yes.
Looking at my last entry is funny because I've always been one to say "It's your journal, you can write whatever".
I'm devoting my afternoon to catching up on reading for school, starting my last paper for core, and finishing my research paper for elites and inequality.
The night of my previous entry I decided to call Peter.
I've gotten into somewhat of a habit (only twice) of calling him when I can't sleep or when I feel like my brain will melt if I don't get to talkin'. And it always makes me feel better. It makes me feel like, "Damn. I lost my virginity to this kid, but that's okay, and he's a great guy." I guess talking to your ex's is weird for people because there's always that "tension" of the fact that you were once intimate with this person, or in my case, I am with a person I'm absolutely mad about. Which is why it's even *more* okay for me to talk to Peter and for us to be friends. It's very non-threatening.
I feel good because I have a guy friend that I have a past with. Not just a relationship-past, but a teenage past.
We can talk about people we knew, things that happened then, old teachers, old friends, old parties, things that happened to me at that time...the way things were. And that's nice. You need someone you can be able to talk to about things like that. Someone who would actually know what your cheerleading uniform looks like, or about the time you sort of ran away from home after a huge fight with your dad.
Which is why the fact that Sarah and Katey (and even Brittany) and I aren't friends today used to drive me nuts. But I've realized now, that my true-to-myself nature and consistency isn't always rockin' for everyone, and that's ok. It really is.
This weekend has been an interesting one. I can't believe I'm sitting here on a Sunday afternoon writing, and planning on studying for the next few hours.
I went to Collin's party on Friday night with Laura K. and her man Jason. I know that he may not be the best guy in the whole world in terms of plans for the future and what he's doing right now...but he makes her laugh all the time, they have the best conversations, and he's very emotionally mature, and he's quite hot, and according to her, great in bed...so what the fuck? in my book, he's amazing for her right now. and i like them "together". and i'm happy that she's happy.
I love Laura. I haven't given much time to this but she's graduating and she's going to be going all over the world before she goes to grad school, and I'm like..."how are we going to keep in touch?"
She was really good at sending postcards when she was in Europe last semester. Perhaps things won't be as bad as I think.
The party was so-so. I guess I would have had more fun if there had been music. And maybe dancing...and cute boys. Not that the Chi-Phi guys aren't cute, it's just that I wasn't really in the mood for talking about nothing *and* drinking. The feng shui of the house and patio made it so you had to talk to people in one concentrated area. There was nothing to distract, no fun places to go to and meet a whole different group of people, and well, I kept thinking about Becca/Joe/David's party from the end of freshman year. And the one from sophomore year too.
I guess, I wasn't in the mood for a super-chill party. So, the party itself wasn't bad. I love Collin.
He cozied up to me and was all "you smell delicious!" and it was funny because not only was he drunk, he's also gay and very academic/intellectual looking, and most of our conversations involve politics and neo-con bashing, and crude humor. It was really cute.
What's even worse is that when he said that, Laura, Jason and I left shortly afterwards and all I could think of was "Damn, how can I look this smashing and have gay men be the only ones that are intrigued by my sexiness? That's the most ass I'm gonna get all night" lol.
I'm not gonna lie, Derrick had pissed me off x4 right before I left for the party. It felt reminiscent of the Camron and Yvonne days. Somehow him being mad at the fact that his car wasn't working and he couldn't get to my school in time to go to the party like planned because he decided that he was going to have a few beers at the neighbors place with friends and ended up missing the bus to get to my place because he "lost track of time" and the fact that I didn't feel comfortable asking laura and j to drive twenty five minutes to decatur and twenty five minutes back (even though D would have paid for gas) turned into him saying "i don't like where this relationship is going...blah blah blah...go ahead and do whatever you want at this party".
Yeah...I said "What the hell is *that* supposed to mean?" and he said "You know what I mean". And then Laura and Jason knocked on my door, and I was all "Whatever, peace."
Now, it's not that Derrick is the kind of guy to worry about me making out with other guys just because I'm alone and drinking at a party (remember, his name is not Camron). However, his tactic of alluding to his ex-girlfriends' dumbassedness in relation to me as if I am "the kind" to act in their manner in order to piss me off, was quite clever. On point.
So I work a long tank top layered with a funky loose tank, a mini skirt and my blazer rolled up at the sleeves...with my bangs parted to the side a side pony tail and one earring that was just made for isolation. Laura and Jason are looking great as well, and we all stroll into a party that we kind of feel like we've been to a bunch of times. Now I feel bad because the party really was great in that it was a great chill party. But I was looking for fun and excitement. It was like I was all cute with nowhere to show it off. I did get a few good beers in, though.
So I didn't say anything about it until I got home with Laura and J. And they were like, "Oh..you and derrick are so freaking cute...shutup." And i was all yeah...I really just wanted some ass that day. It was like D-dub and I were so frustrated with the fact that we couldn't see each other because it was one of those times where we knew that we'd have a really great time, get drunk, and fuck till four in the morning. It sounds horrible that we'd get so excited about something like that, but we haven't been able to kick back and not care about anything for a while.
So we're in the car, and I don't know how we get on the subject, but I started telling them about the SEX BOOK that my sister gave me a month ago and how it was really cheesy and old school, but it had a whole section on how to get people to have threesomes with you. lol
And they were like "you have it?! let's go see it!" and so we all went up to my room.
I'm sure at this point one would be expecting to hear about how we stripped off our clothes and had this amazing threesome and now I'm really into fucking girls, but no. We did make a lot of jokes about how it's so funny that the three of us are running up to my room to read about how one goes about having a threesome. Jason was all, "I'm sure this is in the book, right?"
Anyway, Derrick was in my room asleep on the bed. So that was a nice surprise even though I was still annoyed with his behavior from earlier.
Laura and Jason and I had a few laughs and read the book and they left.
Derrick and I appologized to eachother and soon enough we were tearing eachother's clothes off and making love like we should.
The next day he didn't go to work and he met me at my job for lunch.
I asked "Do you love me?" and he said,
"You couldn't tell from last night?"
--Evi
I'm devoting my afternoon to catching up on reading for school, starting my last paper for core, and finishing my research paper for elites and inequality.
The night of my previous entry I decided to call Peter.
I've gotten into somewhat of a habit (only twice) of calling him when I can't sleep or when I feel like my brain will melt if I don't get to talkin'. And it always makes me feel better. It makes me feel like, "Damn. I lost my virginity to this kid, but that's okay, and he's a great guy." I guess talking to your ex's is weird for people because there's always that "tension" of the fact that you were once intimate with this person, or in my case, I am with a person I'm absolutely mad about. Which is why it's even *more* okay for me to talk to Peter and for us to be friends. It's very non-threatening.
I feel good because I have a guy friend that I have a past with. Not just a relationship-past, but a teenage past.
We can talk about people we knew, things that happened then, old teachers, old friends, old parties, things that happened to me at that time...the way things were. And that's nice. You need someone you can be able to talk to about things like that. Someone who would actually know what your cheerleading uniform looks like, or about the time you sort of ran away from home after a huge fight with your dad.
Which is why the fact that Sarah and Katey (and even Brittany) and I aren't friends today used to drive me nuts. But I've realized now, that my true-to-myself nature and consistency isn't always rockin' for everyone, and that's ok. It really is.
This weekend has been an interesting one. I can't believe I'm sitting here on a Sunday afternoon writing, and planning on studying for the next few hours.
I went to Collin's party on Friday night with Laura K. and her man Jason. I know that he may not be the best guy in the whole world in terms of plans for the future and what he's doing right now...but he makes her laugh all the time, they have the best conversations, and he's very emotionally mature, and he's quite hot, and according to her, great in bed...so what the fuck? in my book, he's amazing for her right now. and i like them "together". and i'm happy that she's happy.
I love Laura. I haven't given much time to this but she's graduating and she's going to be going all over the world before she goes to grad school, and I'm like..."how are we going to keep in touch?"
She was really good at sending postcards when she was in Europe last semester. Perhaps things won't be as bad as I think.
The party was so-so. I guess I would have had more fun if there had been music. And maybe dancing...and cute boys. Not that the Chi-Phi guys aren't cute, it's just that I wasn't really in the mood for talking about nothing *and* drinking. The feng shui of the house and patio made it so you had to talk to people in one concentrated area. There was nothing to distract, no fun places to go to and meet a whole different group of people, and well, I kept thinking about Becca/Joe/David's party from the end of freshman year. And the one from sophomore year too.
I guess, I wasn't in the mood for a super-chill party. So, the party itself wasn't bad. I love Collin.
He cozied up to me and was all "you smell delicious!" and it was funny because not only was he drunk, he's also gay and very academic/intellectual looking, and most of our conversations involve politics and neo-con bashing, and crude humor. It was really cute.
What's even worse is that when he said that, Laura, Jason and I left shortly afterwards and all I could think of was "Damn, how can I look this smashing and have gay men be the only ones that are intrigued by my sexiness? That's the most ass I'm gonna get all night" lol.
I'm not gonna lie, Derrick had pissed me off x4 right before I left for the party. It felt reminiscent of the Camron and Yvonne days. Somehow him being mad at the fact that his car wasn't working and he couldn't get to my school in time to go to the party like planned because he decided that he was going to have a few beers at the neighbors place with friends and ended up missing the bus to get to my place because he "lost track of time" and the fact that I didn't feel comfortable asking laura and j to drive twenty five minutes to decatur and twenty five minutes back (even though D would have paid for gas) turned into him saying "i don't like where this relationship is going...blah blah blah...go ahead and do whatever you want at this party".
Yeah...I said "What the hell is *that* supposed to mean?" and he said "You know what I mean". And then Laura and Jason knocked on my door, and I was all "Whatever, peace."
Now, it's not that Derrick is the kind of guy to worry about me making out with other guys just because I'm alone and drinking at a party (remember, his name is not Camron). However, his tactic of alluding to his ex-girlfriends' dumbassedness in relation to me as if I am "the kind" to act in their manner in order to piss me off, was quite clever. On point.
So I work a long tank top layered with a funky loose tank, a mini skirt and my blazer rolled up at the sleeves...with my bangs parted to the side a side pony tail and one earring that was just made for isolation. Laura and Jason are looking great as well, and we all stroll into a party that we kind of feel like we've been to a bunch of times. Now I feel bad because the party really was great in that it was a great chill party. But I was looking for fun and excitement. It was like I was all cute with nowhere to show it off. I did get a few good beers in, though.
So I didn't say anything about it until I got home with Laura and J. And they were like, "Oh..you and derrick are so freaking cute...shutup." And i was all yeah...I really just wanted some ass that day. It was like D-dub and I were so frustrated with the fact that we couldn't see each other because it was one of those times where we knew that we'd have a really great time, get drunk, and fuck till four in the morning. It sounds horrible that we'd get so excited about something like that, but we haven't been able to kick back and not care about anything for a while.
So we're in the car, and I don't know how we get on the subject, but I started telling them about the SEX BOOK that my sister gave me a month ago and how it was really cheesy and old school, but it had a whole section on how to get people to have threesomes with you. lol
And they were like "you have it?! let's go see it!" and so we all went up to my room.
I'm sure at this point one would be expecting to hear about how we stripped off our clothes and had this amazing threesome and now I'm really into fucking girls, but no. We did make a lot of jokes about how it's so funny that the three of us are running up to my room to read about how one goes about having a threesome. Jason was all, "I'm sure this is in the book, right?"
Anyway, Derrick was in my room asleep on the bed. So that was a nice surprise even though I was still annoyed with his behavior from earlier.
Laura and Jason and I had a few laughs and read the book and they left.
Derrick and I appologized to eachother and soon enough we were tearing eachother's clothes off and making love like we should.
The next day he didn't go to work and he met me at my job for lunch.
I asked "Do you love me?" and he said,
"You couldn't tell from last night?"
--Evi