(no subject)
I want to scream. I just want to fucking ... go nuts. I don't know what else to do. What will probably happen is that I'll just live with this absolutely incredible feeling for a while, and it'll eventually turn into base knowledge. I am so... fucking.. I don't even know how to describe it. I am glad.
I am limitless.
I am without borders, because the direction I CAN go? I want to go, so fucking badly. I will go carefully but steadfastly. And I will go with the most attentive and receptive disposition as possible. I'm so good at this. I'm so good at learning. At least.. I gather this from the fact that I keep doing it.
I wonder if this direction is one that I chose. I mean, obviously I've chosen to walk down it a little bit. But if I wanted... could I stop, turn back and go down another one and feel like this? There is ... nothing that has made me feel so positive. Nothing. No person's love, no thing's value, no person's acceptance or anything. It's really.. god. I don't know how to explain it.
The only way I can explain it... is like.. okay. You have a plan for the future. You think about it constantly.. you imagine everything about it, right down to the last minute detail. But It's like.. even with all of that, NONE of it compares with when it actually happens. It's being aware of everything that contributes to your feeling of the event actually happening. It's not happiness, or maybe it is. But it's so overwhelmingly positive. That's how I'm feeling right now.. and it all has to do with me simply doing what I do, how I do.
I look back at everything that has happened over the past year and a half... and I am.. astounded by how much I've done. I am so fucking proud. And everything I'm currently doing.. just feels right. I am right. I think about what ... I might do? And I am so overwhelmed, but it's amazing. I am so anxious.
I don't know where to direct this, whether it be myself, or.. God, if there is a God, or the Creator, or maybe just the significant people in my life, but thank you.
Gottago study for my Film midterm on Thursday. Ick.
I am limitless.
I am without borders, because the direction I CAN go? I want to go, so fucking badly. I will go carefully but steadfastly. And I will go with the most attentive and receptive disposition as possible. I'm so good at this. I'm so good at learning. At least.. I gather this from the fact that I keep doing it.
I wonder if this direction is one that I chose. I mean, obviously I've chosen to walk down it a little bit. But if I wanted... could I stop, turn back and go down another one and feel like this? There is ... nothing that has made me feel so positive. Nothing. No person's love, no thing's value, no person's acceptance or anything. It's really.. god. I don't know how to explain it.
The only way I can explain it... is like.. okay. You have a plan for the future. You think about it constantly.. you imagine everything about it, right down to the last minute detail. But It's like.. even with all of that, NONE of it compares with when it actually happens. It's being aware of everything that contributes to your feeling of the event actually happening. It's not happiness, or maybe it is. But it's so overwhelmingly positive. That's how I'm feeling right now.. and it all has to do with me simply doing what I do, how I do.
I look back at everything that has happened over the past year and a half... and I am.. astounded by how much I've done. I am so fucking proud. And everything I'm currently doing.. just feels right. I am right. I think about what ... I might do? And I am so overwhelmed, but it's amazing. I am so anxious.
I don't know where to direct this, whether it be myself, or.. God, if there is a God, or the Creator, or maybe just the significant people in my life, but thank you.
Gottago study for my Film midterm on Thursday. Ick.