new summer, old story
Back into pjs 24/7, having bruises on my arms, feeling like my body's being washed away all over again. I've been walking about, talking to the nurses I know who are still here and going up to the same old roof (they have a flowerbed there now), despite the growing pain and weakness, my legs as steady, so it's the rest of me. When I'm not on drugs, like now, I can't help but thinking that if an episode as bad as before is coming, then it should come already, so I can start my recovery as soon as possible.
My doctor said I could go back to my 'normal' life tomorrow if I want, he would give me painkillers to take are night when the pain worsens, but there is always the change I might collapse, and if I'm not as lucky as before (and he used that word) and my diaphragm paralyzes as well, it might be fatal. The chances of it happening is small, but then again everything about this illness is 'small', apart from how much it ruins my plans.
I'll decide tomorrow. I need to go back to school, I have a lot to do. My parents are also leaving tomorrow morning, my mother wants to move back to Tokyo while I'm ill though, I'm not sure what good that would do.
[private]
I seem to have stopped everyone's life again. It's enough that my plans are disrrupted, but Sanada's, Renji's... my family's... the club and the team and the committee... and my sponsors... the shop...
... It's still fighting this damn thing for the same dreams all over again. Why me? Why twice... what the hell is wrong with my body? Will always be like this everytime I get a little virus?
4 days here and I'm already fed up. I still don't understand how I survived almost a year of this.
My doctor said I could go back to my 'normal' life tomorrow if I want, he would give me painkillers to take are night when the pain worsens, but there is always the change I might collapse, and if I'm not as lucky as before (and he used that word) and my diaphragm paralyzes as well, it might be fatal. The chances of it happening is small, but then again everything about this illness is 'small', apart from how much it ruins my plans.
I'll decide tomorrow. I need to go back to school, I have a lot to do. My parents are also leaving tomorrow morning, my mother wants to move back to Tokyo while I'm ill though, I'm not sure what good that would do.
[private]
I seem to have stopped everyone's life again. It's enough that my plans are disrrupted, but Sanada's, Renji's... my family's... the club and the team and the committee... and my sponsors... the shop...
... It's still fighting this damn thing for the same dreams all over again. Why me? Why twice... what the hell is wrong with my body? Will always be like this everytime I get a little virus?
4 days here and I'm already fed up. I still don't understand how I survived almost a year of this.