Not Long Ago, I Gave Up Hope...
...but you came along, you gave me something I could hold onto.
I got to see the new boy in my life yesterday. I was hoping he was going to come hang out with me a little bit today before dinner with my friends, but I haven't heard from him since 9 this morning. I've sent him texts and pictures, and I still haven't heard anything. I don't want him to think I'm crazy by any means, so after a few unanswered phone calls, I let up. The thing is, I really care for him. Very much. It's crazy how my mood changes when I hear from him, and how down I get when I don't. I haven't felt like this for someone in a very long time. After I lost Tyler, I didn't think I would ever find anyone who would make me happy again. I even spent three months seeing someone I didn't care for physically, but was the nicest person iyn the world, for the simple fact that I needed an outlet for my sarcasm. I didn't think I would ever be happy ever again, until I met Robert. I'm excited to have him in my life, but I'm scared shitless to lose him at the same time. I went a week not hearing from him but twice, because he did not have his phone. He has it now, and it seems like he's just had a busy few days. It's just very unsettling when I don't know how he's doing, what kind of mood he's in, etc. He makes me feel like the happiest guy in the world.
I don't do the whole unleashing of feelings thing well at all. I have so much I want to get out. I had a terrible week this past week, and I want so badly to pour everything out. I did have an amazing day at the Something Corporate concert I went to, and I had an amazing time at dinner with the girls tonight. However, I spent the rest of the week miserable, lonely, and more tired than usual. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I would feel so much better if I could just let everything out. Sadly, I just can't. I don't feel like anyone would listen to me. I don't feel like anyone would take me seriously, because I don't believe that anyone ever has. Every time something comes out of my mouth, I'm either talked over, or my thoughts are negated by knee jerk responses. It really sucks, but I have learned to accept it.
I don't even know if anyone even reads this blog, but I hope someone does. I just want to know if there is anyone out there who understands what I have going on in my head.
I got to see the new boy in my life yesterday. I was hoping he was going to come hang out with me a little bit today before dinner with my friends, but I haven't heard from him since 9 this morning. I've sent him texts and pictures, and I still haven't heard anything. I don't want him to think I'm crazy by any means, so after a few unanswered phone calls, I let up. The thing is, I really care for him. Very much. It's crazy how my mood changes when I hear from him, and how down I get when I don't. I haven't felt like this for someone in a very long time. After I lost Tyler, I didn't think I would ever find anyone who would make me happy again. I even spent three months seeing someone I didn't care for physically, but was the nicest person iyn the world, for the simple fact that I needed an outlet for my sarcasm. I didn't think I would ever be happy ever again, until I met Robert. I'm excited to have him in my life, but I'm scared shitless to lose him at the same time. I went a week not hearing from him but twice, because he did not have his phone. He has it now, and it seems like he's just had a busy few days. It's just very unsettling when I don't know how he's doing, what kind of mood he's in, etc. He makes me feel like the happiest guy in the world.
I don't do the whole unleashing of feelings thing well at all. I have so much I want to get out. I had a terrible week this past week, and I want so badly to pour everything out. I did have an amazing day at the Something Corporate concert I went to, and I had an amazing time at dinner with the girls tonight. However, I spent the rest of the week miserable, lonely, and more tired than usual. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I would feel so much better if I could just let everything out. Sadly, I just can't. I don't feel like anyone would listen to me. I don't feel like anyone would take me seriously, because I don't believe that anyone ever has. Every time something comes out of my mouth, I'm either talked over, or my thoughts are negated by knee jerk responses. It really sucks, but I have learned to accept it.
I don't even know if anyone even reads this blog, but I hope someone does. I just want to know if there is anyone out there who understands what I have going on in my head.