Operation
its been a strange couple of days. I've been kind of bouncing up and down with emotions and such and things are getting worse. I came home yesterday to my younger brother in tears reading through the bible crying. I kind of panicked. He told me he thinks that he's crazy. he couldn't tell me why he thought he was crazy just that he thought he was; that all his friends and things in his life were just in his head. I kinda poked and prodded some more and I think I got at the source of that. He feels worthless. With all the crap going on with mom and all the problems he's been having at school he just sorta cracked under the pressure. it breaks my heart to see him go through this because I've been there and I don't want him to feel like that. Our family has always been a bit dysfunctional. To kind of clear things up a bit, my mom has a drinking problem. She burst a disk in her back in 'o5 and now is about the blow that one again and the one below it. She's been working intensely for the past several months trying to get the clinic up and running. She's in constant pain from her back, the doctor gave her some painkillers for it but since they make her kinda loopy she doesn't take them...instead she loads up on Franzia, that crappy wine cooler stuff that comes in a box. My mom's been drinking since I can remember. I know how joe feels. I know that fucking feeling like mom doesn't care. I know she cares that's why she works so damn hard. When my mom wrecked her back she went into a bad depression. More drinking. She hates feeling useless, when she's not working she feels like she's just being a burden on the family. Well by putting aside her own personal health to push forward with her business she inadvertantly did just that. Her drinking is very taxing on the family. My dad has been struggling with joe...he has ADD and all and refuses to take his meds for it and thats a whole 'nother can of worms. Joe gets frustrated from mom raggin on him because she's tipsy...joe acts out...dad has to deal with it...mom yells...dad has to balance that and running his business...where do I fall in on all this? Same place I have for the last 19 years. In my basement. well right now in Emily's basement, my new refuge. My siblings and I always sort of raised ourselves I think...we really sorta stuck together. I left for Indiana as soon as I could, things fell apart for me. I came home and..and...there's joe. Mar and I left joe there alone. joe to deal with moms antics and dad constantly being out to business. so he feels abandonned and alone in the world, plus the whole pueberty thing, plus the damn meds he's on. I told him all about the stuff I've been through and and...it's just hard seeing him go through all this.
Anyhow back on my front: I'll be starting work soon with Doyle from church doing construction. I'm excited about it, mostly because it's work. I got something in the mail today from nate, I haven't talked to him in a while, luckily it was more bad news. goodie. the apartment complex wants an extra $40 or so. Cleaning and reparing a miniblind..oh and they're charging me for electric too. Fucking bastards. We've already dropped about $1500 at them and now they're pulling this. Oh and my bank from Indiana called. They want $180 or so. I think I know what it's from. With overdraft protection if you don't pay off the $40 extra they charge in a week they charge you $6 a day after that. I hate national city. I'm assuming thats what happened but I don't really know, I just got a harassive call from some bill collector today. He wanted payment NOW. over the phone check or credit card, said it'd be in my "best interest" to at least make partial payments. Well yea that'd be great if I had a job over the past few months jackass. He didn't sound to sympathetic to my story, which is understandable he hears this shit every day. My credit has to fucking suck by now. So I'm a bit stressed and I'm just...hell I don't know anymore. Emily is sleeping behind me on the couch, god I love her. Just being around her helps me out. Even just being here with her sleepin is sweet enough. Well I've had enough for tonight. Operation black steel is out.
Oh and I got the RC boat running, problem is its already off at half throttle. the carb has to be half open for it to start, well my older bro has the servo set at defautl for half open....so it starts and then promptly takes off. So I gotta go through and see how closed off I can get that carb closed. but then need to find a way to keep it half open durring starting. I should probably pick up some more fuel for it, but that shit's expensive. some of it is up to $15 a quart! thats crazy. I'm glad I found myself a nice new expensive hobby. Probably needs a new prop. and a fresh coat of paint...I'm thinking racing yellow and black with some white thrown in there. In case you are wondering for any reason what make and model it is, it is: Kyosho Viper GT. Own'd
operation watersnake...out
Anyhow back on my front: I'll be starting work soon with Doyle from church doing construction. I'm excited about it, mostly because it's work. I got something in the mail today from nate, I haven't talked to him in a while, luckily it was more bad news. goodie. the apartment complex wants an extra $40 or so. Cleaning and reparing a miniblind..oh and they're charging me for electric too. Fucking bastards. We've already dropped about $1500 at them and now they're pulling this. Oh and my bank from Indiana called. They want $180 or so. I think I know what it's from. With overdraft protection if you don't pay off the $40 extra they charge in a week they charge you $6 a day after that. I hate national city. I'm assuming thats what happened but I don't really know, I just got a harassive call from some bill collector today. He wanted payment NOW. over the phone check or credit card, said it'd be in my "best interest" to at least make partial payments. Well yea that'd be great if I had a job over the past few months jackass. He didn't sound to sympathetic to my story, which is understandable he hears this shit every day. My credit has to fucking suck by now. So I'm a bit stressed and I'm just...hell I don't know anymore. Emily is sleeping behind me on the couch, god I love her. Just being around her helps me out. Even just being here with her sleepin is sweet enough. Well I've had enough for tonight. Operation black steel is out.
Oh and I got the RC boat running, problem is its already off at half throttle. the carb has to be half open for it to start, well my older bro has the servo set at defautl for half open....so it starts and then promptly takes off. So I gotta go through and see how closed off I can get that carb closed. but then need to find a way to keep it half open durring starting. I should probably pick up some more fuel for it, but that shit's expensive. some of it is up to $15 a quart! thats crazy. I'm glad I found myself a nice new expensive hobby. Probably needs a new prop. and a fresh coat of paint...I'm thinking racing yellow and black with some white thrown in there. In case you are wondering for any reason what make and model it is, it is: Kyosho Viper GT. Own'd
operation watersnake...out