reprecussions

[yumbby]

My grandma said "your chickens always come to roost" Old fashioned saying but boy is it true... I've done alot of shit in my life and even though I might have had reasons, medically, emotionally, etc.. the damage has still been done. And I am paying in spades. I have no right to feel bad or sorry for myself, but here's the kicker.. I still feel sorry for myself. bleh. I'm living in a ratty apartment with nothing but a mattress and a computer, working three jobs, more than 80 hours a week, and still wonder how I'm going to buy groceries next week. I just wish I would've appreciated what I had when I had it. What I'd give for a time machine. What I'd give to be a couple again.. have someone to come home to.. enough to pay the bills, a friend to hang out with... can't a person in hell have some small reprieve? Instead I get never ending poverty, heat, mosquitos, loneliness, hurricanes, just to name a few.

I hate people who constantly feel sorry for themselves without doing anything about it.. well, I'm doing everything I can to make things better.. I just can't work anymore hours.

sigh. pitiful much?