCK IT ON UP TO THE ELEVATOR, TIME TO FINALLY REVEAL MY FACE!
??
SURPRISE! I'M BEAUTIFUL! LOOK AT MY FLOWING GOLDEN HAIR AND MY BOYISH GOOD LOOKS! BY THE WAY I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR THE REST OF THE GAME.
FANBOYS:
THE TERRORISTS CALL THEMSELVES THE SONS OF LIBERTY, AND THEIR LEADER IS SOLID SNAKE. BUT IT CAN'T BE BECAUSE SNAKE DIED TWO YEARS AGO ON THE TANKER. HOW MYSTERIOUS. ANYWAY THE SEAL TEAM IS ALSO THERE, DON'T MESS WITH THEM. THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE HERE BECAUSE THIS IS A SUPER TIP TOP ULTRA SECRET MISSION. WE DID HACK INTO THEIR TRANSMISSIONS THOUGH, HERE YOU GO.
SOUNDS LEGIT
SEALS: WE GOT THE PRESIDENT OH NO WE'RE DYING OH NOOO AAAAAA
BETTER GO CHECK IT OUT!
SEALS: HELP WE'RE BEING KNIFED AAAAA
VAMP: BALLET!!!
HEY WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS THREAD
NOM NOM BLOOD. TIME TO CUT MYSELF. I DON'T KNOW WHAT "SUBTLE" MEANS.
WHAT
YOU LOOK DELICIOUS, CMERE
SEAL: GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU IDIOT!
PLIÉ! CUT YOUR ARM, HAHA! LET ME HOLD YOU.
BLARGH
YOU SMELL FAMILIAR!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
WELL GOTTA GO
IROQUOIS PLISKIN: HI I'M SOLID SNAKE- I MEAN, IROQUOIS PLISKIN. COUGH.
SOUNDS LEGIT!
WEIRD THAT YOU'RE WEARING FOXHOUND GEAR SINCE FOXHOUND WAS DISBANDED AFTER I KILLED ALL OF THEM. I MEAN, AFTER SNAKE KILLED ALL OF THEM.
THIS IS MY FIRST REAL MISSION, BUT I'VE DONE EXTENSIVE VR TRAINING!
WAR AS A VIDEO GAME, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
I'M TALKING TO YOU, PLAYER! GET IT!?
>:/
SO WHAT HAPPENED
EVERYONE'S DEAD EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE GUY WHO SAW MY FACE. ALL OF IT. EVERY BEAUTIFUL INCH.
GDIT RAIDEN.
WHAT WAS THE DEAL WITH THE BALLET KNIFE VAMPIRE
OH, THE EX-PRESIDENT MADE A SPECIAL UNIT OF PSYCHO WEIRDOS WITH BIZARRE POWERS CALLED DEAD CELL. THEY WERE MEANT TO SIMULATE TERRORIST SITUATIONS BUT SOMEHOW THEY BEGAN TO ACTUALLY ACT LIKE TERRORISTS AND WENT OUT OF CONTROL. NO ONE SAW THAT COMING!
AND THEIR LEADER IS SOLID SNAKE?
NOPE, HE'S DEAD. SURE IS DEAD, THAT SOLID SNAKE. REAL DEAD. AS A DOORNAIL. YUP. WEIRD THAT YOU WEREN'T BRIEFED ON ANY OF THIS AND WERE SENT IN ALONE.
MAYBE
RADIO: HELP OH GOD WE'RE DYING BLAAARGH
I GUESS WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
YEAH, MY ARM GOT CUT UP PRETTY BAD? SO... I'M JUST GOING TO... TAKE A NAP OVER HERE. K.
ZZZ... MERYL... LIQUID!!!... ZZZ...
SO... ADORABLE....
HEY DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY TOMORROW IS?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME?!
NOPE! IT SURE IS IMPORTANT, TOMORROW. REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. REALLY IMPORTANT. BUT YOU NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF. BUT WOW, IT SURE IS IMPORTANT TO ME. AND YOU CAN'T REMEMBER IT AT ALL? WOW, YEAH. BUT THAT'S OKAY.
LOOK JUST LOOK INTO THIS SNAKE GUY FOR ME OKAY, BYE
FORTUNE: PLEASE GOD SOMEONE KILL ME
LOOK WE'RE TRYING OKAY! BLAAAARGH
SUP FORTUNE/QUEEN. I'LL JUST GRAB THE PREZ AND SPLIT.
UGH, STILL ALIVE. THANKS A LOT, MAGIC BULLET REFLECTING POWERS. I GUESS I'LL GO FIND ANOTHER GROUP OF SEALS WHO CAN GET THE JOB DONE.
SO EVERYONE HERE IS DEAD TOO.
JUST AS PLANNED.
WAIT WHAT, YOU USED THEM AS A DECOY TO GET ME INSIDE?
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. CHANGE OF PLANS, GO DEACTIVATE THE C4 THE TERRORISTS RIGGED AROUND BIG SHELL.
I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN BOUT DEACTIVATING NO BOMBS.
WELL THOSE SEALS BROUGHT IN A BOMB GUY, SO WE'RE IN LUCK.
THIS WASN'T IN THE SIMULATION!
SHUT UP AND DO IT.
I'M FIGHTING BALLET VAMPIRES AND WOMEN WITH MAGIC ENERGY SHIELDS, THIS FEELS INSANE AND RIDICULOUS LIKE... LIKE I'M IN SOME KIND OF METAL GEAR GAME!
SNAP OUT OF IT JACK, THIS IS ALL REAL! JUST LIKE MY LOVE FOR YOU!
AND MINE FOR YOU! FOREVER!
ARE YOU TWO DONE? RAIDEN, YOU'RE NEEDED ON STRUT C. <-- THANK YOU COLONEL.
PETER STILLMAN: HEY WHAT'S GOING ON
DON'T MOVE!
I'M FINE NOW. STOP POINTING THAT GUN AT PEOPLE, HE'S COOL.
STOP EMASCULATING ME. >:( <-- I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS THEME TOO
MIND DUMPING YOUR BACKSTORY REAL QUICK?
SURE. I'M THE BOMB EXPERT. ACCIDENTALLY LET A BOMB BLOW UP A CHURCH AND LOST MY LEG. I WAS IN RETIREMENT, BUT THEY KEEP PULLING ME BACK IN! ONE OF MY STUDENTS IS A MEMBER OF DEAD CELL NOW AND HE BUILT AN ATOMIC BOMB WHEN HE WAS TEN.
WAIT WHAT
HIS NAME WAS FATMAN. ANYWAY IT'S WEIRD, I DON'T REMEMBER SEEING YOU IN THE DEBRIEFING. IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU CAME IN ON YOUR OWN IN A DISGUISE.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT. I'M NOT SOLID SNAKE.
SO IS YOUR WHOLE TEAM DEAD OR WHAT?
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, A SKINNY LITTLE NERD WAS WITH US. HE WAS A SECURITY EXPERT AND WAS GONNA HACK US ON ALL THROUGH.
I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THIS. >:(
HOW ODD. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BEING DELIBERATELY LEFT OUT OF THE LOOP BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU.
NAH. CAMPBELL IS IT TRUE THAT AN ENGINEER GOT IN HERE?
IDK. GO DEFUSE THOSE BOMBS.
BUT I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE, I'M SCARED. :(
MAN UP AND DO IT. IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT HARD.
JUST SPRAY THE BOMBS WITH THIS FREEZING SPRAY!
SEE.
YOU CAN FIND HIS BOMBS BECAUSE FATMAN ALWAYS PUT HIS COLOGNE ON THEM. HE WAS LIKE MY SON. MAN HE LOVED BEAUTIFUL THINGS. TOO BAD I DIDN'T TEACH HIM NOT TO BE CRAZY.
YES, DECIDING WHAT TO PASS ON TO FUTURE GENERATIONS IS IMPORTANT. <-- AND THIS THEME, YOU BETTER LIKE THIS ONE AS WELL.
WELP I'M GOING TO THE OTHER HALF OF BIG SHELL, YOU HANDLE THIS HALF.
K
SEMPER FI! WHO DARES WINS! JUST WANTED TO GET THAT OUTTA MY SYSTEM. TOODLES.
HIS RANDOM USE OF MARINE MOTTOS MEANS HE'S NOT A NAVY SEAL! HE'S NOT WHO HE SAYS HE IS.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?
STUPID BOMBS.
ALL THESE BOMBS ARE IN STUPID PLACES. IT'S LIKE WE'RE BEING SET UP! KEEP DOING IT THOUGH.
HEY JACK ARE YOU OKAY, THIS SOUNDS REALLY SCARY.
IT IS, I ALMOST THREW UP. :( IT'S TERRIFYING. BUT I JUST TRY TO BLOCK EVERYTHING OUT. <-- I DIDN'T MAKE UP ANY OF THIS.
INCLUDING ME, DO YOU TRY TO FORGET ME, DO YOU DO YOU
WHAT NO, I'M ACTUALLY TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS SO YOU'LL STOP BOTHERING ME ABOUT IT.
DISMANTLING BOMBS IS SORT OF LIKE A RELATIONSHIP HUH! CAUSE IF YOU DO IT WRONG YOU DIE.
WHAT
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE SECRETS IN YOUR HEART? TELL ME THE WAY YOU FEEL.
FEELINGS ARE COMPLICATED. >:(
I TOOK THIS JOB TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING! I NEED TO KNOW YOUR SOUL!
I TELL YOU LOTS OF THINGS!
NOT ENOUGH! I WANT MORE! LATER. BYE!
BLEH.
MR. X: LOOK OUT FOR THOSE BOMBS.
OH BOY, A SECRET INFORMANT! I WAS HOPING I'D GET ONE TOO! MORE AND MORE LIKE MGS1 BY THE MINUTE!
OLGA: HEY I'M STILL ALIVE. I SAW A NINJA! A CYBORG NINJA!
WOW!
MAN ON RADIO: EH, IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.
I ALSO SAW A DUDE IN A CARDBOARD BOX.
HOLY #$^#, WE NEED TO AMP UP SECURITY IMMEDIATELY.
FREEZE!
LOL NO. BYE.
SO HEY AGAIN, STILLMAN TOLD ME TO CHECK OUT STRUT H AND THERE'S LIKE A BILLION BOMBS IN THERE, SO FATMAN WAS MESSING WITH US THE WHOLE TIME.
I KNEW IT! I'LL GO TAKE CARE OF IT.
BUT YOUR LEG IS ALL MESSED UP.
ACTUALLY I WAS LYING, MY LEG IS FINE. I JUST FELT BAD ABOUT THAT CHURCH BLOWING UP SO I PRETENDED MY LEG GOT BLOWN OFF SO I COULD BE A VICTIM TOO.
WTF.
I NEED TO STOP FATMAN! JUST DON'T ASK FOR PEG-LEGGED PETER, HE'S GONE FOR GOOD.
NONE OF US EVER CALLED YOU THAT, WHAT
FROZE THE LAST BOMB.
STILL GOT ONE TO GO ON OUR SIDE. I'M GLAD THIS ISN'T A TRAP!
MAN THIS SURE IS A LOT OF C4 I'M STARING AT HERE. YUP. I WONDER HOW TO DEFUSE THIS.
THERE'S THE LAST ONE! WHEEEEE
NO WAIT- FREEZING THE LITTLE ONES SET OFF THE BIG ONE! OH SHIIIIIIII-
BOMBS: KABOOM!
I DEFUSED THE BIG ONE ON MY SIDE. IT WAS A GREAT LOSS FOR EVERYONE.
YES IT WAS. <-- REAL SENSITIVE EXCHANGE YOU GUYS.
WELL THE CHEMICALS AREN'T SPILLING SO EVEN THOUGH YOU BOTCHED THIS I GUESS WE CAN LIVE WITH IT. ALSO CAUSE YOU SCREWED UP THE TERRORISTS ARE KILLING HOSTAGES NOW. JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW. GO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT.
NO, THAT SUCKS THAT THEY'RE ALL DYING! IT SUCKS!
THE PRESIDENT IS THE TOP PRIORITY.
PRIORITY MY BUTT! <-- DIRECT FROM GAME
YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERYONE.
I COULD IF PLISKIN HELPED ME!
HE'S NOT A PART OF THIS, NEEDY O'CODEPENDENT AND ALSO HE'S DEAD NOW. GO BACK TO WORK.
OH HEY, THERE YOU ARE. COULD YOU BE A DEAR AND KILL ME PLEASE? KTHX. IN THE MEANTIME LET ME TEST OUT MY MASSIVE RAILGUN ON YOU.
AAAAUGHHHH I CAN'T DO ANY DAMAGE TO YOU AAAAAUGH THIS BATTLE SUCKS WHY AM I SO INEFFECTUAL AND USELESS
BECAUSE YOU SUCK, PLAYER! YOU SUCK!
>:/
HEY HOW'S IT GOING. FATMAN CALLED AND SAYS HE HAS A BOMB FOR YOU ON THE HELIPORT. ALSO HE SAID "LOL".
SUP QUEEN. FATMAN'S GONE BONKERS.
GDIT. WELL WHATEVER, THIS GUY SUCKS AT FIGHTING ANYWAY.
>:(
I COULD HOMOEROTICALLY GRAPPLE WITH HIM IF YOU WANT.
WOULD YOU? THANKS.
I'LL SHOW YOU WHO SUCKS AT FIGHTING!
BLARGH!
OH MY GOD MY ENERGY SHIELD DEFLECTED THE BULLETS DIRECTLY INTO YOUR HEAD WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENIIIINNNNGGGG WHY CAN'T I DIIIIIEEEEEE
UH I'M JUST... GONNA GO... OK....
LOL JK I'M ALREADY DEAD, I CAN'T DIE TWICE.
Y...YAY?
ALRIGHT I DEFUSED YOUR STUPID BOMB YOU PSYCHO.
FATMAN: BOMB TICKING IS BEAUTIFUL! I USED TO WORK IN A CLOCK STORE! CHECK OUT MY SWEET ROLLERBLADES AND THIS WINE GLASS. I MAY OR MAY NOT BE KIND OF BUZZED.
AM I BEING FILMED? IS THIS SOME KIND OF REALITY SHOW?
BOMBS BOMBS BOMBS LOL
BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET YOUR RANSOM!
LOL WHAT RANSOM
WHAT
WHATEVS MAN, I WILL BECOME IMMORTAL THROUGH MY BOMBERY!
NO.
YES.
YOU'RE A THUG!
I'M AN ARTIST! LET'S PLAY HIDE AND GO BOMB. YOU'RE IT!
GOD #$^# IT.
LAUGH AND GROW FAT! ARGH BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS
FINALLY, JUST STAY STILL.
ABLABBABLABBA WHAT WILL I WEAR TO THE PARTYYYYY WAGGA WAGGA WOOOOOOO LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL HANDS
I HATE MY LIFE.
I SET ONE MORE BOMB, TRY AND FIND IT! HA HA! BLARGH
THE BOMB WAS UNDER HIM? GOD #$%# IT! THIS TOOK ME HALF AN HOUR!
CAMPBELL WHY DIDN'T FATMAN KNOW ABOUT THE RANSOM
BECAUSE HE WAS CRAZY. GO FIND THE PRESIDENT.
SUP
YOU'RE ALIVE!!!
I HAD HELP FROM A FRIEND. :]
WHAT ABOUT THE TOXINS?!?!
WHAT
THE TOXINS THAT BIG SHELL IS CLEANING UP THAT MIGHT GET SPILLED OUT IF IT BLOWS UP!
LOL WHAT, STOP TALKIN CRAZY.
WE NEED TO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT!!
YEAH YOU DO THAT, I GOT STUFF TO DO.
>:(
~*~*END ACT 1*~*~
ACT 2 WILL BEGIN AFTER A SHORT INTERMISSION!
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO WAIT FOR OUR ACT BREAKS AND WANT THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE ALL AT ONCE, YOU CAN ALSO WATCH THE SPECIAL MATINEE EDITION HERE AT DREAMWIDTH! HOWEVER OUR SETS DO LOOK STRANGE AT THAT ASPECT RATIO, SO WE RECOMMEND VIEWING IT HERE!
HIDEO KOJIMA: I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A NEW METAL GEAR GAME AND GET TONS OF MONEY FROM MY STUPID FANS. DON'T WANNA.
FINE. FINE! YOU WANT ANOTHER METAL GEAR SOLID? OH, I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER METAL GEAR SOLID! I'M ABOUT TO GET META ALL UP IN YOUR FACE, ALL THE WAY UP IN YOUR FACE 'CEPT THIS META GOT FANGS, BABY, IT'S GOT FANGS MADE OF YOU ALL SUCK AND I HATE YOU.
KONAMI: KOJIMA STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AND WORK ON YOUR NEW BLOCKBUSTER GAME ALREADY, WE GOT YOU SOME NEW BUTT ARTISTS.
:D
--TANKER CHAPTER--
SOLID SNAKE: IT'S TWO YEARS AFTER SHADOW MOSES AND EVERYTHING STILL SUCKS SOMEHOW.
HAL "OTACON" EMMERICH: HEY SNAKE WANT TO FORM A NGO DEDICATED TO DESTROYING METAL GEARS
SURE, NOT LIKE I DO ANYTHING ELSE WITH MY FREE TIME APPARENTLY.
I BROKE YOUR CAMO THINGY
>:\
SO HOW ARE THINGS
IT'S GREAT THAT WE'RE ALL STILL FRIENDS AFTER SHADOW MOSES. :3 EXCEPT MERYL WHO SEEMS TO HAVE MYSTERIOUSLY VANISHED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. IT'S ALMOST LIKE MY ENDING WAS CANON INSTEAD OF HERS! HOW WEIRD. ANYWAY OCELOT LEAKED THE PLANS FOR METAL GEAR ONTO THE BLACK MARKET AND THE MARINES ARE MAKING A NEW ANTI-METAL GEAR METAL GEAR METAL GEAR METAL- AN ANTI-METAL GEAR. GO GET SOME PICTURES AND DON'T KILL ANYONE. WE'RE NOT TERRORISTS IF WE CALL OURSELVES PHILANTHROPISTS INSTEAD!
UH HUH. AT LEAST I ACTUALLY STARTED WITH A WEAPON THIS TIME.
HEY YOU BROUGHT YOUR CIGARETTES. YOU AREN'T SMOKING AGAIN ARE YOU >:( I TOLD YOU NOT TO!
I LIKE THEM. >:(
I SAID NO. >:(
>:( THEY'RE SMOKELESS.
IT'S STILL BAD FOR YOU, YOU STOP THAT. >:(
AS FUN AS THIS COMFORTABLE BANTER IS ARE YOU SURE THIS INFO IS LEGIT
HACKED IT MYSELF :3
YOU DIDN'T GET TRACKED DID YOU
OH PLEASE, I'M TOO GOOD FOR THAT. <-- YOUR SELF-ESTEEM'S IMPROVED OTACON
CAUSE THERE ARE BOUNTIES ON US.
GOD YOU'RE SO PARANOID.
ALL THE DEFENSE DOESN'T ADD UP EITHER.
YOU WORRY TOO MUCH. IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE! IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GOING TO GET TRICKED AND KILLED OR SOMETHING. RECON MISSIONS AIN'T NO BIG DEAL.
:/
RUSSIAN SOLDIERS: SUP MARINES WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SWIM
MARINES: BLUB BLUB
://///
WHATEVER, NOT OUR BUSINESS, JUST TAKE PICTURES OF THE NEW METAL GEAR AND LEAVE.
FINE, BOSSYBOOTS. :/
YOU LIKE IT.
SHUT UP.
THIS NEW METAL GEAR IS PRETTY HARDCORE.
HOLD ON, MY LADYSENSE IS TINGLING.
OLGA GURLUKOVICH: WE SURE TOOK OVER THIS TANKER.
SERGEI GURLUKOVICH: YUP SURE DID, NOW GTFO.
WHAT NO
YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH MY GRANDCHILD YES
PSSH WHATEVER DAD.
HEY WANNA FIGHT
DO I!
ARGH TRANQ BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS
CYPHER: HEY WASSUP GUYS
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T LET THE SPY DRONE TAKE A CLEAR PICTURE OF MY FACE... NAH.
THIS IS PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO TELL YOU THAT THE PERSON WHO SENT US THE TIP TO COME HERE WAS MY STEPSISTER E.E. I NEVER MENTIONED UNTIL NOW, WHO I KNEW FOR TWO YEARS AND LAST SAW TEN YEARS AGO.
IS THIS MATH GOING TO BE RELEVANT?
TO THE AMOUNT OF DAMAGE I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE, YES.
WHAT
I DID BREAK INTO THE PENTAGON TO BACK IT UP THOUGH. BUT MAYBE I MESSED UP. :(
BELIEVE ME, YOU ARE THE LEAST INCOMPETENT COMMANDING OFFICER I'VE EVER HAD, AND THAT BAR IS SET VERY LOW.
SNEAKIN FURTHER INTO THE SHIP, TUM TE TUM.
HA HA, TRAPPED HIM IN THE LOWER DECKS WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE! OH HEY OCELOT.
REVOLVER OCELOT: HI
YOU AREN'T GOING TO BETRAY ME AND COLONEL SERGEI GURLUKOVICH ARE YOU
NOW WHY WOULD I DO THAT? BY THE WAY, COULD YOU LOOK DOWN THE BARREL OF MY REVOLVER FOR ME, I THINK IT'S DIRTY.
SOMEONE'S BEEN EAVESDROPPING ON OUR CONVERSATION THE WHOLE TIME BTW. SO FOR ADDED SECURITY, I HACKED A RANDOM PUBLIC COMPUTER ON THIS FLOOR, SO USE THAT TO SEND ME THE CLASSIFIED METAL GEAR PHOTOS INSTEAD!
WHAT'S A COMPUTER
MARINE COMMANDANT SCOTT DOLPH: MAN OUR METAL GEAR RAY IS SO AWESOME. RAY IS THE BEST. IT CAN SWIM! AND IT'S GOT A LASER! RAY IS SO COOL.
HI
AW HELL.
I'M TAKING THIS METAL GEAR FOR RUSSIA.
AW YEAH.
JUST KIDDING, I'M TAKING IT FOR THE PATRIOTS.
THE LA LI LU LE LO?
WHAT? NO. WELL, MAYBE.
OMG OCELOT YOU BETRAYED ME! YOU'RE STILL IN CAHOOTS WITH SOLIDUS AREN'T YOU! HOW COULD YOOOOUUUUU
I LET MY BULLETS DO THE TALKING.
WAIT I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING BLARRRGHHH
HEY WHO WANTS TO GO FOR A SWIM? EVERYONE? GREAT.
TANKER: AAAA EXPLOSIONS WATER AAAA
OCELOT!!!!!
HMM? ARGH MY RIGHT ARM AAAGH
LIQUID SNAKE: HELLO, BROTHER!
WHAT
IT'S ME, LIQUID! REMEMBER HOW OCELOT GOT HIS HAND CUT OFF? WELL THEY GRAFTED ON THE ARM FROM MY DEAD BODY AND NOW I LIVE ON! IN THIS ARM!
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
GET OUT OF MY HEAD, CHARLES LIQUID! I'LL CHEW MY ARM OFF IF I HAVE TO!
YOU'RE DROWNING IN TIME! BECAUSE BIG BOSS WAS OLD WHEN THEY CLONED HIM, OUR AGING PROCESS AS CLONES IS ACCELERATED! YOU'VE ONLY GOT A FEW YEARS LEFT!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT
I'M RIDING THIS METAL GEAR ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK, BUT I DO HAVE A CASHIER'S CHECK MADE OUT... FOR YOUR FACE! IT'S FROM RAY'S GIANT WING ARM!
BLUB BLUB
I'M SORRY I WAS PLAYING ZONE OF ENDERS, WHAT'S GOING ON? OH SHI- SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEE
BLUB
JUST AS PLANNED. EVEN GOT A PICTURE OF SNAKE ON THE TANKER, THE STUPID IDIOT. NO MORE METAL GEAR FOR THE MARINES, EH MR. PRESIDENT? HA HA HA! AH, WE'RE ALWAYS LAUGHING YOU AND ME.
BLUB
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
PLAYER: WOW WHAT AN INTENSE AND MYSTERIOUS CHAPTER! I HOPE SNAKE IS OKAY! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THE REST OF THE GAME IS LIKE!
--PLANT CHAPTER--
COLONEL ROY CAMPBELL: HI IT'S ME AGAIN. HEY SNAKE, YOU REMEMBER HOW THAT TANKER EXPLODED TWO YEARS AGO
SNAKE?: I'M CLEARLY NOT SNAKE BUT YES.
TERRORISTS BLEW UP THE TANKER TO SPILL OIL INTO THE RIVER SO THEY BUILT A CLEAN-UP FACILITY OVER IT CALLED BIG SHELL. IT'S SO ORANGE. ALSO SOME NEW TERRORISTS JUST TOOK IT OVER.
YOU DON'T SAY.
IT'S A GROUP OF PSYCHOS WITH SUPERNATURAL POWERS CALLED DEAD CELL. THEY WANT EIGHT KAJILLION DOLLARS OR THEY'LL BLOW BIG SHELL TO KINGDOM COME. ALSO THEY HAVE THE PRESIDENT. SO SNEAK ON IN THERE.
THIS IS JUST ALL JUST LIKE MGS1 EXCEPT SOMEONE ELSE DID IT BEFORE ME AND BETTER. <-- YOU BETTER LIKE THIS THEME BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO BE SEEING IT A LOT.
ANYWAY LET'S CHANGE YOUR CODENAME FOR DUCKS. HOW ABOUT RAIDEN? YOU ALREADY BEAT THIS GAME IN VR MODE LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES SO THIS SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM.
RAIDEN: I FEEL LIKE A LEGENDARY MERCENARY!
SEE, THAT'S YOU, PLAYER! YOU'RE A NOOB IF YOU THINK VR MAKES YOU A HERO! I'M TALKING TO YOU! RAIDEN IS YOU!
>:/
ALL THE GUARDS KEEP GETTING KNOCKED OUT BY SOME MYSTERIOUS STRANGER BEFORE I CAN GET TO THEM. HEY, THAT'S MY ELEVATOR! COLONEL, SOMEONE ELSE IS DEFINITELY HERE.
NOPE. HEY, TOUCH THAT COMPUTER FOR YOUR RADAR.
AAAAAAAAAUGH
HAHAHAHA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT, YOU ARE SO GULLIBLE. BY THE WAY YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S GOING TO SAVE YOUR GAME.
WHATBASFJAHFAHFT ROSE NO YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE INVOLVED
ROSE: I'M PART OF IT NOW WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. I'M AN INTELLIGENCE AND INFORMATION ANALYST!
THIS IS STUPID NO I REFUSE GET OUT OF HERE
TOUGH NOOGIES.
WE LEARNED FROM THE SHADOW MOSES INCIDENT THAT YOU NEED A REASON TO LIVE, SO SUCCEED IN THE MISSION OR YOU'LL NEVER SEE ROSE AGAIN. NO PRESSURE.
SO JACK DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS TOMORROW?
WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING THIS QUESTION IS GOING TO HAUNT ME?
I GUESS YOU DON'T REMEMBER IT, OH WELL, THAT'S FINE, IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME OR ANYTHING, YOU GO ON WITH YOUR LITTLE MISSION AND I'LL JUST WAIT FOR YOU TO REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS, BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT. BUT NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU, I GUESS! BUT THAT'S OKAY, I KNOW YOU'RE SOOOOO BUSY WITH YOUR MISSION. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS! REALLY! IT'S FINE! IT'S NOT IMPORTANT IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER! I'LL JUST SIT... AND WAIT... HOPING YOU'LL REMEMBER... BUT IT'S FINE.
NOW I REMEMBER WHY I NEVER CALL YOU.
ALRIGHT, I SNUCK IT ON UP TO THE ELEVATOR, TIME TO FINALLY REVEAL MY FACE!
??
SURPRISE! I'M BEAUTIFUL! LOOK AT MY FLOWING GOLDEN HAIR AND MY BOYISH GOOD LOOKS! BY THE WAY I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR THE REST OF THE GAME.
FANBOYS:
THE TERRORISTS CALL THEMSELVES THE SONS OF LIBERTY, AND THEIR LEADER IS SOLID SNAKE. BUT IT CAN'T BE BECAUSE SNAKE DIED TWO YEARS AGO ON THE TANKER. HOW MYSTERIOUS. ANYWAY THE SEAL TEAM IS ALSO THERE, DON'T MESS WITH THEM. THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE HERE BECAUSE THIS IS A SUPER TIP TOP ULTRA SECRET MISSION. WE DID HACK INTO THEIR TRANSMISSIONS THOUGH, HERE YOU GO.
SOUNDS LEGIT
SEALS: WE GOT THE PRESIDENT OH NO WE'RE DYING OH NOOO AAAAAA
BETTER GO CHECK IT OUT!
SEALS: HELP WE'RE BEING KNIFED AAAAA
VAMP: BALLET!!!
HEY WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS THREAD
NOM NOM BLOOD. TIME TO CUT MYSELF. I DON'T KNOW WHAT "SUBTLE" MEANS.
WHAT
YOU LOOK DELICIOUS, CMERE
SEAL: GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU IDIOT!
PLIÉ! CUT YOUR ARM, HAHA! LET ME HOLD YOU.
BLARGH
YOU SMELL FAMILIAR!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
WELL GOTTA GO
IROQUOIS PLISKIN: HI I'M SOLID SNAKE- I MEAN, IROQUOIS PLISKIN. COUGH.
SOUNDS LEGIT!
WEIRD THAT YOU'RE WEARING FOXHOUND GEAR SINCE FOXHOUND WAS DISBANDED AFTER I KILLED ALL OF THEM. I MEAN, AFTER SNAKE KILLED ALL OF THEM.
THIS IS MY FIRST REAL MISSION, BUT I'VE DONE EXTENSIVE VR TRAINING!
WAR AS A VIDEO GAME, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
I'M TALKING TO YOU, PLAYER! GET IT!?
>:/
SO WHAT HAPPENED
EVERYONE'S DEAD EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE GUY WHO SAW MY FACE. ALL OF IT. EVERY BEAUTIFUL INCH.
GDIT RAIDEN.
WHAT WAS THE DEAL WITH THE BALLET KNIFE VAMPIRE
OH, THE EX-PRESIDENT MADE A SPECIAL UNIT OF PSYCHO WEIRDOS WITH BIZARRE POWERS CALLED DEAD CELL. THEY WERE MEANT TO SIMULATE TERRORIST SITUATIONS BUT SOMEHOW THEY BEGAN TO ACTUALLY ACT LIKE TERRORISTS AND WENT OUT OF CONTROL. NO ONE SAW THAT COMING!
AND THEIR LEADER IS SOLID SNAKE?
NOPE, HE'S DEAD. SURE IS DEAD, THAT SOLID SNAKE. REAL DEAD. AS A DOORNAIL. YUP. WEIRD THAT YOU WEREN'T BRIEFED ON ANY OF THIS AND WERE SENT IN ALONE.
MAYBE
RADIO: HELP OH GOD WE'RE DYING BLAAARGH
I GUESS WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
YEAH, MY ARM GOT CUT UP PRETTY BAD? SO... I'M JUST GOING TO... TAKE A NAP OVER HERE. K.
ZZZ... MERYL... LIQUID!!!... ZZZ...
SO... ADORABLE....
HEY DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY TOMORROW IS?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME?!
NOPE! IT SURE IS IMPORTANT, TOMORROW. REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. REALLY IMPORTANT. BUT YOU NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF. BUT WOW, IT SURE IS IMPORTANT TO ME. AND YOU CAN'T REMEMBER IT AT ALL? WOW, YEAH. BUT THAT'S OKAY.
LOOK JUST LOOK INTO THIS SNAKE GUY FOR ME OKAY, BYE
FORTUNE: PLEASE GOD SOMEONE KILL ME
LOOK WE'RE TRYING OKAY! BLAAAARGH
SUP FORTUNE/QUEEN. I'LL JUST GRAB THE PREZ AND SPLIT.
UGH, STILL ALIVE. THANKS A LOT, MAGIC BULLET REFLECTING POWERS. I GUESS I'LL GO FIND ANOTHER GROUP OF SEALS WHO CAN GET THE JOB DONE.
SO EVERYONE HERE IS DEAD TOO.
JUST AS PLANNED.
WAIT WHAT, YOU USED THEM AS A DECOY TO GET ME INSIDE?
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. CHANGE OF PLANS, GO DEACTIVATE THE C4 THE TERRORISTS RIGGED AROUND BIG SHELL.
I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN BOUT DEACTIVATING NO BOMBS.
WELL THOSE SEALS BROUGHT IN A BOMB GUY, SO WE'RE IN LUCK.
THIS WASN'T IN THE SIMULATION!
SHUT UP AND DO IT.
I'M FIGHTING BALLET VAMPIRES AND WOMEN WITH MAGIC ENERGY SHIELDS, THIS FEELS INSANE AND RIDICULOUS LIKE... LIKE I'M IN SOME KIND OF METAL GEAR GAME!
SNAP OUT OF IT JACK, THIS IS ALL REAL! JUST LIKE MY LOVE FOR YOU!
AND MINE FOR YOU! FOREVER!
ARE YOU TWO DONE? RAIDEN, YOU'RE NEEDED ON STRUT C. <-- THANK YOU COLONEL.
PETER STILLMAN: HEY WHAT'S GOING ON
DON'T MOVE!
I'M FINE NOW. STOP POINTING THAT GUN AT PEOPLE, HE'S COOL.
STOP EMASCULATING ME. >:( <-- I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS THEME TOO
MIND DUMPING YOUR BACKSTORY REAL QUICK?
SURE. I'M THE BOMB EXPERT. ACCIDENTALLY LET A BOMB BLOW UP A CHURCH AND LOST MY LEG. I WAS IN RETIREMENT, BUT THEY KEEP PULLING ME BACK IN! ONE OF MY STUDENTS IS A MEMBER OF DEAD CELL NOW AND HE BUILT AN ATOMIC BOMB WHEN HE WAS TEN.
WAIT WHAT
HIS NAME WAS FATMAN. ANYWAY IT'S WEIRD, I DON'T REMEMBER SEEING YOU IN THE DEBRIEFING. IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU CAME IN ON YOUR OWN IN A DISGUISE.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT. I'M NOT SOLID SNAKE.
SO IS YOUR WHOLE TEAM DEAD OR WHAT?
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, A SKINNY LITTLE NERD WAS WITH US. HE WAS A SECURITY EXPERT AND WAS GONNA HACK US ON ALL THROUGH.
I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THIS. >:(
HOW ODD. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BEING DELIBERATELY LEFT OUT OF THE LOOP BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU.
NAH. CAMPBELL IS IT TRUE THAT AN ENGINEER GOT IN HERE?
IDK. GO DEFUSE THOSE BOMBS.
BUT I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE, I'M SCARED. :(
MAN UP AND DO IT. IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT HARD.
JUST SPRAY THE BOMBS WITH THIS FREEZING SPRAY!
SEE.
YOU CAN FIND HIS BOMBS BECAUSE FATMAN ALWAYS PUT HIS COLOGNE ON THEM. HE WAS LIKE MY SON. MAN HE LOVED BEAUTIFUL THINGS. TOO BAD I DIDN'T TEACH HIM NOT TO BE CRAZY.
YES, DECIDING WHAT TO PASS ON TO FUTURE GENERATIONS IS IMPORTANT. <-- AND THIS THEME, YOU BETTER LIKE THIS ONE AS WELL.
WELP I'M GOING TO THE OTHER HALF OF BIG SHELL, YOU HANDLE THIS HALF.
K
SEMPER FI! WHO DARES WINS! JUST WANTED TO GET THAT OUTTA MY SYSTEM. TOODLES.
HIS RANDOM USE OF MARINE MOTTOS MEANS HE'S NOT A NAVY SEAL! HE'S NOT WHO HE SAYS HE IS.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?
STUPID BOMBS.
ALL THESE BOMBS ARE IN STUPID PLACES. IT'S LIKE WE'RE BEING SET UP! KEEP DOING IT THOUGH.
HEY JACK ARE YOU OKAY, THIS SOUNDS REALLY SCARY.
IT IS, I ALMOST THREW UP. :( IT'S TERRIFYING. BUT I JUST TRY TO BLOCK EVERYTHING OUT. <-- I DIDN'T MAKE UP ANY OF THIS.
INCLUDING ME, DO YOU TRY TO FORGET ME, DO YOU DO YOU
WHAT NO, I'M ACTUALLY TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT TOMORROW IS SO YOU'LL STOP BOTHERING ME ABOUT IT.
DISMANTLING BOMBS IS SORT OF LIKE A RELATIONSHIP HUH! CAUSE IF YOU DO IT WRONG YOU DIE.
WHAT
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE SECRETS IN YOUR HEART? TELL ME THE WAY YOU FEEL.
FEELINGS ARE COMPLICATED. >:(
I TOOK THIS JOB TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING! I NEED TO KNOW YOUR SOUL!
I TELL YOU LOTS OF THINGS!
NOT ENOUGH! I WANT MORE! LATER. BYE!
BLEH.
MR. X: LOOK OUT FOR THOSE BOMBS.
OH BOY, A SECRET INFORMANT! I WAS HOPING I'D GET ONE TOO! MORE AND MORE LIKE MGS1 BY THE MINUTE!
OLGA: HEY I'M STILL ALIVE. I SAW A NINJA! A CYBORG NINJA!
WOW!
MAN ON RADIO: EH, IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.
I ALSO SAW A DUDE IN A CARDBOARD BOX.
HOLY #$^#, WE NEED TO AMP UP SECURITY IMMEDIATELY.
FREEZE!
LOL NO. BYE.
SO HEY AGAIN, STILLMAN TOLD ME TO CHECK OUT STRUT H AND THERE'S LIKE A BILLION BOMBS IN THERE, SO FATMAN WAS MESSING WITH US THE WHOLE TIME.
I KNEW IT! I'LL GO TAKE CARE OF IT.
BUT YOUR LEG IS ALL MESSED UP.
ACTUALLY I WAS LYING, MY LEG IS FINE. I JUST FELT BAD ABOUT THAT CHURCH BLOWING UP SO I PRETENDED MY LEG GOT BLOWN OFF SO I COULD BE A VICTIM TOO.
WTF.
I NEED TO STOP FATMAN! JUST DON'T ASK FOR PEG-LEGGED PETER, HE'S GONE FOR GOOD.
NONE OF US EVER CALLED YOU THAT, WHAT
FROZE THE LAST BOMB.
STILL GOT ONE TO GO ON OUR SIDE. I'M GLAD THIS ISN'T A TRAP!
MAN THIS SURE IS A LOT OF C4 I'M STARING AT HERE. YUP. I WONDER HOW TO DEFUSE THIS.
THERE'S THE LAST ONE! WHEEEEE
NO WAIT- FREEZING THE LITTLE ONES SET OFF THE BIG ONE! OH SHIIIIIIII-
BOMBS: KABOOM!
I DEFUSED THE BIG ONE ON MY SIDE. IT WAS A GREAT LOSS FOR EVERYONE.
YES IT WAS. <-- REAL SENSITIVE EXCHANGE YOU GUYS.
WELL THE CHEMICALS AREN'T SPILLING SO EVEN THOUGH YOU BOTCHED THIS I GUESS WE CAN LIVE WITH IT. ALSO CAUSE YOU SCREWED UP THE TERRORISTS ARE KILLING HOSTAGES NOW. JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW. GO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT.
NO, THAT SUCKS THAT THEY'RE ALL DYING! IT SUCKS!
THE PRESIDENT IS THE TOP PRIORITY.
PRIORITY MY BUTT! <-- DIRECT FROM GAME
YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERYONE.
I COULD IF PLISKIN HELPED ME!
HE'S NOT A PART OF THIS, NEEDY O'CODEPENDENT AND ALSO HE'S DEAD NOW. GO BACK TO WORK.
OH HEY, THERE YOU ARE. COULD YOU BE A DEAR AND KILL ME PLEASE? KTHX. IN THE MEANTIME LET ME TEST OUT MY MASSIVE RAILGUN ON YOU.
AAAAUGHHHH I CAN'T DO ANY DAMAGE TO YOU AAAAAUGH THIS BATTLE SUCKS WHY AM I SO INEFFECTUAL AND USELESS
BECAUSE YOU SUCK, PLAYER! YOU SUCK!
>:/
HEY HOW'S IT GOING. FATMAN CALLED AND SAYS HE HAS A BOMB FOR YOU ON THE HELIPORT. ALSO HE SAID "LOL".
SUP QUEEN. FATMAN'S GONE BONKERS.
GDIT. WELL WHATEVER, THIS GUY SUCKS AT FIGHTING ANYWAY.
>:(
I COULD HOMOEROTICALLY GRAPPLE WITH HIM IF YOU WANT.
WOULD YOU? THANKS.
I'LL SHOW YOU WHO SUCKS AT FIGHTING!
BLARGH!
OH MY GOD MY ENERGY SHIELD DEFLECTED THE BULLETS DIRECTLY INTO YOUR HEAD WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENIIIINNNNGGGG WHY CAN'T I DIIIIIEEEEEE
UH I'M JUST... GONNA GO... OK....
LOL JK I'M ALREADY DEAD, I CAN'T DIE TWICE.
Y...YAY?
ALRIGHT I DEFUSED YOUR STUPID BOMB YOU PSYCHO.
FATMAN: BOMB TICKING IS BEAUTIFUL! I USED TO WORK IN A CLOCK STORE! CHECK OUT MY SWEET ROLLERBLADES AND THIS WINE GLASS. I MAY OR MAY NOT BE KIND OF BUZZED.
AM I BEING FILMED? IS THIS SOME KIND OF REALITY SHOW?
BOMBS BOMBS BOMBS LOL
BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET YOUR RANSOM!
LOL WHAT RANSOM
WHAT
WHATEVS MAN, I WILL BECOME IMMORTAL THROUGH MY BOMBERY!
NO.
YES.
YOU'RE A THUG!
I'M AN ARTIST! LET'S PLAY HIDE AND GO BOMB. YOU'RE IT!
GOD #$^# IT.
LAUGH AND GROW FAT! ARGH BULLETS MY ONE WEAKNESS
FINALLY, JUST STAY STILL.
ABLABBABLABBA WHAT WILL I WEAR TO THE PARTYYYYY WAGGA WAGGA WOOOOOOO LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL HANDS
I HATE MY LIFE.
I SET ONE MORE BOMB, TRY AND FIND IT! HA HA! BLARGH
THE BOMB WAS UNDER HIM? GOD #$%# IT! THIS TOOK ME HALF AN HOUR!
CAMPBELL WHY DIDN'T FATMAN KNOW ABOUT THE RANSOM
BECAUSE HE WAS CRAZY. GO FIND THE PRESIDENT.
SUP
YOU'RE ALIVE!!!
I HAD HELP FROM A FRIEND. :]
WHAT ABOUT THE TOXINS?!?!
WHAT
THE TOXINS THAT BIG SHELL IS CLEANING UP THAT MIGHT GET SPILLED OUT IF IT BLOWS UP!
LOL WHAT, STOP TALKIN CRAZY.
WE NEED TO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT!!
YEAH YOU DO THAT, I GOT STUFF TO DO.
>:(
~*~*END ACT 1*~*~
ACT 2 WILL BEGIN AFTER A SHORT INTERMISSION!