I just Don't know
I can't do it I'm done with covering up the person I really am just to try and keep people happy. Found out last night when I drink that gets bad because then I explode. Also next time I make plans I'm sticking to the fucking plan I don't give a shit whose birthday it is.. We had drunk sledding planed out for almost a whole fuckin month even built up a hill for it but I guess that's a "lame" idea when you have to show off to your co-workers. I should have just stayed home. I kinda figured the location of the party was cahnged because as soon as people started pissing me off I'd be kicking them the fuck out and is it so bad that Dustin and I requested not to have under age loud ass stupid girls there? O yea that was the problem if they would have come to my house I would have shut the door in their faces but because I wasn't at home I freaked out when they started about "getting them into a bar" and I got kicked out.. I do have a right to be pissed about that right?? I mean I'm supposed to be your friend but instead of having my back you pull out a fuckin knife? WTF?!?!
But because of all of this stupidity I have dicided that drinking will only be done at my house every once in a while with people I know and like and who aren't STUPID LITTLE 17 AND 16 YEAR OLDS! There is about $300 worth of alcohol is going away... If I can build a fire its all going in there if not it's all going down the drain. I have learned and grown from this and I have learned that even the people you think your close to will turn their backs and freak out on you and you can't really trust anyone and that around all the WRONG people alcohol bad.. I love how people without kids don't care about what could happen to yours because of THEIR STUPIDITY! I tried to explain I was not ok with underage people being there because if thecops did get called it was ALL of our asses and that's putting Shawnee in danger (he wasn't with us BTW) it puts shawnee in Danger because the laws in alaska dealing with alcohol are so strict the cops could have gotten called we all would have been fined and the an investigation would have happened CPS would have been called and then Dustin and I would get monitored by the state of Alaska until Shawnee was 16. I had a right to freak out!!!! I swear to Gods if that would have happened head would have rolled and I would have gone to Jail! And then when I got out I'd go to prison for murder. Like I said yesterday I don't give a shit if you put everyone else in danger but putting me in danger means you're putting my sons life in danger and I AM NOT OK WITH THAT!!!! Am I so wrong for thinking like that?
To help my freak out make a little bit more since. My 3 month old cousin was taken right out of my sisters arms just for my Aunt telling her to shut up. My mom was taking care of my sisters, me and my cousins when my aunt went to jail. My Aunt just told CPS she "thought" it wasn't safe for any kids police came and that's the LAST time I saw my cousins. When I was in the first grade CPS tried to pin my mom with neglect and tried taking my sisters and I over something as stupid as me not being able to tie my shoes. I've been there done it and watched it happen! I don't want that to happen to me
I also found out that in a time of need Dustin will always be there to pick up the pieces.... At least there's one person I can trust and loves me... This is another reason I'd like to leave Olympia I miss my smart friends that if they drink they're resposible about it.. I could start listing off people But there's (No offence to anyone) only 3 people I can think of right now and that's Darrell, Taja, and Fox... I need the people who are willing to keep me out of trouble and the people who are able to break the walls I hide behind. I love you guys and I miss you very much... I need the people who are willing to break me down and build me back up into a stornger person.
But because of all of this stupidity I have dicided that drinking will only be done at my house every once in a while with people I know and like and who aren't STUPID LITTLE 17 AND 16 YEAR OLDS! There is about $300 worth of alcohol is going away... If I can build a fire its all going in there if not it's all going down the drain. I have learned and grown from this and I have learned that even the people you think your close to will turn their backs and freak out on you and you can't really trust anyone and that around all the WRONG people alcohol bad.. I love how people without kids don't care about what could happen to yours because of THEIR STUPIDITY! I tried to explain I was not ok with underage people being there because if thecops did get called it was ALL of our asses and that's putting Shawnee in danger (he wasn't with us BTW) it puts shawnee in Danger because the laws in alaska dealing with alcohol are so strict the cops could have gotten called we all would have been fined and the an investigation would have happened CPS would have been called and then Dustin and I would get monitored by the state of Alaska until Shawnee was 16. I had a right to freak out!!!! I swear to Gods if that would have happened head would have rolled and I would have gone to Jail! And then when I got out I'd go to prison for murder. Like I said yesterday I don't give a shit if you put everyone else in danger but putting me in danger means you're putting my sons life in danger and I AM NOT OK WITH THAT!!!! Am I so wrong for thinking like that?
To help my freak out make a little bit more since. My 3 month old cousin was taken right out of my sisters arms just for my Aunt telling her to shut up. My mom was taking care of my sisters, me and my cousins when my aunt went to jail. My Aunt just told CPS she "thought" it wasn't safe for any kids police came and that's the LAST time I saw my cousins. When I was in the first grade CPS tried to pin my mom with neglect and tried taking my sisters and I over something as stupid as me not being able to tie my shoes. I've been there done it and watched it happen! I don't want that to happen to me
I also found out that in a time of need Dustin will always be there to pick up the pieces.... At least there's one person I can trust and loves me... This is another reason I'd like to leave Olympia I miss my smart friends that if they drink they're resposible about it.. I could start listing off people But there's (No offence to anyone) only 3 people I can think of right now and that's Darrell, Taja, and Fox... I need the people who are willing to keep me out of trouble and the people who are able to break the walls I hide behind. I love you guys and I miss you very much... I need the people who are willing to break me down and build me back up into a stornger person.