stream of consci.ousness.

[zarkazstic]

there was a time that not seeing my handwriting made him uneasy. now text messages must be encumbering. I just wish he still wanted to see what my hands can do. textually. tactually. right now I’m listening to brandy. old skool I know. how can I get with you? till my day comes, there’s what I’m going to do. sittin’ up in my room. blah blah. I’m a mess for you. it’s annoying me how word is automatically capitalizing some of my words. like i. it didn’t that time, thank god. I don’t feel ‘capital’ right now. I feel lowercase. i. feel lowercase. i.’ve figured how to beat you! this is my biggest triumph lately. that and my shower. it’s been four months. how ridiculous is that. i.’ve been hung up (as Madonna would say) hung up for four months. it fucking capitalized Madonna! jesus. and it didn’t capitalize jesus. that’s funny. maybe it’s because there’s a period following it immediately. jesus is coming. nope, same. caroline and change is playing right now. he and I watched that show together. fuck, missed an i. i.’ve been listening to that musical a lot lately. it’s unfortunate providence it plays when my ipod is on shuffle. i've even put a quote up from it on my away message:

I've never seen you so sad
we've known each other all these years
my heart bleed for you
but folk can't just surrender to their fears
I know it hurt to change
it actually hurts learning something new
and when you're full grown
it's harder, that's true
it feel like you gotta break yourself apart
it feel like you gotta break your own heart
but folk do it, they do
everyday all the time
alone, afraid, folk like you
you gotta let go of where you been
you got to move on from this place you're in
don't drown in that basement
change or sink
let go, forget move on
this ain't time for praying

-Dotty