Something's Coming.
So. I've had an interesting past few days. First off, Hubert's gone to work in Orlando for like a month. Then.. then, oh then, he'll be hea' to meet the family. My grandma's pleased; when I originally got back from Florida I went and had pictures developed and took them to her and she's said he has a really nice smile X3
But with him being gone, I don't know. I think it was necessary, but not just for the money. It was the first time in a long time where I wasn't able to contact him when I needed to. I was okay, though. Yeah it sucked when I -wanted- to but it was a little reassuring because I know I'm good if I do have to go without for a while. I was pretty busy with work, went to a couple movies, met up with some people I hadn't seen for a while, went to the ex with Yuko aaaand.. SAW CREESON AGAIN!
Oh my lord, I hadn't seen him since before I left for Florida. He was the only person I told anything to about actually meeting a guy there (mostly because I'm a little self-conscious about the meeting online deal and I trust him enough not to be a dick about it) and he was cool with it, as expected. Then when I got back, I pretty much disappeared from everyone who knew me except Whitney and Yuko (and just because I live with her.) So we ended up hanging out this past Saturday, me, him and TJ and HEY. Whaddayanno, I totally had a good time. We went to see Theory of a Dead Man, and I got us to the front (thanks to my asshole skills) and chilled out there for a bit. Then me and TJ effed off to get some drink and waited for Creeson at the back of the crowd.
Creeson went home, and I met TJ's brother for the first time and the three of us ended up at three separate parties. All of which provided.. very uh, awkward/interesting situations. I've always thought Native guys were just like... I don't know. I haven't met any I could really relate with (I'll get to that in a second) and that night was totally no exception. All gangster wannabes with only one interest blatantly at heart, "Man you got some wicked hips, girl. Just wicked hot." Thanks for disgusting me. I ended up surrounded by like four grown men, all of which older than me and none of which as far along the success ladder except the 30some year old who was their DD. At the end of the night, TJ was telling me that Aaron was watching me and asking if I'd be okay, and TJ's like "Yeah I thought I'd just let you sit there and see how you handled it." Big dummy >:( The girl who Aaron brought with him ended up saving me, and the four of us left for TJ's place.
I don't know. For a long time I'd always felt obligated to end up with a native guy, just like.. I don't know. Uphold our status or whatever, you know? But the culture is so different. There's such different mindsets that go along with family-based cultures. And when I say that, I mean like.. in mainstream society, the end-goal is to "be successful". Have the big house, content family, comfortable lives and ultimately, a good paying job to uphold all that. But it's different when you pay attention to natives. Like.. it's seriously all about finding someone you like and having kids. Which is wonderful in some aspects; you have the closest, most tightly knit communities you can have, really. It's not "every man for himself" kinda thing. But for whatever reason, the way I've been brought up, I need more than that.
We ended up at TJ's place and like, I guess Aaron and the girl (her name was Darianne) wanted some privacy so TJ came to my place and crashed after we'd talked for a while; I found out some pretty interesting things about him, and just in general. He's a ridiculously smart guy. Maintains a 90 average in university while still partying like fuck.
You know, I love finding out about people.. I really do, but it's sort of disheartening because the more I do, the more I realize how hard it is to come by a reliable and solid person. I love people who are consistent because ... you sort of know what to expect in the future. But I realized.. you know, in order to truly be comfortable, you need to have faith even when you're uncertain. I can't rely on people to provide me with certainty about the future.. by doing that I rule out pretty much 2/3 of people I meet at this point in life because it seems no one really knows where they'll end up. Most of them will get there eventually; I'm learning to have faith in that. ... I think a large part of that lesson is coming from having faith in Hubert.
He's so good. I meet more and more people (namely guys) and it just.. it makes me realize how great he is. How much i want this to work out. He's a beautiful person and I'm so excited to see how he'll end up.
As for ending up.. I don't know. Lately I've been feeling tremendous amounts of restlessness about what's going to happen. I don't know where I'm going or what to expect. I know what I'm aiming for, and I can see it way way in the distance, but I don't know the best route to get there. I'm kind of at a slump right now. I work at a dollarstore, and feel dead each time I go there, even though I know it's temporary. I feel dead because.. I feel like I should be doing something else. Developing my portfolio. Working on my commissions. And Bev.. the store manager and supervisor, I don't want to let her down. From what I observe that store, and her husband are her life. And I hate being unreliable. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT APPLYING FOR GRANTS. APPLY FOR A GRANT. sdjfskd I fucking know someone on the Sask Arts Board even, and I know he'd have me approved. And this way I can actually .. do what i want to do. I feel like I should apply. But first I need to figure out how to get out of my current position at the dollar store. Fucking responsibilities :\
So.. my friend Corrine. I saw her briefly before he weekend and asked if she could give me a reading when she came back. I know she can't be specific about it but I want some.. assurance.. about what needs to be done.
My rats are cute. Their names are Dali and Baby. I know the second name is lame, but it kind of stuck while I was trying to think up one.
Also I joined a gym. :) Gon'lose some weight and my "wicked hips". (I don't even understand that. Native girls don't fucking have hips. we're built like boys :I )
And.. I got my hair cut :D
But with him being gone, I don't know. I think it was necessary, but not just for the money. It was the first time in a long time where I wasn't able to contact him when I needed to. I was okay, though. Yeah it sucked when I -wanted- to but it was a little reassuring because I know I'm good if I do have to go without for a while. I was pretty busy with work, went to a couple movies, met up with some people I hadn't seen for a while, went to the ex with Yuko aaaand.. SAW CREESON AGAIN!
Oh my lord, I hadn't seen him since before I left for Florida. He was the only person I told anything to about actually meeting a guy there (mostly because I'm a little self-conscious about the meeting online deal and I trust him enough not to be a dick about it) and he was cool with it, as expected. Then when I got back, I pretty much disappeared from everyone who knew me except Whitney and Yuko (and just because I live with her.) So we ended up hanging out this past Saturday, me, him and TJ and HEY. Whaddayanno, I totally had a good time. We went to see Theory of a Dead Man, and I got us to the front (thanks to my asshole skills) and chilled out there for a bit. Then me and TJ effed off to get some drink and waited for Creeson at the back of the crowd.
Creeson went home, and I met TJ's brother for the first time and the three of us ended up at three separate parties. All of which provided.. very uh, awkward/interesting situations. I've always thought Native guys were just like... I don't know. I haven't met any I could really relate with (I'll get to that in a second) and that night was totally no exception. All gangster wannabes with only one interest blatantly at heart, "Man you got some wicked hips, girl. Just wicked hot." Thanks for disgusting me. I ended up surrounded by like four grown men, all of which older than me and none of which as far along the success ladder except the 30some year old who was their DD. At the end of the night, TJ was telling me that Aaron was watching me and asking if I'd be okay, and TJ's like "Yeah I thought I'd just let you sit there and see how you handled it." Big dummy >:( The girl who Aaron brought with him ended up saving me, and the four of us left for TJ's place.
I don't know. For a long time I'd always felt obligated to end up with a native guy, just like.. I don't know. Uphold our status or whatever, you know? But the culture is so different. There's such different mindsets that go along with family-based cultures. And when I say that, I mean like.. in mainstream society, the end-goal is to "be successful". Have the big house, content family, comfortable lives and ultimately, a good paying job to uphold all that. But it's different when you pay attention to natives. Like.. it's seriously all about finding someone you like and having kids. Which is wonderful in some aspects; you have the closest, most tightly knit communities you can have, really. It's not "every man for himself" kinda thing. But for whatever reason, the way I've been brought up, I need more than that.
We ended up at TJ's place and like, I guess Aaron and the girl (her name was Darianne) wanted some privacy so TJ came to my place and crashed after we'd talked for a while; I found out some pretty interesting things about him, and just in general. He's a ridiculously smart guy. Maintains a 90 average in university while still partying like fuck.
You know, I love finding out about people.. I really do, but it's sort of disheartening because the more I do, the more I realize how hard it is to come by a reliable and solid person. I love people who are consistent because ... you sort of know what to expect in the future. But I realized.. you know, in order to truly be comfortable, you need to have faith even when you're uncertain. I can't rely on people to provide me with certainty about the future.. by doing that I rule out pretty much 2/3 of people I meet at this point in life because it seems no one really knows where they'll end up. Most of them will get there eventually; I'm learning to have faith in that. ... I think a large part of that lesson is coming from having faith in Hubert.
He's so good. I meet more and more people (namely guys) and it just.. it makes me realize how great he is. How much i want this to work out. He's a beautiful person and I'm so excited to see how he'll end up.
As for ending up.. I don't know. Lately I've been feeling tremendous amounts of restlessness about what's going to happen. I don't know where I'm going or what to expect. I know what I'm aiming for, and I can see it way way in the distance, but I don't know the best route to get there. I'm kind of at a slump right now. I work at a dollarstore, and feel dead each time I go there, even though I know it's temporary. I feel dead because.. I feel like I should be doing something else. Developing my portfolio. Working on my commissions. And Bev.. the store manager and supervisor, I don't want to let her down. From what I observe that store, and her husband are her life. And I hate being unreliable. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT APPLYING FOR GRANTS. APPLY FOR A GRANT. sdjfskd I fucking know someone on the Sask Arts Board even, and I know he'd have me approved. And this way I can actually .. do what i want to do. I feel like I should apply. But first I need to figure out how to get out of my current position at the dollar store. Fucking responsibilities :\
So.. my friend Corrine. I saw her briefly before he weekend and asked if she could give me a reading when she came back. I know she can't be specific about it but I want some.. assurance.. about what needs to be done.
My rats are cute. Their names are Dali and Baby. I know the second name is lame, but it kind of stuck while I was trying to think up one.
Also I joined a gym. :) Gon'lose some weight and my "wicked hips". (I don't even understand that. Native girls don't fucking have hips. we're built like boys :I )
And.. I got my hair cut :D