020906
so today was a bit of an adventure drove out to garret to do a job app. which is a bit promising we did a few, but I'm getting a bit pist off at Nate and Ben, they haven't been trying very hard to find jobs. which puts more pressure on me. I'm already in debt now, my account went in the red and they wont tell me why, which I think is fucked up. I've already got something to rectify it though. I sold some of my gear that I don't use that much. I didn't want it to resort to selling my paintball gear, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I've got other stuff I can use so its not a big deal. I dunno maybe it is. It seems like I'm making all the sacrifices. I got to see Emily over the weekend which was beyond fabulous. I miss her now more than ever. I surprised her with a candle lit bubble bath which was really relaxing but i felt a bt guilty kinda not giving heather enough attention as a guest here. I shall do better next time. As of right now, still no job, but I have a few leads. Matt's over, earlier we had pizza. I was mortified when I sat the pizza down and ben and nate just grabbed some without asking. I know matt doesn't mind (he paid) but damn show some fucking gratitude and manners. Maybe it is best if I move back home. Sure I'll miss being down here, but it'll give me a chance to get my shit together. Plus I'll be closer to Emily. Well later on in the evening Steph came over, we got some booze, her ben and matt got drunk. I was talking to Emily online but I felt a bit obligated to sorta be social, with them being guests and all, but I also felt obligated to pay attention to Emily. I thought, oh hey I can spend a bit of time with them be a gracious host and then excuse myself from time to time to go talk to her. Wrong. Got back at 3 am. Emily was sleeping by then, and I hate that feeling. I want her to always know she's first in my heart and first in my thoughts. I love her, I really do, and I know she loves me. I always want to be there for her. Granted I should have a bit of a social life, but I dunno...well its 3:20 and I have class in a few hours, so I'm gonna hit the hay. I do feel a bit like a jerk, but I'll make it up to her. Somehow...