Naive and Stupid
Title: If your Heart's not in It ( Naive and Stupid)
Pairings: Tegomass
Group: NEWS
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/ Comfort
Summary: I never intended to hurt him like I had. It’s not like I can help myself, it’s just my way of showing affection. But that’s why I am naïve and stupid.
A/N: This is a sequal to 'If your heart's not in it" the first tegomass one. I recommend reading them in order. Told in the opposite point of view. This is for meli_29 who was very very curious about story told in the other point of view. So here it is! Enjoy everyone!
______
I never intended to hurt him like I had. It’s not like I can help myself, it’s just my way of showing affection.
But that’s why I am naïve and stupid.
I almost lost everything we had worked so hard for.
It all starting with him taking me under his wing and teaching me all about the industry I debuted in only 8 months prior my acceptance into the company. He did something not many would attempt. But he’s always been different, in a good way.
I think that’s why HE put us together to form our own team. Our chemistry was undeniably strong. What grew from innocent friendship became something even the most skilled choreographer wouldn’t be able to map out.
All those long hours he spent teaching me how to dance with his hands on my hips, lead to lips ghosting across my neck and those gentle eyes of his looking at me in a seductive manor that I didn’t realize was possible. Those were the days… before I even thought about pulling pranks.
I only started once NEWS got back on track. Getting comfortable with everyone, but still not pushing my limit. Even though it was now years since I met them, him, I never really played risky pranks. Sure I pulled chairs from underneath Shige and he practically fell on his ass, but we all laughed about it. I think at that point if they didn’t say anything at all or if I actually hurt Shige, it probably wouldn’t have progressed.
Laughing always fed the fire in an ugly way.
It got worse as time went on. The hurting people. I never took it seriously though because I knew my intentions. Nothing was supposed to hurt like it had.
Though, my sadism wasn’t the cause for this. I didn’t hurt him to show affection and he’d probably cry even harder if he knew I only came home with that sugary scent because I was cornered into it. You see, my friends with whom I play soccer with, don’t know about my sexual orientation. Well I never let them believe I was anything else other than straight. They’d take me clubbing with them, though. Girls would flock over to us. We’d tease them. Some would say they were huge fans of mine. So I’d tease them, let them hold onto me. Kiss me. Innocent child’s play, that’s all it was.
But only to me. Somehow what I did with my friends upset him (not that I didn’t understand why you felt that way). He never asked for an explanation so I never gave one. I wish not that I had taken the first step to say something. I was so naïve to assume that with every touch we shared, that you’d understand my feelings. I was very very naïve. Someone should have warned me it was dangerous.
It didn’t stop though, my friends made this into a biweekly thing. I’d end up coming home late to see you sitting at the kitchen counter. I thought you might have wanted something small to eat but when I saw the clear glass liquid I thought it was water until I leaned in for a kiss one night and smelled the vodka on your breath. Immediately I took the glass and poured it down the sink. When it happened the following nights I did the same thing. But you always found a way to get another glass.
I never realized you’d even contemplate drinking. Some days I blamed myself, others I just assumed it was because work was proving to get harder and you needed an escape. Then it became even more frequent. We’d wake the next morning and you’d insist that sunlight was too much for you. That your head was throbbing as if Shige were playing a steel pan in your head. I’d hand you a glass of water and when you smiled at me somehow it all went away. Like the Massu I was seeing now was the real one.
Also on these days Koyama would shoot us incredibly worried glances. I just smiled and told him you woke up too early to eat. He smiled and Ryo-kun chuckled as he ran with the comment a moment longer saying something about you being more ‘kame’ than ‘buta’. You made sure he got his just deserts that day. My Massu wouldn’t have thought of directly telling Ryo-tan that he was the one off while the older of the two was yelling at Shige. We got a good laugh out of that, he got many thumbs up, a kiss from me later on and a lunch thanks to Shige. He smiled happily that day for the time in a while.
I went out again with my soccer friends that week. When I walked in with an “I’m home” there wasn’t a reply just the sound of a glass hitting the counter, softly. I knew he was at it again, but I didn’t have the energy to stop him. I have done it so many times, how many more do I have to go? I decided not to go anywhere near him. I never told him, but I really hated when he did this. Since I don’t think it was work related anymore. More and more as do I wish I had sat down to talk to him about it maybe then we could have sorted this mess out.
But I never could. Couldn’t even say thank you for the fresh flowers that were in the vase on the living room table. He’s so sweet, I couldn’t help but smile. At least I know he still loves me, deep down inside.
I place a plate of leftover gyoza in front of him. He smiles at me just like he did early this week, leans forward to give me a kiss but pulls back instantly, nose wrinkling and eyes dark with something that was no longer the person I loved. But he walked away before I could. That was the last time we shared a room that night.
Not that I was staying with one of my soccer friends we didn’t come to work at the same time. This concerned Koyama a lot more than before. But Yamapi told Kei-chan, he’d take care of it.
We walked away from the dance studio, back to the dressing room and sat silently beside one another. He took off his signature sunglasses and looked at me with soft understanding eyes. As expected from him. “So tell me what’s going on…” I bit my lip lightly not making eye contact. I didn’t want him to know I wasn’t in control of the situation. I didn’t want to tell him that I was letting Takahisa hurt himself because I just never explained where I went why I smelled like this. I was afraid that he might think differently of me. But I had to tell him something. Something that would let his and Koyama’s mind be at peace.
I didn’t manage to get one word out of my mouth since we heard yelling and something crash from down the hall. We dashed to the dance studio.
There was a definite crack in the mirror that Ryo-chan was backed up against as Shige put himself in between the fallen Ryo and Massu ( who was being held back by Koyama). It was a terrifying thing, watching Taka glaring down at Ryo with a smirk gracing his lips. The latter’s grip tightening around Shige’s arm.
“What a pathetic man,” was all he said before walking out of the room bumping into us along the way. Yamapi looked seriously pissed off and ready to hold Massu back, demanding an explanation but a hung over Massu is also an egocentric one and he didn’t care.
I followed after him instead of Tomohisa-sama as he went out the back door. Fresh air I’m assuming. He didn’t acknowledge me until we both stood against the wall. He turned to me pulling me into a tight hug. Even a hung over Takahisa knew when he was wrong.
He just held me there, tightly, silently. I didn’t know if it was okay to say anything, if the silence was a hidden message. But I’m an idiot remember? So I opened my mouth, asked for an explanation. He pulled away instantly, with a silent frown and glare and without a word walked back into the building going back to the studio acting as if nothing happened.
~~
I stayed at our place that night, made sure that he was alright. And sure enough he was better than alright! We spent the evening cuddling in bed watching dramas, that he taped during the week, until we fell asleep. It was comforting, knowing that Massu was still Massu no matter what.
But it was too good to be true. I woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty so I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. That’s when I saw him in the distance; sitting at the kitchen counter with a glass in hand. Sipping it slowly. I turned back to our bedroom, somehow finding myself not thirsty any more. I knew at that moment that I had to do something about this.
~~~
He was working at the radio station that evening. So with our day off I arranged for NEWS to meet in our small apartment. When I asked if they were able comfortable with an intervention, no one seemed to mind at all. I know that if Massu were in his right mind he would have been happy to see that all of our schedules finally meet.
We he walked in shortly after, he was surprised. He took a seat across from us. I explained what was going on. He sat up straight. I started with telling him all the things I wanted to tell him from the beginning; how much I hated his drinking and why I came some smelling like I walked through the perfume isle in a department story.
He just sat there quietly.
Then Ryo-chan politely ripped him a new one, saying how much the drinking has caused Massu to become violent in ways that even Frank Miller would cower in fear.
Still Massu stayed quiet.
But when Yamapi said he missed Massu’s smile that’s when he lost it knocking over the fresh bouquet of flowers from out date last night. It was beyond frightening watching him smash objects around the room, not knowing how far he’d go. But the moment he looked around the room and catch the gaze of everyone, he stopped. He fell to the floor in an instant in tears. Big, fast tears, the only sound in the room of his loud sobs. It was that moment that I held onto him as tightly as I could, letting him cry into my shoulder for as long as he needed.
He took a break for 3 months from work. Us. Everything. He checked into an isolated rehabilitation clinic in a small town where the first words that were uttered to him were “who are you?”
I spoke with him a lot while he was away. Somehow through the countless hours over the 3 months we were able to reconnect to the point where it was impossible to imagine we had been so far apart.
The best part about all of this was when he came back looking refreshed; smiling brighter than ever before. Having Ryo-chan accept his sincere apology and Yamapi smiling, welcoming our Massu back.
But the best part of this was when Takahisa and I cuddled together in bed. Late at night. Everynight and having him listen to me decline their invitation to go out that night saying that I had something better to do.
Because being with Massu like this was precious.
Something I’ll never be stupid or naïve about ever again.
____
Pairings: Tegomass
Group: NEWS
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/ Comfort
Summary: I never intended to hurt him like I had. It’s not like I can help myself, it’s just my way of showing affection. But that’s why I am naïve and stupid.
A/N: This is a sequal to 'If your heart's not in it" the first tegomass one. I recommend reading them in order. Told in the opposite point of view. This is for meli_29 who was very very curious about story told in the other point of view. So here it is! Enjoy everyone!
______
I never intended to hurt him like I had. It’s not like I can help myself, it’s just my way of showing affection.
But that’s why I am naïve and stupid.
I almost lost everything we had worked so hard for.
It all starting with him taking me under his wing and teaching me all about the industry I debuted in only 8 months prior my acceptance into the company. He did something not many would attempt. But he’s always been different, in a good way.
I think that’s why HE put us together to form our own team. Our chemistry was undeniably strong. What grew from innocent friendship became something even the most skilled choreographer wouldn’t be able to map out.
All those long hours he spent teaching me how to dance with his hands on my hips, lead to lips ghosting across my neck and those gentle eyes of his looking at me in a seductive manor that I didn’t realize was possible. Those were the days… before I even thought about pulling pranks.
I only started once NEWS got back on track. Getting comfortable with everyone, but still not pushing my limit. Even though it was now years since I met them, him, I never really played risky pranks. Sure I pulled chairs from underneath Shige and he practically fell on his ass, but we all laughed about it. I think at that point if they didn’t say anything at all or if I actually hurt Shige, it probably wouldn’t have progressed.
Laughing always fed the fire in an ugly way.
It got worse as time went on. The hurting people. I never took it seriously though because I knew my intentions. Nothing was supposed to hurt like it had.
Though, my sadism wasn’t the cause for this. I didn’t hurt him to show affection and he’d probably cry even harder if he knew I only came home with that sugary scent because I was cornered into it. You see, my friends with whom I play soccer with, don’t know about my sexual orientation. Well I never let them believe I was anything else other than straight. They’d take me clubbing with them, though. Girls would flock over to us. We’d tease them. Some would say they were huge fans of mine. So I’d tease them, let them hold onto me. Kiss me. Innocent child’s play, that’s all it was.
But only to me. Somehow what I did with my friends upset him (not that I didn’t understand why you felt that way). He never asked for an explanation so I never gave one. I wish not that I had taken the first step to say something. I was so naïve to assume that with every touch we shared, that you’d understand my feelings. I was very very naïve. Someone should have warned me it was dangerous.
It didn’t stop though, my friends made this into a biweekly thing. I’d end up coming home late to see you sitting at the kitchen counter. I thought you might have wanted something small to eat but when I saw the clear glass liquid I thought it was water until I leaned in for a kiss one night and smelled the vodka on your breath. Immediately I took the glass and poured it down the sink. When it happened the following nights I did the same thing. But you always found a way to get another glass.
I never realized you’d even contemplate drinking. Some days I blamed myself, others I just assumed it was because work was proving to get harder and you needed an escape. Then it became even more frequent. We’d wake the next morning and you’d insist that sunlight was too much for you. That your head was throbbing as if Shige were playing a steel pan in your head. I’d hand you a glass of water and when you smiled at me somehow it all went away. Like the Massu I was seeing now was the real one.
Also on these days Koyama would shoot us incredibly worried glances. I just smiled and told him you woke up too early to eat. He smiled and Ryo-kun chuckled as he ran with the comment a moment longer saying something about you being more ‘kame’ than ‘buta’. You made sure he got his just deserts that day. My Massu wouldn’t have thought of directly telling Ryo-tan that he was the one off while the older of the two was yelling at Shige. We got a good laugh out of that, he got many thumbs up, a kiss from me later on and a lunch thanks to Shige. He smiled happily that day for the time in a while.
I went out again with my soccer friends that week. When I walked in with an “I’m home” there wasn’t a reply just the sound of a glass hitting the counter, softly. I knew he was at it again, but I didn’t have the energy to stop him. I have done it so many times, how many more do I have to go? I decided not to go anywhere near him. I never told him, but I really hated when he did this. Since I don’t think it was work related anymore. More and more as do I wish I had sat down to talk to him about it maybe then we could have sorted this mess out.
But I never could. Couldn’t even say thank you for the fresh flowers that were in the vase on the living room table. He’s so sweet, I couldn’t help but smile. At least I know he still loves me, deep down inside.
I place a plate of leftover gyoza in front of him. He smiles at me just like he did early this week, leans forward to give me a kiss but pulls back instantly, nose wrinkling and eyes dark with something that was no longer the person I loved. But he walked away before I could. That was the last time we shared a room that night.
Not that I was staying with one of my soccer friends we didn’t come to work at the same time. This concerned Koyama a lot more than before. But Yamapi told Kei-chan, he’d take care of it.
We walked away from the dance studio, back to the dressing room and sat silently beside one another. He took off his signature sunglasses and looked at me with soft understanding eyes. As expected from him. “So tell me what’s going on…” I bit my lip lightly not making eye contact. I didn’t want him to know I wasn’t in control of the situation. I didn’t want to tell him that I was letting Takahisa hurt himself because I just never explained where I went why I smelled like this. I was afraid that he might think differently of me. But I had to tell him something. Something that would let his and Koyama’s mind be at peace.
I didn’t manage to get one word out of my mouth since we heard yelling and something crash from down the hall. We dashed to the dance studio.
There was a definite crack in the mirror that Ryo-chan was backed up against as Shige put himself in between the fallen Ryo and Massu ( who was being held back by Koyama). It was a terrifying thing, watching Taka glaring down at Ryo with a smirk gracing his lips. The latter’s grip tightening around Shige’s arm.
“What a pathetic man,” was all he said before walking out of the room bumping into us along the way. Yamapi looked seriously pissed off and ready to hold Massu back, demanding an explanation but a hung over Massu is also an egocentric one and he didn’t care.
I followed after him instead of Tomohisa-sama as he went out the back door. Fresh air I’m assuming. He didn’t acknowledge me until we both stood against the wall. He turned to me pulling me into a tight hug. Even a hung over Takahisa knew when he was wrong.
He just held me there, tightly, silently. I didn’t know if it was okay to say anything, if the silence was a hidden message. But I’m an idiot remember? So I opened my mouth, asked for an explanation. He pulled away instantly, with a silent frown and glare and without a word walked back into the building going back to the studio acting as if nothing happened.
~~
I stayed at our place that night, made sure that he was alright. And sure enough he was better than alright! We spent the evening cuddling in bed watching dramas, that he taped during the week, until we fell asleep. It was comforting, knowing that Massu was still Massu no matter what.
But it was too good to be true. I woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty so I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. That’s when I saw him in the distance; sitting at the kitchen counter with a glass in hand. Sipping it slowly. I turned back to our bedroom, somehow finding myself not thirsty any more. I knew at that moment that I had to do something about this.
~~~
He was working at the radio station that evening. So with our day off I arranged for NEWS to meet in our small apartment. When I asked if they were able comfortable with an intervention, no one seemed to mind at all. I know that if Massu were in his right mind he would have been happy to see that all of our schedules finally meet.
We he walked in shortly after, he was surprised. He took a seat across from us. I explained what was going on. He sat up straight. I started with telling him all the things I wanted to tell him from the beginning; how much I hated his drinking and why I came some smelling like I walked through the perfume isle in a department story.
He just sat there quietly.
Then Ryo-chan politely ripped him a new one, saying how much the drinking has caused Massu to become violent in ways that even Frank Miller would cower in fear.
Still Massu stayed quiet.
But when Yamapi said he missed Massu’s smile that’s when he lost it knocking over the fresh bouquet of flowers from out date last night. It was beyond frightening watching him smash objects around the room, not knowing how far he’d go. But the moment he looked around the room and catch the gaze of everyone, he stopped. He fell to the floor in an instant in tears. Big, fast tears, the only sound in the room of his loud sobs. It was that moment that I held onto him as tightly as I could, letting him cry into my shoulder for as long as he needed.
He took a break for 3 months from work. Us. Everything. He checked into an isolated rehabilitation clinic in a small town where the first words that were uttered to him were “who are you?”
I spoke with him a lot while he was away. Somehow through the countless hours over the 3 months we were able to reconnect to the point where it was impossible to imagine we had been so far apart.
The best part about all of this was when he came back looking refreshed; smiling brighter than ever before. Having Ryo-chan accept his sincere apology and Yamapi smiling, welcoming our Massu back.
But the best part of this was when Takahisa and I cuddled together in bed. Late at night. Everynight and having him listen to me decline their invitation to go out that night saying that I had something better to do.
Because being with Massu like this was precious.
Something I’ll never be stupid or naïve about ever again.
____