Never trust a Kim
Title: Never trust a Kim
Author: yuniquekimchi
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13ish
Length: One-Shot
Genre: Comedy, romanceSummary: Drinking alcohol doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean....
Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles
“Come on! I’m not gonna let you sit in this tiny apartment feeling sorry for yourself!”
“I’m not feeling sorry for myself, thank you very much, Junsu.”
“Yeah right. Please Yunho? Just come with me eh?”
“I don’t want to go to your stupid club!”
"It’s not stupid. And besides, you loved it the last time.”
“Please don’t remind me…”
“I thought it was rather amusing. You can work wonders with a tool belt and a stripper pole after a few tequila shots.”
“Kim Junsu!”
“What? Alcohol removes inhibitions! Like the scared little mouse who got drunk, shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"
“I’m not in the mood for your wise quotes.”
“Fine. But you’re coming. I promise you’ll have a good time.”
“No”
“Okay. Then I’m showing your mother the video clip of her dearest son dancing around a stripper pole wearing nothing but a tool belt while singing the theme song from ‘Bob the builder’.”
'Calm down JungYunho, he’s bluffing. ’
“I know what you’re thinking and NO I’m not bluffing.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I shouldn’t have said that as Junsu picked up his phone and showed me the video clip.
[Video clip]
“Yunho! Yunho! Yunho! Yunho!”
“Give me some tqes..tech..tquila..tequila shots! Oh! And that tool belt the janitor’s wearing! Jus..Junsu?! Hit the lights!”
“Are you sure about this Yunho?”
“Shut up Sir WorriesALot. Hit the lights!”
“Fine fine.”
“Introduce me!”
“Argh.. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. Jung Yunho!”
“Bow Chicka Wow Wow!! Yunho’s in the cluuub! Slippery pole.. my tool belt can probably fix that. Fix that.. fix it! Bob the builder! Can we fix it? Bob the builder. Yes we can! I-I don’t feel so good…”
[End of video clip]
“I hate you.”
“Aww I hate you too Handy Manny. Now let’s go! If you come with me, I’ll delete the video.”
“You promise?”
“I promise?”
“Pinky swear?”
“Pinky swear.”
“…”
“Am I the only one who feels like a retard?”
“No, but you’re the only one who’s destined to be one.”
“Touché.”
I couldn’t believe that I had caved in once again. Junsu would always make a very compelling case as to why I should listen to him. Little did I know, that the night ahead would be the most embarrassing night I had ever experienced in the 25 years I had spent on earth.
When we arrived at the club, it was crowded as usual. We slid into the booth closest to the exit. I couldn’t dance so that wasn’t an option. I could drink.. but I didn’t want history to repeat itself. Junsu was sitting next to me, flirting with some random girl. Her friend tried to make a move on me by sliding onto my lap but I simply pushed her off. I wasn’t in the mood for random flirting.
Just as I was about to get up and head for the bathroom, I glanced over at the dance floor and.. wow. And angel was moving gracefully across the floor to everyone’s amazement. He was.. wait? He? Yes it was undoubtedly a male. Even thought he was slender, he had somewhat toned muscles. His hair was as black as the night and his skin as white as snow. I froze in my position causing Junsu to nudge my shoulder. I groaned and looked at him. He simply shrugged and continued with his flirting. I looked back at the dance floor, only to realize that I could no longer see him. I needed to find him.. but how would I approach him?
I spend about an hour looking for him. Once in a while people would offer me tequila shots and what not, and I gladly accepted. Alcohol did make me more confident.. and less intelligent. Without even realizing it, I was wasted. I could barely walk in a straight line but I was set on finding him.
I stumbled outside and believe it or not, there he was. He was standing a few yards away from a crowd of soon-to-be wasted teenagers. I worked up the courage and walked up to him. His skin was as white as I remembered and his waist was as slender as I hoped it would be. His long and well-defined legs would look perfect wrapped around my waist. I finished my tequila shot and clutched onto the glass as I was now only standing a few inches away from him. I didn’t even realize I had gotten that close. I saw that the teenagers were staring at us, but I didn’t care. I would charm the hell out of this beauty.
“So… do you come here often?”
‘Very original Yunho’
At first I thought I might have freaked him out, because he didn’t seem to respond. I closed the distance between us until our noses were nearly touching.
“You’re very beautiful do you know that?”
I reached out to touch his cheek, and fuck oh fuck it was ice cold!
‘What is he like a vampire or something?’
By the looks of it, he could very well be a vampire.
A few of the teenagers were now pointing at me as a few recorded my flirting.
‘Maybe they admire me. I’m sure this beauty will come home with me tonight. His cold skin against my warm.. his white skin against my golden.. Pure heaven’
“Do you want to come back to my place?” I said stepping close enough for our the tips of our noses to touch. For a moment I thought I saw a smile on his part.
“I know you want to” I said as I caressed his cheek.
I started at his lips for a second and because the alcohol made me remarkably courageous, I leaned in and kissed him. His cold lips felt amazing against my own burning hot ones. I slipped my arms around his slender waist as I licked the outline of his lips, begging for entrance. I wanted to direct my hand to his crotch, but hell, THAT was too soon. When I felt that he wasn’t responding to the kiss, I pulled back. I was having trouble standing but I got by. I was about to kiss him again, when I heard someone clearing their throat behind me. I turned around only to come face to face with a slightly shocked Junsu.
“What the hell are you doing Yunho?”
“I-I’m just kissing this beauty. I’m pretty sure he’ll come home with me tonight so leave us alone.”
“Hoping for a little sex are we?”
I nodded proudly and turned to the beauty once more.
“Good luck with that Yunho.”
I was about to claim the beauty’s lips once more as I was jerked back by Junsu.
“My God Yunho! If you only knew how much you’re embarrassing me right now!”
I gave him a puzzled look and glanced over at the crowd of teenagers who had grown impossibly larger. They were giggling and directing their phones toward me. I looked at Junsu for an answer.
“What’s wrong with people? Haven’t they ever seen two people flirting before?”
“I’m sure they have. But this is probably the first time they’ve seen a grown man flirting with a statue.”
“…”
“Exactly how drunk are you?”
The last thing I saw before I passed out from the alcohol, and the embarrassment, was the beauty I once saw on the dance floor. He was standing behind Junsu whilst covering his mouth with the back of his hand as he laughed like hell.
‘Maybe I should show Umma the stripper pole clip.. Then she’ll at least have some preparation for when this is released all over the Internet..’
-Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Author: yuniquekimchi
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13ish
Length: One-Shot
Genre: Comedy, romanceSummary: Drinking alcohol doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean....
Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles
“Come on! I’m not gonna let you sit in this tiny apartment feeling sorry for yourself!”
“I’m not feeling sorry for myself, thank you very much, Junsu.”
“Yeah right. Please Yunho? Just come with me eh?”
“I don’t want to go to your stupid club!”
"It’s not stupid. And besides, you loved it the last time.”
“Please don’t remind me…”
“I thought it was rather amusing. You can work wonders with a tool belt and a stripper pole after a few tequila shots.”
“Kim Junsu!”
“What? Alcohol removes inhibitions! Like the scared little mouse who got drunk, shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"
“I’m not in the mood for your wise quotes.”
“Fine. But you’re coming. I promise you’ll have a good time.”
“No”
“Okay. Then I’m showing your mother the video clip of her dearest son dancing around a stripper pole wearing nothing but a tool belt while singing the theme song from ‘Bob the builder’.”
'Calm down JungYunho, he’s bluffing. ’
“I know what you’re thinking and NO I’m not bluffing.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I shouldn’t have said that as Junsu picked up his phone and showed me the video clip.
[Video clip]
“Yunho! Yunho! Yunho! Yunho!”
“Give me some tqes..tech..tquila..tequila shots! Oh! And that tool belt the janitor’s wearing! Jus..Junsu?! Hit the lights!”
“Are you sure about this Yunho?”
“Shut up Sir WorriesALot. Hit the lights!”
“Fine fine.”
“Introduce me!”
“Argh.. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. Jung Yunho!”
“Bow Chicka Wow Wow!! Yunho’s in the cluuub! Slippery pole.. my tool belt can probably fix that. Fix that.. fix it! Bob the builder! Can we fix it? Bob the builder. Yes we can! I-I don’t feel so good…”
[End of video clip]
“I hate you.”
“Aww I hate you too Handy Manny. Now let’s go! If you come with me, I’ll delete the video.”
“You promise?”
“I promise?”
“Pinky swear?”
“Pinky swear.”
“…”
“Am I the only one who feels like a retard?”
“No, but you’re the only one who’s destined to be one.”
“Touché.”
I couldn’t believe that I had caved in once again. Junsu would always make a very compelling case as to why I should listen to him. Little did I know, that the night ahead would be the most embarrassing night I had ever experienced in the 25 years I had spent on earth.
When we arrived at the club, it was crowded as usual. We slid into the booth closest to the exit. I couldn’t dance so that wasn’t an option. I could drink.. but I didn’t want history to repeat itself. Junsu was sitting next to me, flirting with some random girl. Her friend tried to make a move on me by sliding onto my lap but I simply pushed her off. I wasn’t in the mood for random flirting.
Just as I was about to get up and head for the bathroom, I glanced over at the dance floor and.. wow. And angel was moving gracefully across the floor to everyone’s amazement. He was.. wait? He? Yes it was undoubtedly a male. Even thought he was slender, he had somewhat toned muscles. His hair was as black as the night and his skin as white as snow. I froze in my position causing Junsu to nudge my shoulder. I groaned and looked at him. He simply shrugged and continued with his flirting. I looked back at the dance floor, only to realize that I could no longer see him. I needed to find him.. but how would I approach him?
I spend about an hour looking for him. Once in a while people would offer me tequila shots and what not, and I gladly accepted. Alcohol did make me more confident.. and less intelligent. Without even realizing it, I was wasted. I could barely walk in a straight line but I was set on finding him.
I stumbled outside and believe it or not, there he was. He was standing a few yards away from a crowd of soon-to-be wasted teenagers. I worked up the courage and walked up to him. His skin was as white as I remembered and his waist was as slender as I hoped it would be. His long and well-defined legs would look perfect wrapped around my waist. I finished my tequila shot and clutched onto the glass as I was now only standing a few inches away from him. I didn’t even realize I had gotten that close. I saw that the teenagers were staring at us, but I didn’t care. I would charm the hell out of this beauty.
“So… do you come here often?”
‘Very original Yunho’
At first I thought I might have freaked him out, because he didn’t seem to respond. I closed the distance between us until our noses were nearly touching.
“You’re very beautiful do you know that?”
I reached out to touch his cheek, and fuck oh fuck it was ice cold!
‘What is he like a vampire or something?’
By the looks of it, he could very well be a vampire.
A few of the teenagers were now pointing at me as a few recorded my flirting.
‘Maybe they admire me. I’m sure this beauty will come home with me tonight. His cold skin against my warm.. his white skin against my golden.. Pure heaven’
“Do you want to come back to my place?” I said stepping close enough for our the tips of our noses to touch. For a moment I thought I saw a smile on his part.
“I know you want to” I said as I caressed his cheek.
I started at his lips for a second and because the alcohol made me remarkably courageous, I leaned in and kissed him. His cold lips felt amazing against my own burning hot ones. I slipped my arms around his slender waist as I licked the outline of his lips, begging for entrance. I wanted to direct my hand to his crotch, but hell, THAT was too soon. When I felt that he wasn’t responding to the kiss, I pulled back. I was having trouble standing but I got by. I was about to kiss him again, when I heard someone clearing their throat behind me. I turned around only to come face to face with a slightly shocked Junsu.
“What the hell are you doing Yunho?”
“I-I’m just kissing this beauty. I’m pretty sure he’ll come home with me tonight so leave us alone.”
“Hoping for a little sex are we?”
I nodded proudly and turned to the beauty once more.
“Good luck with that Yunho.”
I was about to claim the beauty’s lips once more as I was jerked back by Junsu.
“My God Yunho! If you only knew how much you’re embarrassing me right now!”
I gave him a puzzled look and glanced over at the crowd of teenagers who had grown impossibly larger. They were giggling and directing their phones toward me. I looked at Junsu for an answer.
“What’s wrong with people? Haven’t they ever seen two people flirting before?”
“I’m sure they have. But this is probably the first time they’ve seen a grown man flirting with a statue.”
“…”
“Exactly how drunk are you?”
The last thing I saw before I passed out from the alcohol, and the embarrassment, was the beauty I once saw on the dance floor. He was standing behind Junsu whilst covering his mouth with the back of his hand as he laughed like hell.
‘Maybe I should show Umma the stripper pole clip.. Then she’ll at least have some preparation for when this is released all over the Internet..’
-Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.