D:
I'm angry again.
I still hate being angry.
I hate not being able to say things out loud. I hate being afraid to. I hate feeling like I can't talk to anyone, but I can't keep it inside. I want to find someone who cares enough to listen but not enough to ask questions.
I hate Tegan so much. I'm jealous, and I know it. And she probably knows it too, but just KNOWING it won't really make it go away.
I'm tired of doing stuff for her. I'm tired of her going around asking people favors like she owns everything and it's our sincerest pleasure to kiss her feet. I'm tired of all her fucking entitlement complex shit. She doesn't even know all the things I do for her already, and she's all "You owe me" to everyone. I'm tired of hearing her whine all the time, like her life is really so hard, and I'm tired of her insulting others. She isn't even funny. I'm tired of how when she's mad, she has to make everyone else as miserable as herself. I hate her for all that.
But maybe the biggest thing is that I hate her because it feels like she's starting to surpass me and that's kind of scary. She has friends and boobs and can actually talk to people without choking up and dying. I miss when I was the "better" one because I feel like I'm not Better to anyone else BUT her and when that's gone I won't even really be anything.
School isn't even that bad anymore, it's just her.
And I know I'm always the "weaker one" or the "lesser person" but telling it to me again isn't going to get me to change. I mean, there has to be some of us out there or how will we be able to tell who all the good worth-while people are?
I don't get change. Sometimes people go around saying "Don't change ever, you are you and someone will find that irresistable", but that's only if you're the social butterfly who people hate because OBV they're jealous. And otherwise the story goes more like "You should change and get out there or else nobody will like you ever".
I'm angry at everything.
Except Eeyore. My Eeyore plushie may just be the best purchase I've made in a long time.