yeah!
Shanks: It was the third of June on the old Tallahachie Bridge. Perseus died first. He made his own bungee jumpin' rig outta a bunch of old bungee cords and duct tape.
Perseus: Watch this, y'all! (jumps off the bridge)
Sparks: Oh man. The rope totally broke, right?
Shanks: Probably woulda, but old Perseus forgot to measure the bridge, so he still had fifty feet of bungee left when he hit.
Stormy: Duuude!
Shanks: And to make matters worse, he jumped holdin' Herc's favorite chicken.
Hercules: Mah chicken!! (jumps off the bridge)
Sparks: No way! Hercules jumped too?
Shanks: Yup. Shattered his spine. But with his last dyin' breath he hollered up to us-
Hercules: Oh man, this ain't even mah chicken!
Odysseus: Well, whose is it?
Hercules: I think you'd better sit down, Ody.
Odysseus: Oh, mah chicken!! (jumps off the bridge)
Shanks: He loved that bird somethin' fierce, but he landed on Herc! Killed 'em both deader than four o'clock in the mornin'.
Sparks: So what happened to the chicken?
Shanks: Funny enough, that old yard bird lived, like a dang miracle... So we ate it.
Sparks: Circle of life, man.
Shanks: Needless to say, Mama was awful tore up about the whole thing.
Mama: Is that Herc's chicken?
Young Shanks: No, it's Ody's.
Mama: ...He's plump.
Sparks: Well, here's to your bean-snappin' mother.
Stormy: And your dead-ass brothers!
(the three drink)
Shanks: That night, Castor and Pollux got to drinkin' and they swore revenge.
Sparks: Revenge? On who?
Shanks: On that damn bridge! They put a fifty gallon tank of gas on either end of the bridge-
Sparks: Wait, they put gas on the bridge?
Shanks: Yeah, shut up. Then, they staggered out onto the middle of the bridge-
Sparks: Wait, the middle of the bridge?
Shanks: Can I tell this, please? Then they pulled back on their mighty bows of ewe, and screamed out-
Pollux (I think): Eh, this is for our brother!
Castor: You son of a bitchin' bridge!
Pollux: Son of a bitchin' bridge made'a wood!
Castor: Goddamn bitchin' burnable son of a bitch!
(The twins launch flaming arrows at the gas, setting the bridge on fire.)
Pollux: Hey, Castor!
Castor: Yeah, Pollux?
Pollux: I am drunk as shiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! (the bridge falls with Castor and Pollux on it)
Sparks: Wait, you said you had six brothers. That's only five.
Shanks: Yep. Old Achilles died this mornin'
Stormy: How?
Shanks: Heart attack takin' a dump.
Perseus: Watch this, y'all! (jumps off the bridge)
Sparks: Oh man. The rope totally broke, right?
Shanks: Probably woulda, but old Perseus forgot to measure the bridge, so he still had fifty feet of bungee left when he hit.
Stormy: Duuude!
Shanks: And to make matters worse, he jumped holdin' Herc's favorite chicken.
Hercules: Mah chicken!! (jumps off the bridge)
Sparks: No way! Hercules jumped too?
Shanks: Yup. Shattered his spine. But with his last dyin' breath he hollered up to us-
Hercules: Oh man, this ain't even mah chicken!
Odysseus: Well, whose is it?
Hercules: I think you'd better sit down, Ody.
Odysseus: Oh, mah chicken!! (jumps off the bridge)
Shanks: He loved that bird somethin' fierce, but he landed on Herc! Killed 'em both deader than four o'clock in the mornin'.
Sparks: So what happened to the chicken?
Shanks: Funny enough, that old yard bird lived, like a dang miracle... So we ate it.
Sparks: Circle of life, man.
Shanks: Needless to say, Mama was awful tore up about the whole thing.
Mama: Is that Herc's chicken?
Young Shanks: No, it's Ody's.
Mama: ...He's plump.
Sparks: Well, here's to your bean-snappin' mother.
Stormy: And your dead-ass brothers!
(the three drink)
Shanks: That night, Castor and Pollux got to drinkin' and they swore revenge.
Sparks: Revenge? On who?
Shanks: On that damn bridge! They put a fifty gallon tank of gas on either end of the bridge-
Sparks: Wait, they put gas on the bridge?
Shanks: Yeah, shut up. Then, they staggered out onto the middle of the bridge-
Sparks: Wait, the middle of the bridge?
Shanks: Can I tell this, please? Then they pulled back on their mighty bows of ewe, and screamed out-
Pollux (I think): Eh, this is for our brother!
Castor: You son of a bitchin' bridge!
Pollux: Son of a bitchin' bridge made'a wood!
Castor: Goddamn bitchin' burnable son of a bitch!
(The twins launch flaming arrows at the gas, setting the bridge on fire.)
Pollux: Hey, Castor!
Castor: Yeah, Pollux?
Pollux: I am drunk as shiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! (the bridge falls with Castor and Pollux on it)
Sparks: Wait, you said you had six brothers. That's only five.
Shanks: Yep. Old Achilles died this mornin'
Stormy: How?
Shanks: Heart attack takin' a dump.