The Road to Recovery
Hello everyone,
Been in a while. Like I promised, I’ll try to make a point to scribble on this corner of the internet more often. I took my last class a couple of weeks ago and my advisor cried as she bid me farewell. It was hard for me because I am always brought to my knees and humbled when someone genuinely cares for me. It breaks the veil of cynicism that I cover myself with in order to let go of people, places and goals.
started my new job and I genuinely like it so far. I work in a therapeutic group home for girls 12-18 who have a number of mental, emotional and behavioral conditions. I’ve only been working there for a while but I get a sense of accomplishment out of it that I never quite got out of grad school. I'm looking after the children who everyone else ignores. If I can help just one of them do better for themselves, I will have more impact than I did in grad school. My schedule is all over the place and it increasingly looks like I'll be working the overnight shift but I don't have a clear sense of where that is going until I sit down with my boss and discuss it.
Being out of academia almost feels like waking up from a bizarre and debilitating dream. This week’s been one of the first where I’ve been able to look at my behavior and pinpoint things I need and want to change and how to go about making those changes. I still carry the weight of my past on my shoulders, but for whatever reason things seem so much clearer; it’s like I used school to not work on my issues and now that I am no longer using it as a crutch I don’t need, I can finally walk on my own two feet. It’s weird.
I'm working on life after grad school: drafting retirement plans, consolidating my loans, putting together a good resume, saving for long-term goals, working on getting additional certifications and also just enjoying life for now. I still find myself reading-and enjoying-queer theory, but I think it'll definitely take a backseat in my priority list for a while. I'll start attending couples therapy soon to get over some issues that came up in one of my relationships. I'm hopeful for the therapy, this relationship and my others as well. I'll be off to Further Confusion (a furry con) soon and I'll probably update then.
Meanwhile, how y'all doing?