whoa.
I don't throw away CDs that ex boyfriend's have made for me. Jewelry, I don't throw that away either, sometimes, the jewelry starts looking not as hot as it once did, because of the taint of the relationship perhaps, but then..Camron never bought me jewelry.
Peter did, I look at that necklace sometimes. It's still a really nice necklace. Then there's the ring. I feel bad about the ring, him and that ring were inseparable...and then he gave it to me, and of course it was too big, so I put it on a necklace. Sometimes I think about mailing that back. It was such a significant thing in his life, like many other things.
I'm listening to *the* CD that he made for me. I wrote "Peter's Mix" on it. You know how guys are, they never label CDs. The CDs can never be tainted exactly, because it's the music. Music is such a defining thing though. A CD that is made for you defines the moment and the times and the emotions I suppose. You're reminded of how you felt when you first got it...all the times you listened to it again, what you were wearing when you first heard that song, how good he smelled, the way he looked at you when you two were in love.
Love Foolosophy, by Jamiroquai, is the song that I keep playing over and over again. It's the acoustic version that he found. One of the most beautiful, sensual, gorgeous songs I've ever heard. I almost forgot that it was on here. When I listen to the lyrics I can't help but wonder if they expressed any feelings he had towards me. It's not a totally negative song or anything:
"
Baby Baby, I feel these sweet sensations
Honey honey, looks like a superstar
She' got a promise of love-struck fascination
What am I to do? How am I to know?
Who you are
And this love, Fool, osophy is killing
Previous illusions that
I had in my mind about you
Seems so true, all the lies you're telling
Tragically compelling and
My love it means nothing to you
So maybe I'm still a love Fool
She shimmers like a California sunset
Lady lady, glitters but theres no gold
She carries sweetly infectious magic formulas
I'm so delirious, is she that serious?
Or is she bringing me on, I've been waiting so long
And this love, Fool, osophy is killing
Previous illusions that
I had in my mind about you
Seems so true, all the lies you're telling
Tragically compelling and
My love it means nothing to you
So maybe I'm still a love Fool
I don't want the world I want you
I don't want the world I want you
I don't want the world I want you
Love, Fool, osophy is killing
Previous illusions that
I had in my mind about you
Seems so true, all the lies you're telling
Tragically compelling and
My love it means nothing to you
So maybe I'm still a love Fool
My love it means nothing to you
So maybe I'm still a love Fool
You're my love foolosophy
Don't you see it's killing me
You're my love foolosophy
Don't you see it's killing me
I'm a love fool
"
I'm listening to it over and over again...and i can't help but feel completely zoned in on every single part that makes up this song. The distant drum beats softly, but with certainty right on my core. The acoustic guitar is stroking and beckoning me, his voice makes my whole body yearn to writhe and sway. I'm just sinking into the song...and I haven't felt like this in such a long time. I've been so caught up in everything except really relaxing and taking something in.
Maybe he put it on the CD because we both loved Jamiroquai so much, and the acoustic version of this song is so gorgeous. Plus it fits with the previous song..and blah blah blah. I don't know. A part of me wants to talk to him and see how he feels about the relationship in a looking back on things sort of way. I guess a lot of people would think that odd...but I really don't care. I don't just erase people from my life (except for one). I want to know what he has to say. I wonder if he would be willing. We've messaged eachother on facebook a few times...he said something along the lines of "it's good to talk to you"...but then I know things about Peter...and he basically always knows the right thing to say. I never know where he really is, in his head. I wonder if he's the same way today. He's the kind of person that could write for a card company. He always has the perfect lines, writes the best letters...knows how to really pull your heart strings...and he doesn't even have to feel what he's saying to do it. And that's what's scary. I know that sounds like he's not sincere, but I don't think that's what I'm trying to say. I can't put my finger on it.
But this CD and this song is bringing me back to that year and a half...but only the good stuff. I guess that's dangerous...you always need to remind yourself of the bad; the reasons why you're not together. It's not as if I don't know....or if I'm reminiscing and thinking that everything between Peter and I was just peachy. And it's not like I'm sitting here, wishing we were together today. I just..I guess I'd like to talk to him. There's something I miss about him...I don't know what it is.
Like I always say, we were and will always be *much* better friends than we were lovers.
I need to get back into music. ;)
--Evi
Peter did, I look at that necklace sometimes. It's still a really nice necklace. Then there's the ring. I feel bad about the ring, him and that ring were inseparable...and then he gave it to me, and of course it was too big, so I put it on a necklace. Sometimes I think about mailing that back. It was such a significant thing in his life, like many other things.
I'm listening to *the* CD that he made for me. I wrote "Peter's Mix" on it. You know how guys are, they never label CDs. The CDs can never be tainted exactly, because it's the music. Music is such a defining thing though. A CD that is made for you defines the moment and the times and the emotions I suppose. You're reminded of how you felt when you first got it...all the times you listened to it again, what you were wearing when you first heard that song, how good he smelled, the way he looked at you when you two were in love.
Love Foolosophy, by Jamiroquai, is the song that I keep playing over and over again. It's the acoustic version that he found. One of the most beautiful, sensual, gorgeous songs I've ever heard. I almost forgot that it was on here. When I listen to the lyrics I can't help but wonder if they expressed any feelings he had towards me. It's not a totally negative song or anything:
"
Baby Baby, I feel these sweet sensations
Honey honey, looks like a superstar
She' got a promise of love-struck fascination
What am I to do? How am I to know?
Who you are
And this love, Fool, osophy is killing
Previous illusions that
I had in my mind about you
Seems so true, all the lies you're telling
Tragically compelling and
My love it means nothing to you
So maybe I'm still a love Fool
She shimmers like a California sunset
Lady lady, glitters but theres no gold
She carries sweetly infectious magic formulas
I'm so delirious, is she that serious?
Or is she bringing me on, I've been waiting so long
And this love, Fool, osophy is killing
Previous illusions that
I had in my mind about you
Seems so true, all the lies you're telling
Tragically compelling and
My love it means nothing to you
So maybe I'm still a love Fool
I don't want the world I want you
I don't want the world I want you
I don't want the world I want you
Love, Fool, osophy is killing
Previous illusions that
I had in my mind about you
Seems so true, all the lies you're telling
Tragically compelling and
My love it means nothing to you
So maybe I'm still a love Fool
My love it means nothing to you
So maybe I'm still a love Fool
You're my love foolosophy
Don't you see it's killing me
You're my love foolosophy
Don't you see it's killing me
I'm a love fool
"
I'm listening to it over and over again...and i can't help but feel completely zoned in on every single part that makes up this song. The distant drum beats softly, but with certainty right on my core. The acoustic guitar is stroking and beckoning me, his voice makes my whole body yearn to writhe and sway. I'm just sinking into the song...and I haven't felt like this in such a long time. I've been so caught up in everything except really relaxing and taking something in.
Maybe he put it on the CD because we both loved Jamiroquai so much, and the acoustic version of this song is so gorgeous. Plus it fits with the previous song..and blah blah blah. I don't know. A part of me wants to talk to him and see how he feels about the relationship in a looking back on things sort of way. I guess a lot of people would think that odd...but I really don't care. I don't just erase people from my life (except for one). I want to know what he has to say. I wonder if he would be willing. We've messaged eachother on facebook a few times...he said something along the lines of "it's good to talk to you"...but then I know things about Peter...and he basically always knows the right thing to say. I never know where he really is, in his head. I wonder if he's the same way today. He's the kind of person that could write for a card company. He always has the perfect lines, writes the best letters...knows how to really pull your heart strings...and he doesn't even have to feel what he's saying to do it. And that's what's scary. I know that sounds like he's not sincere, but I don't think that's what I'm trying to say. I can't put my finger on it.
But this CD and this song is bringing me back to that year and a half...but only the good stuff. I guess that's dangerous...you always need to remind yourself of the bad; the reasons why you're not together. It's not as if I don't know....or if I'm reminiscing and thinking that everything between Peter and I was just peachy. And it's not like I'm sitting here, wishing we were together today. I just..I guess I'd like to talk to him. There's something I miss about him...I don't know what it is.
Like I always say, we were and will always be *much* better friends than we were lovers.
I need to get back into music. ;)
--Evi