Weeks of writing, finally published.
Taking care of Dylan, my nephew.
The first time I saw my newphew Dylan, I told him that I was going to treat him like my own! :D
I realized I love children....
When I took care of him, I kept thinking about Erikson's stages: trust vs. mistrust. I tailored my care so he could feel that this world is safe, and the family loves and welcomes him.
He's got such tiny smooth feet. I like rubbing my hands on it xD.
===
About Parenting.
I think parents should guide children to reason when it's appropriate. Do it by example or ask children questions to let them reason themselves.
Also, emotional intelligence is important.
I think parents should do a great deal of questioning and answering in order to train a child's mind.
Children should start by understanding feelings, emotions and passions. Identifying them.
"What are you feeling right now?"
"What do you think I am feeling right now?"
Then children should start to learn how to reason and overcome these feelings, emotions and passions.
===
Reconnecting with the family in the west coast. My sister. Mom. Half brother. Aunt. Cousin. Uncle.
There's a lot of different feelings I have for them. Most don't matter. what matters most is my relationship with my sister and my mom.
Mom doesn't know how to take care of us xD or teach us stuff. but that's okay I guess. I know she loves me.
My sister and I have a very close sibling relationship because our parents don't know how to treat us... in this way, we have a lot in common. We talk a lot about the past, how each of us dealt with our parents. How the separation happened. What went wrong objectively.
My sister is great person whom I begin to trust and talk to. I don't give hugs, but I left Seattle giving her a hug.
My sister often admits to me that she wished she had more brains. I said it doesn't matter whether you were more intelligent or not, what matters is that you are happy with where you are. You are making good money. You have a good family. That's what matters. I think I said the right thing.
===
Lovely bird, you shine. You fly so far, so fast. I can't keep up with you.
You will always be a sparkle in my night's sky.
And now, we must part.
"We can't change the past. The healing path is found by backing up, taking a more objective perspective, and letting go of that which we can no longer change."
====
The path of healing required me to take a step back. It's been a year now, and time did heal. It made my eyes open.
The truth is... after given much thought, I don't think you liked me that much. And although we had little moments where we enjoyed each others' affection... beyond the little security that you have given me with your acts of love, I've always felt ashamed and belittled by your ideals. I never felt accepted for who I am and/or my "bad" habits.
Hiding the relationship behind others, siding with your friends, talking to guys who are interested in you without telling them you have a boyfriend... It not only hurt me, it pushed me towards insecurity, the very thing that you didn't like about me.
They say love is not who you love, but how you love. I certainly did not feel loved in the way that made me happy and comfortable about the relationship.
In no way am I blaming you for our relationship. Each of us had our own share of faults. This conclusion, after 1 year, made me realize that we didn't belong together. The closeness and trust we had were momentary. Everything else separated us apart.
It's been a year, and I'm glad I've come to this conclusion.
===
The more you think of something, the more you think it is true.
The more you lie, the more the lie becomes true.
I might be wrong, but this may be called conditioning.
Practical application? Brainwashing self.
====
I was in a fairly depressed state a week ago. I can get very anxious when I feel alone and feel that no one will be there for me.
Since I was a kid, I was always fairly shy and socially arkward. I don't seek out or initiate conversations. Until I've gotten used to you and trust you, I can tell you about my world.
All of my life, I've always felt alone, and I always wanted someone in my life. There were many situations in my childhood that I could really have a counseller to talk about the special conditions that have affected my life. But I did not have that. Instead, I personified my pillow as a friend - not to talk to it, but to hug it to sleep and promise each other that we won't leave each other.
The effects of my childhood still live within me today, but with the help of various individuals I've met in my life and the education that I have had, i've started to clear them one by one, with many to go.
====
Throughout the years, the feeling of having a void for someone became who I am. I have this need for someone in my life. Of course, this need is not a real need... or is it?
Remember, the more you think of something, the more you think it is the truth, the more you blindfold yourself to only see one route in life, you will forget there's a world outside this blindfold. You assume this is the only path without questioning it.
I am questioning this now. Why I need someone in my life. Why am I letting this unsatisified need affect me emotionally and putting me in depression.
I always have a want for someone to be there for me. But now that I think about it, monks and hermits don't have anyone for them when they sacrafice themselves to spiritual salvation. Although I do not have the same endeavour, I should also be able to live without someone in my life.
As to why I want soemone in my life.... I think I want recovery... I want to be normal. Also, I would like to enjoy my life and give what I am to the person I would marry and have a child with.
Or I could adopt a child when I'm older, and seek recovery from a professional...?
===
Quotes:
"We find it more comfortable to tell someone ‘it will get better’ rather than help them feel their pain."
"We can't change the past. The healing path is found by backing up, taking a more objective perspective, and letting go of that which we can no longer change."
"We can make the best or the worst of it (life). I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." Benjamin Button, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
"Hardships are meaningful."
===
Nursing is such a big part of my life... I will heal you when you have fallen. I soak up those who fall.
===
Gabriel/Gaby/Gabrielle are one of my favourite names. I used to use it often as my MMORPG characters.
Elliot is pretty good too. And Wolfgang xD.
The first time I saw my newphew Dylan, I told him that I was going to treat him like my own! :D
I realized I love children....
When I took care of him, I kept thinking about Erikson's stages: trust vs. mistrust. I tailored my care so he could feel that this world is safe, and the family loves and welcomes him.
He's got such tiny smooth feet. I like rubbing my hands on it xD.
===
About Parenting.
I think parents should guide children to reason when it's appropriate. Do it by example or ask children questions to let them reason themselves.
Also, emotional intelligence is important.
I think parents should do a great deal of questioning and answering in order to train a child's mind.
Children should start by understanding feelings, emotions and passions. Identifying them.
"What are you feeling right now?"
"What do you think I am feeling right now?"
Then children should start to learn how to reason and overcome these feelings, emotions and passions.
===
Reconnecting with the family in the west coast. My sister. Mom. Half brother. Aunt. Cousin. Uncle.
There's a lot of different feelings I have for them. Most don't matter. what matters most is my relationship with my sister and my mom.
Mom doesn't know how to take care of us xD or teach us stuff. but that's okay I guess. I know she loves me.
My sister and I have a very close sibling relationship because our parents don't know how to treat us... in this way, we have a lot in common. We talk a lot about the past, how each of us dealt with our parents. How the separation happened. What went wrong objectively.
My sister is great person whom I begin to trust and talk to. I don't give hugs, but I left Seattle giving her a hug.
My sister often admits to me that she wished she had more brains. I said it doesn't matter whether you were more intelligent or not, what matters is that you are happy with where you are. You are making good money. You have a good family. That's what matters. I think I said the right thing.
===
Lovely bird, you shine. You fly so far, so fast. I can't keep up with you.
You will always be a sparkle in my night's sky.
And now, we must part.
"We can't change the past. The healing path is found by backing up, taking a more objective perspective, and letting go of that which we can no longer change."
====
The path of healing required me to take a step back. It's been a year now, and time did heal. It made my eyes open.
The truth is... after given much thought, I don't think you liked me that much. And although we had little moments where we enjoyed each others' affection... beyond the little security that you have given me with your acts of love, I've always felt ashamed and belittled by your ideals. I never felt accepted for who I am and/or my "bad" habits.
Hiding the relationship behind others, siding with your friends, talking to guys who are interested in you without telling them you have a boyfriend... It not only hurt me, it pushed me towards insecurity, the very thing that you didn't like about me.
They say love is not who you love, but how you love. I certainly did not feel loved in the way that made me happy and comfortable about the relationship.
In no way am I blaming you for our relationship. Each of us had our own share of faults. This conclusion, after 1 year, made me realize that we didn't belong together. The closeness and trust we had were momentary. Everything else separated us apart.
It's been a year, and I'm glad I've come to this conclusion.
===
The more you think of something, the more you think it is true.
The more you lie, the more the lie becomes true.
I might be wrong, but this may be called conditioning.
Practical application? Brainwashing self.
====
I was in a fairly depressed state a week ago. I can get very anxious when I feel alone and feel that no one will be there for me.
Since I was a kid, I was always fairly shy and socially arkward. I don't seek out or initiate conversations. Until I've gotten used to you and trust you, I can tell you about my world.
All of my life, I've always felt alone, and I always wanted someone in my life. There were many situations in my childhood that I could really have a counseller to talk about the special conditions that have affected my life. But I did not have that. Instead, I personified my pillow as a friend - not to talk to it, but to hug it to sleep and promise each other that we won't leave each other.
The effects of my childhood still live within me today, but with the help of various individuals I've met in my life and the education that I have had, i've started to clear them one by one, with many to go.
====
Throughout the years, the feeling of having a void for someone became who I am. I have this need for someone in my life. Of course, this need is not a real need... or is it?
Remember, the more you think of something, the more you think it is the truth, the more you blindfold yourself to only see one route in life, you will forget there's a world outside this blindfold. You assume this is the only path without questioning it.
I am questioning this now. Why I need someone in my life. Why am I letting this unsatisified need affect me emotionally and putting me in depression.
I always have a want for someone to be there for me. But now that I think about it, monks and hermits don't have anyone for them when they sacrafice themselves to spiritual salvation. Although I do not have the same endeavour, I should also be able to live without someone in my life.
As to why I want soemone in my life.... I think I want recovery... I want to be normal. Also, I would like to enjoy my life and give what I am to the person I would marry and have a child with.
Or I could adopt a child when I'm older, and seek recovery from a professional...?
===
Quotes:
"We find it more comfortable to tell someone ‘it will get better’ rather than help them feel their pain."
"We can't change the past. The healing path is found by backing up, taking a more objective perspective, and letting go of that which we can no longer change."
"We can make the best or the worst of it (life). I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." Benjamin Button, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
"Hardships are meaningful."
===
Nursing is such a big part of my life... I will heal you when you have fallen. I soak up those who fall.
===
Gabriel/Gaby/Gabrielle are one of my favourite names. I used to use it often as my MMORPG characters.
Elliot is pretty good too. And Wolfgang xD.