The list of things going on in my life.
So because I can't sleep at night because all of this has been rolling around in my head I figured I'd get it all out in the one place no one goes to anymore.. So here we go
First off about 2 months go I find out my Grandma (Rhodes side so my dad's mom) had a spot on her lung and a spot on her breast . She had a Bio done and found out that in deed she has both rapid spreading lung cancer and the spot on her breast is melanoma. The doctors have given her a time stamp of 4 to 6 months. She's on Kemo and is having blood transfusions. She's not as weak as she was but he's not in the greatest health either. This women is my idol she strong and beautiful and everything a Me-Ma should be. I love her very much and it feels as if my heart is breaking...
Dustin's been very sick lately but the doctors up here are fucking stupid. First he messed up his back and is doing physical therapy and stuff and then he catches a sickness from the baby I watch. He was running a 102 to 104 degree temp for 4 days so he finally went to the hospital a week ago the doctor didn't even look at him told he that he was getting over an infection and that he could go home. He's still running a high fever and missed 4 days of work and because the doctor was a douche he didn't have a chance to ask for an LOA. He's also still throwing up and now he has these weird red bumps on his shins that hurt alot.
Which brings me to this with Dustin missing 4 days of work means the loss of money without an LOA. Which mean that's like $200 down the drain that we could really use. Since the military came back around this time last you Walmart sales went threw the roof and since corporate doesn't take the military leaving in to consideration Walmart's sales suck ass which mean he hasn't had a bonus in over a year and because of the high theft in this store the bonus they almost got, got taken away. The list of things we need to do before winter is OMG LONG!!! Including putting fuel in the heater and getting all the heaters serviced. Putting fuel in the tank is like $425 for just 100gals and it's just as much to get 1 heater serviced. We also need to get a new car of fix my fairmont. Which is more money we don't have and the flat bed broke down so now we have to order water which is even more money and more money to get the flat bed fixed. Needless to say ALL OF THE MONEY I HAVE SAVED IS GONE!!! I'm not going to make it to washington I fear EVER!
Last of all I haven't had a pap in almost 3 years and as many people know I suffer from HPV (pre cancerous kind) which I don't know if it's spread or if it's gone I just don't know. All I know is I'm in a TON of pain and I'm bleeding for like the 3rd time this month... I know TMI... Also I'm supposed to get my birthcontrol removed next month and I can't because I have no medicaid and the public assistance up here is shit.
So conclusion freaking out stressed my grandma's dying and I'm afraid I'm going to be homeless and freeze to death this winter. I've cried myself to sleep every night for the past 2months. I feel alone even when Dustin's here it's like he's not because his been sick. Like I'll be talking to him he'll only hear half of what I say because he passes out. I want to jump off the ledge I'm standing on. I don't know how much more I can take before I break completely.
First off about 2 months go I find out my Grandma (Rhodes side so my dad's mom) had a spot on her lung and a spot on her breast . She had a Bio done and found out that in deed she has both rapid spreading lung cancer and the spot on her breast is melanoma. The doctors have given her a time stamp of 4 to 6 months. She's on Kemo and is having blood transfusions. She's not as weak as she was but he's not in the greatest health either. This women is my idol she strong and beautiful and everything a Me-Ma should be. I love her very much and it feels as if my heart is breaking...
Dustin's been very sick lately but the doctors up here are fucking stupid. First he messed up his back and is doing physical therapy and stuff and then he catches a sickness from the baby I watch. He was running a 102 to 104 degree temp for 4 days so he finally went to the hospital a week ago the doctor didn't even look at him told he that he was getting over an infection and that he could go home. He's still running a high fever and missed 4 days of work and because the doctor was a douche he didn't have a chance to ask for an LOA. He's also still throwing up and now he has these weird red bumps on his shins that hurt alot.
Which brings me to this with Dustin missing 4 days of work means the loss of money without an LOA. Which mean that's like $200 down the drain that we could really use. Since the military came back around this time last you Walmart sales went threw the roof and since corporate doesn't take the military leaving in to consideration Walmart's sales suck ass which mean he hasn't had a bonus in over a year and because of the high theft in this store the bonus they almost got, got taken away. The list of things we need to do before winter is OMG LONG!!! Including putting fuel in the heater and getting all the heaters serviced. Putting fuel in the tank is like $425 for just 100gals and it's just as much to get 1 heater serviced. We also need to get a new car of fix my fairmont. Which is more money we don't have and the flat bed broke down so now we have to order water which is even more money and more money to get the flat bed fixed. Needless to say ALL OF THE MONEY I HAVE SAVED IS GONE!!! I'm not going to make it to washington I fear EVER!
Last of all I haven't had a pap in almost 3 years and as many people know I suffer from HPV (pre cancerous kind) which I don't know if it's spread or if it's gone I just don't know. All I know is I'm in a TON of pain and I'm bleeding for like the 3rd time this month... I know TMI... Also I'm supposed to get my birthcontrol removed next month and I can't because I have no medicaid and the public assistance up here is shit.
So conclusion freaking out stressed my grandma's dying and I'm afraid I'm going to be homeless and freeze to death this winter. I've cried myself to sleep every night for the past 2months. I feel alone even when Dustin's here it's like he's not because his been sick. Like I'll be talking to him he'll only hear half of what I say because he passes out. I want to jump off the ledge I'm standing on. I don't know how much more I can take before I break completely.