My reflection - chapter 14, Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:15/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 14
Damn his big mouth! Now what? He had said those words and even though he wasn’t obliged to give into Sakito’s demands, it was still his loss. When a man lost a bet, he paid the price. It was exactly that type of reasoning that had gotten him into this dating mess in the first place but Aoi was way too old to start replacing his most basic beliefs. So with a sigh, he agreed, after he had drunk half of the powerful cocktail.
Sakito smirked. He had been sure Aoi would give in. He sure had been lucky with Aoi saying those words earlier since he meant on getting his hands on the raven by the end of the night and Aoi practically offering himself on a silver platter made everything so much more fun.
He watched Aoi take another gulp of the drink and then slid on the couch closer to Aoi, closer and closer until he was practically touching him. He was still a gentleman deep down so he figured he should give Aoi a chance to retreat.
“Are you sure about this? I don’t want you to curse me later.”
Unfortunately for Aoi, his mind and his body were telling him two different things at the moment and since he was pissed off at himself and the world and needed something to release his frustration on, that kiss would be the perfect vent. Just that. Nothing more. Or so Aoi had planned it. So instead of answering he grabbed Sakito’s shirt and smashed their lips together.
The kiss Aoi had started was fiery and raw and normally Sakito wouldn’t be complaining but he found himself loving the feel of Aoi’s lips on his, the taste of the cocktail in his mouth and he wanted the kiss to last longer, as long as possible and them devouring each other was not that. So Sakito pressed even closer, grabbed Aoi by the waist which made the man stop from his actions as if hit by lightning and simply stare at the other man, eyes open wide, lips a few centimeters away from the other’s. And then Sakito leaned again, slowly, as if giving Aoi the opportunity to refuse him although the hand grabbing his waist tightly certainly conveyed otherwise. And then their lips touched again and there was an electrical current flowing through both of them and the raven guitarist’s eyes simply closed. He had given in completely.
Sakito at first just moved his lips along the others, feeling their softness, the way they plied under his, the way they trembled every single time Sakito would lick at the bottom lip, lick but never go further than the silky surface although Aoi was more than glad to offer access.
Sakito’s right hand encircled Aoi’s waist while the left combed softly through the soft black strands of silk. He didn’t think he had ever felt something so soft. The passion was just climbing higher and higher from their slow kiss and there was no way they could keep the pace like that. Sakito’s resistance was fading away and it disappeared completely when he felt Aoi moan into the kiss. So he plunged inside the sweetness just waiting for him as if he wanted to feel Aoi’s very soul through that fragile connection. Their tongues danced around each other and felt each other up until the point where neither could breathe any longer, not because of the lack of air but because of the sexual tension that had gathered between them that threatened to lead to things not so proper in a restaurant and certainly unexpected from two people that had started their first date about an hour before.
When the fiery kiss was finally over, Sakito couldn’t resist giving Aoi’s lips another peck before retreating to his previous spot on the couch. He had to say that Aoi’s flushed cheeks, glazed over eyes and pouty lips that just screamed that they’d been ravished seconds earlier made one of the sexiest images he had seen in a long time.
He allowed the other guitarist to catch his breath and take control over himself again before giving the final blow.
“You know, Aoi-chan, I’m more than interested in you.”
“What?”
“I like you.”
“I don’t… I mean…”
“I’m a man and it’s hard to handle all this after you’ve been chasing girls for all your life.”
“Exactly. I can’t deny the kiss was definitely pleasant. It made me feel things I haven’t felt in a while. But if it’s just about desire, Sakito-san, I also desire a lot of beautiful women and the sex is great. I want more than desire this time.”
“Did you ever stop thinking that maybe what you’re looking for, what you need, a woman can’t offer you?”
“That would be a tragedy since I like women.”
“Aren’t you even willing to give me a proper chance?”
“Are you saying you could give me what I’m searching for, Sakito-san, when I don’t even know myself what I want?”
“I can try. Tonight you’ve certainly given me something no one has been able to give me in a very long time: you’ve managed to break through all my defenses as if they weren’t even there. I feel like I can truly be myself when I’m with you, even though I know practically nothing about you. I’d like to make you feel the same way.”
“Then I think it’s a lost cause, Sakito-san, because there is no one me. I’m happy one moment and sad the next, joking around and then suddenly become depressive, wandering why I’m here and wanting to run away and at the same time wishing to be here. I’m a sum of contradictions. None of them are actually my defenses. I act how I feel or how I force myself to feel. No one can really be a joker all the time.”
“Jokers are sometimes the saddest.” Sakito grabbed his hand over the table. “But I think I need a little bit of contradiction in my life just as much as you probably need someone you can depend on and help chase those fears away. Because that’s what they are, Aoi-san, masks of fear.”
“Don’t you think you’re going too fast?”
“Yeah. As long as you’re willing to give me a chance, I’ll wait for how long you need me too.”
“Like you waited for that kiss?”
“Oh, you have to admit you left yourself open for that one. Maybe you’ve been plotting to get me to kiss you all this time?” Sakito said smiling.
“You know, Sacchan, two can play this whole sex me up game.” Aoi aimed, shot and scored.
“Don’t ever call me like that again. It gives me chills down my spine.”
“Good ones?”
“Not quite sure yet.” Now both were laughing heartily.
By the end of their date they had gotten quite comfortable with each other, up to the point where they didn’t want to separate. But it was still just the first date and they had decided to take it slow. Sakito had come with his car and he gave Aoi a ride back home. It had been a long time since Aoi felt out of place and giddy after a first date, but that moment when he got out of the other’s car and whispered good night he inwardly wished the other wouldn’t let him go.
The moment he dropped dead tired on his bed, before falling asleep, fear gripped his insights again. He had never been really brave and this whole thing… for the love of god, he had been perfectly sure that he was straight a few hours before and now he found himself wanting to be in the arms of another man. Was he insane? Had he really always just been in denial? Or was it that that corny stuff people said about true love might just actually turn out true? Ok, he was definitely insane since he had just thought about Sakito as being his true love. And why was he acting like a girl? Damn!
Aoi went to bed that night cursing himself, Ruki and the world, which just wouldn’t let him live in peace. And the next day, he woke up with an image of the interrogation he’d be put through. Oh, he knew his vocalist, he’d be sucking every single bit of information out of him and Aoi won’t even dream about putting up any resistance. What’s more, he’d probably ask his advice in the long run. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have a verdict: Aoi was an idiot.
He got up from bed, drank a cup of coffee, freshened up and started getting dressed when, all of a sudden, his phone started ringing. While putting on a shirt, he pressed the answer button and with the phone rested between his ear and shoulder answered. A woman’s voice greeted him.
“Hello, is this Shiroyama Aoi-san?”
“Yes, this is he.”
“I’m sorry to bother you. My name is Nakamura Miyuki （中村 美幸）. We met a couple of months ago…”
Aoi wasn’t really listening. He was buttoning his shirt while trying to remember the face of the woman talking to him. Somehow the words: bar, drunk and hotel registered themselves in his mind and he was able to remember her. But why would she call him? He was ready to ask that question when he heard the woman’s voice revealing exactly that piece of information:
“I think this will come as a shock, but I am pregnant. And it is your child.”
Oh, it was a shock, all right. Aoi had to grip the edge of the dresser in order to calm himself. He couldn’t breathe, much less think. After a few seconds, she started talking again.
“I know this might be impossible to believe and a big shock, but I was wondering if you’d agree to meet me in about thirty minutes to talk this over.”
“What do you want from me, exactly, Nakamura-san?”
“I want to know if you’re okay with me aborting this child. So please think everything over before we meet. Of course we’ll talk more about this but it is important that you decide at least that first.”
“I’ll meet you then in thirty minutes. Where?”
She gave him the directions to a coffee house not too far from his apartment and then hung up. Aoi could just process one step at a time. He called Kai to tell him that practice would be cancelled.
“Kai-san, I’m sorry, but something come up and I’d like to cancel practice for today.”
“Do you need to cancel or can it just be postponed for a few hours? Did something happen?”
He really would have loved to have the day for himself but then… Ruki and Sakito… His breath caught in his chest again. He might need to talk with both of them, or at least Ruki.
“I really would have preferred canceling practice but I may have to meet you guys today and tell you something. So how about we do meet there in about four hours or so?”
“Sure, Aoi-kun. Is everything all right, though? You don’t seem like yourself.”
“I’ll tell you later, Kai-kun. I have to go now.”
With that he hung up and, thirty minutes later, he was meeting her in the coffee house. She just seemed even more beautiful than the last time and the only time he had seen her. Long, dark hair, that Aoi knew felt just as soft as it looked, deep black pools gazing straight at them. She did seem to have put on a bit of weight but it only made her look somehow more radiant.
“Hello, Shiroyama-san.”
“Aoi, please.”
“Then it’s Miyuki, too, if you don’t mind. So Aoi-san, I’m imagining you have a lot of questions.”
“Actually not that many. But important, I believe. That night, I know I was quite drunk but I did use protection, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did. That’s why I found out quite late, about a week or go. I didn’t believe it possible. I didn’t sleep with other men since then so that’s how I know it’s your child. I was feeling not myself so after a month or so I finally decided to go to the hospital. They told me I was pregnant. The condom, it seems it’s not 100% sure, after all. I can’t give you another explanation.”
“You said after me, but what about before me?”
“I had broken up with my boyfriend about a month before I met you and had taken up quite a load of work to forget about that. What I want to say, Aoi-san, is that before that one night of insanity on both our parts, for about one month I didn’t have the time to even look at another man, much less sleep with him.”
“Do you really want me to accept all this? Would you be horribly insulted if I asked you for a paternity test?”
“Not at all. We can go at the hospital even now if you want. The test results should be out quite soon if we go to a private clinic.”
“I’d like that. I would like to continue this conversation after the results are out, please.”
“Of course.”
They got into the car and Aoi went to the clinic that usually handled the band. The procedure was fairly simple and due to who he was and the amount of bills he put down, the results would be out in about an hour. They just waited. At first the silence had been suffocating, but then, she asked about how he had been doing and the conversation started to flow…
“Oh, so you’re a judge, Miyuki-san?’
“Yes, and it’s actually taking my toll on me lately. The Japanese system is being altered a bit right now, as you might well know, and it’s giving all of us quite some headaches. And well, I guess my condition isn’t making it easier either.”
“Yes, I did see the news about that. I mean, really, they actually expect to make the citizens more interested in the justice system through this measure. If I were called, I’d probably curse the hell out of them.”
“Unfortunately many think like that and I can not say I blame them. I’m not going to say it doesn’t have its good points either. But maybe the change is a little too abrupt. Well, for me it certainly is.”
“So are you single right now, Miyuki-san?”
“Why, Aoi-san, I hope you’re not flirting with me in a clinic, are you? Oh, relax; don’t be so rigid, I was only joking. Yes, I don’t have a boyfriend. How about you, Aoi-san?”
“No boyfriend, no.” He said without actually realizing what came out of his mouth, the image of Sakito suddenly popping up. But when he heard the faint “I see” coming from her, he realized his mistake.
“I meant no girlfriend. I’m not attached in any way.”
“No, you meant it the first way around. And there is a man you think quite fondly about. I’m not a judge for nothing, Aoi-san. And we can’t be prejudicial. It’s the same for me if you like a man or a woman. So you don’t need to worry. I’m not expecting you to have been waiting for me after all.” She said, offering him a warm smile.
“I really am not attached, Miyuki-san. I might have been had it not been for today.”
“I am sorry then. But you know, I told you already, I wouldn’t mind aborting. The bottom line is that I don’t want nor can I raise a baby alone. It wouldn’t be fair for the baby either. Of course I’m not happy about killing a life, but sometimes certain decisions have to be made. However, I do believe this is not just my decision to make. If you want this baby and offer to raise it together, then I will not abort.”
“Even if this baby is mine, will you give me a couple of days to think this through?”
“Yes, of course. I needed a whole week to sort out my thoughts before I finally made that phone call. It must be even more difficult on you, since you seem to have someone you care about.”
“I just met him last night. It’s not that deep.”
“And still, it is, isn’t it?”
Silence descended between them again. She was right. No matter how he tried to convince himself it didn’t matter, that he couldn’t think about Sakito that way so soon, it still felt as if this woman and her baby were putting shackles on him and invisible yet indestructible walls between him and Sakito. And he knew he shouldn’t think like that. She was a wonderful woman apparently and more than that she didn’t see him differently even after he had confessed about Sakito and she was still giving him the choice about the baby. What if the baby was his? What should he choose?
A few minutes later, the nurse came out and handed Aoi the envelope. He opened it with trembling hands. The possibilities of the baby being his were 98%, which in doctors’ language meant 100%. So it was definite. Somehow he didn’t think she’d be lying either. But he had needed that percent to keep him more anchored in this new and unexpected reality. If he allowed it, he would be a father. He needed to sit down. She just watched him, took the envelope and just glanced over it. There wasn’t really any need since she knew what the results would be, but one always needs to reassure himself. Maybe she too wished somehow that the baby were just hers and she could just…
“If it’s a bit of consolation, I am sorry, Aoi-san. I never meant for this to happen.”
“It’s not your fault either. Actually it was me who did all the seducing that night, so it’s obvious that I’m the one responsible for this. I’m the one who should be apologizing. Just one more question, Miyuki-san: If we were to get married would you rather keep this baby? What I’m trying to say is between giving birth and killing it, what would you choose? Don’t bother about anything else, just your feelings. That’s what I want to know.”
“I asked myself that so many times, Aoi-san. It isn’t that easy, is it? Earlier I couldn’t have answered that simple question. Now I think I can. If we were to marry, then I would very much like to keep this baby. If you were some idiotic son of a bitch that would have told me to get rid of it straight away, I wouldn’t even have thought twice and become even more ashamed with myself and this baby. But you are not like that. You are a caring person and I can obviously see that I wouldn’t mind being married to you, Aoi-san. I’d probably even learn to love you in time. Maybe we could even form a loving family. If not, we could always get a divorce and this child would still have two loving parents. But now, I would very much like to keep this baby.”
“I see. Thank you for being so honest with everything. You really are a wonderful woman. I’ll tell you my decision in two days. I’ll drop you off at your apartment.”
“No, it’s fine if you just drop me off at the station. My apartment is on the other side of town.”
A/N: Told you surprises are coming! I wanted to go on a special journey this time.
Oh, and I have an announcement to make. My break is over so from now I'll hopefully be updating once a week, in the weekend. The next part of this will be posted on the 4th probably. Hope I'm not making you too sad.
I'll be waiting for all your comments and love, as usually, so...
Title: My reflection
Chapters:15/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 14
Damn his big mouth! Now what? He had said those words and even though he wasn’t obliged to give into Sakito’s demands, it was still his loss. When a man lost a bet, he paid the price. It was exactly that type of reasoning that had gotten him into this dating mess in the first place but Aoi was way too old to start replacing his most basic beliefs. So with a sigh, he agreed, after he had drunk half of the powerful cocktail.
Sakito smirked. He had been sure Aoi would give in. He sure had been lucky with Aoi saying those words earlier since he meant on getting his hands on the raven by the end of the night and Aoi practically offering himself on a silver platter made everything so much more fun.
He watched Aoi take another gulp of the drink and then slid on the couch closer to Aoi, closer and closer until he was practically touching him. He was still a gentleman deep down so he figured he should give Aoi a chance to retreat.
“Are you sure about this? I don’t want you to curse me later.”
Unfortunately for Aoi, his mind and his body were telling him two different things at the moment and since he was pissed off at himself and the world and needed something to release his frustration on, that kiss would be the perfect vent. Just that. Nothing more. Or so Aoi had planned it. So instead of answering he grabbed Sakito’s shirt and smashed their lips together.
The kiss Aoi had started was fiery and raw and normally Sakito wouldn’t be complaining but he found himself loving the feel of Aoi’s lips on his, the taste of the cocktail in his mouth and he wanted the kiss to last longer, as long as possible and them devouring each other was not that. So Sakito pressed even closer, grabbed Aoi by the waist which made the man stop from his actions as if hit by lightning and simply stare at the other man, eyes open wide, lips a few centimeters away from the other’s. And then Sakito leaned again, slowly, as if giving Aoi the opportunity to refuse him although the hand grabbing his waist tightly certainly conveyed otherwise. And then their lips touched again and there was an electrical current flowing through both of them and the raven guitarist’s eyes simply closed. He had given in completely.
Sakito at first just moved his lips along the others, feeling their softness, the way they plied under his, the way they trembled every single time Sakito would lick at the bottom lip, lick but never go further than the silky surface although Aoi was more than glad to offer access.
Sakito’s right hand encircled Aoi’s waist while the left combed softly through the soft black strands of silk. He didn’t think he had ever felt something so soft. The passion was just climbing higher and higher from their slow kiss and there was no way they could keep the pace like that. Sakito’s resistance was fading away and it disappeared completely when he felt Aoi moan into the kiss. So he plunged inside the sweetness just waiting for him as if he wanted to feel Aoi’s very soul through that fragile connection. Their tongues danced around each other and felt each other up until the point where neither could breathe any longer, not because of the lack of air but because of the sexual tension that had gathered between them that threatened to lead to things not so proper in a restaurant and certainly unexpected from two people that had started their first date about an hour before.
When the fiery kiss was finally over, Sakito couldn’t resist giving Aoi’s lips another peck before retreating to his previous spot on the couch. He had to say that Aoi’s flushed cheeks, glazed over eyes and pouty lips that just screamed that they’d been ravished seconds earlier made one of the sexiest images he had seen in a long time.
He allowed the other guitarist to catch his breath and take control over himself again before giving the final blow.
“You know, Aoi-chan, I’m more than interested in you.”
“What?”
“I like you.”
“I don’t… I mean…”
“I’m a man and it’s hard to handle all this after you’ve been chasing girls for all your life.”
“Exactly. I can’t deny the kiss was definitely pleasant. It made me feel things I haven’t felt in a while. But if it’s just about desire, Sakito-san, I also desire a lot of beautiful women and the sex is great. I want more than desire this time.”
“Did you ever stop thinking that maybe what you’re looking for, what you need, a woman can’t offer you?”
“That would be a tragedy since I like women.”
“Aren’t you even willing to give me a proper chance?”
“Are you saying you could give me what I’m searching for, Sakito-san, when I don’t even know myself what I want?”
“I can try. Tonight you’ve certainly given me something no one has been able to give me in a very long time: you’ve managed to break through all my defenses as if they weren’t even there. I feel like I can truly be myself when I’m with you, even though I know practically nothing about you. I’d like to make you feel the same way.”
“Then I think it’s a lost cause, Sakito-san, because there is no one me. I’m happy one moment and sad the next, joking around and then suddenly become depressive, wandering why I’m here and wanting to run away and at the same time wishing to be here. I’m a sum of contradictions. None of them are actually my defenses. I act how I feel or how I force myself to feel. No one can really be a joker all the time.”
“Jokers are sometimes the saddest.” Sakito grabbed his hand over the table. “But I think I need a little bit of contradiction in my life just as much as you probably need someone you can depend on and help chase those fears away. Because that’s what they are, Aoi-san, masks of fear.”
“Don’t you think you’re going too fast?”
“Yeah. As long as you’re willing to give me a chance, I’ll wait for how long you need me too.”
“Like you waited for that kiss?”
“Oh, you have to admit you left yourself open for that one. Maybe you’ve been plotting to get me to kiss you all this time?” Sakito said smiling.
“You know, Sacchan, two can play this whole sex me up game.” Aoi aimed, shot and scored.
“Don’t ever call me like that again. It gives me chills down my spine.”
“Good ones?”
“Not quite sure yet.” Now both were laughing heartily.
By the end of their date they had gotten quite comfortable with each other, up to the point where they didn’t want to separate. But it was still just the first date and they had decided to take it slow. Sakito had come with his car and he gave Aoi a ride back home. It had been a long time since Aoi felt out of place and giddy after a first date, but that moment when he got out of the other’s car and whispered good night he inwardly wished the other wouldn’t let him go.
The moment he dropped dead tired on his bed, before falling asleep, fear gripped his insights again. He had never been really brave and this whole thing… for the love of god, he had been perfectly sure that he was straight a few hours before and now he found himself wanting to be in the arms of another man. Was he insane? Had he really always just been in denial? Or was it that that corny stuff people said about true love might just actually turn out true? Ok, he was definitely insane since he had just thought about Sakito as being his true love. And why was he acting like a girl? Damn!
Aoi went to bed that night cursing himself, Ruki and the world, which just wouldn’t let him live in peace. And the next day, he woke up with an image of the interrogation he’d be put through. Oh, he knew his vocalist, he’d be sucking every single bit of information out of him and Aoi won’t even dream about putting up any resistance. What’s more, he’d probably ask his advice in the long run. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have a verdict: Aoi was an idiot.
He got up from bed, drank a cup of coffee, freshened up and started getting dressed when, all of a sudden, his phone started ringing. While putting on a shirt, he pressed the answer button and with the phone rested between his ear and shoulder answered. A woman’s voice greeted him.
“Hello, is this Shiroyama Aoi-san?”
“Yes, this is he.”
“I’m sorry to bother you. My name is Nakamura Miyuki （中村 美幸）. We met a couple of months ago…”
Aoi wasn’t really listening. He was buttoning his shirt while trying to remember the face of the woman talking to him. Somehow the words: bar, drunk and hotel registered themselves in his mind and he was able to remember her. But why would she call him? He was ready to ask that question when he heard the woman’s voice revealing exactly that piece of information:
“I think this will come as a shock, but I am pregnant. And it is your child.”
Oh, it was a shock, all right. Aoi had to grip the edge of the dresser in order to calm himself. He couldn’t breathe, much less think. After a few seconds, she started talking again.
“I know this might be impossible to believe and a big shock, but I was wondering if you’d agree to meet me in about thirty minutes to talk this over.”
“What do you want from me, exactly, Nakamura-san?”
“I want to know if you’re okay with me aborting this child. So please think everything over before we meet. Of course we’ll talk more about this but it is important that you decide at least that first.”
“I’ll meet you then in thirty minutes. Where?”
She gave him the directions to a coffee house not too far from his apartment and then hung up. Aoi could just process one step at a time. He called Kai to tell him that practice would be cancelled.
“Kai-san, I’m sorry, but something come up and I’d like to cancel practice for today.”
“Do you need to cancel or can it just be postponed for a few hours? Did something happen?”
He really would have loved to have the day for himself but then… Ruki and Sakito… His breath caught in his chest again. He might need to talk with both of them, or at least Ruki.
“I really would have preferred canceling practice but I may have to meet you guys today and tell you something. So how about we do meet there in about four hours or so?”
“Sure, Aoi-kun. Is everything all right, though? You don’t seem like yourself.”
“I’ll tell you later, Kai-kun. I have to go now.”
With that he hung up and, thirty minutes later, he was meeting her in the coffee house. She just seemed even more beautiful than the last time and the only time he had seen her. Long, dark hair, that Aoi knew felt just as soft as it looked, deep black pools gazing straight at them. She did seem to have put on a bit of weight but it only made her look somehow more radiant.
“Hello, Shiroyama-san.”
“Aoi, please.”
“Then it’s Miyuki, too, if you don’t mind. So Aoi-san, I’m imagining you have a lot of questions.”
“Actually not that many. But important, I believe. That night, I know I was quite drunk but I did use protection, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did. That’s why I found out quite late, about a week or go. I didn’t believe it possible. I didn’t sleep with other men since then so that’s how I know it’s your child. I was feeling not myself so after a month or so I finally decided to go to the hospital. They told me I was pregnant. The condom, it seems it’s not 100% sure, after all. I can’t give you another explanation.”
“You said after me, but what about before me?”
“I had broken up with my boyfriend about a month before I met you and had taken up quite a load of work to forget about that. What I want to say, Aoi-san, is that before that one night of insanity on both our parts, for about one month I didn’t have the time to even look at another man, much less sleep with him.”
“Do you really want me to accept all this? Would you be horribly insulted if I asked you for a paternity test?”
“Not at all. We can go at the hospital even now if you want. The test results should be out quite soon if we go to a private clinic.”
“I’d like that. I would like to continue this conversation after the results are out, please.”
“Of course.”
They got into the car and Aoi went to the clinic that usually handled the band. The procedure was fairly simple and due to who he was and the amount of bills he put down, the results would be out in about an hour. They just waited. At first the silence had been suffocating, but then, she asked about how he had been doing and the conversation started to flow…
“Oh, so you’re a judge, Miyuki-san?’
“Yes, and it’s actually taking my toll on me lately. The Japanese system is being altered a bit right now, as you might well know, and it’s giving all of us quite some headaches. And well, I guess my condition isn’t making it easier either.”
“Yes, I did see the news about that. I mean, really, they actually expect to make the citizens more interested in the justice system through this measure. If I were called, I’d probably curse the hell out of them.”
“Unfortunately many think like that and I can not say I blame them. I’m not going to say it doesn’t have its good points either. But maybe the change is a little too abrupt. Well, for me it certainly is.”
“So are you single right now, Miyuki-san?”
“Why, Aoi-san, I hope you’re not flirting with me in a clinic, are you? Oh, relax; don’t be so rigid, I was only joking. Yes, I don’t have a boyfriend. How about you, Aoi-san?”
“No boyfriend, no.” He said without actually realizing what came out of his mouth, the image of Sakito suddenly popping up. But when he heard the faint “I see” coming from her, he realized his mistake.
“I meant no girlfriend. I’m not attached in any way.”
“No, you meant it the first way around. And there is a man you think quite fondly about. I’m not a judge for nothing, Aoi-san. And we can’t be prejudicial. It’s the same for me if you like a man or a woman. So you don’t need to worry. I’m not expecting you to have been waiting for me after all.” She said, offering him a warm smile.
“I really am not attached, Miyuki-san. I might have been had it not been for today.”
“I am sorry then. But you know, I told you already, I wouldn’t mind aborting. The bottom line is that I don’t want nor can I raise a baby alone. It wouldn’t be fair for the baby either. Of course I’m not happy about killing a life, but sometimes certain decisions have to be made. However, I do believe this is not just my decision to make. If you want this baby and offer to raise it together, then I will not abort.”
“Even if this baby is mine, will you give me a couple of days to think this through?”
“Yes, of course. I needed a whole week to sort out my thoughts before I finally made that phone call. It must be even more difficult on you, since you seem to have someone you care about.”
“I just met him last night. It’s not that deep.”
“And still, it is, isn’t it?”
Silence descended between them again. She was right. No matter how he tried to convince himself it didn’t matter, that he couldn’t think about Sakito that way so soon, it still felt as if this woman and her baby were putting shackles on him and invisible yet indestructible walls between him and Sakito. And he knew he shouldn’t think like that. She was a wonderful woman apparently and more than that she didn’t see him differently even after he had confessed about Sakito and she was still giving him the choice about the baby. What if the baby was his? What should he choose?
A few minutes later, the nurse came out and handed Aoi the envelope. He opened it with trembling hands. The possibilities of the baby being his were 98%, which in doctors’ language meant 100%. So it was definite. Somehow he didn’t think she’d be lying either. But he had needed that percent to keep him more anchored in this new and unexpected reality. If he allowed it, he would be a father. He needed to sit down. She just watched him, took the envelope and just glanced over it. There wasn’t really any need since she knew what the results would be, but one always needs to reassure himself. Maybe she too wished somehow that the baby were just hers and she could just…
“If it’s a bit of consolation, I am sorry, Aoi-san. I never meant for this to happen.”
“It’s not your fault either. Actually it was me who did all the seducing that night, so it’s obvious that I’m the one responsible for this. I’m the one who should be apologizing. Just one more question, Miyuki-san: If we were to get married would you rather keep this baby? What I’m trying to say is between giving birth and killing it, what would you choose? Don’t bother about anything else, just your feelings. That’s what I want to know.”
“I asked myself that so many times, Aoi-san. It isn’t that easy, is it? Earlier I couldn’t have answered that simple question. Now I think I can. If we were to marry, then I would very much like to keep this baby. If you were some idiotic son of a bitch that would have told me to get rid of it straight away, I wouldn’t even have thought twice and become even more ashamed with myself and this baby. But you are not like that. You are a caring person and I can obviously see that I wouldn’t mind being married to you, Aoi-san. I’d probably even learn to love you in time. Maybe we could even form a loving family. If not, we could always get a divorce and this child would still have two loving parents. But now, I would very much like to keep this baby.”
“I see. Thank you for being so honest with everything. You really are a wonderful woman. I’ll tell you my decision in two days. I’ll drop you off at your apartment.”
“No, it’s fine if you just drop me off at the station. My apartment is on the other side of town.”
A/N: Told you surprises are coming! I wanted to go on a special journey this time.
Oh, and I have an announcement to make. My break is over so from now I'll hopefully be updating once a week, in the weekend. The next part of this will be posted on the 4th probably. Hope I'm not making you too sad.
I'll be waiting for all your comments and love, as usually, so...