Pretend That Nothing Is Broken
I HATE THIS!!!
I hate everyone.
I hate feeling things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not fair!!!
And now it's about like, everything. And any little thing gets me sad or depressed or jealous or angry or impatient.
I just think about myself and cringe. I'm nothing. Insignifigant.
No one notices me. No one looks at me. No one says hi. Almost no one in my grade knows my name. I'm not even kidding.
And I'm sick of feeling invisible and ignored and being turned away out of nowhere...
I want a hug.
I want a gun.
How am I supposed to deal with this??? Just fake it like I always do, I guess. Plaster on a smile and just shut the fuck up. No complaining. No crying. No moping. No sighing.
And it seems like everyone else is having fun but me. Lunch is fun, but it also isn't because I get really depressed there, for various reasons.
I'm being stupid again, but seriously, how the fuck do these girls date anyone?!
Well, I guess it starts with the guys KNOWING THEIR NAME.
And this is not just about Jake. It's about every motherfucker in the school.
And you know what? Instead of me saying, "I feel like shit" or "I'm so depressed right now" I wish someone would notice how I'm acting and ask me what the hell is wrong.