Once upon a time there was a story of crack for the crack community...
The Fifty-year-old Virgin Princess
Part 2/?
by Elizabeth
Rated M mostly for some bad language. No squishes yet.
Pairing: Mirandy
A/N: Thanks goes out to scaryrobot and raven for helpful pokes and prods.
Summary: A cracked in da head fairytale.
First part of the story can be read here: community.livejournal.com/ysosrsmiranda/8091.html#cutid1
Since bbs are probably too lazy to read the first part, or forgot the last part, here’s a refresher:
When we last left our two Princesses (both virgins) had just met and were going in to Castle Sachs for dinner....
Princess Andy turned to her betrothed, pulling her towards the castle, "Let's go into dinner and you can meet everybody." Andy looked at Miranda's clothing. "I love your dress."
Miranda smiled. She would follow her princess wherever she led, and hopefully wouldn’t smack her every time they kissed.
As they entered Castle Sachs, Miranda noticed that it seemed a little shabby and dark. Fortunately it was clean, but it seemed so ugly. Many of the draperies and furniture seemed so last decade, and Miranda had thought them awful when she had to endure them before. Miranda had stopped following Andy and stood gaping at the horrible decorations of Castle Sachs.
She was pulled out of her troubled reverie when she heard a loud crashing sound. It was most likely very fortunate that Miranda hadn’t literally followed her princess wherever she lead, as a quick turn of her silvered head led to the sight of Andy pulling herself up the fallen bits of a clunky suit of armor that looked like it would fit a fat midget.
“I’m all right,” Andy called loudly. “I just knocked over great-Uncle Johan’s battle gear again.” A little breathless and flustered, she turned toward Miranda and smiled brightly. “Well, let’s continue onto the dinning hall, Princess Miranda of Castle Priestly.”
Miranda was about to ask Andy to just call her ‘Miranda’ and if her great-uncle had been a troll as she watched Andy trip over the armor again. It was becoming plainly obvious why Princess Andy wore clothing like a peasant! If she wore nice clothing, it would be ripped apart in seconds.
She walked over to help Andy stand, as it was obvious she needed help standing on her own two legs. When Miranda was close, Andy looked into her eyes and suddenly the older woman felt her knees get weak. As they reached for each other, Miranda’s forward momentum cause them to tumble over the troll suite of armor. This time Andy landed on her back instead of on her face, her arms full of Miranda.
It was Miranda’s turn to be flustered, especially when she looked down and noticed Andy’s peasant blouse had lost a few buttons and that they were so intimately pressed together. Miranda felt a drop of sweat roll down her back, which was strange as she wasn’t hot and come to think of it, she never sweated.
The Dragon Princess looked down at the sweet innocent, albeit clumsy, girl and felt her heart start to beat erratically. Andy was looking at her with such wonder on her face and with such a sweet smile. Miranda could not keep her eyes off of her lips. The girl was so beautiful, that finally she just had to ask, “Was your great-uncle a troll?”
“No, he was just a really short and fat man.” Andy laughed. The girl looked at Miranda’s lips again.
Miranda sighed. “I promise I won’t hit you again if you kiss me, or at least I’ll try not to.” She began to lower her face gently and their lips were about to get acquainted for the second time when they heard someone clear their throat.
Both princesses looked up at the serving girl Emily. Emily sounding very bored said, “You aren’t supposed to copulate until after the wedding. It would also be a good idea to do it somewhere private, and less tacky than the great hall.” The red head paused to roll her eyes and help the two bumbling princesses stand.
“Is mummy mad that we’re late to dinner?” The wide-eyed brunette asked.
“Your mother,” Emily took a deep breath as she explained, “was feeling a bit under the weather, so she took all the chocolate cake and retired early.”
“Mummy’s not feeling very well these days and she’s always been a nervous eater,” Andy solemnly told Miranda.
Emily started to lead the two princesses to the dining hall she muttered under her breath, “Mummy is also bat shit crazy. I love my job, I love my job.”
Miranda was just sad there was no cake.
“Anyway, the other suitors are still waiting in the dinning hall,” Emily continued to talk as she led the way.
“Wait. What other suitors?” Miranda asked, and glared at Andy.
“King Sachs went a little senile before he passed. He arranged for Andy to be married to two other people,” Emily explained as Andy wrung her hands nervously and looked out for obstacles that she might trip on.
Miranda still had her glare of death fixed on her. “What do you mean? Your father arranged more than one marriage?”
“Um.... I have to pick which suitor to marry in three days.” Andy stuttered as they entered the dinning hall and she promptly tripped over a small table near the door. “I’m okay!” Andy stood up. “How long has that table been there?”
“Just forever,” Emily replied in a droll tone. The red head turned to Miranda, who was once again shooting her glare of death, but not at Andy. It was at that bitch Princess Jacqueline of Follet Castle, who was sitting at the head of the table, smiling a smug smile. It was obvious to Miranda that Jacqueline was one of Andy’s suitors. There must be a shortage of available noble people to marry.
“This is Princess Jacqueline of Follet Castle,” Emily was introducing the suitors. “This is Sir Christian of Thompson Castle, they are the other two suitors that King Sachs arranged for Andy to marry.”
Miranda had heard of Sir Christian as she looked at the sandy haired man dressed in armor, she found him lacking, like most men. He had continued eating while he was being introduced, and then he finally stood up to reveal the largest cod piece Miranda had ever seen! It was obvious he was overcompensating for something. Even the large Saint Bernard that was resting in the corner knew that.
After Christian stood up he started to walk around the table, presumably to shake Miranda’s hand, as he turned around the corner of the table, he was too close to the table, and his cod piece knocked off a pitcher of ale. As he tried to catch the pitcher before it fell his sword fell out of its scabbard.
At the sound of the pitcher breaking, a tiny older woman wearing a small gold tiara and a wedding gown smeared with chocolate icing ran into the room screaming.
“Mummy!” Andy cried.
The Saint Bernard, Patricia ran out of the room, whimpering.
“Oh shit!” Emily said, and the rest of the room was thinking it too.
Queen Sachs picked up Sir Christian’s sword to the horror of the room and hollered, “If the eye offends thee, pluck it out!” And threw the sword out one of the open windows into the moat.
Miranda remained calm. She felt like she could bring balance to the chaos of Sachs Castle. It was all certainly more interesting in one evening than it had been in 50 years at Priestly Castle. Maybe there was even some more cake...
Tune in next Saturday for: “This is Castle Sachs advisor, Sir Nigel.”
“Okay, every day that Andy picks a suitor, she’s going to give them a rose.” “That’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard."
Part 3: community.livejournal.com/ysosrsmiranda/12889.html#cutid1
Part 2/?
by Elizabeth
Rated M mostly for some bad language. No squishes yet.
Pairing: Mirandy
A/N: Thanks goes out to scaryrobot and raven for helpful pokes and prods.
Summary: A cracked in da head fairytale.
First part of the story can be read here: community.livejournal.com/ysosrsmiranda/8091.html#cutid1
Since bbs are probably too lazy to read the first part, or forgot the last part, here’s a refresher:
When we last left our two Princesses (both virgins) had just met and were going in to Castle Sachs for dinner....
Princess Andy turned to her betrothed, pulling her towards the castle, "Let's go into dinner and you can meet everybody." Andy looked at Miranda's clothing. "I love your dress."
Miranda smiled. She would follow her princess wherever she led, and hopefully wouldn’t smack her every time they kissed.
As they entered Castle Sachs, Miranda noticed that it seemed a little shabby and dark. Fortunately it was clean, but it seemed so ugly. Many of the draperies and furniture seemed so last decade, and Miranda had thought them awful when she had to endure them before. Miranda had stopped following Andy and stood gaping at the horrible decorations of Castle Sachs.
She was pulled out of her troubled reverie when she heard a loud crashing sound. It was most likely very fortunate that Miranda hadn’t literally followed her princess wherever she lead, as a quick turn of her silvered head led to the sight of Andy pulling herself up the fallen bits of a clunky suit of armor that looked like it would fit a fat midget.
“I’m all right,” Andy called loudly. “I just knocked over great-Uncle Johan’s battle gear again.” A little breathless and flustered, she turned toward Miranda and smiled brightly. “Well, let’s continue onto the dinning hall, Princess Miranda of Castle Priestly.”
Miranda was about to ask Andy to just call her ‘Miranda’ and if her great-uncle had been a troll as she watched Andy trip over the armor again. It was becoming plainly obvious why Princess Andy wore clothing like a peasant! If she wore nice clothing, it would be ripped apart in seconds.
She walked over to help Andy stand, as it was obvious she needed help standing on her own two legs. When Miranda was close, Andy looked into her eyes and suddenly the older woman felt her knees get weak. As they reached for each other, Miranda’s forward momentum cause them to tumble over the troll suite of armor. This time Andy landed on her back instead of on her face, her arms full of Miranda.
It was Miranda’s turn to be flustered, especially when she looked down and noticed Andy’s peasant blouse had lost a few buttons and that they were so intimately pressed together. Miranda felt a drop of sweat roll down her back, which was strange as she wasn’t hot and come to think of it, she never sweated.
The Dragon Princess looked down at the sweet innocent, albeit clumsy, girl and felt her heart start to beat erratically. Andy was looking at her with such wonder on her face and with such a sweet smile. Miranda could not keep her eyes off of her lips. The girl was so beautiful, that finally she just had to ask, “Was your great-uncle a troll?”
“No, he was just a really short and fat man.” Andy laughed. The girl looked at Miranda’s lips again.
Miranda sighed. “I promise I won’t hit you again if you kiss me, or at least I’ll try not to.” She began to lower her face gently and their lips were about to get acquainted for the second time when they heard someone clear their throat.
Both princesses looked up at the serving girl Emily. Emily sounding very bored said, “You aren’t supposed to copulate until after the wedding. It would also be a good idea to do it somewhere private, and less tacky than the great hall.” The red head paused to roll her eyes and help the two bumbling princesses stand.
“Is mummy mad that we’re late to dinner?” The wide-eyed brunette asked.
“Your mother,” Emily took a deep breath as she explained, “was feeling a bit under the weather, so she took all the chocolate cake and retired early.”
“Mummy’s not feeling very well these days and she’s always been a nervous eater,” Andy solemnly told Miranda.
Emily started to lead the two princesses to the dining hall she muttered under her breath, “Mummy is also bat shit crazy. I love my job, I love my job.”
Miranda was just sad there was no cake.
“Anyway, the other suitors are still waiting in the dinning hall,” Emily continued to talk as she led the way.
“Wait. What other suitors?” Miranda asked, and glared at Andy.
“King Sachs went a little senile before he passed. He arranged for Andy to be married to two other people,” Emily explained as Andy wrung her hands nervously and looked out for obstacles that she might trip on.
Miranda still had her glare of death fixed on her. “What do you mean? Your father arranged more than one marriage?”
“Um.... I have to pick which suitor to marry in three days.” Andy stuttered as they entered the dinning hall and she promptly tripped over a small table near the door. “I’m okay!” Andy stood up. “How long has that table been there?”
“Just forever,” Emily replied in a droll tone. The red head turned to Miranda, who was once again shooting her glare of death, but not at Andy. It was at that bitch Princess Jacqueline of Follet Castle, who was sitting at the head of the table, smiling a smug smile. It was obvious to Miranda that Jacqueline was one of Andy’s suitors. There must be a shortage of available noble people to marry.
“This is Princess Jacqueline of Follet Castle,” Emily was introducing the suitors. “This is Sir Christian of Thompson Castle, they are the other two suitors that King Sachs arranged for Andy to marry.”
Miranda had heard of Sir Christian as she looked at the sandy haired man dressed in armor, she found him lacking, like most men. He had continued eating while he was being introduced, and then he finally stood up to reveal the largest cod piece Miranda had ever seen! It was obvious he was overcompensating for something. Even the large Saint Bernard that was resting in the corner knew that.
After Christian stood up he started to walk around the table, presumably to shake Miranda’s hand, as he turned around the corner of the table, he was too close to the table, and his cod piece knocked off a pitcher of ale. As he tried to catch the pitcher before it fell his sword fell out of its scabbard.
At the sound of the pitcher breaking, a tiny older woman wearing a small gold tiara and a wedding gown smeared with chocolate icing ran into the room screaming.
“Mummy!” Andy cried.
The Saint Bernard, Patricia ran out of the room, whimpering.
“Oh shit!” Emily said, and the rest of the room was thinking it too.
Queen Sachs picked up Sir Christian’s sword to the horror of the room and hollered, “If the eye offends thee, pluck it out!” And threw the sword out one of the open windows into the moat.
Miranda remained calm. She felt like she could bring balance to the chaos of Sachs Castle. It was all certainly more interesting in one evening than it had been in 50 years at Priestly Castle. Maybe there was even some more cake...
Tune in next Saturday for: “This is Castle Sachs advisor, Sir Nigel.”
“Okay, every day that Andy picks a suitor, she’s going to give them a rose.” “That’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard."
Part 3: community.livejournal.com/ysosrsmiranda/12889.html#cutid1