Fanfic update - Fade: Chapter 14
Title: Fade (Chapter 14/15)
Author: Yurffles
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: AllenxLenalee, LavixLenalee
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but the fic idea is mine. =)
Summary: After the Millennium Earl has been defeated, the Exorcists must choose new paths for their lives. This fic is set three years after the start of the series, predicts the success of the Exorcists, and is in line with plot points revealed up to chapter 173 in the manga.
Notes: All chapters can be found [in my memories]
Lalala~ I think I got a little motivation in the last few days to try to finish this up again. Soooo, here goes...
Chapter 14: Affection
Left alone in the common room, Lenalee found her mind returning to the two suitors seeking her hand.
‘Allen…’ Her heart tugged at the thought of him - Allen with his wise eyes and the smile that never quite crinkled those slate-blue eyes. She had always wanted to heal the damage Allen’s traumatic childhood had placed on him. Their time apart hadn’t changed that. The realization startled her. However, the real question was whether or not their time apart had caused her feelings to change. She wasn’t sure. When she had heard his voice upon his return, it had still caused gooseflesh to rise. His touch still evoked the feeling of excitement. His month spent in Belgium had not dulled her memory of the bond they had shared. But, the time that had passed hadn’t been long enough to push the bad memories out of her mind. The loneliness she had felt during certain times of their relationship still caused a bitter taste to rise in the back of her throat, and she knew it was something she didn’t want to relive.
He promised that things would be different this time. But… he had made promises before. Her faith in him wavered. However, she couldn’t deny the fact that she still felt something for him. Her reaction at his voice made that painfully clear.
‘If you have any shred of fondness left in your heart for me… please don’t discount it.’ Allen’s words returned to her. How could she discount those feelings? The answer was simple. She couldn’t.
And then, there was Lavi - Lavi who was so kind and good and patient; Lavi who always made her smile; Lavi who had been her support, her rock, and her pillar for the past few months. However, she hadn’t had sufficient time to explore her true feelings for him. As much as she loved his company, she still wasn’t completely sure if she saw him as anything other than a close friend. Before she could even think about trying to make a decision between Allen and Lavi, she needed to make sure.
What she needed was more time, but time was the one luxury she wasn’t afforded. And then, there was something else that weighed heavily on her mind - Allen’s comment about Lavi being a Bookman and the transient nature of that particular profession. The unhappiness she felt about that possibility rippled through her system. The last thing she wanted to do was become attached to someone who would have no choice but to leave her.
Thoughts of Lavi and Allen swirled in her head in a dizzying, confusing manner, leaving Lenalee no other option but to sit in silence in order to let her turbulent thoughts settle down. Slowly, she inhaled and exhaled, coaching her breathing to give her a false sense of control.
Eventually, the feeling of numbness and stupor began to fade, and her head cleared. It wasn’t that she wasn’t still confused; it was more that she felt as if she needed to take some sort of action. Her first thought was that she needed to find Lavi. It would be unfair if she didn’t let him know what was going on.
Slowly, she worked her way down towards the room Bookman and Lavi shared. As she neared the door, she could hear voices on the other side. She approached the room cautiously, unsure whether or not to interrupt or to leave.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she stood outside of the room and strained her ears to catch what she could of the conversation. Bookman’s voice was so soft that she couldn’t make out any of the words he was saying. However, Lavi was just the opposite of his predecessor, his heated voice carried clearly into the hallway.
“That’s not it! It’s not like that!” She heard Lavi exclaim.
There was a lull in the conversation as Bookman spoke, his words nothing more than garbled noise from Lenalee’s position in the hallway.
“I’m not getting confused as to what my goal is!” Lavi sounded so passionate and so insistent that Lenalee was a bit surprised.
There was another pause.
“I know that! I am objective!”
Bookman was answering, in his calm manner. And it was at this time, Lenalee began to wonder what they were discussing. She contemplated leaving and coming back to find Lavi later, as it seemed like the conversation would last a while. However, Lavi’s next statement froze her in mid-action from turning around.
“I’m not getting attached to her!”
Her eyes widened as she realized that she was the focus of their conversation. His next words made her wish that she had either knocked or ran away earlier.
“I am telling the truth.” He paused as Bookman interjected with a comment, and then continued on his tirade. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me. We’ve talked about it all before, so it’s useless to discuss this any further. I’m leaving!”
The door burst open in front of her, and she found herself face to face with a surprised looking Lavi.
“Lenalee?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”
Lenalee could read between the lines. He was wondering how much of his conversation with Bookman she had overheard. Instead of focusing on his intention, she answered his question. “I came to find you,” she replied, feeling a bit awkward. “I need to talk to you.”
“I figured as much,” Lavi said giving a glance back at the door shut behind him. “Let’s go to your room.”
Before she could respond, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hallway towards her room.
Once they arrived at her room and the door was shut firmly behind her, Lavi finally relaxed and let go of her hand.
Awkwardness settled in the room as Lenalee and Lavi stared at each other in silence. It was the first time she hadn’t felt at ease with him, and her heart twisted painfully at the realization.
Finally, she couldn’t take it any more and broke the silence. “So… what did I almost walk in on?” she asked, referring to his conversation with Bookman.
Lavi looked away, his features smooth and emotionless.
“Lavi, talk to me,” she beseeched.
He was unresponsive to her plea.
“Were you talking about me?” she ventured.
His gaze darkened.
Unable to help herself, she reached out for him. When her fingers made contact with his arm, he jerked away.
“It was nothing,” he mumbled, the expression on his face closed off.
“Lavi, you should be honest with me. Are you getting into trouble because of me? You know I wouldn’t want that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m taking care of it.”
“Tell me about being a Bookman,” she found herself saying. The demand slipped out without any forethought on her part, and she was surprised at herself. Allen’s statements about how Bookmen were nomadic by nature must have bothered her more than she realized.
He looked at her, brows furrowed questioningly.
“I’m not trying to change the subject. But… I want to understand you more. I… need to…”
“I can’t tell you about that,” he said immediately, cutting her off.
Lenalee’s face fell.
“I just can’t discuss that information, not even with you.” His voice softened in tone. “Why are you so curious all of a sudden?”
“The conversation I overheard… and something Allen said.” She paused. “Is it bad that you have feelings for me, since you’re a Bookman?”
Lavi gave her a wry smile. “It’s not optimal for objectivity. But, if I must be honest, it has been a while since I’ve been objective with regards to you.”
Lenalee shot him a questioning look.
He said three words that cleared up her confusion. “Level three Akuma.”
Her memories were brought back to her battle at sea. She had heard from Miranda how insistent Lavi had been about going after her and how he had disregarded all concerns for his own health.
‘That long?’ she thought. ‘You’ve had feelings for me for that long?’
Lavi continued to speak, turning a bit contemplative, as if trying to clarify things both to her and to himself. “I guess that was the moment I became aware of my feelings…”
Gathering her bearings, she decided to change the direction of their conversation. “Look, Lavi. I was just wondering if you’re going to leave Headquarters soon. If… your duty as Bookman would cause you to leave.”
His eyes widened. “Is that what you’re afraid of?”
“Allen brought up that it could be a possibility,” she admitted. Her lips sobered, and her eyes darkened. “He wants me back.” She said the last statement quietly, her eyes focused on Lavi, trying to get a feel for his reaction.
Lavi inhaled sharply. “I knew it,” he hissed.
“I thought he had a good point,” Lenalee said sadly, the corners of her mouth drooping.
A pained expression crossed Lavi’s face at her statement. “I’m trying!” he finally burst out. “I’m trying so hard to stay here with you.”
Lenalee was taken aback by the emotion in his voice.
He hesitated, his brows furrowed in thought. “I’ll tell you something about being a Bookman. We travel a lot in our youth… to learn how to be emotionally detached. But eventually, we do get a more permanent post. In old age, we return to the central location to train a younger Bookman, and then go back to our original nomadic ways. I’m trying hard to get stationed here for good.”
Lenalee had no idea that Lavi was going through such trials and that he was working so diligently to stay here with her. The truth dawned on her. “And that’s where Bookman is having problems,” she breathed.
“Yeah,” Lavi said, scratching his head. “He thinks… that my objectivity is in question. But my point is that not all Bookmen can be Exorcists. I’m the only one who can be stationed here.”
“Oh,” Lenalee said. “So… you think you’ll be able to stay?”
“I think I have a good shot…” He then focused his gaze on her. “If I have a reason to stay.”
Lenalee felt her heart drop down to her stomach at his loaded statement. “Are you giving me an ultimatum?” she asked incredulously.
“I don’t want to stick around watching you with Allen, especially when I think you should be with me.”
“You were a great friend before-” she started.
“I don’t think I can go back…” He touched her cheek gently, almost reverently. “I just don’t think I can accept you and him… not any more. Not after we’ve gotten so close…”
She couldn’t help but pressing her cheek against his fingers, relishing in the warmth of his touch.
“But if it makes you feel better, I knew this day would come.”
“What?” she asked, her attention snapping back to their conversation.
“I knew he’d come back for you. I could tell when you described the breakup. However, I was hoping to have won you over by the time he realized he wanted you back.” He flashed her a brilliant smile.
Lenalee digested his words with closed eyes and a tired sigh. “How am I going to choose? How can I hurt either of you?”
At her words, Lavi pulled her in for an unexpected hug.
Lenalee’s eyes widened slightly in surprise before she relaxed in Lavi’s embrace. His warmth flowed into her, shrouding her in a hazy, golden halo and giving her much needed comfort.
“I would love it if you chose me,” he whispered in her ear, his voice low and thick.
The feel of his breath against her ear caused a shudder to run through her body. Turning her face upwards to look at him, she felt a spell of dizziness overwhelm her. Gazing at him from such a close proximity caused her to be so aware of his presence - the look on his face as he gazed lovingly at her, the feel of his arms circled around her waist, the scent of the soap and shampoo he used. She was being drawn into him, into a heated world of the two of them gazing at one another.
She studied his face - the curve of his cheek, the cut of his jaw, the slope of his nose - and took it all in, as if she wanted to memorize the image of him as he shared this moment with her.
He spoke, and she found her focus redirecting to his mouth. She had never realized how captivating his mouth was, the playful curve of his lower lip and the fine indent in his upper lip.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he was saying with those lips of his.
Numbly, she found herself nodding her head, unable to do anything else. She couldn’t find her voice at all.
Her eyes slid shut as his mouth descended on hers. When their lips met, she felt a jolt of electricity run through her. The attraction between the two of them was undeniable, and she couldn’t believe that she ever doubted its existence. Sweetness rushed to her senses as she returned his kiss, her arms around him tightening. A thrill ran though her body when his tongue touched hers. Warmth rushed through her system, and her heart was beating so quickly in her chest that she thought it would burst at any moment. She was melting and falling at the same time.
She was only vaguely aware that Lavi’s hands were moving against her body, away from her waist, up her back, across her shoulders. He was caressing her hair with smooth strokes, and then his hands brushed her throat. Everywhere he touched burned like wildfire and left her wanting more.
And at the moment Lenalee thought that her senses were going to be overwhelmed… He pulled away.
Her stomach was twisted in knots. Her lips were quivering. And her knees were shaking. “Oh my goodness,” Lenalee whispered, hearing the tremor in her voice.
Lavi gave her a crooked smile, his breath heavy and his visible eye sparkling.
And then Lenalee’s knees gave out. As she sank to the floor, Lavi supported her, lowering himself to the floor as well. For a moment, she just sat with his arms around her. Both of them were taking their time to return to normal after the sensational rush of the physical closeness.
“I just wanted to kiss you for real before you made your decision. I… wanted you to know how I feel about you, and that was the best way I thought I could express it…”
Lenalee sat, dumbfounded as Lavi got up to leave. Instinctively, she reached out a hand to stop him, her fingers closing around the cuff of his sleeve.
He turned towards her and disengaged himself from her grasp. “You need time to think,” he said, giving her a gentle smile. “I’ll see you later.” With that he left her room shutting her door behind him, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
TBC
You know, there are times when I read and edit and I can't tell whether what I've written is good or not? XD;;; I think this is just one of those chapters... >.>
On a random note, I really like speculating about the Bookman clan and how it operates. I find it very mysterious. (I always assumed that there were a whole bunch of them working at different places to share histories of all sorts of different places... *wonders*)
One more chapter to go. The last one. Those are the hardest to get right. OTZ
Author: Yurffles
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: AllenxLenalee, LavixLenalee
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but the fic idea is mine. =)
Summary: After the Millennium Earl has been defeated, the Exorcists must choose new paths for their lives. This fic is set three years after the start of the series, predicts the success of the Exorcists, and is in line with plot points revealed up to chapter 173 in the manga.
Notes: All chapters can be found [in my memories]
Lalala~ I think I got a little motivation in the last few days to try to finish this up again. Soooo, here goes...
Chapter 14: Affection
Left alone in the common room, Lenalee found her mind returning to the two suitors seeking her hand.
‘Allen…’ Her heart tugged at the thought of him - Allen with his wise eyes and the smile that never quite crinkled those slate-blue eyes. She had always wanted to heal the damage Allen’s traumatic childhood had placed on him. Their time apart hadn’t changed that. The realization startled her. However, the real question was whether or not their time apart had caused her feelings to change. She wasn’t sure. When she had heard his voice upon his return, it had still caused gooseflesh to rise. His touch still evoked the feeling of excitement. His month spent in Belgium had not dulled her memory of the bond they had shared. But, the time that had passed hadn’t been long enough to push the bad memories out of her mind. The loneliness she had felt during certain times of their relationship still caused a bitter taste to rise in the back of her throat, and she knew it was something she didn’t want to relive.
He promised that things would be different this time. But… he had made promises before. Her faith in him wavered. However, she couldn’t deny the fact that she still felt something for him. Her reaction at his voice made that painfully clear.
‘If you have any shred of fondness left in your heart for me… please don’t discount it.’ Allen’s words returned to her. How could she discount those feelings? The answer was simple. She couldn’t.
And then, there was Lavi - Lavi who was so kind and good and patient; Lavi who always made her smile; Lavi who had been her support, her rock, and her pillar for the past few months. However, she hadn’t had sufficient time to explore her true feelings for him. As much as she loved his company, she still wasn’t completely sure if she saw him as anything other than a close friend. Before she could even think about trying to make a decision between Allen and Lavi, she needed to make sure.
What she needed was more time, but time was the one luxury she wasn’t afforded. And then, there was something else that weighed heavily on her mind - Allen’s comment about Lavi being a Bookman and the transient nature of that particular profession. The unhappiness she felt about that possibility rippled through her system. The last thing she wanted to do was become attached to someone who would have no choice but to leave her.
Thoughts of Lavi and Allen swirled in her head in a dizzying, confusing manner, leaving Lenalee no other option but to sit in silence in order to let her turbulent thoughts settle down. Slowly, she inhaled and exhaled, coaching her breathing to give her a false sense of control.
Eventually, the feeling of numbness and stupor began to fade, and her head cleared. It wasn’t that she wasn’t still confused; it was more that she felt as if she needed to take some sort of action. Her first thought was that she needed to find Lavi. It would be unfair if she didn’t let him know what was going on.
Slowly, she worked her way down towards the room Bookman and Lavi shared. As she neared the door, she could hear voices on the other side. She approached the room cautiously, unsure whether or not to interrupt or to leave.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she stood outside of the room and strained her ears to catch what she could of the conversation. Bookman’s voice was so soft that she couldn’t make out any of the words he was saying. However, Lavi was just the opposite of his predecessor, his heated voice carried clearly into the hallway.
“That’s not it! It’s not like that!” She heard Lavi exclaim.
There was a lull in the conversation as Bookman spoke, his words nothing more than garbled noise from Lenalee’s position in the hallway.
“I’m not getting confused as to what my goal is!” Lavi sounded so passionate and so insistent that Lenalee was a bit surprised.
There was another pause.
“I know that! I am objective!”
Bookman was answering, in his calm manner. And it was at this time, Lenalee began to wonder what they were discussing. She contemplated leaving and coming back to find Lavi later, as it seemed like the conversation would last a while. However, Lavi’s next statement froze her in mid-action from turning around.
“I’m not getting attached to her!”
Her eyes widened as she realized that she was the focus of their conversation. His next words made her wish that she had either knocked or ran away earlier.
“I am telling the truth.” He paused as Bookman interjected with a comment, and then continued on his tirade. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me. We’ve talked about it all before, so it’s useless to discuss this any further. I’m leaving!”
The door burst open in front of her, and she found herself face to face with a surprised looking Lavi.
“Lenalee?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”
Lenalee could read between the lines. He was wondering how much of his conversation with Bookman she had overheard. Instead of focusing on his intention, she answered his question. “I came to find you,” she replied, feeling a bit awkward. “I need to talk to you.”
“I figured as much,” Lavi said giving a glance back at the door shut behind him. “Let’s go to your room.”
Before she could respond, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hallway towards her room.
Once they arrived at her room and the door was shut firmly behind her, Lavi finally relaxed and let go of her hand.
Awkwardness settled in the room as Lenalee and Lavi stared at each other in silence. It was the first time she hadn’t felt at ease with him, and her heart twisted painfully at the realization.
Finally, she couldn’t take it any more and broke the silence. “So… what did I almost walk in on?” she asked, referring to his conversation with Bookman.
Lavi looked away, his features smooth and emotionless.
“Lavi, talk to me,” she beseeched.
He was unresponsive to her plea.
“Were you talking about me?” she ventured.
His gaze darkened.
Unable to help herself, she reached out for him. When her fingers made contact with his arm, he jerked away.
“It was nothing,” he mumbled, the expression on his face closed off.
“Lavi, you should be honest with me. Are you getting into trouble because of me? You know I wouldn’t want that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m taking care of it.”
“Tell me about being a Bookman,” she found herself saying. The demand slipped out without any forethought on her part, and she was surprised at herself. Allen’s statements about how Bookmen were nomadic by nature must have bothered her more than she realized.
He looked at her, brows furrowed questioningly.
“I’m not trying to change the subject. But… I want to understand you more. I… need to…”
“I can’t tell you about that,” he said immediately, cutting her off.
Lenalee’s face fell.
“I just can’t discuss that information, not even with you.” His voice softened in tone. “Why are you so curious all of a sudden?”
“The conversation I overheard… and something Allen said.” She paused. “Is it bad that you have feelings for me, since you’re a Bookman?”
Lavi gave her a wry smile. “It’s not optimal for objectivity. But, if I must be honest, it has been a while since I’ve been objective with regards to you.”
Lenalee shot him a questioning look.
He said three words that cleared up her confusion. “Level three Akuma.”
Her memories were brought back to her battle at sea. She had heard from Miranda how insistent Lavi had been about going after her and how he had disregarded all concerns for his own health.
‘That long?’ she thought. ‘You’ve had feelings for me for that long?’
Lavi continued to speak, turning a bit contemplative, as if trying to clarify things both to her and to himself. “I guess that was the moment I became aware of my feelings…”
Gathering her bearings, she decided to change the direction of their conversation. “Look, Lavi. I was just wondering if you’re going to leave Headquarters soon. If… your duty as Bookman would cause you to leave.”
His eyes widened. “Is that what you’re afraid of?”
“Allen brought up that it could be a possibility,” she admitted. Her lips sobered, and her eyes darkened. “He wants me back.” She said the last statement quietly, her eyes focused on Lavi, trying to get a feel for his reaction.
Lavi inhaled sharply. “I knew it,” he hissed.
“I thought he had a good point,” Lenalee said sadly, the corners of her mouth drooping.
A pained expression crossed Lavi’s face at her statement. “I’m trying!” he finally burst out. “I’m trying so hard to stay here with you.”
Lenalee was taken aback by the emotion in his voice.
He hesitated, his brows furrowed in thought. “I’ll tell you something about being a Bookman. We travel a lot in our youth… to learn how to be emotionally detached. But eventually, we do get a more permanent post. In old age, we return to the central location to train a younger Bookman, and then go back to our original nomadic ways. I’m trying hard to get stationed here for good.”
Lenalee had no idea that Lavi was going through such trials and that he was working so diligently to stay here with her. The truth dawned on her. “And that’s where Bookman is having problems,” she breathed.
“Yeah,” Lavi said, scratching his head. “He thinks… that my objectivity is in question. But my point is that not all Bookmen can be Exorcists. I’m the only one who can be stationed here.”
“Oh,” Lenalee said. “So… you think you’ll be able to stay?”
“I think I have a good shot…” He then focused his gaze on her. “If I have a reason to stay.”
Lenalee felt her heart drop down to her stomach at his loaded statement. “Are you giving me an ultimatum?” she asked incredulously.
“I don’t want to stick around watching you with Allen, especially when I think you should be with me.”
“You were a great friend before-” she started.
“I don’t think I can go back…” He touched her cheek gently, almost reverently. “I just don’t think I can accept you and him… not any more. Not after we’ve gotten so close…”
She couldn’t help but pressing her cheek against his fingers, relishing in the warmth of his touch.
“But if it makes you feel better, I knew this day would come.”
“What?” she asked, her attention snapping back to their conversation.
“I knew he’d come back for you. I could tell when you described the breakup. However, I was hoping to have won you over by the time he realized he wanted you back.” He flashed her a brilliant smile.
Lenalee digested his words with closed eyes and a tired sigh. “How am I going to choose? How can I hurt either of you?”
At her words, Lavi pulled her in for an unexpected hug.
Lenalee’s eyes widened slightly in surprise before she relaxed in Lavi’s embrace. His warmth flowed into her, shrouding her in a hazy, golden halo and giving her much needed comfort.
“I would love it if you chose me,” he whispered in her ear, his voice low and thick.
The feel of his breath against her ear caused a shudder to run through her body. Turning her face upwards to look at him, she felt a spell of dizziness overwhelm her. Gazing at him from such a close proximity caused her to be so aware of his presence - the look on his face as he gazed lovingly at her, the feel of his arms circled around her waist, the scent of the soap and shampoo he used. She was being drawn into him, into a heated world of the two of them gazing at one another.
She studied his face - the curve of his cheek, the cut of his jaw, the slope of his nose - and took it all in, as if she wanted to memorize the image of him as he shared this moment with her.
He spoke, and she found her focus redirecting to his mouth. She had never realized how captivating his mouth was, the playful curve of his lower lip and the fine indent in his upper lip.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he was saying with those lips of his.
Numbly, she found herself nodding her head, unable to do anything else. She couldn’t find her voice at all.
Her eyes slid shut as his mouth descended on hers. When their lips met, she felt a jolt of electricity run through her. The attraction between the two of them was undeniable, and she couldn’t believe that she ever doubted its existence. Sweetness rushed to her senses as she returned his kiss, her arms around him tightening. A thrill ran though her body when his tongue touched hers. Warmth rushed through her system, and her heart was beating so quickly in her chest that she thought it would burst at any moment. She was melting and falling at the same time.
She was only vaguely aware that Lavi’s hands were moving against her body, away from her waist, up her back, across her shoulders. He was caressing her hair with smooth strokes, and then his hands brushed her throat. Everywhere he touched burned like wildfire and left her wanting more.
And at the moment Lenalee thought that her senses were going to be overwhelmed… He pulled away.
Her stomach was twisted in knots. Her lips were quivering. And her knees were shaking. “Oh my goodness,” Lenalee whispered, hearing the tremor in her voice.
Lavi gave her a crooked smile, his breath heavy and his visible eye sparkling.
And then Lenalee’s knees gave out. As she sank to the floor, Lavi supported her, lowering himself to the floor as well. For a moment, she just sat with his arms around her. Both of them were taking their time to return to normal after the sensational rush of the physical closeness.
“I just wanted to kiss you for real before you made your decision. I… wanted you to know how I feel about you, and that was the best way I thought I could express it…”
Lenalee sat, dumbfounded as Lavi got up to leave. Instinctively, she reached out a hand to stop him, her fingers closing around the cuff of his sleeve.
He turned towards her and disengaged himself from her grasp. “You need time to think,” he said, giving her a gentle smile. “I’ll see you later.” With that he left her room shutting her door behind him, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
TBC
You know, there are times when I read and edit and I can't tell whether what I've written is good or not? XD;;; I think this is just one of those chapters... >.>
On a random note, I really like speculating about the Bookman clan and how it operates. I find it very mysterious. (I always assumed that there were a whole bunch of them working at different places to share histories of all sorts of different places... *wonders*)
One more chapter to go. The last one. Those are the hardest to get right. OTZ