[Fanfiction:] Fade into the Background Chapter 14
Banner by naomi0211 ♥
Title: Fade into the Background //You can't lose what you never had//
Pairing: Akanishi Jin X Kamenashi Kazuya (Akame to make it short XD) //KAT-TUN//
Genre: Romance, ANGST, lots of Fluff
Rating: from PG-13 to NC-17
Disclamer: Do not own them. If anybody I'd like to own Ueda. But well... one can't have everything, right?
Summary: Kazuya is getting married and while watching him from the background Jin suddenly remembers their story. His thoughts are going back in time and he starts to regret and realize....
A/N: First of all: English isn't my mother tongue, but I tried my best and since I was living in the UK I'm pretty much used to write and speak it. But you're welcome to correct mistakes.
I've actually planned to update Massu's POV of Too Much before updating this, but... well, Massu decided to make me depressed. Well, not actually him, and not Tegoshi either. But however, since the Tegomass Live was cancelled I somehow didn't really feel like writing about them. So, here we go with this chapter first.
Well... as for this chapter I've planned something completely different when I've written the Second Flashback back then (Of course, I had in mind back then what would happen when Jin finds Kazuya). This was supposed to turn out as short as the other flashbacks, but first I realized that the last chapter was the last memory and I can't title the chapters like that from now on. So, I decided to remain with Flashbacks from this one on and now it's as long as a usual chapter and, well... I actually wanted Kazuya to reject Jin in quite a mean way when he finds him, but after everything what happened in the past I realized it can't be that easy for them, so...
Will Jin find Kazuya? And what consequences does Kazuya have to face after running from his own wedding?
Muhahahaha. (The correct way to express it would probably be Wa Ha Ha, but yeah.. it's a Kat-tun Fanfic, damn it XDDDD) That's all I want to say. You probably think now, and when you start reading this chapter, I'm still not better than before, but... read just trough it, they're really improving! ^_^ I'm quite happy with this chap. Hope, it's realistic, after all ^^;;;
However~ Have Fun! ^^ (My comments get longer with every chap, I'm so sorry!!!!)
Previous Chapters:
Prologue
First Memory: A Winter Illusion
Second Memory: All I want for Christmas...
Third Memory: Broken Promise
Fourth Memory: Losing Faith
Fifth Memory: Confessions
First Flashback: Still on my Mind
Sixth Memory: Missing
Seventh Memory: Powder Happiness
Eighth Memory: Best Friends and Lovers
Ninth Memory: Treat me right
Tenth Memory: If I'd let you go...
Second Flashback: Lose Myself
Eleventh Memory: Over
Twelfth Memory: Be with you
Last Memory: What makes a Man
Third Flashback: Resistance
This was going to cost him his head.
Kazuya wasn’t quite sure who, but someone would surely kill him for this. Probably Minako herself, her parents, perhaps it would be one of his own friends or even his parents. The fans would get mad at him, so that was a possibility, too. Johnny; he didn’t even want to think of what Johnny could do.
He would suffer and regret this for all his life, and yet, it was too late to change it back. He couldn’t possibly go back into the church and pretend nothing had happened. He couldn’t go back, because no one was there anymore, by now, he assumed. They would have all been out to look for him.
Everyone except for Minako and… Kazuya cursed and leaned against the slim tree behind him, before he covered his face with one hand and tried to calm down. He didn’t even want to think of Jin now.
Thinking of him was pointless, since it would confuse Kazuya just even more than he already was. How could he have gotten weak at that moment? He had had his weak moments before, but not as weak as today.
At that day last year when he had talked to Jin in the rain, when they had been surprised with that engagement party; that day, Kazuya had gotten just as weak. If it had not been for that party, he was sure he would have made up with Jin.
But afterwards things had been so awkward between them again. Jin had obviously given up, hadn’t he? And Kazuya had quietly accepted it. So, why could Jin have held him back with only one look today?
This was so confusing, since Kazuya couldn’t say himself why it had affected him to that extend suddenly. Something in Jin’s eyes had just changed; had told him that it was so damn wrong to give the two of them completely up.
But Kazuya couldn’t say why he had trusted that feeling suddenly. He knew exactly that they weren’t meant to make up, didn’t he? How often had they tried and had failed?
How could he have fallen for it today? Why all of all days today?
A silent and painful moan left his lips.
Kazuya didn’t raise his head as he heard someone coming near. He recognized the way of that quickened breath, the sound of the fast steps, the way he stopped as he saw Kazuya.
He’d even recognize Jin by the way he moved, the way his moves sounded, even if they were both crowded by a million people.
What a pity. Kazuya sighed.
“You’re such a fool.”
It was pretty quietly said, but Kazuya heard it and managed a slight ironical smile, still not moving at all. His hand still covered his face. “You’re actually the last one I want to see now, Akanishi.”
Jin got closer and stared at the pathetic looking figure leaning against the tree. Soft Sakura petals were falling down on him. He seemed just as weak as them. “Well, sure, I can get you Minako-chan here.”
Kazuya didn’t react first, but then said in a tired voice: “Why don’t you just get lost?”
Jin shoved his hands into his pockets and gave Kazuya a glare. He understood that the other one wasn’t in the mood for this, of course he wasn’t. But obviously, Kazuya needed some help, didn’t he? “I can do that. But, just because I’m curious, how did you plan to get away from here when you dashed out of the church?”
Now Kazuya moved his hand a bit and uncovered his eyes, raising his look to Jin. Seeing those hurt; Jin felt his heart clenched in cold, since Kazuya looked so lost and uncertain, so hurt and helpless. The urge to embrace him was huge, but Jin resisted.
Even though they both knew why Kazuya had run, they could both not admit it at this point. There were more important things right now.
“The car”, Kazuya answered plainly.
“The Limousine they organized for the two of you to leave?” Jin clicked his tongue. “Sounds nice. I’m sure no one’s going to follow you.”
Kazuya just remained staring at him.
“I’m going to get you out of here”, Jin finally said. “You were clever enough not to let the press attend the wedding ceremony, but I’m sure they’re going to know pretty soon, however. If you take that car, Kazuya, they will follow you.”
The brunette just moved his head and stared at the petals at the ground.
“I can understand your shock, Kazuya, but you really need to leave now, before they’ll find you.”
Again, Jin didn’t get an answer, so he just stepped forwards and took Kazuya’s hand. But the younger one didn’t move.
“Kazuya…”
“Stop it!” Kazuya freed his hand and pushed Jin away. “How dare you? This is all your fault!”
Jin turned his head and pressed his lips together. Of course it was. He should not have attended the wedding in the first place, since his presence had confused Kazuya, had led him to this. “It’s too late, Kazuya. You’ve made your decision and you can’t go back. But you need to save what’s left to save.”
“There’s nothing to save”, Kazuya answered and turned around. “I’ve lost everything in one go.”
“Kazuya!”
They both froze as they heard Minako’s voice. Jin quickly took Kazuya’s hand and pulled him over to the other side, behind a bush and pressed him close. The younger one made a surprised noise, feeling Jin’s hand in his hair, his head being pressed to the older male’s chest. He could hear Jin’s heart beat, fast and unsteady. He noticed the smell that hadn’t changed over the years and suddenly felt calmed. But even before he could get a hold of Jin, the older male let go of him again and gave him a look that said to stay quiet, then he sneaked out of their hideout.
“Akanishi-san!” Minako noticed him and came closer.
“He’s not here, either”, Jin said and prayed she’d leave without checking. “I bet he went to the other side to take the car.”
She started to sob and Jin didn’t know what to say. He lifted his hands and let them sink again, not knowing what was the right thing to do with them.
“What has gotten into him?”, she asked and dried her cheeks, glancing up at Jin. “How could he do that?”
Jin couldn’t possibly tell her the truth, so he stayed quiet and felt even more pity for her, as she managed a teary laugh. “I’m sorry, Akanishi-san. I shouldn’t say that and act like this in front of you.”
Jin swallowed thickly and felt the urge to pat her hair again, to reassure her that things would be alright. It was not only Kazuya who suffered; of course she was not at fault at all, and as much as Jin wanted to believe she was, she wasn’t.
“Minako-chan!”
Jin raised his head and saw Minako’s mother coming over to them. She nodded to greet Jin and put her arm around her daughter’s shoulders. “Come, love, we’re going back. You don’t need to look for that… that…” She seemed to search for the right word, but couldn’t find one. “He’s not worth that.”
Jin bit his lower lip and bowed slightly as they turned and went back, then he kept an eye on them, before he turned back himself.
“Everyone’s looking for you already, Kazuya, you really need to…” the words got caught in his throat, as he found Kazuya kneeling at the spot where he had left him. The younger one’s gaze was empty and just a single tear was tracing his cheek.
That single tear affected him much more than all of the ones Minako had shed before. After all, he hadn’t seen Kazuya cry once.
“She actually liked me a lot. I brought her flowers when Minako invited me to her home.”
Jin assumed, Kazuya was talking about Minako’s mother. He got to his knees and gently gripped the younger male’s chin to raise it.
“I promise I’ll let you cry for the rest of the day, the week even, and I won’t say anything, but right now, Kazuya, it’s not the time. You need to get out of here.”
Kazuya just stared back, then he lowered his gaze, not being able to stand looking into Jin’s eyes. He nodded slightly and let Jin help him get up.
Jin took off his jacket and gave it to Kazuya. “Pull that over. They’re looking for white, so they probably won’t recognize you straight away.”
Kazuya nodded and got rid of his own jacket. “You’re the only one who came in black.”
“I’m outstanding”, Jin just commented and checked then if anybody was close. But apparently no one was around, so he pulled Kazuya with him over to one of the small buildings next to the church. Luckily, he had parked his car close, so they would only have to cross the street. He pointed with his finger to the car, so that Kazuya knew where he had to run to.
Everyone in front of the church would be able to see them, so Jin slowly peeked around the corner to check how many people were there. They weren’t too many and they were all busy with reporters.
“Damn, the press is already here. So quick.”
Kazuya didn’t react; he stood behind Jin and only waited for him to say what to do next.
Something happened and suddenly everyone in front of the church turned to the huge entrance again and they rushed inside.
Jin didn’t think any longer, he took the chance and gripped Kazuya’s hand, dragging him along across the small street to his car. Kazuya got in first. Jin got to the other side and sighed heavily as he sat.
“Damn”, he said and closed his eyes for a moment. “That was close.” He looked back to the church, where a few people were coming out now. “I wonder what happened that they all went inside…”
As he didn’t get an answer again, he turned his head to Kazuya and found the younger one still staring with that empty gaze. He most likely had something like a shock, Jin assumed.
“I’ll get you home.”
Kazuya nodded and lowered his head. Jin started the car and drove down the road as casually as possible, and no one seemed to take notice.
As Jin couldn’t see the church anymore in his back mirror, he slowed down a bit and took the route to Kazuya’s apartment.
They both didn’t speak. Kazuya remained with his head lowered, so that it was difficult to see him from outside and Jin concentrated on driving.
“I really am a fool”, Kazuya said finally, after they had most of the way behind them.
“You should not have agreed to that wedding in the first place, yes”, Jin answered and threw him a look.
“No, I should just have ignored you and should have married her; that’s what makes me a fool.”
Jin didn’t answer. He didn’t think that way, still; even though he knew Kazuya got into huge troubles with this. But, if he was sincere about his feelings, Jin was glad he hadn’t done it. “I’m sorry.”
Kazuya didn’t answer and they both knew it was pointless for him to do so, since Jin’s apology couldn’t get him out of this.
“Crap!”
Before Kazuya could react or find out what happened, Jin had pressed Kazuya’s head down to his knees. The younger one moaned in pain. “What are you doing?”
“They’re already here.” Jin turned one street earlier than planned and pulled his hand back then. “The reporters are already waiting at your apartment.”
Kazuya didn’t lift up his head, only closed his eyes for a moment. “Bring me to my parents’ house then.”
“They won’t be back yet”, Jin countered. “And I’m sure there will be reporters as well. They expect you to show up there.”
“But…”
“I’ll take you to my place. They surely won’t wait there.”
Kazuya didn’t answer for a minute, as Jin changed their direction. But then he turned his head to Jin and gave him an uncertain look. “I don’t want to be with you.”
“Kazuya, this is not about…”
“No, Akanishi”, Kazuya interrupted. “You did a lot for me today. I would not have managed to get out there by myself. I know to appreciate it, really. But I can’t be grateful to you, actually. And being all alone with you is the last thing I want.”
“It’s all my fault, after all”, Jin only repeated and nodded.
Kazuya didn’t answer.
Jin didn’t argue it. He’d just do whatever Kazuya wanted him to do, so he pulled his mobile phone out and dialed a number.
“Koki”, he said calmly then and ignored Kazuya’s surprised look. “Are you still at the church?”
“Around it”, Koki answered. “I’m looking for Kazuya. The press is already here, Jin, and we need to get him out before…”
“He’s with me”, Jin interrupted and heard Koki gasp. “Don’t do anything stupid now. Who is with you?”
“I’m alone.”
“Okay, then.” Jin thought about it for a moment. “I’ve wanted to bring Kazuya to his apartment, but they are already waiting there. So, I’ll bring him over to yours now.”
Koki nodded and started to run in the direction of the car park. “Okay, I’ll be there in no time.”
“Koki”, Jin said in a harsh voice. “Calm down. Don’t be remarkable. Take your time and first go back to the church and pretend you were still searching for Kazuya. You mustn’t let anyone know what you’re up to or they’re going to follow you.”
“O-Okay”, Koki answered slowly. “Okay, I’ll see you later then.”
Jin hung up and sighed. “I hope he won’t arrive with reporters following him.”
“Koki’s not that stupid”, Kazuya just answered.
“He’s not, but careless in his passionate way.”
“Other than you”, the younger one said and frowned. “You thought about every detail.”
Jin shrugged his shoulders. “We’ve grown up like this, didn’t we? Trying to avoid making mistakes and if we did one we need to let the press get know as less as possible.”
Kazuya only nodded, knowing that without Jin, he would have only made even more mistakes today. And that made the taste just even bitterer.
He didn’t want to be depending on Jin in any way.
As they arrived at Koki’s apartment, Jin parked quite close to the entrance and checked again whether anyone had followed them, but couldn’t find anything remarkable. “We really made it without anyone noticing, apparently.”
“I wonder if they’re going to show up at all of you guys’ apartments, however.”
“Probably”, Jin said.
In silence they kept waiting and Jin noticed several times that Kazuya’s hand were shaking, but didn’t dare stretching out his hand to take them and calm him. Kazuya had made it clear that he didn’t want reassurance from Jin.
As Koki finally showed up, Jin got out of his car alone.
“How is he doing?”, Koki asked immediately.
“I think he has some kind of shock.”
Koki sighed. “He’s a fool.”
It was unnecessary for Jin to answer, so he just looked around once more. “I’ll tell him to get out now and the rest is up to you.”
Koki bit his lip. He knew Jin cared for Kazuya in a way no one else did, but apparently, he wasn’t yet able to act like that. “Thank you, Jin.”
“I only did what had to be done”, Jin declined and got back into his car. He slowly looked at Kazuya and nodded. “I think it’s safe. And even if they’ve been watching us, they won’t come near, before you made it into the house.”
Kazuya nodded and reached his hand out to open the door.
As he didn’t move any further, Jin frowned. “Kazuya…?”
Now the brunette raised his look to Jin and shook his head. “I know what you want to say. But you don’t need to apologize. You don’t have to.”
Jin shut his mouth and nodded.
“I would not have done this without you around, that’s for sure”, Kazuya said and opened the door. “But not getting entirely over you in all these years is my own weakness.”
He had always kept quiet, but this time Jin told himself, this time it was too important; too much had happened. Kazuya had suffered too much today.
“I could not have ever let you getting over me, Kazuya.”
He turned and looked at Jin for a moment, before he closed the door carefully and followed Koki inside.
Jin kept an eye on them until they were not visible anymore, then he let go of his calmness for the first time. He covered his face with his hands and sighed heavily.
After he had given up on Kazuya last year, it was hard to admit that this had affected him more than it should have. He had remembered every single detail of their relationship today and being aware of all the mistakes he had done, all the times he had hurt Kazuya, they had hurt each other, he didn’t know how to go on.
How could they manage this situation if they couldn’t have managed all the ones before?
Jin took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat, as he started the car again. The only thing he could do now was to stay by Kazuya’s side. No matter if Kazuya was aware of it or not.
Kazuya had hard times lying ahead and Jin would do his best to help him getting through them.
Two days had passed and Jin hadn’t heard a single word from Kazuya. He didn’t know how the younger one was doing, if he managed to get through it or if he was a complete wrack.
But, however, Jin knew that Kazuya was not alone; Koki was always with him and as much as Jin hated that fact, it also calmed him.
After all, Kazuya laid a lot of trust in Koki, so Jin assumed that it was good for Kazuya to have him around these days. It was better for him than to have Jin around, he had to acknowledge it.
This morning he had gotten a call from their manager to come to the office today; he assumed the other members would be there, as well. But Jin didn’t expect Kazuya to come.
Minako had collapsed. Jin assumed it had been that moment, when everyone had hurried back into the church. The pictures had shown her crying and clinging to her mother and everyone held Kazuya on fault, of course.
But, Jin thought as he entered the Jimusho, the agency would think of something to keep Kazuya’s image. How many scandals in this agency had been handled like this before? Nagase, Ohno, even that cute looking Aiba had had a scandal bigger and more serious than this, hadn’t he? They all had their scandals and the agency had been able to hide things and decline all rumors.
But on the other hand there had been incidents no one had even bothered to decline or lie about. Like in Uchi’s and Kusano’s case. But Jin didn’t even want to think of a punishment like that one for Kazuya.
“I told you, he didn’t say a word”, Jin heard Koki’s voice as he came to their room.
“But he must have had a reason!”
Ueda gripped Nakamaru’s arm and pulled him down next to him at the couch. “Yuichi, leave it.”
“I just want to know what made him do something like that.”
In that moment, Jin entered the room. Taguchi wasn’t there yet and the other three instantly went quiet.
Jin gave them a mumbled “Good Morning” and sat down next to Koki then. It remained silent.
“Kazuya’s just not that type of guy who would do that without a good reason”, Nakamaru finally broke it and looked at them, awaiting their agreements.
“True, indeed”, Koki said. “But for the whole time he’s been at my place he hasn’t said a single word at all. He doesn’t even try to defend himself.”
Ueda cleared his throat. “It doesn’t matter anyway. The agency will come up with a story that will drag him out of the bad spotlight.”
Jin nodded. “Most likely.”
Taguchi came in, followed by one of the managers. They were led to another room with a huge table and were told to sit down. Three of their managers were waiting already and gave them serious looks.
“Why is Kame not here?”, Junno asked finally.
Jin gave him an annoyed look. It was obvious that Kazuya was not in the condition to join this, wasn’t it? But Taguchi noticed their looks and shrugged his shoulders.
“He’s a part of the band as well, and this concerns him, doesn’t it? We can’t make any decision on how to go on without him.”
Everyone stared at him, partly surprised by hearing such deep thoughts from Taguchi, partly because they had to agree he was right.
But before anyone could say so, one of their managers spoke up. “There are no decisions for you to make. Everything’s set up already.”
They turned to him and Jin knew in that moment that times would not just become hard for Kazuya, but for all of them.
“We took Kamenashi-kun to a hotel this morning. He’s checked in under a false name and we made sure the press wouldn’t find out. It’s not because we don’t want him to be found, but he’s in an instable condition, psychological. We want to keep him from being confronted with questions as long as possible.”
They all nodded, not knowing what to say.
“As for the band, you’re having a hiatus. It’s not a punishment, but more a consequence. We don’t want you to go with just the five of you. It worked when Akanishi-kun was on hiatus, but this case is different. And it won’t be long. Probably a month. Just until things have calmed down.”
Ueda cleared his throat again. “Are we suspended from everything or just band activities?”
“The only one suspended from everything is Kamenashi-kun. It doesn’t affect your guys’ works in dramas or anything else.”
Jin bit his lower lip, leaning back in his chair. “Did you tell Kamenashi already?”
“He already knows about it.”
They all thought the same, they all were worried, but Koki was the one who brought it up first. “Did he try to defend himself?”
The manger shook his head. “No, he didn’t give us a reason. He didn’t even try to argue as we told him. But we’re working on a story for the press.”
“One that will keep his face?”, Nakamaru wanted to know.
“One that will explain everything.”
His mobile phone was ringing non-stop and Kazuya felt the urge to take it and throw it to the wall at the other side of the room.
He didn’t even bother to check the number, because no matter whom it was; he didn’t want to talk.
This day had been worse. One of the hotel’s staff had brought him the newspaper with his breakfast and Kazuya wished they wouldn’t have. He had seen a picture of Minako at the front page with the headliner saying She’s been cheating from the beginning.
It wasn’t like that sentence had brought him into his current mood. Not particularly, since he knew this was wrong. It was more the fact that it was wrong. A lie.
This was not true; all those pictures of Minako with another man had to be faked. Kazuya wasn’t quite sure how they had managed to get those pictures, but they were not real. Also, the whole story that he had found out long before the wedding was just hilarious. It said he couldn’t handle the knowledge of marrying a woman who had cheated on him and that had made him running from the ceremony.
He couldn’t imagine anyone would believe this. But the article gave a lot of evidence and people were easily fooled.
Minako hadn’t cheated on him. If anyone, Kazuya had cheated on her with always having Jin in mind. He had even had Jin in mind when he had kissed her, touched her. He had compared them, what was even worse.
And he had always felt empty afterwards, because it had never felt like back then with Jin. It had never filled him, left him all dazzled and breathless. Overwhelmed with love and affection.
But, feeling so bad about it now, Kazuya was sure he loved Minako in a way. Different from how he had loved Jin, but he loved her.
She was honest, pure and always cheerful. She had accepted him the way he had been, she had left him space when he had needed it and had been there when he wanted her to be there.
She had given more of herself than Kazuya had been giving.
And everything she’s gotten in the end was this.
Kazuya moaned slightly and buried his face in his palms. He wanted to see her and apologize. He wanted to comfort her and take all burdens.
She didn’t deserve this. She was the only one in this farce being not at fault at all. And yet, in public she got blamed for things turning out like this, just because Kazuya’s image had to be kept.
He felt horrible.
Of course, his career was all he got at this point and losing it would be the worst. But he couldn’t actually live in the knowledge he practically destroyed another person’s life. Especially when the other person was precious to him.
Things were complicated and he knew hiding here wouldn’t make anything better, but he couldn’t build up the courage to be honest and answer all the questions. He should stand up and tell them the stories weren’t true, that he was the one who took the entire fault. But that would ruin his career, would leave him all alone and broken.
As a man, Kazuya realized, he was a complete looser. He was too selfish to protect the woman he had been going to marry from all this, only because he was afraid of being unprotected himself.
Sighing, he got up from the couch he had been lying at for a few hours now. The past three days he hadn’t slept much and had rejected nearly everything they had brought up for him to eat.
Kazuya had no appetite and felt trapped. He wanted to get out of here and be distracted of his spinning thoughts.
He looked out of the huge window that showed a pretty view of the city. It was already dark outside and the lights were sparkling brightly, painting the city in bright and dazzling colors.
When he had been at Koki’s the first evening he had just felt numb.
Crying was not an option, though he had felt pity for himself for being so stupid, he hadn’t allowed himself to cry. But he also hadn’t talked. He had just sat in Koki’s living room, staring out of the window there and listening to Koki.
It had been distracting. Koki had tried everything to make him feel better. He hadn’t asked a single question, but had kept on talking about other things. Talking about things like how he had bought that couch and what a mess he had made in the room since he hadn’t known where to put it and had changed the whole furniture because of it; about how he had caught Ueda and Nakamaru kissing the other day and had been all surprised by it. He had kept on talking until Kazuya had fallen asleep.
The next day, Kazuya had gotten a call from Johnny himself and he had never been that scared. Even so, he had picked up and had listened to the scolding. He had apologized and Johnny had sighed. He had told him that he had to await consequences, but had also said in a smooth and kind of friendly voice that he felt pity for Kazuya and wanted him to take his time to get over it.
Then he had added that it wasn’t bad Kazuya didn’t get married after all, since it was, of course, easier to make money with an idol that had no strings attached.
It had made Kazuya smile for a moment and had left him a bit calmer, since he knew this way, Johnny planned to still make money with him, so he wouldn’t have to leave Kat-tun or be degraded.
But he hadn’t shown much of emotions that day, either. Not even the next day when they had brought him to this hotel in the early morning. His manager had told him the band would have a hiatus for a while, but the other members wouldn’t be affected. He would be suspended from all kind of works. And even though that had hit him hard, Kazuya had just nodded and accepted it like that.
As he left his hotel room for the first time now, he felt better. He knew it was risky, but it was dark outside and no one knew he was here. He wore glasses and a hat and didn’t act remarkable, so, he thought, it should be fine.
Just for a few hours he wanted to get distracted, that was all. He’d get over to Koki’s place and would let him talk again. He knew Koki would do him the favor. Kazuya felt more comfortable when he wasn’t alone right now.
The streets were quite empty and as he got to the substation no one took notice of him, either. Everyone was occupied with his own business and even if someone saw him out, he didn’t mind. He hadn’t gotten any prohibition to leave his hotel room; he was free to go anywhere. Being recognized and getting into trouble would be his own problem.
He got into the next train and sat rather isolated staring out of the window and got off casually at the last station when only a few more people were left.
Long and busy days had always been best to distract his mind, but he wouldn’t have those for a while now and he wasn’t quite sure what to do to get rid of this knot inside his chest. Kazuya felt like crying, but he knew he couldn’t show that weakness in front of anybody, so he had to find a way to distract himself from that feeling, from that urge.
When he entered the huge apartment building, he decided to take the stairs instead of the lift and took his time. He had to go quite far upstairs, but he didn’t mind. The higher he got, the safer he felt. He got away from everyone else in this world and upstairs it would just be the two of them and he’d get a little peace.
As he crossed the corridor at the right floor, Kazuya took of his hat and reached his hand out to knock at the door.
He waited for a moment as no one opened and bit his lower lip. He probably wasn’t here. It had been a bad idea to come here; instead, he should have just gone to…
The door opened and Kazuya remained at his spot.
“Kazuya.”
It didn’t sound as surprised as Jin really was. He stared at the younger male and opened his mouth, closed it again; uncertain how to react.
“I’m sorry”, Kazuya said slowly and managed a smile.
Jin shook his head and stepped aside. “Come in.”
As Kazuya stepped in and took off his shoes, Jin took the moment to turn away and try to gather himself. His heart was beating too fast and he was utterly irritated.
“How did you get here?”
“I took the train.”
Jin stared at him in disbelief. “Just like that?”
Kazuya turned to him. “I can’t hide forever. No one’s prohibiting me to leave the hotel, are they?”
“No, but what if they had recognized you…” Jin shrugged his shoulders. “Well, it’s your decision”, he said finally not wanting to start an argument or even a fight.
They stood like that for a moment, then Jin got nervous again and pointed at the door to the living room. “Why don’t you sit down? I’ve just wanted to eat; I’ll bring it over.”
Kazuya just went ahead and Jin sighed as he got into the kitchen. Of course, Kazuya had a tough time, but why did he show up here so suddenly? Hadn’t he said being alone with Jin was the last thing he wanted?
Jin put the curry and rice he had prepared onto two plates and brought it to the living room where Kazuya was sitting at his couch, totally stiff and obviously nervous.
He set the plates at the small table and sat down next to Kazuya, but kept a distance between them.
“They’re blaming her.”
Jin was a little surprised by that, but eventually managed to nod. “I’ve read it.”
“She must be broken”, the smaller one added.
“She’s going to deny those stories.”
“Of course, since they are not true.”
Jin took his chopsticks and started to playfully pour them through the curry. “They can’t leave it with you being the bad one who dropped her at the wedding day.”
Kazuya watched Jin’s hands. “But it’s simple like that.”
“Kazuya…”
“I’m suspended from all works for a while”, he got interrupted by the brunette.
“They told us yesterday.”
“I’m sorry for you guys; I brought you into a critical situation as well.”
Jin shook his head. “The other ones are also worried. They’re not mad. Ueda probably is a bit, but not really.”
Kazuya got up again, unable to sit quietly. He fidgeted the hat in his hand and avoided looking at Jin. “I should stand up for myself and just… do something.”
“That’s probably not a good idea.”
The younger one turned away. “I can’t hide forever.”
Jin knew Kazuya was revolving around something. There was something that had made him come here, but now he couldn’t build up the courage to do or say it. It made Jin’s heart feel heavy and clenched to see him like that and he wanted to help him; he wanted to take Kazuya into his arms and hide him from the rest of the world and end his suffering, but he didn’t know how to do that.
“Kazuya, why did you come here?”
Now he turned back to Jin and the older one felt his heart skip a beat as he saw the teary eyes. “It’s my fault. She’s suffering so badly and I’ve troubled you guys and just made a huge mess. I simply don’t know what to do.” He threw his hands up in the air, lowered them again and looked clueless at Jin. “I can’t be weak now.”
Now Jin understood and he got up as well. “It’s okay.”
Kazuya pressed his lips together and now looked directly into Jin’s eyes. “You’ve said you’d let me cry, didn’t you?”
Seeing no point in answering this with words, Jin made a step toward Kazuya and just pulled him to his chest, locking him into a warm embrace. Kazuya’s hands gripped the sides of Jin’s shirt as he buried his face at the older one’s neck.
“Let go, Kazuya; it’s okay.”
As the first tear drenched his shirt, Jin moved a hand up into Kazuya’s hair and he gently stroke the back of his neck, murmuring words of comfort. They remained standing in the middle of the room, Kazuya clinging to Jin and crying silently, while Jin comforted him with gentle touches and words.
After Kazuya’s sobs got quieter and he seemed calmer, Jin drew back and took Kazuya’s hand, leading him to the bedroom. He didn’t say a word as he stripped Kazuya off of his jacket and pushed him gently to the mattress. “You look like you haven’t slept in ages”, he just commented and covered the younger one with a blanket.
Red and swollen eyes stared up at Jin and Kazuya nodded.
“Just get some sleep. I’ll be here.”
Kazuya nodded again, unable to say something. He was thankful to Jin for being with him like this and only the fact that Jin had said he’d stay by his side made him feel reassured. But he couldn’t express it, so he just curled up under the blankets and reached out his hand from beneath it.
Jin didn’t hesitate to take it and tenderly caress the back of Kazuya’s hand with his thumb. He couldn’t reject Kazuya now. They’d have time to talk later; now Kazuya just needed comfort.
“Just until I’m asleep”, Kazuya whispered and closed his eyes.
Jin stayed, sitting at the edge of the bed; his hand holding Kazuya’s and he watched him drifting into sleep.
He even stayed as Kazuya was long asleep, his breath steady and calm and as Kazuya sighed slightly in relief, it echoed in Jin.
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Thanks so much for reading! I hope you liked it! I'm always happy over comments, be it critical or praising... I'm taking sweets and cute hair clips as well. And everyhing Tegoshi-related XD
Gomen v.v *back to my serious self*