Chasing Butterflies, chapter 19/25, RukixNi~ya, AoixReita, KaixUruha
Title: Chasing butterflies
Author: yukigafuru
Rating: PG-17
Chapter: 19/25
Pairings: Aoi/Reita, RukixNi~ya, KaixUruha
Bands: Gazette, Nightmare
Warnings: non-graphic underage consensual sex
Genre: angst, romance
Summary: Life is short. You try to catch it and it slips through your fingers. Life is also beautiful. It astounds you at every step. And it only takes one minute, one encounter to change it forever.
Chapter 19
There was nothing Aoi treasured more than waking up lazy and content next to his husband. It had been a couple of months since Reita's discharge from the hospital and even though he himself had chosen to go back to school, applying himself to his studies with the hope of being able to study medicine, Reita had indeed started managerial classes.
The classes he was taking did not require strict attendance or even presence during class as most universities demanded. He had chosen a private school whose system was an original mix between a professional school and an universitary managerial program. He had more freedom in choosing his courses and professors but had to pass all his exams with certain grades at a specific time. Aoi had been worried at first when hearing the details, concerned that Reita might not be able to handle the pressure exam period brought with it. But his husband was stubborn and determined and in the end he had seen no way for him to oppose his wishes. Thus, while Aoi went to school, Reita busied himself with studying for his courses.
At some point, he had been worried that it would all turn out to be a wasted effort. After all, wouldn't Reita need a high-school diploma either way? His lover carefully explained that no, in fact he did not. There were many successful managers that had simply “landed” with the job as opposed to studying for it. Reita saw himself as one of them. He was planning on working with and for his childhood friend and was already envisioning the future concerts and press releases and television appearances. Which didn't mean he wouldn't like to graduate from high-school, just that he had other priorities at the moment. The reality, that it all depended on the doctor's forecast, was at the forefront of their thoughts so there was no need to mention it once more.
“Love, aren't you getting just a little ahead of yourself?” Aoi had asked him one evening. His husband looked at him with warm loving eyes and then shrugged.
“Maybe. Yet, Aoi, it's been weeks.” He said, and it was so gently whispered that even Aoi would have missed it if not pressed intimately close to the other man. It was said with fear and awe, as if the words could bring bad luck, change fate or the tide or whatever had allowed them these peaceful weeks. “I'm scared to go to the doctor. It's just... I've had no headaches, no dizzy spells, no heat waves... absolutely nothing to remind me of my disease. It's as if it's suddenly disappeared and I'm not usually one to believe in miracles.”
Aoi wasn't one either yet the evidence before them... Could it have been just the peace and love that surrounded them now? What would happen if they had their first big fight? And what if suddenly things took a turn for the worse? Shaking these thoughts from his mind, he turned Reita's head towards him and kissed the soft pliable mouth. Reita tasted like milk and honey, his favorite bedtime snacks, and he tasted like life and love and just that was enough for now.
“I love you and everything will work out just fine.” He declared between breathless kisses and caresses. Both his hands seemed to acquire a will of their own as they dropped lower and lower, caressing high cheekbones and then an elegant, swan-like neck, sharp collarbones and pert nipples. Aoi's mouth found new spots to taste and pleasurably torture and soon the room was filled with their moans and cries of love.
A night of love-making should have made waking up the next day difficult at best, but Aoi had no problem opening his eyes at his customary half past seven. Not when there was a warm body pressed to his side, soft breath tickling his nape. Reita was beautiful in the morning's diaphanous light, all sharp angles and soft milky skin. Aoi even loved his smallish hands and cute nose that Reita kept complaining about when he found himself staring for too long in the mirror. Aoi also loved Reita's thighs and well proportionate manhood, loved that he was the only one allowed to see Reita in such an exposed posture, warm and nude and even though unaware of it, craving for Aoi's touch. They were teenagers and it really wasn't much of a surprise that more often than not they woke up feeling naughty in the mornings. And when you were married and waking up next to the love of your life, it was just natural for showers to take longer and Aoi almost always be late for school.
This particular day though, it was Saturday and aside from some plans with their friends, they could just take advantage of the dark cloudy weather and spend all morning cuddled up in bed. Not wanting to rouse Reita yet, Aoi simply picked up one of his mandatory reading materials that had laid unopened on his nightstand for days, propped himself up with pillows and placed the book in his lap and while his right hand sneaked its way to Reita's shoulder and caressed the soft skin, his other sustained the book and once every one or two minutes turned the pages.
Reita woke a few tens of pages later, when the clouds had finally started to relieve their burden and soak the world with life-bringing rain. Big drops splattered against the windows and tiles and the light and pitter-patter must have finally roused his husband. Still Reita was just content to lie there a few moments more, studying his husbands concentrated profile. Aoi pretended ignorance and let him get away with it.
“It still hits me sometimes how beautiful you are.” Reita confessed and Aoi closed his book and returned it to his nightstand.
“I feel the same when looking at you.” Aoi knew Reita still struggled with the concept when seeing him raise his hand as if to run a hand through his hair and then abort his movement when realizing the futility of the gesture. His hair that had been shaven clean at the hospital when it had started falling had started growing again to some measure but each morning Reita would retire to the bathroom and shave it again, afraid to see how it would look like. Reita made the same gesture now and Aoi quickly snagged his hand and brought it to his lips. “And how sexy you are.” He continued and his lips pressed another kiss, this time to Reita's open palm.
“Maybe I'm finally ready to believe again.” Reita mumbled and Aoi turned shocked eyes at him.
“In what?” He questioned.
“I'll let it grow once more. I'm getting tired of this look.” It may have sounded trivial but it was nothing of the sort. It was a symbolic action of just how far Reita had come. In the last two months, with all signs of the cancer almost miraculously disappearing, his words now had more of a finality to them than even doctors declaring him cured. It meant he believed in himself once more, in beating the cancer, in having gotten his health back. Aoi knew, logically knew that those two months could mean something, could mean nothing or could mean everything. Reita could have gone into remission, could have just been on some sort of placebo-like, happiness induced break, his cancer could have just continued growing at a slower pace. There was no way of knowing except visiting the oncologist and they were both reluctant to take that step before their programmed schedule. Proof or disproof, waiting allowed them to cling to their convictions and happiness.
Aoi did not reply with words but with lengthy and passion-filled kisses. No matter what, he'd support Reita.
….........................
Some say that our lives are just a long string of coincidences, of meetings and fare-wells, of chances gained and lost. Others say that there is no such thing as coincidence, that it is all just our tiny little minds trying to make sense of someone or something's plan for us. Some call it random occurrences, others call it fate, while yet others simply shrug and would rather not think about it at all.
It just so happened that that year's Saturday, third of February became a common denominator for Aoi and Reita's, Kai and Uruha's and Ruki and Ni~ya's fates. And if you can call that an accident of chance, then you might just be one of those people that doesn't believe in anything.
…..................
Reita and Aoi woke up feeling like they could take on the world together. Ruki woke up feeling sleepy and lonely, while on the other side of the globe Ni~ya simply woke up feeling pissed, seeing as today was the first day he was finally allowed to step outside the office and participate in some sort of mission. “That is, if you can call protecting a rich-bitch diva's pompous ass a mission.” He scoffed at the thought. Still, it was better than paperwork, so Ni~ya drank his too concentrated black and bitter cup of coffee, ate a bagel with ham and eggs, went once more over the security plans and after getting dressed and ready for work, left his apartment. He and his team would meet up with the “lady's” own protection detail in less than two hours and he would finally get to meet the woman everyone was hell bent on either loving to bits or cursing to hell. Ni~ya was not quite sure yet on which side he was on.
He had plenty of experience with the surveillance of diplomats and wealthy world leaders, so the grandeur of the Ritz did not make him even take in a breath. He was also quite unconcerned with the three gorillas acting as bodyguards and trailing behind the woman. Neither was he particularly impressed by the menagerie that seemed to accompany her everywhere she went, although he did raise an eyebrow at the pony (Who the hell in their right mind played with ponies once having grown up?) He got his answer and the first taste of what would turn out to be a truly shocking day when he finally had a chance to meet his charge.
The combination of high heels, orange tights that reached past her knees, effectively strangling newly-acquired layers of fat, the handkerchief-short mini skirt and plaid T-shirt may have made a teenager girl look like a fashionable runway model, but it made her look fat, old and ugly when in reality she was none of the above. Without the garish amount of make-up she had on, she could have even looked delicate, and with a more tamed shade and shape of hair, she might have passed off as refined. But the combination of clothing, hair-style and attitude only reminded Ni~ya of a two-year old tortured Barbie doll. And it was exactly like a prepubescent child that she tried and failed at acting. The years had passed her by and turned her from a teenager idol to a star having lost her audience, incapable of growing up. She was too old to sing about rainbows and ponies and too immature to try anything else, stuck in a limbo, slowly draining away her savings with no future or salvation in sight.
Ni~ya might have felt sorry for her if she hadn't attached herself to him the moment he walked through the door. She had been billowing her lungs out about one brand or other of tea and hearing the commotion had made the former spy take on a stiff posture and practically march in the hotel suit, not realizing that apparently his protege had a “thing” for Ken-like men. He really wasn't too surprised by that. And to her teeny-weeny mind he somehow fit the bill to a `T`. In this new posture, protecting her turned into an impossible task -since he refused to let go of him- and their exit from the hotel, a media circus. By morning, his face was plastered on all the tabloid covers, declaring him her new lover and no amount of denial or number of law suits managed to quell the media's thirst for blood. To say that his employers had been less than thrilled would be the understatement of the century.
Grounded to an office once more and forced to write one report after another had Ni~ya climbing his cubicle's walls in frustration. Yet, had he imagined Ruki's take on the situation, he would have surely been tearing those same walls down in anger and despair and quite possibly breaking every rule and law and booking a flight to Japan.
…........................
Ruki had one guilty pleasure, a vice he had kept hidden even from Aoi and considering how close the two of them were, that was really quite an accomplishment: he had a special subscription with the most tasteless randy tabloid to ever be sold in Japan. It was painstakingly hard to even get your hands on it and Ruki had made damn sure no one would ever know that he was one of those “crazy people” out there interested in it. Japan was not a scandalous country.
It was only published once a month, it was only sold at a street-corner vendor on Kabuki-cho and it was probably the thrill of doing something so illicit that had Ruki come back every time to buy the magazine which even he thought of as trash. He had never in a million years expected to learn something of interest from the tabloid and much less to be so shocked by it that he remained standing in the middle of Kabuki-cho for minutes upon minutes staring at the cover.
It featured Ni~ya dangling on some diva's arm.
Ruki did not even read the title proclaiming their whirlwind romance. It would have taken an imbecile to believe that Ni~ya's tortured face resembled anything like a lover's fawning over his girlfriend, and the fact that he was practically trying to pry her claws off him was more than indicative of the not-too-friendly relationship between the two. What had Ruki's world spinning was not jealousy. It was far worse than that, it was bone-deep disappointment.
For Ruki had believed that as soon as Ni~ya finished giving an account of his affairs in China and Japan, he would rush back to him. In his mind, Ni~ya would not and could not rest until he was back, enveloping Ruki in his arms. He would most certainly not be wasting time in accompanying -in whatever form or manner- stuck-up divas.
It had been months, almost every minute of which Ruki spent consciously or unconsciously willing Ni~ya to hurry back, to come for him, to be safe and not forget him and these months had taken their tall on Ruki's psyche. Now, it seemed as if Ni~ya was certainly safe, but he was not coming for him. The picture on the cover screamed this message to Ruki and all his hopes and dreams shattered like sakura petals blown by a strong wind.
It hurt, like nothing had ever hurt before, because there was no way to focus on something else than the pain, no warm hand to keep him up, no strong body to lean against, no gentle eyes to get lost in. There was just a black hole inside his chest cavity sucking all life out of him faster than a bleeding bullet wound and Ruki felt dead. He couldn't cry, he couldn't move, or breathe or even think anything past the “NOOO!” clawing its way through his esophagus, the sound of his heart shattering in a million tiny pieces.
He barely manages to keep it all in: the pain, the disappointment, love and rage and sadness and a million other emotions he doesn't have a name for. He wants to cry and yet he's so angry at himself that all he wants to do is break something, anything, the bigger the better. And still he doesn't find it in him to blame Ni~ya. His heart keeps coming up with excuses while his mind presents him with hard cold facts and he'd like to claw his way inside his chest and rip that bleeding organ out so he can at least function in some way again. It feels like he's never been more human and he's never felt less human in all his life. Logically, he knows it's a bad idea to be alone when he just wants to curl up in a small ball of misery and die but he can't call Aoi and he can't tell about this to anyone else.
When Uruha shows up at his doorstep to come pick him up so they can all get together at their friends' place, everything is still too raw inside Ruki and he breaks up in front off Uruha. He' patiently listens to everything Ruki has to say and tries to give as much comfort as possible. He doesn't defend Ni~ya or try to explain the front cover of the tabloid. He listens and therefore does exactly what Ruki unconsciously needs him to do. Once he has calmed down enough that actual phrases start making sense, Ruki lets go of the other's soaked T-shirt, sits up straighter and apologizes for his behavior.
“I'm so sorry you had to be here. Talk about wrong place at the wrong time...” It's self-deprecating and nothing like a joke but Uruha does him the favor of chuckling and ruffling his hair. If his touch lingers a bit more, giving a few seconds more of comfort, neither of them comment on it.
“I'm just glad you didn't keep it bottled up. Walking with something like this around... it never lets you heal.” Uruha remarks.
“Own experience?” Ruki guesses from the tone and his knowledge of his friend. He knows enough about Uruha to realize he's not the type to let his mouth give empty advice or remarks in such a situation.
“Yeah.” Comes the expected confirmation. “I hated my parents for a while there, hated myself for hating them and couldn't tell anyone about it. Reita made all that seem less important and in time, the wounds healed.”
Ruki chokes on his tears because with the amount of pain he's in at the moment he can't imagine it ever going away. He also can't imagine ever falling out of love with Ni~ya and that fact just makes him even more pissed off at himself. He tells Uruha as much and his friend thinks things through for a few moments before carefully exposing his thought processes.
“I don't know Ni~ya.” He says and makes sure he has Ruki's attention, makes sure Ruki looks him in the eyes and sees his sincerity so he doesn't misinterpret his words. He does not want to hurt him further and Ruki is touched by his friend's concern. “And I don't know you that well either so I can't really understand what you're going through.” Ruki nods at that. Being told he understood would have just been a wrong step and it seems like Uruha had somehow sensed that. “But I've had this image of you as strong and confident. Was I wrong?”
It's a rhetorical question, he knows. But it does make him think. Is he strong and confident? He appears that way but his weaknesses are stronger than his strengths, he thinks. Sometimes all that attitude is just a way to mask his insecurities.
“I think you are. I also think you're stubborn and won't let this change who you are.” Uruha seems ill-content, like he's trying to get the words out but they're not coming out properly, like there's something at the edge of his tongue that just won't let itself be explained. He drudges on though. “Damn, what I think I want to say is that if you trusted yourself enough with falling in love with Ni~ya, then you're obviously strong enough to believe in that conviction, to believe in yourself that you weren't wrong.”
Ruki understands what Uruha is trying to say but it sounds a bit like being told he over-reacted and he can't quite think about it that calmly yet. On the other hand, he doesn't know what to do with that huge part of him that is rebelling and shouting at him to keep strong, believe in Ni~ya, believe in them, just for a while longer. But he also rationally knows that if he doesn't make a clear cut know, later things will just get harder and harder.
He feels betrayed and angry and Uruha is there, with his annoying brashness and honesty, his beauty and his gentleness and Ruki is vulnerable and lets himself be weak and tries to think of something other than Ni~ya but he can't. He wants to get back at the man he loves, to hurt him while at the same time wants to prove to himself that he can live without him. The two obviously contradict each other but Ruki is anything but rational at the moment and so he gives in to the chaos that reins inside him, grabs Uruha and forcefully kisses him. He holds on to his T-shirt during the first moments when the other tries to pry himself away and then gradually relaxes when Uruha starts giving in to the kiss.
It's not passionate but it is hard and hot and for the moment it feels like exactly what he needs and wants. His hands fist either Uruha's shirt or grab at his longish strands of hair, their tongues are struggling for dominance, with teeth nipping and biting and lips red from colliding with the other's. He feels dizzy in a good way and pleasure makes some of the pain wash away so he gives in to his body's sensations. Uruha tastes sweet, like the sushi and chocolate bar he just ate, topped with something else, something uniquely Uruha. He's only the second male he's kissed but he already knew from kissing Ni~ya that he liked the hard lines, the firmness of muscle and bone, the sharp jaw and rougher skin. He also likes the way he's being manhandled just as much as he's doing the manhandling because at this specific moment he couldn't handle being the only one in charge or being coddled. He needs this, just this: the fire, the heat, the attraction and let everything else be damned.
Minutes have passed and they're still kissing and even when they come up for air, lips start exploring lower. Uruha nibs at his earlobe and licks a rough path from his neck to his collarbone. He in turn leaves quite a sign on his neck. They don't look each other in the eye for fear that the spell might break and all their talking is done with pants and whimpers. He's painfully hard and since he's plastered to Uruha's front, practically riding him -he's not quite sure how he got in that position- he can feel Uruha's hard shaft through their clothes. He reaches for the denim's zipper and the loud sound of its' opening breaks the on edge atmosphere. They suddenly find themselves looking at each other and questioning their actions. Ruki can detect guilt and insecurity in Uruha's eyes and he does not want to hurt his friend.
“I just want to forget.” He whispers and it's the closest he can come to a confession. He hates that he's using his friend, using his body, yet there's no other way he can think of to relieve some of all these contrary emotions.
“It's all right.” Uruha says and the lines of his face speak of acceptance. “Plus, you're damn beautiful.” He ads. He's flattering Ruki and he knows it. They're both hard, another fact he's well aware of, but Uruha's roguish smile reminds him of Aoi, of what his friend shares with Reita. It reminds him Uruha is not the one he's in love with. And he suddenly feels guilty even though logically he knows he has nothing to feel guilty about.
He comes to the realization that he can't go through with it, can't have sex with the other, not now that the spell has been broken and he's only left with the shattered remains of his heart once more. And a ridiculous hard-on. His emotions must be clearly written on his face because Uruha presses them even closer, effectively cradles him against his chest and just whispers “It's alright.”
It's not alright and it doesn't feel like anything will ever be alright ever again but Ruki collapses in sobs in his friend's arms and their arousal swiftly fades away, leaving them tired and with nothing to do but cling on to each other while dozing off on the couch.
They're rudely awoken from their dream-like state by the phone's ringing. Uruha is the one that lifts Ruki up, lays him on the couch while he goes to cut off the annoying sound. Ruki feels boneless and tired from so much upheaval and sobbing and doesn't have it in him to move even one finger. Through the hushed tones passing through the walls he gathers it's Reita, worried about them for not showing up and that Uruha is making up excuses for them not being able to be there.
“He's not feeling too well.” That's actually the truth. “No, nothing like that.” What would he be denying? “No, it's better if we cancel for today. I'll stay here and make sure he's ok.” There's silence and Ruki can almost hear Aoi changing places with Reita. His friend must be worried by now. “No, Aoi.” And there it is, he was right. “I'm sure he'll call you as soon as he gets it back together. I can't tell you, just maybe call back tonight ok?” So Aoi is wearing up Uruha's nerves. He hadn't seen protective Aoi aimed at him in a long time. They might have actually been in middle school when Aoi had lastly sent that soul-searching worried look his way. Uruha seems to be able to assuage him though because a few moments later, he says his goodbyes and hangs the phone.
When he comes back to the living room, he's rubbing his back and mumbling something about well-meaning but busybody friends. Seeing as Ruki is still awake, he then asks.
“Maybe we should move this to the bedroom? My back kind of aches.”
Ruki feels bad for keeping his friend here and voices his apologies. Uruha shouldn't feel obligated to stay. His friend exhales a loud “Psssh.” which he also accentuates with the movement of his hands, clearly indicating Ruki is talking nonsense and he won't hear of it. “Come on then, I'm sleepy.” He states and mostly drags Ruki's ass off the couch.
Later, Uruha manages to pull Ruki off the couch and they stumble into Ruki's room, collapsing on his king-sized bed. It's proof of how out of it they are when Uruha does not comment on the size of the monstrosity they'll be sleeping on and they simply fall asleep. Ruki manages to thank him just before succumbing to sleep's snares and misses Uruha's worried looks and his whispered “I just want you to be okay.”
Uruha has more to be worried about than just his friend's well-being, although it is the foremost thing on his mind. He is also concerned about the date he had set for the evening with Kai. He had planned to spend a few hours in his friend's company and later meet up with Kai, go together to a violin concert. Uruha is the one with the tickets. He's also the one that is going to stand Kai up and he frets about it. Still, he can't leave Ruki alone at the moment and even though at some point, he tries calling Kai's house, but not being able to reach him. It feels like his hands are tied and he deeply regrets making Kai wait in vain. He only hopes that Kai will forgive him once Uruha gets to explain the facts.
…............
For his part, Kai was indeed pissed off, just a bit. He should have been a lot pissed off, except that he was more worried than angry. He hadn't been friends with Uruha too long, but he doubted his friend would stand him up without something bad happening. The worry gnaws at his entrails and he wrings his hands while looking back and forth, left and right in all directions from which Uruha can show up from. Even an hour after their meeting time, Kai is still waiting and the odd thought: “If it were anyone else, you wouldn't still be here waiting.” makes him just slightly dizzy. He doesn't have the time though to focus on his own feelings, even though perhaps he should. But Uruha has quickly become someone important in his life, and Kai just wants him to be okay for now. He thinks that there will be time for introspection later.
He decides to leave, but not in the same direction he came from. He's planning on showing up at Uruha's doorstep, hoping Uruha will be there. The constant self-criticism running through his head: “Maybe he just stood you up, got tired of you and you're lowering yourself in seeking him out”, the doubt nags at him every few minutes, but once Kai makes a decision he follows through with it, so he just ignores the errant thoughts. Uruha's apartment is only a few blocks away from their meeting point, which he walks while watching carefully every face that passes, hoping that one of them will be his friend's. Once he reaches Uruha's apartment building, the gate being closed and Uruha not responding to the timbre, Kai waits until a man comes out and pretending to just arrive then, manages to go in. Climbing to the third floor, he finds the appropriate door and for several minutes, knocks and rings the bell and there is no answer. He knows Uruha lives alone so aside from his friend there is no one who could answer the door, but he waits and hopes that Uruha is not inside and unable to answer.
The night falls over Tokyo and the cold weather turns even colder. Kai's jacket is barely able to keep him warm and the building's residents that come home from work shoot him curious gazes. Still, he waits, until finally around ten o'clock, Uruha shows up.
….............................
To say that Uruha is surprised would be an understatement. Not in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that Kai was there, in front of his apartment door waiting for him. Therefore, seeing him makes some unknown emotion in his chest tremble and unfurl, releasing a surprising amount of warmth. There are a couple of moments when the world seems to have stopped because they simply look at each other and neither makes one step forward or says one word. Then, in a flurry of movement, Kai practically throws himself in his arms, and there is something in Uruha that breaks when the lithe body in his arms shivers, whether from cold or anger or relief he cannot say and when he hears the first words Kai speaks he is awed at the depth of feeling his friend has.
“Are you okay?”
When he is too perplexed to reply anything else but “yes”, then and only then does he get smacked.
“I was worried, you idiot!” Comes the reproach that sounds more like a sob than an utterance spoken in anger, especially when the next thing Kai does is hug him again.
“Come on, I'll explain everything inside.” He says, gently untangling Kai's arms from his body, so he can take out his keys. He unlocks the door and steps inside. Kai follows him. They take off their jackets and shoes and Uruha turns on the lights. The hallway is also the entrance to the kitchen and Kai looks around his apartment for just a few moments before he turns towards him again, hands on his waist, pout obvious and adorable and demands an explanation. “I've been with Ruki.” Are the first words to tumble forth as an explanation. He has mentioned Ruki before so Kai knows they are friends but Uruha has never mentioned Ni~ya and their relationship and is unsure whether he should. Kai notices his discomfort and draws the wrong conclusions.
“Ohhh.” He exhales and his face falls. Uruha at first doesn't understand why but when trying to put himself in Kai's shoes, he gets a clue and hurries to right the misunderstanding. He goes so far as to grab Kai by the arms, both trying to soothe with his caress as well as stabilize both their emotions.
“No, not like that!” He emphasizes. “We're just friends and his heart just got broken. I had to stay. I was afraid he'd do something rash, he'd attempt something unthinkable. I am so sorry to not have been able to come to our meeting, to have made you wait.” At his explanation, Kai seems to breathe relieved and at the same time, collapse from tiredness. Uruha, whose arms seem to be the only thing keeping Kai up, takes advantage of the fact and drags him to the kitchen's love seat. He is one of the few people he knows that decorated his home by themselves using prime quality furniture and materials and the love seat and ottoman in the kitchen are just a small example of the comfort of his home, the first place he could actually say was just his.
He is glad now to have insisted on comfort in the kitchen. Done in warm pastel colors reminding of an early sunrise, with marble and cedar wood, combined with bronze accents and soft fabrics that make the kitchen a comfortable warm space in which he often finds pleasure while reading or listening to the radio. The love seat and ottoman, combining a traditional Japanese design with modern materials, is in fact so comfortable he often finds himself dozing in the kitchen. Kai obviously feels the same relaxation washing over him when sitting down for he simply sags in it. Uruha takes a few moments to prepare hot chocolate for the both of them and then joins him on the couch.
While they both sip their hot beverages, the silence between them is comfortable if tinged with something neither of them can put their finger on.
“Is Ruki okay?” Kai eventually asks. Uruha shakes his head.
“I hope he will be.” He says. “Have you been waiting since then?” He asks in turn, knowing that the answer is probably yes. Still, he can't halt his amazement at the fact. He and Kai are friends, yes, but Kai's reaction seems a bit exaggerated, even for a friend.
Kai simply nods. “I was worried. I came to think something really bad might have happened and since you mentioned your address once...” He trails off. “Actually, I should go, it's late already and we're both tired.”
Uruha hates having made Kai wait like that and he hates even more the idea of letting him go. They haven't had a chance to meet in more than a week, because Satoru's health had taken a turn for the worse and more often than not, he found Kai at the hospital, watching over the boy. Being busy with practicing for his recital, he himself had not managed to find the time to visit the hospital more. In fact, tonight's meeting, just a couple of days before the contest has been a lovely coincidence, both of them big fans of the violinist and pianist. As such, they had managed to find the time to meet. He had been looking forward to the evening for a while and is not too happy with the way things turned out yet he cannot grudge Ruki nor blame him. Things are as they are, but he still does not want Kai to leave, so he simply states his thoughts.
“Stay?”
His words nearly cause Kai to choke while drinking the chocolaty drink. When he manages to get his breath back, his shock obvious, he demands explanations.
“Would you mind sleeping on the same bed? It's quite big.” Not adding more to the logistics, he tries to entice Kai with his plans. “I have some recordings of tonight's concert. We could watch them, sip some more chocolate, maybe have some ice-cream... It's late already and I hate the idea of letting you go now that we have actually managed to meet.”
Kai blushes and the rosiness of his cheeks somehow manages to fluster Uruha too, although he has no idea why that should be so. Kai's nod causes a swarm of butterflies to fly in circles and spirals in his stomach. It's settled then and after the both of them finish their drinks in a bit of an awkward silence, Uruha goes to his bedroom to find the tape and beckons Kai to follow. His apartment is just twenty-five meters square, comprising a bedroom and a kitchen. It's still larger than normal one person apartments in Tokyo and with the carefully chosen decorations, looks homy and warm. However, the television is in his room, which means they'll have to watch the tape while sitting on the bed. They might just fall asleep watching, a thought Uruha is not averse too. While he looks through the stack of tapes, most of which are of recitals or other classic performances, although he does own a few rock ones here and there, Kai phones his parents to inform them that he'll be staying at a friend's house. They're both old enough for their parents not to fret and accept his explanations easily and a few minutes later, the both of them are settled on the big bed (not as big as Ruki's though) watching enraptured the recording of the London concert.
The atmosphere is comfortable, the hour is late and classical music is probably not the best choice when two tired teenagers think about staying awake for longer than a few hours, which is why precisely an hour later, both of them are already wrapped up in each other, sleeping peacefully, the tape running in the background and enveloping them in romantic serenades.
A/N: Wow, it's been a long time coming, which is why I made it three times as long. As you've noticed, I've also decided on a number of chapters, and this fic is drawing near its' end. My bunnies have been tired and weary and it's harder and harder to write this. I hope to be able to finish this quickly, maybe in the following week, so then I might be able to focus on other projects. Or not. Life is taking a bit of a toll too.
Therefore, to all my lovely reviewers: thank you loads and I'm still counting on you to get this done. I hope you're still waiting impatiently for each chapter and that this one was worth the wait.
Author: yukigafuru
Rating: PG-17
Chapter: 19/25
Pairings: Aoi/Reita, RukixNi~ya, KaixUruha
Bands: Gazette, Nightmare
Warnings: non-graphic underage consensual sex
Genre: angst, romance
Summary: Life is short. You try to catch it and it slips through your fingers. Life is also beautiful. It astounds you at every step. And it only takes one minute, one encounter to change it forever.
Chapter 19
There was nothing Aoi treasured more than waking up lazy and content next to his husband. It had been a couple of months since Reita's discharge from the hospital and even though he himself had chosen to go back to school, applying himself to his studies with the hope of being able to study medicine, Reita had indeed started managerial classes.
The classes he was taking did not require strict attendance or even presence during class as most universities demanded. He had chosen a private school whose system was an original mix between a professional school and an universitary managerial program. He had more freedom in choosing his courses and professors but had to pass all his exams with certain grades at a specific time. Aoi had been worried at first when hearing the details, concerned that Reita might not be able to handle the pressure exam period brought with it. But his husband was stubborn and determined and in the end he had seen no way for him to oppose his wishes. Thus, while Aoi went to school, Reita busied himself with studying for his courses.
At some point, he had been worried that it would all turn out to be a wasted effort. After all, wouldn't Reita need a high-school diploma either way? His lover carefully explained that no, in fact he did not. There were many successful managers that had simply “landed” with the job as opposed to studying for it. Reita saw himself as one of them. He was planning on working with and for his childhood friend and was already envisioning the future concerts and press releases and television appearances. Which didn't mean he wouldn't like to graduate from high-school, just that he had other priorities at the moment. The reality, that it all depended on the doctor's forecast, was at the forefront of their thoughts so there was no need to mention it once more.
“Love, aren't you getting just a little ahead of yourself?” Aoi had asked him one evening. His husband looked at him with warm loving eyes and then shrugged.
“Maybe. Yet, Aoi, it's been weeks.” He said, and it was so gently whispered that even Aoi would have missed it if not pressed intimately close to the other man. It was said with fear and awe, as if the words could bring bad luck, change fate or the tide or whatever had allowed them these peaceful weeks. “I'm scared to go to the doctor. It's just... I've had no headaches, no dizzy spells, no heat waves... absolutely nothing to remind me of my disease. It's as if it's suddenly disappeared and I'm not usually one to believe in miracles.”
Aoi wasn't one either yet the evidence before them... Could it have been just the peace and love that surrounded them now? What would happen if they had their first big fight? And what if suddenly things took a turn for the worse? Shaking these thoughts from his mind, he turned Reita's head towards him and kissed the soft pliable mouth. Reita tasted like milk and honey, his favorite bedtime snacks, and he tasted like life and love and just that was enough for now.
“I love you and everything will work out just fine.” He declared between breathless kisses and caresses. Both his hands seemed to acquire a will of their own as they dropped lower and lower, caressing high cheekbones and then an elegant, swan-like neck, sharp collarbones and pert nipples. Aoi's mouth found new spots to taste and pleasurably torture and soon the room was filled with their moans and cries of love.
A night of love-making should have made waking up the next day difficult at best, but Aoi had no problem opening his eyes at his customary half past seven. Not when there was a warm body pressed to his side, soft breath tickling his nape. Reita was beautiful in the morning's diaphanous light, all sharp angles and soft milky skin. Aoi even loved his smallish hands and cute nose that Reita kept complaining about when he found himself staring for too long in the mirror. Aoi also loved Reita's thighs and well proportionate manhood, loved that he was the only one allowed to see Reita in such an exposed posture, warm and nude and even though unaware of it, craving for Aoi's touch. They were teenagers and it really wasn't much of a surprise that more often than not they woke up feeling naughty in the mornings. And when you were married and waking up next to the love of your life, it was just natural for showers to take longer and Aoi almost always be late for school.
This particular day though, it was Saturday and aside from some plans with their friends, they could just take advantage of the dark cloudy weather and spend all morning cuddled up in bed. Not wanting to rouse Reita yet, Aoi simply picked up one of his mandatory reading materials that had laid unopened on his nightstand for days, propped himself up with pillows and placed the book in his lap and while his right hand sneaked its way to Reita's shoulder and caressed the soft skin, his other sustained the book and once every one or two minutes turned the pages.
Reita woke a few tens of pages later, when the clouds had finally started to relieve their burden and soak the world with life-bringing rain. Big drops splattered against the windows and tiles and the light and pitter-patter must have finally roused his husband. Still Reita was just content to lie there a few moments more, studying his husbands concentrated profile. Aoi pretended ignorance and let him get away with it.
“It still hits me sometimes how beautiful you are.” Reita confessed and Aoi closed his book and returned it to his nightstand.
“I feel the same when looking at you.” Aoi knew Reita still struggled with the concept when seeing him raise his hand as if to run a hand through his hair and then abort his movement when realizing the futility of the gesture. His hair that had been shaven clean at the hospital when it had started falling had started growing again to some measure but each morning Reita would retire to the bathroom and shave it again, afraid to see how it would look like. Reita made the same gesture now and Aoi quickly snagged his hand and brought it to his lips. “And how sexy you are.” He continued and his lips pressed another kiss, this time to Reita's open palm.
“Maybe I'm finally ready to believe again.” Reita mumbled and Aoi turned shocked eyes at him.
“In what?” He questioned.
“I'll let it grow once more. I'm getting tired of this look.” It may have sounded trivial but it was nothing of the sort. It was a symbolic action of just how far Reita had come. In the last two months, with all signs of the cancer almost miraculously disappearing, his words now had more of a finality to them than even doctors declaring him cured. It meant he believed in himself once more, in beating the cancer, in having gotten his health back. Aoi knew, logically knew that those two months could mean something, could mean nothing or could mean everything. Reita could have gone into remission, could have just been on some sort of placebo-like, happiness induced break, his cancer could have just continued growing at a slower pace. There was no way of knowing except visiting the oncologist and they were both reluctant to take that step before their programmed schedule. Proof or disproof, waiting allowed them to cling to their convictions and happiness.
Aoi did not reply with words but with lengthy and passion-filled kisses. No matter what, he'd support Reita.
….........................
Some say that our lives are just a long string of coincidences, of meetings and fare-wells, of chances gained and lost. Others say that there is no such thing as coincidence, that it is all just our tiny little minds trying to make sense of someone or something's plan for us. Some call it random occurrences, others call it fate, while yet others simply shrug and would rather not think about it at all.
It just so happened that that year's Saturday, third of February became a common denominator for Aoi and Reita's, Kai and Uruha's and Ruki and Ni~ya's fates. And if you can call that an accident of chance, then you might just be one of those people that doesn't believe in anything.
…..................
Reita and Aoi woke up feeling like they could take on the world together. Ruki woke up feeling sleepy and lonely, while on the other side of the globe Ni~ya simply woke up feeling pissed, seeing as today was the first day he was finally allowed to step outside the office and participate in some sort of mission. “That is, if you can call protecting a rich-bitch diva's pompous ass a mission.” He scoffed at the thought. Still, it was better than paperwork, so Ni~ya drank his too concentrated black and bitter cup of coffee, ate a bagel with ham and eggs, went once more over the security plans and after getting dressed and ready for work, left his apartment. He and his team would meet up with the “lady's” own protection detail in less than two hours and he would finally get to meet the woman everyone was hell bent on either loving to bits or cursing to hell. Ni~ya was not quite sure yet on which side he was on.
He had plenty of experience with the surveillance of diplomats and wealthy world leaders, so the grandeur of the Ritz did not make him even take in a breath. He was also quite unconcerned with the three gorillas acting as bodyguards and trailing behind the woman. Neither was he particularly impressed by the menagerie that seemed to accompany her everywhere she went, although he did raise an eyebrow at the pony (Who the hell in their right mind played with ponies once having grown up?) He got his answer and the first taste of what would turn out to be a truly shocking day when he finally had a chance to meet his charge.
The combination of high heels, orange tights that reached past her knees, effectively strangling newly-acquired layers of fat, the handkerchief-short mini skirt and plaid T-shirt may have made a teenager girl look like a fashionable runway model, but it made her look fat, old and ugly when in reality she was none of the above. Without the garish amount of make-up she had on, she could have even looked delicate, and with a more tamed shade and shape of hair, she might have passed off as refined. But the combination of clothing, hair-style and attitude only reminded Ni~ya of a two-year old tortured Barbie doll. And it was exactly like a prepubescent child that she tried and failed at acting. The years had passed her by and turned her from a teenager idol to a star having lost her audience, incapable of growing up. She was too old to sing about rainbows and ponies and too immature to try anything else, stuck in a limbo, slowly draining away her savings with no future or salvation in sight.
Ni~ya might have felt sorry for her if she hadn't attached herself to him the moment he walked through the door. She had been billowing her lungs out about one brand or other of tea and hearing the commotion had made the former spy take on a stiff posture and practically march in the hotel suit, not realizing that apparently his protege had a “thing” for Ken-like men. He really wasn't too surprised by that. And to her teeny-weeny mind he somehow fit the bill to a `T`. In this new posture, protecting her turned into an impossible task -since he refused to let go of him- and their exit from the hotel, a media circus. By morning, his face was plastered on all the tabloid covers, declaring him her new lover and no amount of denial or number of law suits managed to quell the media's thirst for blood. To say that his employers had been less than thrilled would be the understatement of the century.
Grounded to an office once more and forced to write one report after another had Ni~ya climbing his cubicle's walls in frustration. Yet, had he imagined Ruki's take on the situation, he would have surely been tearing those same walls down in anger and despair and quite possibly breaking every rule and law and booking a flight to Japan.
…........................
Ruki had one guilty pleasure, a vice he had kept hidden even from Aoi and considering how close the two of them were, that was really quite an accomplishment: he had a special subscription with the most tasteless randy tabloid to ever be sold in Japan. It was painstakingly hard to even get your hands on it and Ruki had made damn sure no one would ever know that he was one of those “crazy people” out there interested in it. Japan was not a scandalous country.
It was only published once a month, it was only sold at a street-corner vendor on Kabuki-cho and it was probably the thrill of doing something so illicit that had Ruki come back every time to buy the magazine which even he thought of as trash. He had never in a million years expected to learn something of interest from the tabloid and much less to be so shocked by it that he remained standing in the middle of Kabuki-cho for minutes upon minutes staring at the cover.
It featured Ni~ya dangling on some diva's arm.
Ruki did not even read the title proclaiming their whirlwind romance. It would have taken an imbecile to believe that Ni~ya's tortured face resembled anything like a lover's fawning over his girlfriend, and the fact that he was practically trying to pry her claws off him was more than indicative of the not-too-friendly relationship between the two. What had Ruki's world spinning was not jealousy. It was far worse than that, it was bone-deep disappointment.
For Ruki had believed that as soon as Ni~ya finished giving an account of his affairs in China and Japan, he would rush back to him. In his mind, Ni~ya would not and could not rest until he was back, enveloping Ruki in his arms. He would most certainly not be wasting time in accompanying -in whatever form or manner- stuck-up divas.
It had been months, almost every minute of which Ruki spent consciously or unconsciously willing Ni~ya to hurry back, to come for him, to be safe and not forget him and these months had taken their tall on Ruki's psyche. Now, it seemed as if Ni~ya was certainly safe, but he was not coming for him. The picture on the cover screamed this message to Ruki and all his hopes and dreams shattered like sakura petals blown by a strong wind.
It hurt, like nothing had ever hurt before, because there was no way to focus on something else than the pain, no warm hand to keep him up, no strong body to lean against, no gentle eyes to get lost in. There was just a black hole inside his chest cavity sucking all life out of him faster than a bleeding bullet wound and Ruki felt dead. He couldn't cry, he couldn't move, or breathe or even think anything past the “NOOO!” clawing its way through his esophagus, the sound of his heart shattering in a million tiny pieces.
He barely manages to keep it all in: the pain, the disappointment, love and rage and sadness and a million other emotions he doesn't have a name for. He wants to cry and yet he's so angry at himself that all he wants to do is break something, anything, the bigger the better. And still he doesn't find it in him to blame Ni~ya. His heart keeps coming up with excuses while his mind presents him with hard cold facts and he'd like to claw his way inside his chest and rip that bleeding organ out so he can at least function in some way again. It feels like he's never been more human and he's never felt less human in all his life. Logically, he knows it's a bad idea to be alone when he just wants to curl up in a small ball of misery and die but he can't call Aoi and he can't tell about this to anyone else.
When Uruha shows up at his doorstep to come pick him up so they can all get together at their friends' place, everything is still too raw inside Ruki and he breaks up in front off Uruha. He' patiently listens to everything Ruki has to say and tries to give as much comfort as possible. He doesn't defend Ni~ya or try to explain the front cover of the tabloid. He listens and therefore does exactly what Ruki unconsciously needs him to do. Once he has calmed down enough that actual phrases start making sense, Ruki lets go of the other's soaked T-shirt, sits up straighter and apologizes for his behavior.
“I'm so sorry you had to be here. Talk about wrong place at the wrong time...” It's self-deprecating and nothing like a joke but Uruha does him the favor of chuckling and ruffling his hair. If his touch lingers a bit more, giving a few seconds more of comfort, neither of them comment on it.
“I'm just glad you didn't keep it bottled up. Walking with something like this around... it never lets you heal.” Uruha remarks.
“Own experience?” Ruki guesses from the tone and his knowledge of his friend. He knows enough about Uruha to realize he's not the type to let his mouth give empty advice or remarks in such a situation.
“Yeah.” Comes the expected confirmation. “I hated my parents for a while there, hated myself for hating them and couldn't tell anyone about it. Reita made all that seem less important and in time, the wounds healed.”
Ruki chokes on his tears because with the amount of pain he's in at the moment he can't imagine it ever going away. He also can't imagine ever falling out of love with Ni~ya and that fact just makes him even more pissed off at himself. He tells Uruha as much and his friend thinks things through for a few moments before carefully exposing his thought processes.
“I don't know Ni~ya.” He says and makes sure he has Ruki's attention, makes sure Ruki looks him in the eyes and sees his sincerity so he doesn't misinterpret his words. He does not want to hurt him further and Ruki is touched by his friend's concern. “And I don't know you that well either so I can't really understand what you're going through.” Ruki nods at that. Being told he understood would have just been a wrong step and it seems like Uruha had somehow sensed that. “But I've had this image of you as strong and confident. Was I wrong?”
It's a rhetorical question, he knows. But it does make him think. Is he strong and confident? He appears that way but his weaknesses are stronger than his strengths, he thinks. Sometimes all that attitude is just a way to mask his insecurities.
“I think you are. I also think you're stubborn and won't let this change who you are.” Uruha seems ill-content, like he's trying to get the words out but they're not coming out properly, like there's something at the edge of his tongue that just won't let itself be explained. He drudges on though. “Damn, what I think I want to say is that if you trusted yourself enough with falling in love with Ni~ya, then you're obviously strong enough to believe in that conviction, to believe in yourself that you weren't wrong.”
Ruki understands what Uruha is trying to say but it sounds a bit like being told he over-reacted and he can't quite think about it that calmly yet. On the other hand, he doesn't know what to do with that huge part of him that is rebelling and shouting at him to keep strong, believe in Ni~ya, believe in them, just for a while longer. But he also rationally knows that if he doesn't make a clear cut know, later things will just get harder and harder.
He feels betrayed and angry and Uruha is there, with his annoying brashness and honesty, his beauty and his gentleness and Ruki is vulnerable and lets himself be weak and tries to think of something other than Ni~ya but he can't. He wants to get back at the man he loves, to hurt him while at the same time wants to prove to himself that he can live without him. The two obviously contradict each other but Ruki is anything but rational at the moment and so he gives in to the chaos that reins inside him, grabs Uruha and forcefully kisses him. He holds on to his T-shirt during the first moments when the other tries to pry himself away and then gradually relaxes when Uruha starts giving in to the kiss.
It's not passionate but it is hard and hot and for the moment it feels like exactly what he needs and wants. His hands fist either Uruha's shirt or grab at his longish strands of hair, their tongues are struggling for dominance, with teeth nipping and biting and lips red from colliding with the other's. He feels dizzy in a good way and pleasure makes some of the pain wash away so he gives in to his body's sensations. Uruha tastes sweet, like the sushi and chocolate bar he just ate, topped with something else, something uniquely Uruha. He's only the second male he's kissed but he already knew from kissing Ni~ya that he liked the hard lines, the firmness of muscle and bone, the sharp jaw and rougher skin. He also likes the way he's being manhandled just as much as he's doing the manhandling because at this specific moment he couldn't handle being the only one in charge or being coddled. He needs this, just this: the fire, the heat, the attraction and let everything else be damned.
Minutes have passed and they're still kissing and even when they come up for air, lips start exploring lower. Uruha nibs at his earlobe and licks a rough path from his neck to his collarbone. He in turn leaves quite a sign on his neck. They don't look each other in the eye for fear that the spell might break and all their talking is done with pants and whimpers. He's painfully hard and since he's plastered to Uruha's front, practically riding him -he's not quite sure how he got in that position- he can feel Uruha's hard shaft through their clothes. He reaches for the denim's zipper and the loud sound of its' opening breaks the on edge atmosphere. They suddenly find themselves looking at each other and questioning their actions. Ruki can detect guilt and insecurity in Uruha's eyes and he does not want to hurt his friend.
“I just want to forget.” He whispers and it's the closest he can come to a confession. He hates that he's using his friend, using his body, yet there's no other way he can think of to relieve some of all these contrary emotions.
“It's all right.” Uruha says and the lines of his face speak of acceptance. “Plus, you're damn beautiful.” He ads. He's flattering Ruki and he knows it. They're both hard, another fact he's well aware of, but Uruha's roguish smile reminds him of Aoi, of what his friend shares with Reita. It reminds him Uruha is not the one he's in love with. And he suddenly feels guilty even though logically he knows he has nothing to feel guilty about.
He comes to the realization that he can't go through with it, can't have sex with the other, not now that the spell has been broken and he's only left with the shattered remains of his heart once more. And a ridiculous hard-on. His emotions must be clearly written on his face because Uruha presses them even closer, effectively cradles him against his chest and just whispers “It's alright.”
It's not alright and it doesn't feel like anything will ever be alright ever again but Ruki collapses in sobs in his friend's arms and their arousal swiftly fades away, leaving them tired and with nothing to do but cling on to each other while dozing off on the couch.
They're rudely awoken from their dream-like state by the phone's ringing. Uruha is the one that lifts Ruki up, lays him on the couch while he goes to cut off the annoying sound. Ruki feels boneless and tired from so much upheaval and sobbing and doesn't have it in him to move even one finger. Through the hushed tones passing through the walls he gathers it's Reita, worried about them for not showing up and that Uruha is making up excuses for them not being able to be there.
“He's not feeling too well.” That's actually the truth. “No, nothing like that.” What would he be denying? “No, it's better if we cancel for today. I'll stay here and make sure he's ok.” There's silence and Ruki can almost hear Aoi changing places with Reita. His friend must be worried by now. “No, Aoi.” And there it is, he was right. “I'm sure he'll call you as soon as he gets it back together. I can't tell you, just maybe call back tonight ok?” So Aoi is wearing up Uruha's nerves. He hadn't seen protective Aoi aimed at him in a long time. They might have actually been in middle school when Aoi had lastly sent that soul-searching worried look his way. Uruha seems to be able to assuage him though because a few moments later, he says his goodbyes and hangs the phone.
When he comes back to the living room, he's rubbing his back and mumbling something about well-meaning but busybody friends. Seeing as Ruki is still awake, he then asks.
“Maybe we should move this to the bedroom? My back kind of aches.”
Ruki feels bad for keeping his friend here and voices his apologies. Uruha shouldn't feel obligated to stay. His friend exhales a loud “Psssh.” which he also accentuates with the movement of his hands, clearly indicating Ruki is talking nonsense and he won't hear of it. “Come on then, I'm sleepy.” He states and mostly drags Ruki's ass off the couch.
Later, Uruha manages to pull Ruki off the couch and they stumble into Ruki's room, collapsing on his king-sized bed. It's proof of how out of it they are when Uruha does not comment on the size of the monstrosity they'll be sleeping on and they simply fall asleep. Ruki manages to thank him just before succumbing to sleep's snares and misses Uruha's worried looks and his whispered “I just want you to be okay.”
Uruha has more to be worried about than just his friend's well-being, although it is the foremost thing on his mind. He is also concerned about the date he had set for the evening with Kai. He had planned to spend a few hours in his friend's company and later meet up with Kai, go together to a violin concert. Uruha is the one with the tickets. He's also the one that is going to stand Kai up and he frets about it. Still, he can't leave Ruki alone at the moment and even though at some point, he tries calling Kai's house, but not being able to reach him. It feels like his hands are tied and he deeply regrets making Kai wait in vain. He only hopes that Kai will forgive him once Uruha gets to explain the facts.
…............
For his part, Kai was indeed pissed off, just a bit. He should have been a lot pissed off, except that he was more worried than angry. He hadn't been friends with Uruha too long, but he doubted his friend would stand him up without something bad happening. The worry gnaws at his entrails and he wrings his hands while looking back and forth, left and right in all directions from which Uruha can show up from. Even an hour after their meeting time, Kai is still waiting and the odd thought: “If it were anyone else, you wouldn't still be here waiting.” makes him just slightly dizzy. He doesn't have the time though to focus on his own feelings, even though perhaps he should. But Uruha has quickly become someone important in his life, and Kai just wants him to be okay for now. He thinks that there will be time for introspection later.
He decides to leave, but not in the same direction he came from. He's planning on showing up at Uruha's doorstep, hoping Uruha will be there. The constant self-criticism running through his head: “Maybe he just stood you up, got tired of you and you're lowering yourself in seeking him out”, the doubt nags at him every few minutes, but once Kai makes a decision he follows through with it, so he just ignores the errant thoughts. Uruha's apartment is only a few blocks away from their meeting point, which he walks while watching carefully every face that passes, hoping that one of them will be his friend's. Once he reaches Uruha's apartment building, the gate being closed and Uruha not responding to the timbre, Kai waits until a man comes out and pretending to just arrive then, manages to go in. Climbing to the third floor, he finds the appropriate door and for several minutes, knocks and rings the bell and there is no answer. He knows Uruha lives alone so aside from his friend there is no one who could answer the door, but he waits and hopes that Uruha is not inside and unable to answer.
The night falls over Tokyo and the cold weather turns even colder. Kai's jacket is barely able to keep him warm and the building's residents that come home from work shoot him curious gazes. Still, he waits, until finally around ten o'clock, Uruha shows up.
….............................
To say that Uruha is surprised would be an understatement. Not in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that Kai was there, in front of his apartment door waiting for him. Therefore, seeing him makes some unknown emotion in his chest tremble and unfurl, releasing a surprising amount of warmth. There are a couple of moments when the world seems to have stopped because they simply look at each other and neither makes one step forward or says one word. Then, in a flurry of movement, Kai practically throws himself in his arms, and there is something in Uruha that breaks when the lithe body in his arms shivers, whether from cold or anger or relief he cannot say and when he hears the first words Kai speaks he is awed at the depth of feeling his friend has.
“Are you okay?”
When he is too perplexed to reply anything else but “yes”, then and only then does he get smacked.
“I was worried, you idiot!” Comes the reproach that sounds more like a sob than an utterance spoken in anger, especially when the next thing Kai does is hug him again.
“Come on, I'll explain everything inside.” He says, gently untangling Kai's arms from his body, so he can take out his keys. He unlocks the door and steps inside. Kai follows him. They take off their jackets and shoes and Uruha turns on the lights. The hallway is also the entrance to the kitchen and Kai looks around his apartment for just a few moments before he turns towards him again, hands on his waist, pout obvious and adorable and demands an explanation. “I've been with Ruki.” Are the first words to tumble forth as an explanation. He has mentioned Ruki before so Kai knows they are friends but Uruha has never mentioned Ni~ya and their relationship and is unsure whether he should. Kai notices his discomfort and draws the wrong conclusions.
“Ohhh.” He exhales and his face falls. Uruha at first doesn't understand why but when trying to put himself in Kai's shoes, he gets a clue and hurries to right the misunderstanding. He goes so far as to grab Kai by the arms, both trying to soothe with his caress as well as stabilize both their emotions.
“No, not like that!” He emphasizes. “We're just friends and his heart just got broken. I had to stay. I was afraid he'd do something rash, he'd attempt something unthinkable. I am so sorry to not have been able to come to our meeting, to have made you wait.” At his explanation, Kai seems to breathe relieved and at the same time, collapse from tiredness. Uruha, whose arms seem to be the only thing keeping Kai up, takes advantage of the fact and drags him to the kitchen's love seat. He is one of the few people he knows that decorated his home by themselves using prime quality furniture and materials and the love seat and ottoman in the kitchen are just a small example of the comfort of his home, the first place he could actually say was just his.
He is glad now to have insisted on comfort in the kitchen. Done in warm pastel colors reminding of an early sunrise, with marble and cedar wood, combined with bronze accents and soft fabrics that make the kitchen a comfortable warm space in which he often finds pleasure while reading or listening to the radio. The love seat and ottoman, combining a traditional Japanese design with modern materials, is in fact so comfortable he often finds himself dozing in the kitchen. Kai obviously feels the same relaxation washing over him when sitting down for he simply sags in it. Uruha takes a few moments to prepare hot chocolate for the both of them and then joins him on the couch.
While they both sip their hot beverages, the silence between them is comfortable if tinged with something neither of them can put their finger on.
“Is Ruki okay?” Kai eventually asks. Uruha shakes his head.
“I hope he will be.” He says. “Have you been waiting since then?” He asks in turn, knowing that the answer is probably yes. Still, he can't halt his amazement at the fact. He and Kai are friends, yes, but Kai's reaction seems a bit exaggerated, even for a friend.
Kai simply nods. “I was worried. I came to think something really bad might have happened and since you mentioned your address once...” He trails off. “Actually, I should go, it's late already and we're both tired.”
Uruha hates having made Kai wait like that and he hates even more the idea of letting him go. They haven't had a chance to meet in more than a week, because Satoru's health had taken a turn for the worse and more often than not, he found Kai at the hospital, watching over the boy. Being busy with practicing for his recital, he himself had not managed to find the time to visit the hospital more. In fact, tonight's meeting, just a couple of days before the contest has been a lovely coincidence, both of them big fans of the violinist and pianist. As such, they had managed to find the time to meet. He had been looking forward to the evening for a while and is not too happy with the way things turned out yet he cannot grudge Ruki nor blame him. Things are as they are, but he still does not want Kai to leave, so he simply states his thoughts.
“Stay?”
His words nearly cause Kai to choke while drinking the chocolaty drink. When he manages to get his breath back, his shock obvious, he demands explanations.
“Would you mind sleeping on the same bed? It's quite big.” Not adding more to the logistics, he tries to entice Kai with his plans. “I have some recordings of tonight's concert. We could watch them, sip some more chocolate, maybe have some ice-cream... It's late already and I hate the idea of letting you go now that we have actually managed to meet.”
Kai blushes and the rosiness of his cheeks somehow manages to fluster Uruha too, although he has no idea why that should be so. Kai's nod causes a swarm of butterflies to fly in circles and spirals in his stomach. It's settled then and after the both of them finish their drinks in a bit of an awkward silence, Uruha goes to his bedroom to find the tape and beckons Kai to follow. His apartment is just twenty-five meters square, comprising a bedroom and a kitchen. It's still larger than normal one person apartments in Tokyo and with the carefully chosen decorations, looks homy and warm. However, the television is in his room, which means they'll have to watch the tape while sitting on the bed. They might just fall asleep watching, a thought Uruha is not averse too. While he looks through the stack of tapes, most of which are of recitals or other classic performances, although he does own a few rock ones here and there, Kai phones his parents to inform them that he'll be staying at a friend's house. They're both old enough for their parents not to fret and accept his explanations easily and a few minutes later, the both of them are settled on the big bed (not as big as Ruki's though) watching enraptured the recording of the London concert.
The atmosphere is comfortable, the hour is late and classical music is probably not the best choice when two tired teenagers think about staying awake for longer than a few hours, which is why precisely an hour later, both of them are already wrapped up in each other, sleeping peacefully, the tape running in the background and enveloping them in romantic serenades.
A/N: Wow, it's been a long time coming, which is why I made it three times as long. As you've noticed, I've also decided on a number of chapters, and this fic is drawing near its' end. My bunnies have been tired and weary and it's harder and harder to write this. I hope to be able to finish this quickly, maybe in the following week, so then I might be able to focus on other projects. Or not. Life is taking a bit of a toll too.
Therefore, to all my lovely reviewers: thank you loads and I'm still counting on you to get this done. I hope you're still waiting impatiently for each chapter and that this one was worth the wait.