a real fic actually!
Title: Your pace, my pace
Author: me
Pairing: (surprise surprise) ryoda
Rating: that's where I fail... PG? PG-13? PG-10?
Genre: human drama, romance
Disclaimer: I own the concept of Yamanote Radio. I don't own people.
Summary: ryoda have their own radio show! can they handle it?
A/N: unbeta-ed (I read it three times, but it's still only me). I have a very vague idea for a sequel, but I'm not sure if it's worth writing. see if you want it.
"Good evening folks, you're listening to Yamanote Radio and it's 12 o'clock right now. Welcome to a new day."
"Weren't you supposed to introduce us?"
"I thought you were. But anyway, we're Ueda Tatsuya and Nishikido Ryo and we're going to be your hosts for next hour in this new radio show. It's called Your pace, my pace, and in fact there's no plan to it at all, so we don't even know what to say next..."
"You didn't have to tell them that, Ueda."
"Oh, so you have something prepared?"
"A song for now. It's a song that I listen to a lot lately when I go back home from work. So it's for everyone who's not yet at home - please be careful on your way, ok?"
They got a sign from directorial room that the song went on and the mikes were down. The smiles they wore even though nobody saw them (because your voice changes if you let your face loose, so please maintain full control) disappeared in an instant. Ueda sighed and took a sip of coffee. He was tired, Thursdays were the worst possible choice for him, but it was Nishikido who had more work, and so Ueda had to adjust to his schedule.
"Don't talk shit on air" Nishikido said with a highly disapproving frown on his face. "Were you born yesterday? You don't tell the audience that you're unprepared even if you really are."
Ueda massaged his temples.
"If you just shut up and let me finish what I was saying you'd know I was going to explain how this broadcast isn't bound by any rules and schedules and we want the public to relax together with us."
"Lame."
"Oh. And you'd do better"
Nishikido shrugged. When he first heard he was going to host a radio show with Ueda of all people, he thought someone in the management section of their company lost their mind. Not that he really hated Ueda as much as he used to say, not anymore anyway, but it seemed stupid, and pointless. After giving it some thought though, he decided if they wanted a KAT-TUN member and a NEWS member to host a show together, the only better choice - Kamenashi and Yamashita, was impossible to set up timewise, and way to expensive for some Yamanote Radio anyway. Therefore, he decided to handle this matter like an adult and not to fight with Ueda. Too much.
3, 2, 1... the red light blinked at them and automatically they were all smiles again.
***
First month was awkward. There was no script to follow, even the obligatory pimping of johnny's works was limited, and instead of guests to focus on, they had listeners calling - or more accurately not calling them.
About the third show they both realized exactly how silly their first fight over what to say or not was. They had to do something together and do it soon, otherwise the show would be a total failure. And that meant trouble.
"How about cool restaurants?" Ueda suggested without much excitement. They were sitting in the conference room of Yamanote radio and brainstorming. But good ideas apparently had some urgent businesses elsewhere that night.
"If it was Massu and Nakamaru hosting the show" Ryo couldn't help smirking a bit. "Besides, everybody does that. It's boring and not our style."
"Then what's our style?" Ueda voiced the question Nishikido was asking himself for a long time already.
"Dunno... broken hearts?" Ryo risked the first thought that came to his mind and caused Ueda to roll his eyes so much it looked like they weren't going to fall back into place.
"Like everybody doesn't do that! And who would talk about their love problems to you and me?"
Nishikido managed to admit it was probably the stupidest idea presented that night when they heard a technician calling their names in the hall. It was almost midnight, they were supposed to be in the studio already.
When the soundproof door closed and they sat in front of each other yet again, only this time with headphones on their heads and absolutely no notes to look at, Ryo felt uneasy. He hated half-assed work. When he couldn't do something well then too bad, but when he could and he knew of it, it was so damn wrong not to.
"Hi, everyone" he heard Ueda's voice "it's 12 o'clock so the time has come for Your pace, my pace. Tonight Ueda and Nishikido want to ask you about broken hearts."
Ryo sent him a weird look but Ueda didn't stop. On the contrary, he was sweet talking in a way Ryo only knew from tv, with every word literally dripping cute emoticons. He felt like brutally murdering the man. Said man realized it and showed him the length of his tongue before continuing.
"I know it's not close to Valentine's nor Christmas but when those come maybe you won't be willing to relive sad memories..."
"Why would anyone want to relive them now?" Ryo snapped, still in a shock but also taken aback by how well Ueda's tone seemed to sit with the concept.
"Because it's important to sort out your feelings before you move on. Sometimes you don't understand what happened and need to ask others. In fact, we're doing all this because of a postcard that we got. Let me read it."
Ryo blinked. The table was still empty after he did, but Ueda read a postcard from some teenage girl out of thin air. Some non-existent Bunny-chan was crying through his words as if she really was there, somewhere.
"I wouldn't know what to do either" he heard himself answering the made-up girl's questions to the microphone. Well, partially because he was responsible for that show too and had to speak as much as Ueda did.
"That's because you're not a two-timing type, are you Nishikido?" Ueda chuckled.
"No, I'm not... but hey, how do you know that?"
"Because one has to be very honest to get angry as easily as you do."
Ryo snorted and was about to answer with something mean, but before he came up with a suitable response they got a signal that they had a call. That night they got more of them than expected. The listeners were so seriously concerned with Bunny-chan's problem and so eager to help that Ueda couldn't help feeling a little bad about deceiving them. But he convinced himself he did it for the better of everyone, and hoped by next week they would have real postcards to choose from.
They did.
***
It was impossible to haunt Yamanote's conference room forever, plus reading the postcards and picking the ones they were going to use in their show started to require a lot of time and attention. They met several times at various bars, but those were noisy places and it didn't help. Therefore, they started picking up the mail in the radio once or twice a week and meeting at JE main building whenever their timetables let them. It was easier because they would have to be there almost everyday anyway, save for the times when Nishikido was in Osaka, but even then when he came back he would first report to main offices. Besides, there was a number of conference rooms there, some of them small and quite comfortable.
"Normally, producers would do that. Or show directors. We should be getting paid three times!" Ueda laughed at his own joke. He was already tired, both of them were, staying after work to read the cards because none would have enough time for that the next day. Nishikido nodded, focused on a card he found interesting.
"I have a big one here" he said and passed the card to Ueda. The other read it quickly and chuckled.
"Your big scoop is about fried octopus?"
"Think about it: it's the first we got that's not about the damn heartbroken thing" Ryo got excited. "I admit it helped to launch the show somehow, but let me remind you, it was never meant to be a lonely hearts club in general."
"Yeah..." Ueda played with the card mindlessly for a moment while gazing into space. "But you know, it's like our specialty now. Plus I just thought... you could be heartbroken about many things. Not only about boyfriends or girlfriends."
"You mean this girl's heart got broken by takoyaki?"
They both laughed out loud at the image.
"I wouldn't mind going out and eating the bad guy right now" Ueda proposed and Nishikido couldn't disagree.
***
Although on a daily basis he wasn't the brightest man on the Earth's surface, from time to time Ueda had some great ideas. The concept of being heartbroken by various things and situations hit the audience just like now almost forgotten Bunny-chan. From an hour of late night babbling Your pace my pace has become a pretty good show that not only johnny's fans listened to. It has become funny too, with the ideas like being heartbroken by an already broken toaster coming up from time to time.
The fact Ueda and Nishikido got used to being around each other also helped them a lot. It wasn't that they agreed on everything, but the slightly vicious jokes they sometimes passed on one another only maintained the honest atmosphere in the studio and helped their listeners to talk openly.
All the more shock it was when they were told the show is going to end. It wasn't much more than four months and they only started to really enjoy the job, plus it was obviously doing more than well both for the radio station and their agency. Neither Ueda nor Nishikido could understand why would anyone want to stop the show, but it was already decided - by the end of the month their late night talks were to be put off ad infinitum.
"We're really sorry for what happened" one of the JE managers started when they reported to the conference room he called them to, about an hour before one of their last shows. "But we can't continue like this anymore. Someone has died."
Nishikido blinked and Ueda tilted his head. A sad loss indeed but they couldn't quite understand what their show had to do with that.
"It is said that the first listener who sent a card to your program has killed herself because your advice didn't work for her. Her mother has found a letter that girl left and on this accord she's blaming the radio. You should understand that, although we let you talk about whatever you want in that show, in such circumstances we can't continue. If this girl's mother complains any further, it will be a problem for everyone, don't you think?"
Silence fell upon the three of them. The clock on the wall was ticking the time away, the manager looked at his papers, Ueda examined his hands, Nishikido focused on the floor. Of course they knew this would be a problem but...
"But why are we responsible for some stupid girl's suicide?!" Nishikido burst, being unable to hold up his feelings anymore. He stood up and started screaming in the manager's face. "We don't even give that much of advice, the callers do! And even if it was us, isn't it only normal, that some general advice doesn't always work?! You see if it fits you and if it doesn't, you seek another solution! Who would blame the radio for their daughter's stupid death?!"
"Nishikido..." that one word and a flinch of an eyebrow from Ueda was enough to show him he went overboard.
"Alright, I'm sorry, no death is stupid" he sighed and sat down again. Ueda nodded. "But why? How does her mother know it's really our fault? Is it possible that it's our fault at all?"
The manager straightened his clothes although it was perfectly fine, he must have been stressed too.
"It is a very regrettable matter indeed" he said "but you should understand the situation. Neither of you is a psychologist or, with all due respect, a person with a lifetime experience and therefore suitable for deciding what's good for others. Even if most of the advice comes from your callers, the last word always lays on your side and if we came to a court trial, it would be very easy for the mother's lawyer to prove that you could have been manipulating this show..."
"What?!" Nishikido was about to stand up again but Ueda's hand stopped him, tugging on his clothes.
"Tell me just one thing" Ueda asked in a surprisingly cold tone "are you absolutely sure it was the very first person who sent a postcard?"
"Yes" the manager nodded and dug in his documents "this is the briefing on her story and here's her pen name. All shows are taped so there was no need to search the archive but I'm pretty sure the card is still there. Although I don't think it matters if she was first or last, or whichever in fact."
Only now did Ryo realize what Ueda was thinking about. One look at the briefing about the dead girl was enough, and his hand somehow found it's way to Ueda's that was still clinging to his shirt.
After the show Ryo invited himself to Ueda's place. His own Tokyo apartment was comfortable enough but he knew he wouldn't sleep anyway and he wanted to talk about the radio. He couldn't stop thinking about it.
"So this girl left a letter saying that she was Bunny-chan, ok" he complained while looking through Ueda's CDs with a can of beer in his hand. "But we both know you made up Bunny-chan! She didn't exist! How could she have killed herself? Why would someone do something like that to us?"
Ueda was sitting on a couch with his own can and sipping it slowly. He was somewhat sleepy but didn't want to upset Ryo even more by telling him to go home.
"I don't like it too. I wonder if she wanted to gain popularity, or something. But it doesn't matter, Nishikido..." his voice was weak, he was unhappy about what happened too. "The same thing could happen to any of our listeners. The problem isn't if this girl really existed, it's if she could have existed."
Ryo froze with a CD case in his hand. After a few seconds he turned around, looked at Ueda and said.
"I don't get you."
"I know" Ueda smiled. "But I learned to cope with that."
"Don't change the subject."
Ueda nodded while still smiling, but then his expression got serious again.
"What I meant is that the manager is right. If we were to go to court, it would be easy to get us guilty of... well, maybe not driving her to suicide, but at least making her think about it. Whether she's Bunny, or tiger, or a koala, it doesn't matter."
Nishikido exhaled heavily and fell on the couch next to Ueda. He didn't agree. He was sure only a poser could use their show in a suicide message, and the show itself was harmless. That's what he believed at least. He drunk the rest of his beer looking at the ceiling.
"It's our last show next week" he whispered. "Why does it always have to end so awkwardly wrong when the two of us are involved?"
Ueda didn't answer.
***
"Good evening everyone, Ueda and Nishikido welcome you to Your pace, my pace, Thursday to Friday midnight on Yamanote radio."
Ueda greeted the audience like he always did. Ryo caught himself thinking if it was possible that Ueda didn't really care about the show at all and was only acting until now. But would he really pretend to put his heart into this job? What for? Ryo thought during last four months they really got close, he was eager to say they were friends now.
"Everyone" Ueda was still speaking, and even though it was weird for Nishikido not to say anything for such a long time, he kept silent. "As you probably have heard, tonight's show is the last. Yes, the gossip is true, this is the last time we're here together about being heartbroken. I will tell you of someone I know who's very heartbroken right now, but I'll do it a little later. And now let me read the first postcard..."
Ryo looked at Ueda and listened to his voice. It was a very good voice for the radio, it sounded so rest-assuring.
"Nishikido-kun? Hello? Isn't he awfully quiet tonight?"
"Sorry, I got melancholic with the last show thing" he excused himself poorly, but there was nothing better on his mind at that time, and it would be even more stupid to say he spaced out listening to Ueda's voice.
"I asked if you knew why we only accepted postcards with problems."
"Of course, you moron, I'm a host of this show too! We only accepted real postcards with real feelings. Because you can't tell from an email if the person was really heartbroken. And since there comes so many that we can't read all of them even if we wanted, at least we wanted to try and choose on some basis."
"What a pretty answer, Nishikido-kun."
"Oh, shut up!"
He wasn't in the mood for jokes. There would be no more radio jokes with Ueda anyway. They won't work together and they won't meet and most likely he won't be able to borrow the CD he found at his place a week earlier but forgot to ask about. Ryo was a pro at work indeed but he was also sincere, and not afraid to show it. When he read the next postcard and picked up the calls, he would let everyone and anyone know that he wasn't happy about it being the last time.
It was ten minutes to 1 am when Ueda finally stopped beating around the bush and acting weird. Some song was still on air when he suddenly grabbed Ryo's hand on the table and said hastily.
"I'm going to risk a lot now so support me this once. Please. I know you're only sad about the show, but for me it means a lot that you're here so back me up now, and you can beat the shit out of me later if you want. OK?"
Ryo wanted to ask what was this all about but he missed his chance and they went on air. But he squeezed Ueda's hand assuring him he was as supportive as he could.
"I promised to tell you about one heartbroken person I know" Ueda started "and in fact, this person is me. I have to confess something important..."
Ryo's eyes got bigger and bigger as he heard Ueda telling the truth on the radio, of how the two of them didn't work together well at the beginning, and how he invented the first post card to get attention. He explained the story of a girl who claimed to be that made-up character, and how, although they couldn't understand why that person lied, but knowing she could have been any of the real ones, they couldn't continue the show. How he was sorry for that and thankful to everyone for their support.
By the time he finished, Ryo found himself speechless. With old routine he managed to get into his stage persona for a while and apologize on his own accord, adding a few words here and there, but he was generally a very poor radio host that night, till the very end.
There was no celebration for a show ending so abruptly and for this kind of reason, so twenty minutes later they were out on the street. The cold breeze was messing around with Ueda's hair, but To Ryo, it helped him to regain some thinking abilities.
"You said it meant a lot that I were here..."
"It did." Ueda nodded. "Thank you. For tonight and... for this whole thing."
Ryo raised an eyebrow.
"Oh please" he groaned "we're way too sappy already."
Ueda laughed a little too nervously at that. That was when Ryo thought he might have realized something crucial. But there was no way he could ask Ueda about it out loud. Are you maybe in love with me? didn't sound too good. Besides, he wasn't sure how would he himself react if, by any chance, Ueda said he was. Or wasn't. Ryo didn't know what to do at all. So he did the first - and the stupidest - thing that came to his mind. He quickly said good night and run home.
***
After a week he felt like a fool. It was Thursday again, he was still in Tokyo, but he didn't meet Ueda at all during that time, he was afraid of texting or calling him for some reason, and he wasn't going to meet him at the radio station.
Something made him go there anyway after work. Just to see that place again, for the last time. He was greeted by the biggest bag he's ever seen. It was full of postcards that came to the station after the last show. When thrown on the floor of his apartment, they formed a pile possible bigger than mount Fuji. OK, maybe not, but that's how he felt about it. He would die before reading them all alone, so, weird feelings or not, he took a picture of the pile with his cellphone and sent it to Ueda asking for help as soon as possible, even right then.
Ueda arrived half an hour later, explaining he was in the neighborhood. He praised Ryo's apartment but Ryo didn't care much about it, right now he wanted to get rid of all the cards. He found some beer in the fridge, put it in front of Ueda and started reading.
It was way after 2 am when they saw the floor again.
"Actually" Ueda asked "why did we have to read them all tonight? It's not like we have to choose which to answer on the radio."
"Old habits I guess" Ryo answered and as he did, he realized he was lying. It wasn't old habits taking the better of him, he really wanted Ueda to come and read the cards with him. He's lost the radio show for sure but there was really no reason not to stay friends with Ueda. Ryo was feeling a bit guilty about last Thursday panic runaway.
"Well, there's not much left so would you mind if I took my leave now? I have work early in the morning..."
"Yes I would" Ryo heard himself saying. "Sit down and read till the end, you can sleep here."
Ueda sat down as instructed, but Nishikido could tell he was quite tense. Although sleepy, tired and fed up with reading comments on their last show, varying from disappointment to words of support to disbelieving, Ryo could tell Ueda was worried about something. Was it... THAT thing?
"Nishikido..."
"Call me Ryo" he suddenly decided. Whatever. Really, whatever. He actually came to like Ueda a lot and managed to miss him during only seven days. It made him wonder who was supposed to be in love here.
"Well Ryo... could you pass me the card you're holding now? It has a cool picture, I'd like to read it."
Ryo was about to do as told but before he handed the post card, he took a glimpse of what was written and changed his mind in an instant.
"So that's why you were so uptight!" he laughed out loud. "You were afraid I would find this while you're still here! But really, Tatsuya, who writes a postcard to their own show, moreover after it's ended?" he rolled on the floor, but held firmly to the post card in case Tatsuya wanted to take it from him. Well, he actually tried so it was good that Ryo did.
"That's... exactly... why I did" fighting with Tatsuya wasn't easy, especially with persistent Tatsuya who wanted to get the card back by all means.
"So you really are in love with me?" Ryo blurted through laughter and instantly regret it. Ueda froze hanging over him and only now both realized how compromising was that position in light of what was said. Ueda wanted to back off, but Nishikido held and stopped him. He pressed on Ueda's back until the man lost his balance and fell right on him.
He already decided. Whatever. Tonight Ueda was staying, and as for later... well they could always have a fight later.
Author: me
Pairing: (surprise surprise) ryoda
Rating: that's where I fail... PG? PG-13? PG-10?
Genre: human drama, romance
Disclaimer: I own the concept of Yamanote Radio. I don't own people.
Summary: ryoda have their own radio show! can they handle it?
A/N: unbeta-ed (I read it three times, but it's still only me). I have a very vague idea for a sequel, but I'm not sure if it's worth writing. see if you want it.
"Good evening folks, you're listening to Yamanote Radio and it's 12 o'clock right now. Welcome to a new day."
"Weren't you supposed to introduce us?"
"I thought you were. But anyway, we're Ueda Tatsuya and Nishikido Ryo and we're going to be your hosts for next hour in this new radio show. It's called Your pace, my pace, and in fact there's no plan to it at all, so we don't even know what to say next..."
"You didn't have to tell them that, Ueda."
"Oh, so you have something prepared?"
"A song for now. It's a song that I listen to a lot lately when I go back home from work. So it's for everyone who's not yet at home - please be careful on your way, ok?"
They got a sign from directorial room that the song went on and the mikes were down. The smiles they wore even though nobody saw them (because your voice changes if you let your face loose, so please maintain full control) disappeared in an instant. Ueda sighed and took a sip of coffee. He was tired, Thursdays were the worst possible choice for him, but it was Nishikido who had more work, and so Ueda had to adjust to his schedule.
"Don't talk shit on air" Nishikido said with a highly disapproving frown on his face. "Were you born yesterday? You don't tell the audience that you're unprepared even if you really are."
Ueda massaged his temples.
"If you just shut up and let me finish what I was saying you'd know I was going to explain how this broadcast isn't bound by any rules and schedules and we want the public to relax together with us."
"Lame."
"Oh. And you'd do better"
Nishikido shrugged. When he first heard he was going to host a radio show with Ueda of all people, he thought someone in the management section of their company lost their mind. Not that he really hated Ueda as much as he used to say, not anymore anyway, but it seemed stupid, and pointless. After giving it some thought though, he decided if they wanted a KAT-TUN member and a NEWS member to host a show together, the only better choice - Kamenashi and Yamashita, was impossible to set up timewise, and way to expensive for some Yamanote Radio anyway. Therefore, he decided to handle this matter like an adult and not to fight with Ueda. Too much.
3, 2, 1... the red light blinked at them and automatically they were all smiles again.
***
First month was awkward. There was no script to follow, even the obligatory pimping of johnny's works was limited, and instead of guests to focus on, they had listeners calling - or more accurately not calling them.
About the third show they both realized exactly how silly their first fight over what to say or not was. They had to do something together and do it soon, otherwise the show would be a total failure. And that meant trouble.
"How about cool restaurants?" Ueda suggested without much excitement. They were sitting in the conference room of Yamanote radio and brainstorming. But good ideas apparently had some urgent businesses elsewhere that night.
"If it was Massu and Nakamaru hosting the show" Ryo couldn't help smirking a bit. "Besides, everybody does that. It's boring and not our style."
"Then what's our style?" Ueda voiced the question Nishikido was asking himself for a long time already.
"Dunno... broken hearts?" Ryo risked the first thought that came to his mind and caused Ueda to roll his eyes so much it looked like they weren't going to fall back into place.
"Like everybody doesn't do that! And who would talk about their love problems to you and me?"
Nishikido managed to admit it was probably the stupidest idea presented that night when they heard a technician calling their names in the hall. It was almost midnight, they were supposed to be in the studio already.
When the soundproof door closed and they sat in front of each other yet again, only this time with headphones on their heads and absolutely no notes to look at, Ryo felt uneasy. He hated half-assed work. When he couldn't do something well then too bad, but when he could and he knew of it, it was so damn wrong not to.
"Hi, everyone" he heard Ueda's voice "it's 12 o'clock so the time has come for Your pace, my pace. Tonight Ueda and Nishikido want to ask you about broken hearts."
Ryo sent him a weird look but Ueda didn't stop. On the contrary, he was sweet talking in a way Ryo only knew from tv, with every word literally dripping cute emoticons. He felt like brutally murdering the man. Said man realized it and showed him the length of his tongue before continuing.
"I know it's not close to Valentine's nor Christmas but when those come maybe you won't be willing to relive sad memories..."
"Why would anyone want to relive them now?" Ryo snapped, still in a shock but also taken aback by how well Ueda's tone seemed to sit with the concept.
"Because it's important to sort out your feelings before you move on. Sometimes you don't understand what happened and need to ask others. In fact, we're doing all this because of a postcard that we got. Let me read it."
Ryo blinked. The table was still empty after he did, but Ueda read a postcard from some teenage girl out of thin air. Some non-existent Bunny-chan was crying through his words as if she really was there, somewhere.
"I wouldn't know what to do either" he heard himself answering the made-up girl's questions to the microphone. Well, partially because he was responsible for that show too and had to speak as much as Ueda did.
"That's because you're not a two-timing type, are you Nishikido?" Ueda chuckled.
"No, I'm not... but hey, how do you know that?"
"Because one has to be very honest to get angry as easily as you do."
Ryo snorted and was about to answer with something mean, but before he came up with a suitable response they got a signal that they had a call. That night they got more of them than expected. The listeners were so seriously concerned with Bunny-chan's problem and so eager to help that Ueda couldn't help feeling a little bad about deceiving them. But he convinced himself he did it for the better of everyone, and hoped by next week they would have real postcards to choose from.
They did.
***
It was impossible to haunt Yamanote's conference room forever, plus reading the postcards and picking the ones they were going to use in their show started to require a lot of time and attention. They met several times at various bars, but those were noisy places and it didn't help. Therefore, they started picking up the mail in the radio once or twice a week and meeting at JE main building whenever their timetables let them. It was easier because they would have to be there almost everyday anyway, save for the times when Nishikido was in Osaka, but even then when he came back he would first report to main offices. Besides, there was a number of conference rooms there, some of them small and quite comfortable.
"Normally, producers would do that. Or show directors. We should be getting paid three times!" Ueda laughed at his own joke. He was already tired, both of them were, staying after work to read the cards because none would have enough time for that the next day. Nishikido nodded, focused on a card he found interesting.
"I have a big one here" he said and passed the card to Ueda. The other read it quickly and chuckled.
"Your big scoop is about fried octopus?"
"Think about it: it's the first we got that's not about the damn heartbroken thing" Ryo got excited. "I admit it helped to launch the show somehow, but let me remind you, it was never meant to be a lonely hearts club in general."
"Yeah..." Ueda played with the card mindlessly for a moment while gazing into space. "But you know, it's like our specialty now. Plus I just thought... you could be heartbroken about many things. Not only about boyfriends or girlfriends."
"You mean this girl's heart got broken by takoyaki?"
They both laughed out loud at the image.
"I wouldn't mind going out and eating the bad guy right now" Ueda proposed and Nishikido couldn't disagree.
***
Although on a daily basis he wasn't the brightest man on the Earth's surface, from time to time Ueda had some great ideas. The concept of being heartbroken by various things and situations hit the audience just like now almost forgotten Bunny-chan. From an hour of late night babbling Your pace my pace has become a pretty good show that not only johnny's fans listened to. It has become funny too, with the ideas like being heartbroken by an already broken toaster coming up from time to time.
The fact Ueda and Nishikido got used to being around each other also helped them a lot. It wasn't that they agreed on everything, but the slightly vicious jokes they sometimes passed on one another only maintained the honest atmosphere in the studio and helped their listeners to talk openly.
All the more shock it was when they were told the show is going to end. It wasn't much more than four months and they only started to really enjoy the job, plus it was obviously doing more than well both for the radio station and their agency. Neither Ueda nor Nishikido could understand why would anyone want to stop the show, but it was already decided - by the end of the month their late night talks were to be put off ad infinitum.
"We're really sorry for what happened" one of the JE managers started when they reported to the conference room he called them to, about an hour before one of their last shows. "But we can't continue like this anymore. Someone has died."
Nishikido blinked and Ueda tilted his head. A sad loss indeed but they couldn't quite understand what their show had to do with that.
"It is said that the first listener who sent a card to your program has killed herself because your advice didn't work for her. Her mother has found a letter that girl left and on this accord she's blaming the radio. You should understand that, although we let you talk about whatever you want in that show, in such circumstances we can't continue. If this girl's mother complains any further, it will be a problem for everyone, don't you think?"
Silence fell upon the three of them. The clock on the wall was ticking the time away, the manager looked at his papers, Ueda examined his hands, Nishikido focused on the floor. Of course they knew this would be a problem but...
"But why are we responsible for some stupid girl's suicide?!" Nishikido burst, being unable to hold up his feelings anymore. He stood up and started screaming in the manager's face. "We don't even give that much of advice, the callers do! And even if it was us, isn't it only normal, that some general advice doesn't always work?! You see if it fits you and if it doesn't, you seek another solution! Who would blame the radio for their daughter's stupid death?!"
"Nishikido..." that one word and a flinch of an eyebrow from Ueda was enough to show him he went overboard.
"Alright, I'm sorry, no death is stupid" he sighed and sat down again. Ueda nodded. "But why? How does her mother know it's really our fault? Is it possible that it's our fault at all?"
The manager straightened his clothes although it was perfectly fine, he must have been stressed too.
"It is a very regrettable matter indeed" he said "but you should understand the situation. Neither of you is a psychologist or, with all due respect, a person with a lifetime experience and therefore suitable for deciding what's good for others. Even if most of the advice comes from your callers, the last word always lays on your side and if we came to a court trial, it would be very easy for the mother's lawyer to prove that you could have been manipulating this show..."
"What?!" Nishikido was about to stand up again but Ueda's hand stopped him, tugging on his clothes.
"Tell me just one thing" Ueda asked in a surprisingly cold tone "are you absolutely sure it was the very first person who sent a postcard?"
"Yes" the manager nodded and dug in his documents "this is the briefing on her story and here's her pen name. All shows are taped so there was no need to search the archive but I'm pretty sure the card is still there. Although I don't think it matters if she was first or last, or whichever in fact."
Only now did Ryo realize what Ueda was thinking about. One look at the briefing about the dead girl was enough, and his hand somehow found it's way to Ueda's that was still clinging to his shirt.
After the show Ryo invited himself to Ueda's place. His own Tokyo apartment was comfortable enough but he knew he wouldn't sleep anyway and he wanted to talk about the radio. He couldn't stop thinking about it.
"So this girl left a letter saying that she was Bunny-chan, ok" he complained while looking through Ueda's CDs with a can of beer in his hand. "But we both know you made up Bunny-chan! She didn't exist! How could she have killed herself? Why would someone do something like that to us?"
Ueda was sitting on a couch with his own can and sipping it slowly. He was somewhat sleepy but didn't want to upset Ryo even more by telling him to go home.
"I don't like it too. I wonder if she wanted to gain popularity, or something. But it doesn't matter, Nishikido..." his voice was weak, he was unhappy about what happened too. "The same thing could happen to any of our listeners. The problem isn't if this girl really existed, it's if she could have existed."
Ryo froze with a CD case in his hand. After a few seconds he turned around, looked at Ueda and said.
"I don't get you."
"I know" Ueda smiled. "But I learned to cope with that."
"Don't change the subject."
Ueda nodded while still smiling, but then his expression got serious again.
"What I meant is that the manager is right. If we were to go to court, it would be easy to get us guilty of... well, maybe not driving her to suicide, but at least making her think about it. Whether she's Bunny, or tiger, or a koala, it doesn't matter."
Nishikido exhaled heavily and fell on the couch next to Ueda. He didn't agree. He was sure only a poser could use their show in a suicide message, and the show itself was harmless. That's what he believed at least. He drunk the rest of his beer looking at the ceiling.
"It's our last show next week" he whispered. "Why does it always have to end so awkwardly wrong when the two of us are involved?"
Ueda didn't answer.
***
"Good evening everyone, Ueda and Nishikido welcome you to Your pace, my pace, Thursday to Friday midnight on Yamanote radio."
Ueda greeted the audience like he always did. Ryo caught himself thinking if it was possible that Ueda didn't really care about the show at all and was only acting until now. But would he really pretend to put his heart into this job? What for? Ryo thought during last four months they really got close, he was eager to say they were friends now.
"Everyone" Ueda was still speaking, and even though it was weird for Nishikido not to say anything for such a long time, he kept silent. "As you probably have heard, tonight's show is the last. Yes, the gossip is true, this is the last time we're here together about being heartbroken. I will tell you of someone I know who's very heartbroken right now, but I'll do it a little later. And now let me read the first postcard..."
Ryo looked at Ueda and listened to his voice. It was a very good voice for the radio, it sounded so rest-assuring.
"Nishikido-kun? Hello? Isn't he awfully quiet tonight?"
"Sorry, I got melancholic with the last show thing" he excused himself poorly, but there was nothing better on his mind at that time, and it would be even more stupid to say he spaced out listening to Ueda's voice.
"I asked if you knew why we only accepted postcards with problems."
"Of course, you moron, I'm a host of this show too! We only accepted real postcards with real feelings. Because you can't tell from an email if the person was really heartbroken. And since there comes so many that we can't read all of them even if we wanted, at least we wanted to try and choose on some basis."
"What a pretty answer, Nishikido-kun."
"Oh, shut up!"
He wasn't in the mood for jokes. There would be no more radio jokes with Ueda anyway. They won't work together and they won't meet and most likely he won't be able to borrow the CD he found at his place a week earlier but forgot to ask about. Ryo was a pro at work indeed but he was also sincere, and not afraid to show it. When he read the next postcard and picked up the calls, he would let everyone and anyone know that he wasn't happy about it being the last time.
It was ten minutes to 1 am when Ueda finally stopped beating around the bush and acting weird. Some song was still on air when he suddenly grabbed Ryo's hand on the table and said hastily.
"I'm going to risk a lot now so support me this once. Please. I know you're only sad about the show, but for me it means a lot that you're here so back me up now, and you can beat the shit out of me later if you want. OK?"
Ryo wanted to ask what was this all about but he missed his chance and they went on air. But he squeezed Ueda's hand assuring him he was as supportive as he could.
"I promised to tell you about one heartbroken person I know" Ueda started "and in fact, this person is me. I have to confess something important..."
Ryo's eyes got bigger and bigger as he heard Ueda telling the truth on the radio, of how the two of them didn't work together well at the beginning, and how he invented the first post card to get attention. He explained the story of a girl who claimed to be that made-up character, and how, although they couldn't understand why that person lied, but knowing she could have been any of the real ones, they couldn't continue the show. How he was sorry for that and thankful to everyone for their support.
By the time he finished, Ryo found himself speechless. With old routine he managed to get into his stage persona for a while and apologize on his own accord, adding a few words here and there, but he was generally a very poor radio host that night, till the very end.
There was no celebration for a show ending so abruptly and for this kind of reason, so twenty minutes later they were out on the street. The cold breeze was messing around with Ueda's hair, but To Ryo, it helped him to regain some thinking abilities.
"You said it meant a lot that I were here..."
"It did." Ueda nodded. "Thank you. For tonight and... for this whole thing."
Ryo raised an eyebrow.
"Oh please" he groaned "we're way too sappy already."
Ueda laughed a little too nervously at that. That was when Ryo thought he might have realized something crucial. But there was no way he could ask Ueda about it out loud. Are you maybe in love with me? didn't sound too good. Besides, he wasn't sure how would he himself react if, by any chance, Ueda said he was. Or wasn't. Ryo didn't know what to do at all. So he did the first - and the stupidest - thing that came to his mind. He quickly said good night and run home.
***
After a week he felt like a fool. It was Thursday again, he was still in Tokyo, but he didn't meet Ueda at all during that time, he was afraid of texting or calling him for some reason, and he wasn't going to meet him at the radio station.
Something made him go there anyway after work. Just to see that place again, for the last time. He was greeted by the biggest bag he's ever seen. It was full of postcards that came to the station after the last show. When thrown on the floor of his apartment, they formed a pile possible bigger than mount Fuji. OK, maybe not, but that's how he felt about it. He would die before reading them all alone, so, weird feelings or not, he took a picture of the pile with his cellphone and sent it to Ueda asking for help as soon as possible, even right then.
Ueda arrived half an hour later, explaining he was in the neighborhood. He praised Ryo's apartment but Ryo didn't care much about it, right now he wanted to get rid of all the cards. He found some beer in the fridge, put it in front of Ueda and started reading.
It was way after 2 am when they saw the floor again.
"Actually" Ueda asked "why did we have to read them all tonight? It's not like we have to choose which to answer on the radio."
"Old habits I guess" Ryo answered and as he did, he realized he was lying. It wasn't old habits taking the better of him, he really wanted Ueda to come and read the cards with him. He's lost the radio show for sure but there was really no reason not to stay friends with Ueda. Ryo was feeling a bit guilty about last Thursday panic runaway.
"Well, there's not much left so would you mind if I took my leave now? I have work early in the morning..."
"Yes I would" Ryo heard himself saying. "Sit down and read till the end, you can sleep here."
Ueda sat down as instructed, but Nishikido could tell he was quite tense. Although sleepy, tired and fed up with reading comments on their last show, varying from disappointment to words of support to disbelieving, Ryo could tell Ueda was worried about something. Was it... THAT thing?
"Nishikido..."
"Call me Ryo" he suddenly decided. Whatever. Really, whatever. He actually came to like Ueda a lot and managed to miss him during only seven days. It made him wonder who was supposed to be in love here.
"Well Ryo... could you pass me the card you're holding now? It has a cool picture, I'd like to read it."
Ryo was about to do as told but before he handed the post card, he took a glimpse of what was written and changed his mind in an instant.
"So that's why you were so uptight!" he laughed out loud. "You were afraid I would find this while you're still here! But really, Tatsuya, who writes a postcard to their own show, moreover after it's ended?" he rolled on the floor, but held firmly to the post card in case Tatsuya wanted to take it from him. Well, he actually tried so it was good that Ryo did.
"That's... exactly... why I did" fighting with Tatsuya wasn't easy, especially with persistent Tatsuya who wanted to get the card back by all means.
"So you really are in love with me?" Ryo blurted through laughter and instantly regret it. Ueda froze hanging over him and only now both realized how compromising was that position in light of what was said. Ueda wanted to back off, but Nishikido held and stopped him. He pressed on Ueda's back until the man lost his balance and fell right on him.
He already decided. Whatever. Tonight Ueda was staying, and as for later... well they could always have a fight later.