When the music plays
COUNTING STARS (1/2)
Everything about them started relatively easy; the smiles, the friendship, the inevitable blossoming of feelings into something a little less platonic. Kim Jongin was a natural at charming the people he met; he was generally liked by everyone around him, and a certain Do Kyungsoo was no exception.
At first Kyungsoo was irked by the rumors he heard about Jongin; that he was a player, that he broke hearts, and many more ridiculously blown-up insults that were clearly made up by those who envied him. Kyungsoo believed in them half-heartedly; he didn’t really know the guy anyway, and was just letting himself indulge in the school’s daily gossip. But when he actually got to know him, as in face-to-face with all the talking and smiling up close, he learned that the boy was nothing but good looks on the outside and a big mushy heart on the inside.
Kyungsoo fondly remembered how he and Jongin first met; it was on school grounds, the earth beneath his feet was wet, and of all the days he could’ve forgotten his umbrella, it was when the rain decided to pay land a visit. Kyungsoo tried to walk amidst the areas where little to no water puddles could be seen, but luck just wasn’t on his side that day when he miscalculated a step and slipped on the wet mud patch, sliding ungraciously on the ground and falling flat on his bum. He let out a pained yelp and clawed blindly at the ground to find purchase as a steady lift to heave himself up. The rain was pouring buckets now, he couldn’t see a thing and it was already getting late. Kyungsoo wanted to wallow in shallow self-pity on the sudden depletion of his luck when suddenly he saw a shadow of something near him, followed immediately by the ceasing of the rain drops hitting his head.
He tore his gaze off the black sneakers in front of him and was faced with a smiling Kim Jongin with an umbrella over his head, shielding them both off from the merciless pour of the rain.
“Need help?” Jongin began, looking concerned and amused at the same time, hand outstretched ready to hoist Kyungsoo up any minute.
Kyungsoo squinted and raised a mud-free hand to rub the water out of his eyes and push the fringe plastered on his forehead off and upwards.
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo answered a minute later, taking the hand offered to him and standing upright, feeling extra heavy as he could feel the fabric of his clothes stick to him, weighing him down and slowing his movements.
Jongin let out a small chuckle and eyed Kyungsoo’s wet state before offering a thick coat to him. “Look, I know we just met and all-but I think you need this more than I do.” He handed him the coat and shook his head when Kyungsoo already had his mouth open to protest, “Really, its no big deal, I insist you wear that.”
Kyungsoo’s protest died in his mouth and nodded gratefully, ashamed for looking so weak at a stormy weather, and yet happy as someone was kind enough to offer help uncalled for.
Needless to say from then on they started talking to each other, curt nods and clipped smiles on the hallway then evolved to actual conversations, shy waves turning into obnoxious high fives-until someone (they weren’t really sure who invited who outside school grounds first, not that they minded anyway) offered hanging out after school hours and occasionally, even during the weekends. The last and biggest step they both have to take was dating; because that’s what everything built up to.
Kyungsoo wouldn’t say he fell in love, but the safest term would be that he was at his most comfortable state whenever he was with Jongin. There were no pretentions, no ridiculous expectations, no nothing he couldn’t give. Jongin was the best and safest option for Kyungsoo out there; who was he to pass up the opportunity?
It was a week before college when Kyungsoo and Jongin decided to live together- as in share the same room in the same dorm.
For others, it would’ve just appeared as normal roommates trying to get along and live together without cutting each other’s throat, but for them it was different. It was like taking a gigantic step forward. There was clearly something between them. A relationship, a very close-knitted friendship, whatever you wanted to call it. They never labeled themselves and put restrictions on what they were, but all they knew was that they wanted to be in each other’s presence and company far more than what simple friends should want.
Kyungsoo knew living together might change things about them and their relationship, but he was willing to try, for
Jongin.
A week after Kyungsoo proposed the idea to Jongin he was already moving in, two suitcases in tow and a big bright smile for him, ready for college and what was to come.
- -
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars
They’ve successfully lived together for 4 years, and graduation was right around the corner, the dizzying scent of togas and chasing dreams lingering in the air.
Everyone was feeling it, honor student or no honor student, the upcoming shift to adulthood and the real world fell upon every graduate-to-be’s shoulders; the job interviews, the actual job, and then finally, dying while they did their best to climb up the ladder and work their ass off for the satisfaction of their superiors. They’d have to hold their work-selves together while they themselves are slowly falling apart inside; they had expectations to meet and mouths to feed.
Kyungsoo felt the knot in his belly tighten at the same time he tightened the black graduation gown around Jongin’s neck. He stared at the fisherman’s knot he just made and bit his lip, immersed in deep thought. Jongin noticed the change of behavior from his boyfriend and gently slid down his hands to his waist, squeezing him lightly.
“Soo, what’s wrong?” Concern was evident in Jongin’s voice as he stared lovingly at the figure in front of him.
Kyungsoo hesitated a bit before answering. “I just-, I think about the future a lot, okay. Like, what will happen after graduation, will we be okay? There’s just too much to think about. Jobs, dreams, expectations, life.”
Jongin let out a small smile and rubbed comforting circles on Kyungsoo’s waist. “Soo, relax, you’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Just believe,”
Kyungsoo scoffed and rolled his eyes before pushing Jongin lightly on the chest. “Easy for you to say, Mr. Honor Student and Most Likely To Succeed.”
Jongin laughed airily, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose affectionately against the smaller. “It’s not my fault they’re in-love with my dancing. But I can say the same for you, Mr. I-have-a-golden-voice-and-I’m-going-to-Paris-for-it. You might not have graduated with honors, but you’re getting an easy scholarship out of this. No fair!” Jongin whined, not at all meaning the accusation at the end of his sentence.
Kyungsoo chuckled and wrapped his arms around Jongin’s neck, pulling him closer. “We’ll be fine, won’t we?”
- -
“Kyungsoo, your vitamins!”
“Put them in the front zipper of my backpack!”
“Have you gotten your ticket and visa in there?”
“Mm, they’re here. Jongin, where’s my phone?”
“Oh, here it is. Don’t forget to keep this a hundred percent charged so I won’t have a problem trying to reach you!”
“Jongin, shouldn’t I be the one telling you this?” a low chuckle. “Just get in the cab you dork,”
Kyungsoo and Jongin was huddled up in the longest queue anyone has ever seen on a chilly Seoul morning. Jongin was sending Kyungsoo off for Paris, and he wanted to spend the remainder of his time with his boyfriend physically while he still can. He was practically glued to the smaller ones back, eyes skimming joyfully at the poorly concealed bruises he was sporting all over his neck. If these hickeys weren’t any indication that he would miss Kyungsoo so bad he permanently marked himself all over him, then nothing will.
Kyungsoo had goosebumps when Jongin suddenly blew hot air on his still-sensitive-from-last night’s-activities neck. He sent a playful nudge on Jongin’s side as a warning. “Jongin, not here-we’re in public.”
“Fuck the public,” and Jongin began sucking on some not properly marked areas. Kyungsoo bit down on his lip hard to prevent the moan threatening to escape his lips.
Despite the obvious pleasure he was getting from this, he still wanted to maintain his dignity and the decency not to make out obnoxiously in public. He took a reluctant step back and covered his neck with his hands. “Jongin,”
“Alright, alright I’ll behave. Jeesh! I’ll just miss you, s’all.”
Kyungsoo turned and saw the obvious sadness reflecting in the other’s beautiful brown orbs. His own eyes softened and reached for Jongin’s hand, gripping it gently. “We’ve been living together for almost 5 years, and we’ve met each other for utmost 7 years. We could still wait for another 2 years, yeah? We could live through this Jongin, I promise.”
Jongin smiled and tried to hold his tears back, kissing Kyungsoo fully on the lips before he was let in the departure area, ignoring all sorts of protests from his boyfriend.
He watched the airplane fly up with a heavy heart and somehow sensed emptiness swirling around his being. He felt hollow, incomplete. It was as if Kyungsoo took a part of him away when he left.
I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find
Paris was a fresh change of setting for Kyungsoo. Seoul was crowded and lively and so fashion-y but Paris was a whole different thing. The whole city lit up at night, sparkling in its own special way, beautiful streets lined with bright lights that made everything feel surreal and uncharacteristically romantic. Kyungsoo learned that Paris wasn’t dubbed the City of Love for nothing.
Kyungsoo was strolling down the street opposite his current dorm room when he felt a vibration coming from one of his inner coat pockets. He paused in his steps, patting his pockets away before grabbing and taking out his phone and answering the call.
“Jongin! Do you know how pretty Paris really is?”
Kyungsoo could hear Jongin’s fresh laughter from the other line. “Hello to you too, hyung. And no, I don’t know because I’ve only seen Paris through pictures.” Kyungsoo could almost see the pout accompanying his boyfriend’s words. He sighed happily and mouthed closer to the mouth piece. “I wish I could take you here, Jongin-ah. This place is breathtaking.”
“Maybe one day hyung. You doing good over there?” I miss you.
“Of course Jongin-ah. You?” I miss you too.
“Yeah. I miss eating your home-cooked meals though, haha. But don’t worry, I’m doing fine.” I love you.
“Oh, is that so? I’ll make sure to cook you a 5 course meal when I get back then, sounds good?” I love you too.
A shaky sigh. “That’s good hyung. See you soon?”
“Soon, Jongin-ah.”
- -
School officially started two weeks later and Kyungsoo was ecstatic to meet his new classmates. They were all professionals vocally, all special and nothing short of an amateur as they were all sent to that school for a purpose; to train harder, and succeed. Kyungsoo was determined to graduate with honors and make his Jongin proud, to achieve his dreams and drag Jongin up with him.
When he was seated in class, Kyungsoo looked around and observed everyone with sharp eyes. There were a lot of foreigners around him, of every race and gender, from all walks of life no doubt, and he suddenly felt so alone. Oh how he wished to have someone with him in this exciting yet challenging new page in his book.
He almost died of happiness when he saw another Korean enter the same room as he was. He looked intimidating, and had a straight face all the time, his foreigner-ish height wasn’t helping either. He sat a good 5 seats away from Kyungsoo and immediately shut himself off from everything by plugging in his earphones, eyebrows creased and eyes closed. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo just remained in his seat and continued to observe his fellow countryman from a far. He later learned that his name is Park Chanyeol.
It was after 1pm in Paris when Kyungsoo logged on his Skype from his laptop and video-called Jongin, whom he misses with every fiber of his being back at home.
He practically yells and screams Jongin’s eardrums off from the other end of his mouth piece, giddy and pleased to see his beautiful boyfriend.
A few silent smiles later Kyungsoo blurts out a pained “I miss you,” and Jongin sighs raggedly, looking like he’s about to cry all over again.
“I miss you too hyung, always.” Even through pixels and a man-made camera Jongin still looks pristine, but one cannot ignore the sadness that always haunts his being these past few days. Even from miles away Kyungsoo wants to brush off the hurt and longing off Jongin’s face and take him into his arms, as he reaches forward absentmindedly onto his laptop screen and strokes Jongin’s face lovingly.
They both end the conversation with a practiced, “We’ll get through this,” as the I love you unsaid between them, holding promises of a bright future in each other’s arms.
Kyungsoo trudges to class the next day looking like a personal display of eyebags, and is pleasantly surprised to find himself arranged to sit next to the Park boy.
Although he wasn’t there yet, nameplates were assigned to each chair and he was glad to have the Do next to the Dark-which the foreigners obviously misspelled and misread. He thanked the heavens for this error as he finally got what he wished for ever since he got there; company.
Chanyeol looked perplexed as ever as he walked in the room and saw that the seat he occupied yesterday was already taken by some blonde woman with designer jeans and a way-too revealing top. He grimaced, but then quickly caught sight of the name plates when he flitted his eyes around the room briefly. Apparently, his seat assignment was next to a petite looking boy with a disturbingly pale complexion as well as dark hair that covered wide, eager eyes. He was unmistakably Korean though, so Chanyeol relaxed a bit as he strode forth, music sheets in hand as he made himself comfortable on the seat assigned to him.
The other boy turned and spoke softly, in their native language. “Hi, my name is Do Kyungsoo. Nice to see someone close to home here!” he sounded so energetic that it left a happy twitch on the corner of the listener’s mouth.
He cleared his throat before replying in a low tone equally in Korean, “I’m Park Chanyeol, nice to see you too, Do Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo’s already wide eyes doubled in size as he heard the guy’s voice for the first time. It was really deep and didn’t match his somewhat boyish-looking face. Kyungsoo was somehow reminded of another guy’s velvety deep voice from back home.
Chanyeol gave the smallest of the smiles and Kyungsoo took this as the small start of a beautiful friendship.
--
It was month 4 when Kyungsoo finally told Jongin about Chanyeol.
“Hey Jongin, did you know I had a fellow Korean here with me too?” Kyungsoo could see from Jongin’s background that he was in the kitchen, trying his best to peel potatoes and talk to Kyungsoo at the same time.
“Mm? Who?” Jongin replied distractedly, hands skimming over another peeler as the last one he used just snapped in half.
“His name’s Park Chanyeol. He’s a rapper but he’s got a really good singing voice too. I’ve heard him sing once and it’s already music in its own right! He really should consider singing rather than limiting himself to rapping…” Kyungsoo trailed off, the last part obviously a rhetoric for himself, and not meant for Jongin to hear.
Jongin’s ears perked up and he glanced warily at the webcam of his laptop. Kyungsoo had his Thinking Face on, and Jongin felt the tiniest spark of jealousy flood through him. Kyungsoo’s new friend was a he and apparently his boyfriend already thinks he’s great. Competition, Jongin briefly contemplates and frowns, completely distracted and unfocused that he hadn’t felt the blade of his peeler press up harshly against his finger.
“Ow!” he yelped, causing Kyungsoo to snap back to reality and watch Jongin with concerned eyes.
“Jongin! What happened?” Kyungsoo looked panicked as his whole face filled the camera lens, eyes blinking worriedly as he squinted to see the amount of injury Jongin has taken.
“My hand slipped hyung,” he lied, unable to tell Kyungsoo the real reason behind his little mishap.
The next 30 minutes was spent on Kyungsoo rambling to Jongin about safety, first aid, concentration, control and his health.
They said goodnight with Kyungsoo still looking pissed and worried at the same time, and Jongin nursing a deep cut on his finger covered by a pororo bandage the former insisted he wore.
Time flew fast and before anyone knew it, Jongin was already on his first Nationwide Tour, along with a group to debut in the company he was in. They were all ballet dancers, who made a name in the industry almost a year ago. Kyungsoo on the other hand also finished the first half of his stay in Paris, and was now confronted with the vile sleep-depriving phenomena which the students call exams.
Kyungsoo grunted and hung his head low on the arm rest, sighing pitifully as his friend rounded up on him and patted his hair affectionately.
“There, there Kyungie-poo. This’ll all be over before you know it and then you’ll be graduating with flying colors!” Chanyeol urged, threading his fingers on Kyungsoo’s hair lightly.
The latter leaned towards the touch unconsciously, sighing in content. “I hope we will Chanyeol, I hope we will.”
Kyungsoo was exhausted. Every professor he had breathed down his neck with harsh comments and hurtful stares, complaining about his voice not going high enough, his lyrics lacking emotionally, and his unruly hair. They complained even about his hair!
Things were not going the way he wanted and he badly needed someone to talk to. His nerves were getting the best of him and the fatigue wasn’t helping either. He decided to text Jongin before he lost his mind. With shaking fingers he typed;
To: Jonginnie
Pls call me now, I need u bad
He waited for a whole 30 minutes before the reply came.
From: Jonginnie
Sry hyung, in the middle of practice rn. Myb l8r.
He sighed and ran both of his palms across his face as soon as he let go of the phone. He wanted to cry and scream so bad yet he had neighbors to think about. Plus, he didn’t want to be called a psycho and get deported back to his country because of his seemingly ill mental health.
His phone vibrated and he stared at the name displayed on his screen. Thinking he had no other choice, he swiped the screen and put it to his ear. He cleared his throat before saying, “Hello Chanyeol?”
- -
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told
It was already summer in Korea and Jongin was itching to tell Kyungsoo of his greatest success yet.
Their group of ballet dancers have been discovered by the foreign market and is scheduled to debut abroad. Jongin knew they were slowly making waves and spreading the message of ballet across patrons and new clients; audiences alike.
He was skilled in using his body as an outlet of everything, expressing himself and his feelings. His dance is a story in itself; every graceful twist of his limbs, every beautiful bend of his back, and every leap in the air, tells of its own back story. Everyone who’s seen Jongin perform admires him, and sees the passion in his eyes and in the way he moves. There’s no mistaking that the guy has talent, and the looks to back it up. The higher-ups in the world of classy ballet and high-society that have seen him perform are pleased, and often say, “That kid will make it far, I can feel it”, “He has a bright future ahead of him”, and “He’ll shine brighter than Woobin ever did.” True to it Jongin was happy with all the compliments thrown his way, he was utterly flattered and pleased, his hard work finally having paid off. But there was only one person he wanted to share this with.
And that person is the same person he’s been trying to call for the past hour.
Jongin impatiently taps his foot on the cemented floor of their previously shared room. He was having a bad feeling as to what’s happening in Paris. He didn’t want to draw conclusions, but the signs were already showing.
Kyungsoo was having the time of his life. His first school year in Paris’ Conservatory of Music just ended and he just wanted to indulge himself in anything and be free. He wanted to scream his lungs out the minute he stepped out of the music room. Chanyeol followed not long after, slinging a lanky arm around Kyungsoo’s narrow shoulders casually. He leaned into the touch and sighed happily, still giddy from the high of surviving his first ever Paris Music Exams.
Kyungsoo felt like he was only a step away from actually living his dream; some interested parties were already inquiring about him from the school’s directory, or so he was told. This made him extremely happy, and he wanted to share the news with a boy waiting for him back home. They haven’t talked for almost a month since they were both so busy-Kyungsoo visibly stiffened when he remembered Jongin.
He backed away from Chanyeol a bit and tried to take his hand off his shoulder without being obvious. Once he succeeded, he turned to him with a smile on his face. “So! We survived year 1 of Music Torture. Shall we celebrate life?” Kyungsoo chuckled and shook his head with the carefree nature of his proposal.
Chanyeol looked amused as he stared down at Kyungsoo. “Actually, I have a better idea.”
“You’re kidding me!” Kyungsoo screamed, staring at the sleek high motorbike in front of him.
“I’m afraid not,” Chanyeol singsong-ed, long fingers running down the seat cushion of his baby.
“How come I never knew of this?!” Kyungsoo couldn’t control himself and slowly stroked the motorcycle as well. He always had a thing for the dangerous and the extreme and he could already feel the adrenaline in his blood flowing fast as he stared at the motorcycle intently.
Chanyeol smirked and cocked his head to the side, locking gazes with the small man in front of him. “Want to take a ride?”
Jongin sighed and completely gave up; he just left a simple message for Kyungsoo to read if he ever checks his notifications. Jongin was grumbling when he went to bed, frowning so hard his whole face will stay still in its stiff, unrelaxed position even in his sleep.
Jongin drew the comforter around him higher and tighter, curling up on himself and was lulled to sleep with the soft tic and tock of the wall clock.
Kyungsoo decided to call back hours later, which in standard Korean Time would equal to 5 in the morning.
Jongin blindly pats around his bedside table for his phone and curses when he’s touched every damn thing on the drawer except his phone. A head with messy hair popped out from the covers and blinked a few times before staring at the drawer and then grabbing the object that vibrated next to it.
He swiped the screen lazily, “Hello?” Jongin’s voice was raspy from misuse and a little deep for anyone’s sexual health.
“J-jongin,” Kyungsoo began and Jongin could feel his consciousness spreading to every nerve in his body; within seconds he was wide awake.
“Hyung,” Jongin answered, leaning his back against the headboard, eyes trained on the window opposite him.
“I just-its late there, isn’t it?”
“Not really hyung, 5 am.” He glanced sideways at his bedside table’s alarm clock.
“I’ll just-I’ll just call you back later,” And then he ended the call. The monotonous beeping on the other line filled Jongin’s eardrums.
Jongin stared at his phone and scratched his bird’s nest of a hair, slightly bothered as to how Kyungsoo was acting.
He just stared at his phone’s wallpaper; it was a picture of him and Kyungsoo during their junior year, face pressed together and taken after Jongin’s first successful ballet recital.
They looked so happy back then, but he wonders if they still had the same spark up until now.
Keeping a long distance relationship was hard, and Kyungsoo was feeling the strain on him. He couldn’t sleep in his comfy bed, not when he’s feeling conflicted.
Lately, whenever he spent time or even just saw Chanyeol, his heart would beat fast, and if he was to compare, it beat faster than it ever did whenever he was with Jongin.
With Jongin, everything was easy, simple and safe, just like how he wanted it to be. With Chanyeol, it was just like living in a dream you know you’re forbidden to have. He was all risks and hard-headed determination. It was impossible not to feel even the tiniest bit of attraction towards Chanyeol when he knew that deep-down he had a thing for bad boys.
Kyungsoo was having a hard time because a.) he didn’t come to Paris to find a love interest, and b.) he didn’t want to cheat on Jongin, and c.) he’s skeptical if he could keep his blossoming feelings for Chanyeol in tow.
Chanyeol was just all the extra good things Kyungsoo wanted, but never had. He was the manifestation of a swig on the wild side, an excitement that Kyungsoo never knew he missed his entire life. Chanyeol was the adventure a wanderer spends looking for on his entire journey.
Jongin and Chanyeol were two very different human beings. He never knew he could fall in love with someone his complete opposite (but like the oldest saying in the book goes, opposites attract.)
Kyungsoo missed Jongin’s warmth, his lazy but equally breathtaking smiles, his playful attitude and the affection he was showered with everytime they were together.
Kyungsoo missed Jongin very much; he was content with their easy love and companionship. But then Kyungsoo realized something; was.
Something clenched around Kyungsoo’s heart and he turned to look at the naked boy sleeping next to him, his mussed up hair, his big ears, his high nose, and his slightly open mouth. Kyungsoo was looking at perfection, and for now he forgot about all his worries, he couldn’t be bothered. He thought that this would be just a onetime thing, a slip in the bush of his and Jongin’s relationship. Jongin was a kind-hearted and forgiving person, he might let this mistake of Kyungsoo’s slide, or so he hoped.
For now he just slid back in under the covers, threw his arms around the boy next to him, and burrowed in his warmth. Oh how he missed having a warm body next to his during these cold, lonely nights.
Jongin was on his 3rd 5 minute water break of the day, his back and waist aching from all the strenuous activities he and the team have been forced to do lately. Their performance in London was scheduled next week, and they had to perfect the routine and be in tip top shape at the same time. Jongin groaned and leaned his forehead on the wall, his hand fisted as he did his best to forget about the sharp jab of pain on his lower back. He then grabbed his phone, unlocked it and stared at Kyungsoo’s smiling face. This was what he did whenever he was in pain; he drew in strength from Kyungsoo’s smile. Kyungsoo was Jongin’s strength, Kyungsoo was his motivation and inspiration, one of the reasons he tried so hard to do what he loved and succeed at the same time.
With a renowned vigor Jongin glanced again at Kyungsoo’s face staring back at him from his phone screen and stood up straight, suddenly ready to take on the world once more.
Kyungsoo didn’t even need to be there physically for Jongin to feel energized. The mere fact that Jongin had someone to protect and live for was enough reason for him to keep going on.
It was the start of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s vacation. They were given a month and 2 weeks to do whatever before they were forced back to singing their vocal chords off and composing songs and symphonies at an alarmingly fast rate.
Today they were huddled together in the corner of Café Le Monte’s shop, sipping in warm espressos and eating their sliced baguettes. Kyungsoo turned to throw a glance at the peaceful looking man next to him and immediately a million thoughts raced across his mind.
Since the night they spent together, it never did happen again, but Kyungsoo noticed something has changed. Chanyeol was touchier towards him now, showing affection even in public. He would sometimes hold his hand, lean on him, and just plain cuddle.
Kyungsoo was greatly conflicted. They never kissed, but it felt like they were together. They never really talked about it, about what they really were, but to any outsider they looked like a real couple.
Kyungsoo bit the top of his Styrofoam cup and frowned. He knew what he was doing was cheating. There was no way out of this. But he just couldn’t stop taking more and more of Chanyeol and what he could offer. Kyungsoo was infamous for being an opportunist.
Chanyeol had been with him through the whole year, his whole ups and downs and trying to adjust to the new environment and culture. They were inseparable, and no one around them was blind enough not to notice the strong sexual tension between them. It was just there, and just waiting for one of them to break it. When it finally happened, it just drew a permanent line between the two of them. Promises of something more.
Perhaps Chanyeol didn’t even know that Kyungsoo had someone home waiting for him. Waiting for him; home. Kyungsoo felt tears prick at his eyes. He knew this was unfair, that this wasn’t how everything was supposed to turn out, but it was too late-Chanyeol was already an addiction he wasn’t ready to give up just yet.
Kyungsoo decided to take the first step and put his coffee down, staring hard at the chair opposite them.
“Chanyeol,”
“Mm, Kyungie?”
“Do you…have someone waiting for you at home?”
Home. Chanyeol’s mind briefly flashed images at the mention of the word. Puppy eyes and rectangular smiles, petite figures and a happy couple, a ring. Chanyeol shook his head, “No.”
Jongin was currently waiting for Kyungsoo to go online, humming a happy tune while tapping his fingers on the table. Kyungsoo and Jongin’s scheduled chat and call was lessened to one call per week since they both got busy and also because of the differences in time zones.
More often than not, when Jongin arrived home he was too tired to even change off his dance rehearsal clothes and pick up the phone or switch on his laptop; and Kyungsoo on the other hand was too tired to even speak. This fatigue and general lack of time lead to shorter calls and talking time. But Jongin stuck to what they arranged for and was always waiting for Kyungsoo to go on; except for the past 2 months when Kyungsoo had exams and he had the big theater play. He was ecstatic to show Kyungsoo the pictures he had taken during the play, the trophies and awards they won, and to tell him the news of their upcoming European debut and Tour.
Naturally, he expected Kyungsoo to look happy to see him as well, but all he saw was an uneasy Kyungsoo in front of the camera.
“Hey,” he began awkwardly, and Jongin raised an eyebrow to how he was behaving.
“Um hyung, you look constipated. Is…everything okay?” Jongin leaned closer to the camera lens on his laptop and blinked profusely, his lower lip jutting out in concern.
“I’m-I’m alright Jongin, don’t worry.” He forced out a smile, praying to the heavens that it didn’t look fake.
Jongin just stared at him through the camera for a few tense seconds, then, thankfully, backed off again and Kyungsoo released a breath he unknowingly held in. “If you say so hyung. How’s Paris-and your exams? Gotten enough sleep and food to eat?” Jongin asked cheerily and had his chin propped on his upturned palm, smiling warmly at the other.
Kyungsoo’s automatic response was to smile right back at him, the forced one replaced by a genuine one within seconds. Jongin always had this effect on him.
“It was good. I barely made it out alive but I did.” He grinned widely at the pixilated Jongin on his laptop, waving his graded music sheets in front of him.
“That’s great!” Jongin began his extremely loud clapping, and Kyungsoo good-naturedly took a step back and bowed a few times, smiling as he bathed in the formers applause.
“I’m proud of you, Soo.” Jongin’s eyes were shining with affection; and Kyungsoo could only stare back dumbly as the guilt ate him up on the inside.
“So, did you tell Soo about our tour yet?” Sehun asked while hanging his dance clothes in the closet, body turned a bit sideways to acknowledge Jongin.
“No, not yet. I’m planning it as a surprise for our 7th anniversary. Aren’t I sweet?” Jongin proudly announced, wiggling his eyebrows with his cocky smirk in place.
Sehun snorted and threw him one of his used towels. “Stop being lame and hurry up and get dressed. The manager’s waiting for us at 5.”
Kyungsoo and Chanyeol were at Kyungsoo’s room watching some cheesy drama neither of them cared about. The truth behind Chanyeol’s presence inside the other’s room is because he had something to say to him. Chanyeol patiently waited for Kyungsoo to finish his nachos but almost an hour has passed and they’re still shrouded in a cloud of silence, both staring blankly at the TV. The former finally decided to break the silence.
“Soo-“
Kyungsoo’s hand balled into a fist when the other mentioned his name, his deep voice cutting through the tense atmosphere around them.
“Chanyeol. Let me, please.”
Chanyeol glanced upwards and shrugged, his lips drawn in a tight line. He placed his cup of juice on the extremely small table and leaned back on the sofa, giving Kyungsoo the space he needed. Kyungsoo sighed in gratitude and kept his gaze straight, staring at the cartoon about friends and penguins and crocodiles absentmindedly. He twisted the empty cup of juice in his hands around 3 times before he finally spoke to Chanyeol.
“Chanyeol…what-what are we?”
Kyungsoo still refused to make eye contact even as he heard Chanyeol scoff beside him.
“Soo-, what are we? What are we? Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”
Kyungsoo inhaled sharply before answering. “We’re friends Chanyeol, and we’re both two Koreans in a large school for music in Paris. We-”
“Friends?! Just friends?! That’s fucking bullshit Kyungsoo, and you know it!” He was rudely interrupted by Chanyeol’s protest, the latter’s fist curling into a tight ball on his sides.
Another deep breath. “I never said I liked you, Chanyeol.”
“Words do not need to be said regarding these things Kyungsoo. I know and feel how much you like me and I-“
“That is also, fucking bullshit Chanyeol!” Kyungsoo bellowed, hitting the cup he was holding beforehand on the table and turning to Chanyeol with his eyes ablaze with fury, and what seemed to be a mixture of guilt and confusion. His eyes were hard, and Chanyeol knew they were only going to go in circles if this argument continued.
“Soo-look, calm down for a sec and breathe.” He extended a hand to massage Kyungsoo’s shoulder when the shorter of the two immediately stood up and was out of his reach within seconds. His eyes were still manic and filled with rage. “Don’t. Touch me.”
Chanyeol stood up too, staring Kyungsoo down and trying to appease him. “What’s gotten into you? Are you okay? And why are we even having this conversation? We could be anything you want us to be, Kyungsoo. I’m okay with that as long as I’ve got you with me.” Chanyeol looked desperate now, eyes pleading as he tried to get Kyungsoo’s glare on him wither.
“I have a boyfriend.”
“A what?” Chanyeol blinked back dumbly and Kyungsoo looked away. He always had a weakness for Chanyeol’s Caught Off Guard facial expression. That, and the embarrassment and guilt crawling back to claw at his conscience was consuming him quickly. He didn’t want Chanyeol to see him at his lowest.
“I already have someone Chanyeol, I’m not single. I’m not- I’m not available.”
“What?” Chanyeol sat back down as he tried to absorb this new piece of information his auditory nerves just fed him with. He was hard of believing that Do Kyungsoo, his classmate, his bestfriend, the guy who flirted back when he got touchy, was actually a taken man. Wow.
“So you’re saying… you’ve found someone. Here. Am I right?” Chanyeol tried to make his voice monotonous but every last syllable he’s saying just keeps threatening to break.
“My boyfriend’s waiting for me back home, Chanyeol. I-I love him.”
Chanyeol stared at his side frame with his mouth hanging open. He felt played.
“Unbelievable. I thought we had something. Anything. We even-,” Chanyeol stopped mid sentence and stood up, stared hard at Kyungsoo before turning around to leave.
“Do Kyungsoo. Remember this; you maybe a taken man and maybe you think you could just brush me away with your words-but you’ve forgotten one thing. I am Park Chanyeol; and I don’t give up easily.”
The door slammed shut and Kyungsoo flinched, feeling horrible and nauseous at the same time. Never was he faced with this type of a problem before. Liking two guys at the same time-he didn’t even know he had it in him. The only person he liked before Jongin was Junmyeon; and that was eons ago, a puppy love that didn’t blossom. In Kyungsoo’s life his every first was taken by Jongin; how would he know how to handle someone else’s affection pouring on him?