Looking for comfort.

[legendary_youko]

Who: Mitarai and Kurama.
Where: Streets.
When: Monday afternoon.
Summary: Mitarai needs to make a decision.



He had agreed to meet the blond haired psychic outside school by the gate next to a large red oak, fifteen minutes after the school day ended. The redhead knew it was more convenient due to many reasons. Specially when it regarded those students who had picked Mitarai as a target. Kurama knew the meaning of that simple behavior, it was so common between youkai and adolescents, almost as if they belonged to the same species. How ironic.

His hands remained shoved in the pockets of his crimson pants and his gaze serenely locked in the sky, how the reddish sunlight crept between the branches of the tree, spreading as a spangled mantle intertwined with the leaves. The sight was relaxing, but his senses were alert, in a simple state of relaxed awareness. He could never forget they were in the enemy's lair, no matter how peaceful it felt.

Mitarai trudged down the front steps of the school, no other students were in sight. He had left later for a reason; he did not want anyone to see him meeting up with Kurama. All he needed were more questions from the other students about his strange behavior. He approached the other, head still looking down at the ground below him. When he reached Kurama, he looked up into the boy's emerald eyes and smiled rather half-heartedly. "Hello, sorry that I took so long." He said softly. "I didn't want anyone to see me coming to talk to you...it's rather private I guess, and you are one to understand better than anyone else that I know..."

The redhead gave him a soft smile, welcoming him. "I understand, but I picked this time of the day knowing how eager everyone is to depart from school. I hope this does not imply a problem when arriving home, the delay, I mean." he felt it was unfair to 'hide' from everyone's sight as if it was a sort of crime. But in that case it was wiser to remain unnoticed by the students.

Long ago in the elementary school, some kids had attempted to bully him but he had apathetically dissuaded them from doing so, a simple coaxing trait without much effort. He took a step away from the tree, hinting they would no longer stay at the courtyard.

"It will be no problem, it is not to far back up to the temple, and I am sure that I will be safe if I must go alone." Mitarai thought it would be silly for an enemy to come after him, considering that he was only a human with no special abilities; at least to their knowledge.

He turned to follow Kurama, not entirely willing to speak of what had been troubling him. If he were to tell the redhead exactly how he had been feeling, it was likely that he would no longer trust him. And that was the last thing that the boy wanted, he had finally found friends and did not want to lose them over a stupid emotion that had risen up again.

He kept walking for about five minutes, but silence became inevitable between them. He had remained quite with a purpose, and that was to try and see if the other was willing to say a word. But nothing had happened. "I wanted to have a word with you regarding all these less pleasant situations revolving around this mission. Such as the behavior of some of our companions. To some extent.. I believe it is my fault for accepting your aid, because that involved you in this situation."

He could tell who Kurama was referring to by mentioning the issues with companions. Mitarai looked away, knowing that the reason he was feeling the way he did was linked with the trouble he was having with Shishiwakamaru and his group of fangirls. Well, it was not their fault specifically, but it wore away at the teen's somewhat weak confidence and self esteem. "Yes, Kurama. I..." He trailed off, trying to find the best way to put it. "Well, there's been something troubling me about the way I have been thinking lately. You see, I have been having thoughts that I used to have when I was younger... about hurting the ones that hurt me." He looked away, knowing that this would bring questions as to whether he could be trusted to be an ally or not. "But I don't want to hurt anyone..." He added rather dejectedly.

"I understand," he mused in return as they continued walking, the long streaks of hair dangling before his shoulders swaying as they walked away from the school gates. "Shishiwakamaru has always behaved that way. He tends to attack even his own friends and companions. I am certain he does it so as to grant himself a feeling of security and superiority. It is natural a demon miniaturizes humans."
Though .. he always targets those who seem weak to him. And Mitarai has already showed him that weakness. Probably.. I should allow Mitarai teach Shishiwakamaru a lesson.. but then again he would attempt revenge. Even if I try to warn him to halt his hostility he will use it against Mitarai.

"Have you tried ignoring him? ..." Probably the other had attempted but failed.

Mitarai had tried everything to avoid the negative attention that Shishi had been giving him. "I have, it's as though it does not matter what I do... he just knows that it gets to me... even if I don't show it." He had never been good at hiding his emotions in front of a bully, but he had done his best in the past weeks to make sure that he had worn a face empty of emotion when dealing with Shishi or any of his followers. His attitude change did nothing, they seemed to think that it was funnier to torment him now that he was trying to act like he did not care.

"Considering you cannot avoid him... I can advice you to take this as a personal test. I understand this has been a stigma for you, but the only way to elide the suffering is by facing it. Just like you confronted Sensui and your exams. I am certain you posses a great strength beyond any psychic power." He started. Perhaps it would sound like a cliché but it was a sincere way to begin his point.

"People always seem to give me more credit than what I deserve..." He muttered, frustrated with both himself and the entire situation he was in. "I doubt that I have confronted Sensui in a way that gave me closure, and I am not sure that I could confront what Shishi has been doing in a way that would allow me to move on from what has been happening." He turned away from the other teen. "There is another way that I could deal with him though..." His solemn frown turned into something that might have been a sadistic grin. He was thankful that the other could not directly see his drastic mood swings.

Kurama caught himself debating what was better. Allow Mitarai grant Shishi a light punishment or pretend to find another way. It was certain the impetuous samurai demon was not someone to reason with, unless there was a certain interest of his implied in the matter. Perhaps he should simply allow Mitarai to do though.. "Is that what you truly want? If you use your power to defeat him ... then you will be just like him. Because Shishiwakamaru would never be able to shatter the dimension within your creatures, just like you are certain you will not confront him at school. He knows it, and abuses of it. ... You know he will be trapped... yet is that what you desire?"

He did not turn back to the other, but let the words that the boy said sink into him. Was that really what he wanted? Getting even with the samurai would bring him some sort of demented pleasure, even if it was displaying the same sort of actions that he hated. Mitarai despised the way that Shishi had treated him, and would loathe to be considered a bully. He remembered feeling a sort of satisfaction when he was deep in his own depression. But he also remembered the guilt that he had felt within himself after he had committed such an act. He wrestled with himself, unsure of what to say. "I don't think that I should admit this to anyone, but that would bring me some sort of... well, it would at least make me feel better on some level. I don't think that I could live with myself if I did though." He knew that no one would want him around if he did indeed trap Shishi within his watery creatures. He would be looked at as a traitor..

One of his hands rose from his side and rested in Mitarai's shoulder. "Something tells me you are afraid of your own desires. As if you longed to do something even if you are perfectly aware you will then regret it. But you want to do it regardless those consequences. It must be tortuous" To some extent I also fear those intentions hidden within me. Those intentions and purposes belonging to the past even if I am convinced I have changed

"I will not stop you if you decide to attack Shishiwakamaru. I believe he deserves a lesson. Then again... I would prefer there was a way you would not then regret it. But we both know it is not possible. What is more important? Revenge or your guilt?"

The hand resting on his shoulder eased his distress, but only slightly. Kurama was more understanding than Mitarai imagined he would be, which was not what he had been expecting at all. Why doesn't someone tell me that I am wrong and that I SHOULD NOT feel this way? With his vengeful emotions validated, it felt as if he was even more confused than before. He practically had permission from Kurama to do what he longed to do. "Yes, I wish there was a way to do it without guilt as well. If there was no guilt at all, I would have done it by now. There have been many opportunities. I suppose that I am just waiting for him to do the one thing that will push me over the edge, whatever that may be. Something that will justify my torturing him." The blonde knew that there was no justification for the actions he wanted to take, but in his eyes, if someone was going to hurt him he would hurt them back...

"Many times I thought asking Shishiwakamaru to return to Makai, detaching himself from the mission he despises so much. I am aware our foes are numerous and dangerous and help is always welcomed. But he is not helpful... I asked him once to leave but he refused." He mused and locked his gaze back in the blond haired teen. "Not long ago there was a martial art tournament at school. We were meant to participate. My fight was against Shishiwakamaru and he managed to break one of my bones. It was already injured but he attacked my arm knowing it was a weakness. In his victory there was no skill except a low-class tactic." Perhaps Mitarai would understand how he regarded the samurai. "But I never took on revenge." Because if I did...

"Now he plans to amuse himself with you, perhaps he expects you do nothing. He will be surprised when you react. However.. you will regret it later, unless you are moderate in your actions. Perhaps to the extent of... playing with him?"

Mitarai smiled at the thought of toying with the samurai to be somewhat amusing. It was true that he would more than have the upper hand, for the pure fact that the other would never suspect poor, little, and weak Mitarai to ever stick up for himself. Yes, a plot formed in his head, thinking of how he might get away with something like that without the blue haired demon opening his big mouth and ratting him out. He shook his head forcefully to clear his thoughts and turned back to the red-head. "You would really not mind if I were to mess with him a little? Enough to... get back at him for what he has done to me?" The young boy's eyes were dark, his innocence was tainted by thoughts of what he planned to do.

A sly smile crossed his lips. "Absolutely not. It is true I prefer situations to be solved in other ways, but I do realize Shishiwakamaru is a particular case. You have tried ignoring him, though it is clear it will lead you nowhere. Each one has their own tactics to face problems. But I am also aware you will not assault someone unless you are attacked first, which is what grants me peace." His grin melded into a soft smile, so characteristic of him. "I also believe you will be moderate in your actions... just keep in mind you are behaving like him ..and as long as you do, ...well"

He cringed again at the thought of being like that little imp. This annoyed him, as he felt that toying with him would be justified. He might even take it a little farther, making the little demon brat fear for his life. Mitarai was good at judging how long people could survive while inside his demons without drowning, and he was close to pushing his limits with the demon he hated. "I don't care if I am just like him!" Mitarai spat angrily. "I would do anything to show him that he cannot treat me this way... " He pushed his hair out of his face and snarled, "He will be sorry..."

His expression softly pelted with worry, the feeling crept observing the boy's reactions. "I told you I am not against it, I was worried for you more than whatever could happen to Shishiwakamaru." Sensui had profited Mitarai's insecurity and inferiority complex and now that was exactly what Shishiwakamaru was doing, but in a different way, just to torture him... Kurama was convinced that would teach Shishiwakamaru a lesson, or at least that would remove him from the human world. Whichever way it resulted it would be for the best.

Mitarai sighed deeply, and looked up at Kurama. His eyes were normal once more, no longer laced with malice. The same worried expression he had when first meeting with Kurama was also back. "This is precisely why I am so worried. I don't want to be like this at all, but I get into... moods, you could say. I can't help it, the reaction is just immediate, I can't do a thing about it. I worry about what I might do to Shishi... and how the others would look at me if I were to accidentally go to far." He would never truly want to kill the little imp, but he did not know, if it came down to that decision, if he would be able to stop himself. "My biggest worry is being a traitor to the cause, and losing friends..."

"No.. you would not be seen as a traitor. You can have my word. Though I must admit it worries me Sensui's presence in this context. It is not Shishiwakamaru the one who could turn you into a traitor, it is Sensui himself. I am aware you have changed since that day... but Sensui is an incredibly dangerous foe. He is manipulative and the traits he possesses, you probably know far better than myself." His gaze softened again as he stared at Mitarai. He had noticed the change across Mitarai's eyes, they were different, now ridden from that malice.

It was comforting, to some extent.

Sensui... Mitarai had almost forgotten about the bigger picture, the TRUE foes, while he had been worrying about Shishiwakamaru. He was indeed aware of what Sensui could do, and about his own weaknesses. Sensui would be able to push every button that Mitarai had with little effort, and twist his mind once more. He shuddered at the thought of returning to such a mental prison.

"Really? Even the others... your companions, would not think it to be a horrible thing? I mean, picking on Shishi to the point of possibly destroying him. I am sure that someone likes him..." The blonde mused, trying to think if there was ANYONE he had remembered saying a kind word about the samurai.

There was a slight hint of mischief in his demeanor when Mitarai mentioned 'someone caring for Shishi'. Oh yes there was indeed someone, but Shishi would rather drown with the secret than voice it. "Perhaps there are some, but everyone is aware of Shishiwakamaru's behavior and would understand your actions. Also.. I believe you will teach him a lesson, which might save his life in the future. The only disadvantage is how will you feel. Besides that, .. I support your actions."

He raised an eyebrow, glad to know that he would not frighten off the few friends that he had. It was decided, the next time that he saw Shishi, he would teach the brat a lesson. He would toy with Shishi the way he had been toyed with, and deal with the guilt when it came. He doubted, if no one else minded him messing with the little imp, that he would feel any guilt at all. "Thank you Kurama. I think that I have made my decision. I do not wish to be a doormat, and I have allowed myself to be pushed around for far too long. I'm tired of being the victim... so I will give him something to remember. Having your support means a lot... although I know that it is unkind; this act that I am about to commit." Mitarai smiled slyly, imagining what would happen after he showed Shishi what he was capable of.

Kurama gave him a soft nod in return, though he inwardly wished the whole situation had not been necessary but when it came to Shishiwakamaru, words meant nothing. He only understood things through fear and defeat, before a force he could not surpass. Some apparitions had that foul temper and the only thing left for them was such.
"Is there anything else you would like to tell me?" He inquired as they continued walking. The sky was growing darker, even in the distance there were diminutive stars imbued in their luster. "I can escort you to the portal, it is on my way home after all."

Mitarai looked away again, not really sure of himself. Kurama, although kind, was someone that he really respected and looked up to. He always worried about what the boy would think of him, and tended to withdraw when around him in hopes of not embarrassing himself. "Are you sure that you will not think less of me if I use force to stop Shishi from bothering me? I know it's something that most people look down upon. I would prefer to never lose you and the others as friends..." He thought a bit more, and then decided that he should admit to truly being afraid of seeing the other members of the original seven that Sensui had put together. "Is Sensui aware of me being here? I don't know, I just don't want him to rattle me anymore than I already have been. I'm worried about my convictions. I don't know what I would do if he tried to manipulate my thoughts again. Even though I was used the first time, I don't know if I can resist some of his mind games." He hoped that Sensui would not catch him off guard, as Mitarai was aware of his weak convictions, and ability to be easily persuaded by people that he either respected or feared.

"...No, I would not. I admit I feel torn about this situation. I am not someone who encourages a violent behavior but in this case... this case is very special. And I am convinced once in a while each one of us can deviate from our usual selves. I would prefer you did not do it, because knowing him, he might attempt a revenge.
If you are still confused about what attitude adopt before this, then grant me a couple of says to palaver with him" Even if he will most likely ignore my remarks He glanced up into the sky and back to Mitarai. "And then you decide.. "

Regarding Sensui .. I ignore his purposes, but I can dare say he still long for the annihilation of mankind. The Black Chapter tape was destroyed ... even if he attempted to use Shishiwakamaru's bullying in his favor it would not be the same, because he is a youkai, the situation is different from what it was when you first met Sensui.
You must be strong in your convictions and keep in mind who you respect and appreciate and who you do not."

Slowly, Mitarai nodded. He let the mentioning of Shishi's revenge sink into his head. He had heard the favorite line of his drooling, dribbling fangirls. Accidents happen, was what it had been. And he didn't care to be on the receiving end of on of those accidents. They already found enough ways to aggravate him, and he would rather not get himself into a situation that he could not get out of. Something like attacking Shishiwakamaru while off-guard would be alright, but the repercussions from it could be terrible. "I will give you those couple of days, Kurama. I didn't even think about what he might do to me... after the fact."

"I will also do my best to keep my head in the right place when it comes to Sensui. I agree with you, he is different from what he was before... but I will also keep my guard up. Better safe than sorry."

He offered the boy his usual soft smile. "See? There is nothing you should be ashamed of. You are considering the issue from a different perspective, unlike before." He stopped next to the portal that would lead him to the temple. "You are changing, regardless the past." Kurama already had a plan for the moment when he talked with Shishiwakamaru. It was quite simple, and he was good for negotiations. A simple offer difficult to decline.
At least it would determine the end of the foolish conflict the samurai apparition had unnecessarily started against the ningen teen.

"Mm, yes." Mitarai said softly. "It helps when I have another to discuss this sort of thing with. It let's me see the other side, where as before... there was no one that I could say such things to without a negative response." Kurama had been just the help that he needed, giving him the freedom to vent his anger, sadness, and frustrations. It had succeeded in pushing Mitarai towards a logical and healthy conclusion, one that was neither to rash, nor one that let him be seen as a doormat. "Thank you Kurama, for your time and your friendship." He nodded, and smiled stepping towards the portal.

He felt pleased, even if there were times when he had grown worried for the teen. "You do not need to thank me. I am glad I have been helpful to a friend," the redhead replied as the other walked into the portal. "If you ever desire to palaver again, do not hesitate in asking me." Each one had their own inner daemons, Mitarai had his weaknesses just like him. They were different, but they made each one hesitate and doubt of their own purpose. Countless had been the times he had questioned his own existence, torn between his past and his present.

"Thanks again!" He said, flashing a bright smile. His mind at ease, he would be able to return to the temple with a weight lifted from his shoulders. He could not help but wonder what it was that Kurama had in store for Shishi, but that would have to wait until a later date. "And yes, I shall certainly contact you if I need another mental shove in the right direction!"