To the guys I envy:

[yumicake]

All my plans get rolled over, just ignored or disregarded like I'm left handed or something. And fuck, I'm not going out because I'm too shy to tell someone how I feel about them and invite them away from school. There's absolutely nothing to do in Marietta. When thinking of ice-skating, renting movies, going out to eat, it's almost repulsive.

Comments

[jthee]

Y'know... I know exactly how you feel. For the longest time, I wanted nothing more than to be out of school and away from everyone I know. All attendance does is help you learn how to regurgitate what the teachers want you to spew back at them. I'm not promoting skipping class; I just think you're right about attendance.

You're also completely right about not needing to explain yourself to kids at school. Nobody's going to understand, ever.. that'd just be too easy. I know you've probably heard this a bunch of times before, but the communication and social skills can come through practice. I found it easiest to practice talking with random strangers. If you're never going to see someone again, why does it matter that you make an ass of yourself? :)

.. and yeah... you don't need to be a male to be a comedian. There are plenty of female comedians. It's just one of those things... either you can do it or you can't, y'know?

Lastly.. just because you find most guys appealing in some sense doesn't mean you're a loser. I personally believe that it just means you're optimistic, and you're good at seeing past peoples' faults and to the goodness in them. That's far from loserish!

I hope this helped some... I wish I could do more. If there is anything, don't hesitate to let me know, okay?

P.S. Take it from one who's there - trying to kill yourself doesn't solve anything, it just makes it worse.

[ildocededolce]

Actually I think being female and a comedian gives you a bit of an edge over the typical male Jewish/White trash/Black comedian (let's face it, the 90's weren't that great for comedy and that would be one of the reason's why), just don't fall into the whole "I have a bleeding vagina in America and it sucks" bear trap. I personally think you are quite capable. Just follow the above advice about talking to random people and testing out some quips. Oh! and I too pathetically read over my journal.

[yumicake]

Don't tell me, Margaret Cho?

[ildocededolce]

Possibly. But if raunchiness is not your "bag" so to speak I still think you'll have an edge. We all know by now that women enjoy having things thrust up their vaginas at will.