I think about how it might have been
The Good
Garden State won a Grammy for Best Compilation Soundtrack Album for A Motion Picture.
The Bad
I lost one of my best friends this week. Not to death or disease or the federal penal system, but because of my own stupidity. I think I hurt her really badly too, even though I was trying to protect her from getting hurt later.
The Ugly
This is how I imagine my grandfather looked when he was my age, except with more ear hair and a bigger phonograph.
My family is ecstatic over my win. In fact my mother has practically demanded that I fly in this weekend so she can show me off to a few dozen of her closest friends, family and New Jerseyans. Of course, I'm pretty sure that they're tired of hearing my praises sung. That last verse of "Zach Braff is a God" gets a little old after you've sung it a couple hundred times. I'm not really feeling up to being under family scrutiny either. My mom can read me like a book and she'll know something's up. I wonder if that's a talent of all mothers or just jewish ones? Maybe I'm not as complex as I thought I was. Maybe I'm not a Catcher in the Rye but instead one of those picture books they give toddlers to read before they actually know words. Maybe, despite the fact that I'm an actor and this is how I make my livelihood it's obvious to everyone that I'm not okay.
Everyone at work seems to have picked up on the fact that things are askew. I only told Donald about what was really going on. You'd think that as my best friend he'd at least try to comfort me or you know take me out and get me drunk or something. Instead he told me, "You fucked up. Bad." That was a direct quote too. I love the guy but sometimes people, especially screw-ups like myself, really appreciate sugarcoating and not so much bluntness. Course he knows that's not what I wanted to hear. He told me he'd never lied to me before and didn't see any reason to start now.
Sometimes, I think you can only hate people because you love them so much. I mean if I didn't know he was right and that he was being a good friend instead of the kind that told me what I wanted to hear I don't think I'd feel this angry at him. Not really even anger, just...frustration. He doesn't know what it was like before I got out here. I have my reasons for what I did. I've never had...
I've only been in love once before and I barely got out alive. I mean if things had worked out I wouldn't be where I am now. I'd probably be the world's worst telemarketer trying to sell long distance to a bunch of people who didn't give a shit just to pay the bills.
I guess I took for granted that I could have it all.
Look, I know who I am. I know what I'm capable of. I know that luck like this can't hold out forever. Eventually everything catches up to you. And when it does, I don't want there to be any innocent bystanders. Got it?
I guess I have this overwhelming feeling that everything's going to fall out from under me. The higher you go the harder you fall, you know? So maybe if I could just stop things before they went too far it wouldn't hurt more down the road. I know I'm being a hypocrite. I just can't.
Alright, that's enough self reflection for one night. I'm calling it a night.
Peace Out
Garden State won a Grammy for Best Compilation Soundtrack Album for A Motion Picture.
The Bad
I lost one of my best friends this week. Not to death or disease or the federal penal system, but because of my own stupidity. I think I hurt her really badly too, even though I was trying to protect her from getting hurt later.
The Ugly
This is how I imagine my grandfather looked when he was my age, except with more ear hair and a bigger phonograph.
My family is ecstatic over my win. In fact my mother has practically demanded that I fly in this weekend so she can show me off to a few dozen of her closest friends, family and New Jerseyans. Of course, I'm pretty sure that they're tired of hearing my praises sung. That last verse of "Zach Braff is a God" gets a little old after you've sung it a couple hundred times. I'm not really feeling up to being under family scrutiny either. My mom can read me like a book and she'll know something's up. I wonder if that's a talent of all mothers or just jewish ones? Maybe I'm not as complex as I thought I was. Maybe I'm not a Catcher in the Rye but instead one of those picture books they give toddlers to read before they actually know words. Maybe, despite the fact that I'm an actor and this is how I make my livelihood it's obvious to everyone that I'm not okay.
Everyone at work seems to have picked up on the fact that things are askew. I only told Donald about what was really going on. You'd think that as my best friend he'd at least try to comfort me or you know take me out and get me drunk or something. Instead he told me, "You fucked up. Bad." That was a direct quote too. I love the guy but sometimes people, especially screw-ups like myself, really appreciate sugarcoating and not so much bluntness. Course he knows that's not what I wanted to hear. He told me he'd never lied to me before and didn't see any reason to start now.
Sometimes, I think you can only hate people because you love them so much. I mean if I didn't know he was right and that he was being a good friend instead of the kind that told me what I wanted to hear I don't think I'd feel this angry at him. Not really even anger, just...frustration. He doesn't know what it was like before I got out here. I have my reasons for what I did. I've never had...
I've only been in love once before and I barely got out alive. I mean if things had worked out I wouldn't be where I am now. I'd probably be the world's worst telemarketer trying to sell long distance to a bunch of people who didn't give a shit just to pay the bills.
I guess I took for granted that I could have it all.
Look, I know who I am. I know what I'm capable of. I know that luck like this can't hold out forever. Eventually everything catches up to you. And when it does, I don't want there to be any innocent bystanders. Got it?
I guess I have this overwhelming feeling that everything's going to fall out from under me. The higher you go the harder you fall, you know? So maybe if I could just stop things before they went too far it wouldn't hurt more down the road. I know I'm being a hypocrite. I just can't.
Alright, that's enough self reflection for one night. I'm calling it a night.
Peace Out