What is the funniest thing you've ever said?

[yuri_san]

I want to know! Reply with your answer; it can be something witty, stupid, or something so un-funny that it turned out to be hilarious.

I'll tell you the funniest thing I've ever said (that I can think of.)

One boring day, I typed "rapist" into the dictionary on my macbook's dashboard. This is what came up:

Comments

[poisonpixel]

Your jokes suck, beat these:

A fireman runs into a classroom holding a screwdriver and yells: "Quick, everyone get out. This is not a drill!"

[yuri_san]

what do you call cheese that isn't yours?
nacho cheese.
(say it out loud)

+

What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.

[poisonpixel]

A woman was on her bed in the maternity hospital in labour. She was pushing and pushing, puffing and panting, all to the encouragement of the midwife. On her final push the midwife took the baby turned and headed to another room, on the way she dropped the baby on its head. "OH MY GOD, MY BABY!!!" cried the mother. The midwife turned to look at the mother and accidently stood on the baby's head. "JESUS CHRIST! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY" the mother screamed, tears pouring from her eyes. The midwife realised her mistake and lifted her foot off causing the baby to slide into the wall. "YOU ARE CRAZY! GIVE ME MY BABY" the mother shouted, getting herself into a state. The midwife then proceeded to pick the baby up and in one movement she threw it out the window. "OH MY GOD! I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! YOU ARE INSANE! MY POOR BABY! YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON!" the mother screamed breaking down in tears. The midwife then turned and said "April fools, it was already dead."

[yuri_san]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh god you win hardcore

[poisonpixel]

How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.

Hitler walks into a bar and says "I'm going to kill 6 million jews and 3 clowns". The bartender says "Why the 3 clowns". Hitler replies" You see, no one cares about the jews"

What does pussy taste like in a nursing home?
Depends.

[yuri_san]

I like the last one.

I'm out of jokes. I definitely can't beat you at filthy offensive humor.

...I...I love you. \o/

[poisonpixel]

If you want to meet for casual sex and the loss of a virginity you are able to find me here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/U___U

How do black women fight crime?
They get abortions

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

[yuri_san]

"a virginity" meaning yours? lol
you live across the country from me. no dice.
also--and this is a lame thing to say--but holy shit you're cute. I like your profile. people say shit like that to me and I fucking hate it though, so whatever I will shut up.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

I'm making that my journal title.

[poisonpixel]

I never get those comments so I cherish them. <3
Yes, the virginity means mine.
I would expect at least one woman from the site to want to have casual sex but so far they are all too distant.

[yuri_san]

well for some reason I have never much liked compliments from the opposite gender. I assume there's some kind of sociological/psychological thing going on there that I haven't figured out.

maybe it's because you're so young? I'm sure I don't know. I've never used the site but there must be some way to draw attention to yourself just like every social networking site ever.

[poisonpixel]

I only created the profile last night so that also plays a part but I am sure you are right. I am easily mistook for an underage. Lots of females dislike members of opposite sex comments, I am really close friends with some girl online that only says she is a girl to prevent weirdo comments.