To the guys I envy:
All my plans get rolled over, just ignored or disregarded like I'm left handed or something. And fuck, I'm not going out because I'm too shy to tell someone how I feel about them and invite them away from school. There's absolutely nothing to do in Marietta. When thinking of ice-skating, renting movies, going out to eat, it's almost repulsive. There's a limit to how many times you can see Jake Gylenhaal on screen, forcing his ass upon Heath Ledger.
I tell myself that things will improve when I go to college. They won't. Hardly anyone will be accepted to an out-of-state university and society doesn't drastically change when you move 200 miles to the south. Georgians only know about Georgia.
Comedy really is the only acceptable output lately. However, Comedy Central only plays ethnic comedians telling jokes about their heritage. That's overdone and it's killing me.
Sometimes, I think if I slipped up and had a child, there'd be a way out of public schooling and teachers forcing their believes down my throat. Attendance isn't necessary for a good education. When I told my mother this, she disagreed. What the fuck is wrong with being absent. If I had a child or did drugs there wouldn't be a need to go out on Friday nights or be socially understood. But, children are just constant reminders that you should have worn a condom.
I shouldn't feel the need to explain myself to kids at school. One track minded pieces of shit. Lmfao, no one understands what I'm talking about. They misinterpret it because I have small social skills, if any at all. Communicating isn't my thing. I am too random. I feel like dying but don't want to bring myself to pain or death. I want to be happy, fulfilled, contempt. I want to be male so I can become a comedian.
The problem is that I don't have much courage.
My mother told me that I'm too accepting, that I find most guys attractive because my father was an asshole when I was younger. He's still an asshole and I find most guys appealing in some sense. This makes me a loser. The fact that I find myself rereading my LiveJournal entries to fill time makes me a loser. I work at HoneyBaked Ham and today I applied to BlockBuster and Best Buy. I can't cook, wait for pasta to boil completely and I have little self restraint. The one thing I want more than anything right now is acceptance, or, in other words, a boyfriend.
Vaginal Cysts and Interior Bleeding. Kill yourself, you surfer-chick whore.
I tell myself that things will improve when I go to college. They won't. Hardly anyone will be accepted to an out-of-state university and society doesn't drastically change when you move 200 miles to the south. Georgians only know about Georgia.
Comedy really is the only acceptable output lately. However, Comedy Central only plays ethnic comedians telling jokes about their heritage. That's overdone and it's killing me.
Sometimes, I think if I slipped up and had a child, there'd be a way out of public schooling and teachers forcing their believes down my throat. Attendance isn't necessary for a good education. When I told my mother this, she disagreed. What the fuck is wrong with being absent. If I had a child or did drugs there wouldn't be a need to go out on Friday nights or be socially understood. But, children are just constant reminders that you should have worn a condom.
I shouldn't feel the need to explain myself to kids at school. One track minded pieces of shit. Lmfao, no one understands what I'm talking about. They misinterpret it because I have small social skills, if any at all. Communicating isn't my thing. I am too random. I feel like dying but don't want to bring myself to pain or death. I want to be happy, fulfilled, contempt. I want to be male so I can become a comedian.
The problem is that I don't have much courage.
My mother told me that I'm too accepting, that I find most guys attractive because my father was an asshole when I was younger. He's still an asshole and I find most guys appealing in some sense. This makes me a loser. The fact that I find myself rereading my LiveJournal entries to fill time makes me a loser. I work at HoneyBaked Ham and today I applied to BlockBuster and Best Buy. I can't cook, wait for pasta to boil completely and I have little self restraint. The one thing I want more than anything right now is acceptance, or, in other words, a boyfriend.
Vaginal Cysts and Interior Bleeding. Kill yourself, you surfer-chick whore.