Short, before bed
I promised I would go to bed early today... wtf happened? Oh, right, I popped in a movie and lost track of time. Anyway.
Feeling better with regard to angst + etc. Mostly, now, I'm anxious about school. I have so much to do and I feel like I'll never get it all done. It's piling up and I'm so stressed out. Naturally, there's that little bit inside of me crying out, "Fuck this, I don't want to do this any more". Well, you'll just have to shut up, voice in my head. Can't be having with that attitude.
I'll do everything, and I'll do it to the best of my ability. I can't give up, and I won't. I'm not going to let myself give up, not again. I gave up last year and it was bad. So, I won't let that happen again. Part of my motivation is the trip. Everything revolves around me finishing, and finishing on time, else I won't be able to go (at least, not during the summer). Here is my plan:
-This semester: Get through it (it's hard, but I've done difficult things before. I can manage. I can do this.)
-Next semester: Finish medieval class + do Masters Project. By the end of it, I'll be done. Also, obtain passport during this time.
-During semester or after Project finished: Get a job of some kind (doesn't really matter what)
-Spring (after snow melts): Take driving lessons; get driver's license
-Summer: Finland trip (not sure when exactly)
I can handle this. I know I can. I just need to pull myself up and do it. Do it. There's a real reward here, something more than a piece of paper and a feeling of accomplishment. Don't lose this, it might be the one chance.
Come on, self, remember: Remember those long nights spent in libraries, exhausted, scanning through books for the exact information you needed. Remember walking home at 2 AM, backpack heavy with books, the streetlamps glowing yellow in the dark, the snow falling around you. You felt like a scholar, then. You really did. You can do this. Yes.
Yeah. Well, tomorrow I'll get on that. Aside from school woes, though, I'm fine. Really. Well, there's money issues. I got my credit card bill yesterday, and... uh. Well. It was what I expected it to be. That doesn't make it any better, mind, but... well. That's just how it is, I guess.
Feeling better with regard to angst + etc. Mostly, now, I'm anxious about school. I have so much to do and I feel like I'll never get it all done. It's piling up and I'm so stressed out. Naturally, there's that little bit inside of me crying out, "Fuck this, I don't want to do this any more". Well, you'll just have to shut up, voice in my head. Can't be having with that attitude.
I'll do everything, and I'll do it to the best of my ability. I can't give up, and I won't. I'm not going to let myself give up, not again. I gave up last year and it was bad. So, I won't let that happen again. Part of my motivation is the trip. Everything revolves around me finishing, and finishing on time, else I won't be able to go (at least, not during the summer). Here is my plan:
-This semester: Get through it (it's hard, but I've done difficult things before. I can manage. I can do this.)
-Next semester: Finish medieval class + do Masters Project. By the end of it, I'll be done. Also, obtain passport during this time.
-During semester or after Project finished: Get a job of some kind (doesn't really matter what)
-Spring (after snow melts): Take driving lessons; get driver's license
-Summer: Finland trip (not sure when exactly)
I can handle this. I know I can. I just need to pull myself up and do it. Do it. There's a real reward here, something more than a piece of paper and a feeling of accomplishment. Don't lose this, it might be the one chance.
Come on, self, remember: Remember those long nights spent in libraries, exhausted, scanning through books for the exact information you needed. Remember walking home at 2 AM, backpack heavy with books, the streetlamps glowing yellow in the dark, the snow falling around you. You felt like a scholar, then. You really did. You can do this. Yes.
Yeah. Well, tomorrow I'll get on that. Aside from school woes, though, I'm fine. Really. Well, there's money issues. I got my credit card bill yesterday, and... uh. Well. It was what I expected it to be. That doesn't make it any better, mind, but... well. That's just how it is, I guess.