Ge-Guess what?
NOTHING MUCH, AHAHAHAHAH-ha, haha. Yeah, stupid joke for me, right.
I'm currently slightly irritated that my mind isn't active until it's ridiculously early in the morning, but HEY, that's what fucking happens when my sleep schedule's set to sleeping at 3 in the morning and waking up at around noon.
In other news, I'm finally starting my graphic communi-Design classes that are super cool. Problem is that they don't really require me to be on campus for all that long, so I turn into a lazy, antisocial motherfucker, and that's where I am right now.
In additional news, that last bit was kind of a lie.
Furthermore, I have discovered that I can have nerdy guys attracted to me at the drop of a hat and that I have no idea how to counteract this. Nor how to act to stop this either. --yeah, I'm sure your first reaction is "what, natalie, why are you such a heinous bitch about this?" and I counter this with the fact that these nerd guys totally don't get my personality (Ha, one of them called me shy, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT FOLKS?) and that the other ones have kid(s). Or, if they're the type of guy that I want, AH HA, I must be doing something utterly wrong, because I can't seem to have them stay around. Or like me past the "oh hey, that's funny" stage.
So!
I've realized in these past weeks that:
1) I really really like talking to most of my friend on occasion.
-WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? IT MEANS I LOVE YOU, BUT I CAN'T STAND YOUR PRESENCE EVERY FREAKIN' DAY.
2) I'm not an ugly sonuvabitch.
-TRANSLATION: MAYBE I SHOULD GET A CLUE AND NOT BE SO SELF CONSCIOUS? [no, ofcoursenot. Natalie doesn't get to buy a clue beforehand. She has to spell it out for herself and chances are, she's still not going to get it]
-->I'm still fucked up in terms of relationships. IS ANYONE GOING TO NOTICE? I HAVEN'T A CLUE, BUT I'M GETTING THERE, GODDAMMIT.
3) Staying up late feels fucking fantastic.
-OMG, YES. YES YES YES. Before, in the hours before I attempted writing down anything in this entry, I was mindlessly making food, doing classwork, talking to Daiz. Now, I have CLEAR. Coherent thoughts. well. as coherent as my mind gets. WHAT THE FUCK LIFE, WHY CAN'T THIS HAPPEN MORE OFTEN?? [uh, people sleep] BULLSHIT.
4) I need to get a job
-I have no idea what I'm doing financially. What the bejeesus. If someone asked me how much school was costing me, I'd probably tell them to suck a dick and fuck off. Because, you know, self defensiveness is the best way to counteract the fact that I'm ridiculously freaked out about it. I should call someone, seeing as I'm fantastically unnerved by the current state of events. WILL THAT HAPPEN? I HAVEn'T A CLUE.
5) BREATHE.
-oh.ohfuck, I forgot about that. did I mention that I love my family? i do, i do.
6) I'm dangerously close to becoming one of those geeks that stays at home and never goes outside.
-Um, have you seen [insert picture of OP here]? LOL, RIGHT, AHAHHA. Jesus, she's like jesus. She'll be behind our couch one day, just you watch. (uh, yeah. WUT. WUT THE FUCK AM I DOING??)
--No seriously. I want to buy more FPS games for my laptop. I'm so close to never going outside for anything at this very moment, its almost FRIGHTENING. There are two people who visit me, and I visit in turn here and, SHIT. I'm seriously close to losing my shit and NEVER COMING OUT OF MY ROOM. -___-; I'm the palest i've ever been in my life, and I'm not comfortable with this at all. (Did I mention that I'm raidworthy on my first toon on WoW? YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES. I CAN HEAL YOUR ASS FROM LEVEL ONE ALL THE FUCKING WAY TO ARTHAS'S FRONT DOOR.) [*cough* um. Yeah. That's another one of those gaming things]
7) I freak out.
-So i freak out. Yeah. Who the fuck doesn't? (a lot of people). Oh, shit, really? So... the fact that I let myself wallow in anxiety isn't normal? (uh, fuck no.) Ah, Shit. Why didn't I get that fucking memo sooner?
8) I fucking love Namie Amuro.
-What, seriously? YES. OMG YES. My love for her music is like... (cue bad natalie analogy in321:) GETTING SEXUAL FAVORS FROM LADY GAGA. Seriously. At first, you'll probably be all, yeah, she's kinda cool, I dig this as a one time thing. BUT MAN, YOU JUST WANT FUCKING MORE. [btw, think she's a fucking genius. WHAT THE FUCK.] But, really. I kind of wish I listened to this shit sooner, and ignored the totally safe!kinky pictures of her in Howard's room. Because, seriously guys, I haven't loved Japanese music so much until I listened to her albums.
[Have you calmed down yet?] Yes. Yes I have. See, Amuro's genius.
In further news, I have to recommend something for all mac users that use Leopard and beyond. OMMWRITER IS THE SHIT.
anddd back to our scheduled programming
9) I have a terrible habit of liking all the wrong guys.
-aka, guys that I shouldn't want or definitely have some fucked up relationship ideas. At the moment? I'm interested in the weirdest motherfucker to god's fucking heaven. He wants seriously casual relationship. So he basically says "I choose to be single out of choice" WHICH IS A REALLY FUCKED UP WAY TO SAY THAT. Seriously man, if you couldn't believe in monogamy or whatever, don't be all "single out of choice" or some shit. that's just really fucked up. people get the impression that you don't want Any kind of relationship. -__-; HOKAY, SO BESIDES THAT, I TOTALLY ENDED UP SLEEPIN' AT HIS PAD AT ONE POINT IN TIME. WHAT THE FUCK. So, this either is like, a smokescreen so he doesn't get into some deep RELATIONSHIP or whatever, but TO GET TO THIS POINT IS MORE FUCKING PAINFUL THAN WHAT A SIMILAR PREJUDICED PERSON WOULD FEEL IS WORTH GETTING INTO FOR A CASUAL THING. WHAT THE FUCKKKMYLIFE. (because i'm totally into him and this means that this is all fucking annoying.) (andand, GODDAMMIT, i can totally understand feeling like this, but omg, HEADACHE.)
-->and I should interject that we didn't do anything besides making out. because, omg, heaven forbid I do anything past what I feel comfortable with. UGH. FRUSTRATION. FRUSTRATION IN THE GREATEST KIND. WHATEVER. LIFE IS ANNOYING. I'M VAGUE BECAUSE THIS POINT IN the ENTrY IS BOTH IRRITATING AND UNCOMFORTABLE TO ADDRESS TO MY LJ AUDIENCE.
--->oh. the great thing was, before this guy i like with the "single..choice" shit, I liked someone who was totally totally unavailable. but so cute. and so silly, and so my type (wtf, you've got a typeYEAHIDO) And you know what, that blew up in my face too. WUNDERBAR.
10) Alright, i'm tired, i'm kind of done with this at the moment.
I'm sorry, did I just hit you with a WALL OF TEXT that hit you for a critical damage of over 9000? Well, yeah. I'm kind of sorry for that, but seriously life. What the fuck. It is only JANUARY. /sigh.
PPPPPS: I ALSO KNOW I'M AWFUL AT BEING THERE. ILU ALL, SRS. SUPER SRS.
I'm currently slightly irritated that my mind isn't active until it's ridiculously early in the morning, but HEY, that's what fucking happens when my sleep schedule's set to sleeping at 3 in the morning and waking up at around noon.
In other news, I'm finally starting my graphic communi-Design classes that are super cool. Problem is that they don't really require me to be on campus for all that long, so I turn into a lazy, antisocial motherfucker, and that's where I am right now.
In additional news, that last bit was kind of a lie.
Furthermore, I have discovered that I can have nerdy guys attracted to me at the drop of a hat and that I have no idea how to counteract this. Nor how to act to stop this either. --yeah, I'm sure your first reaction is "what, natalie, why are you such a heinous bitch about this?" and I counter this with the fact that these nerd guys totally don't get my personality (Ha, one of them called me shy, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT FOLKS?) and that the other ones have kid(s). Or, if they're the type of guy that I want, AH HA, I must be doing something utterly wrong, because I can't seem to have them stay around. Or like me past the "oh hey, that's funny" stage.
So!
I've realized in these past weeks that:
1) I really really like talking to most of my friend on occasion.
-WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? IT MEANS I LOVE YOU, BUT I CAN'T STAND YOUR PRESENCE EVERY FREAKIN' DAY.
2) I'm not an ugly sonuvabitch.
-TRANSLATION: MAYBE I SHOULD GET A CLUE AND NOT BE SO SELF CONSCIOUS? [no, ofcoursenot. Natalie doesn't get to buy a clue beforehand. She has to spell it out for herself and chances are, she's still not going to get it]
-->I'm still fucked up in terms of relationships. IS ANYONE GOING TO NOTICE? I HAVEN'T A CLUE, BUT I'M GETTING THERE, GODDAMMIT.
3) Staying up late feels fucking fantastic.
-OMG, YES. YES YES YES. Before, in the hours before I attempted writing down anything in this entry, I was mindlessly making food, doing classwork, talking to Daiz. Now, I have CLEAR. Coherent thoughts. well. as coherent as my mind gets. WHAT THE FUCK LIFE, WHY CAN'T THIS HAPPEN MORE OFTEN?? [uh, people sleep] BULLSHIT.
4) I need to get a job
-I have no idea what I'm doing financially. What the bejeesus. If someone asked me how much school was costing me, I'd probably tell them to suck a dick and fuck off. Because, you know, self defensiveness is the best way to counteract the fact that I'm ridiculously freaked out about it. I should call someone, seeing as I'm fantastically unnerved by the current state of events. WILL THAT HAPPEN? I HAVEn'T A CLUE.
5) BREATHE.
-oh.ohfuck, I forgot about that. did I mention that I love my family? i do, i do.
6) I'm dangerously close to becoming one of those geeks that stays at home and never goes outside.
-Um, have you seen [insert picture of OP here]? LOL, RIGHT, AHAHHA. Jesus, she's like jesus. She'll be behind our couch one day, just you watch. (uh, yeah. WUT. WUT THE FUCK AM I DOING??)
--No seriously. I want to buy more FPS games for my laptop. I'm so close to never going outside for anything at this very moment, its almost FRIGHTENING. There are two people who visit me, and I visit in turn here and, SHIT. I'm seriously close to losing my shit and NEVER COMING OUT OF MY ROOM. -___-; I'm the palest i've ever been in my life, and I'm not comfortable with this at all. (Did I mention that I'm raidworthy on my first toon on WoW? YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES. I CAN HEAL YOUR ASS FROM LEVEL ONE ALL THE FUCKING WAY TO ARTHAS'S FRONT DOOR.) [*cough* um. Yeah. That's another one of those gaming things]
7) I freak out.
-So i freak out. Yeah. Who the fuck doesn't? (a lot of people). Oh, shit, really? So... the fact that I let myself wallow in anxiety isn't normal? (uh, fuck no.) Ah, Shit. Why didn't I get that fucking memo sooner?
8) I fucking love Namie Amuro.
-What, seriously? YES. OMG YES. My love for her music is like... (cue bad natalie analogy in321:) GETTING SEXUAL FAVORS FROM LADY GAGA. Seriously. At first, you'll probably be all, yeah, she's kinda cool, I dig this as a one time thing. BUT MAN, YOU JUST WANT FUCKING MORE. [btw, think she's a fucking genius. WHAT THE FUCK.] But, really. I kind of wish I listened to this shit sooner, and ignored the totally safe!kinky pictures of her in Howard's room. Because, seriously guys, I haven't loved Japanese music so much until I listened to her albums.
[Have you calmed down yet?] Yes. Yes I have. See, Amuro's genius.
In further news, I have to recommend something for all mac users that use Leopard and beyond. OMMWRITER IS THE SHIT.
anddd back to our scheduled programming
9) I have a terrible habit of liking all the wrong guys.
-aka, guys that I shouldn't want or definitely have some fucked up relationship ideas. At the moment? I'm interested in the weirdest motherfucker to god's fucking heaven. He wants seriously casual relationship. So he basically says "I choose to be single out of choice" WHICH IS A REALLY FUCKED UP WAY TO SAY THAT. Seriously man, if you couldn't believe in monogamy or whatever, don't be all "single out of choice" or some shit. that's just really fucked up. people get the impression that you don't want Any kind of relationship. -__-; HOKAY, SO BESIDES THAT, I TOTALLY ENDED UP SLEEPIN' AT HIS PAD AT ONE POINT IN TIME. WHAT THE FUCK. So, this either is like, a smokescreen so he doesn't get into some deep RELATIONSHIP or whatever, but TO GET TO THIS POINT IS MORE FUCKING PAINFUL THAN WHAT A SIMILAR PREJUDICED PERSON WOULD FEEL IS WORTH GETTING INTO FOR A CASUAL THING. WHAT THE FUCKKKMYLIFE. (because i'm totally into him and this means that this is all fucking annoying.) (andand, GODDAMMIT, i can totally understand feeling like this, but omg, HEADACHE.)
-->and I should interject that we didn't do anything besides making out. because, omg, heaven forbid I do anything past what I feel comfortable with. UGH. FRUSTRATION. FRUSTRATION IN THE GREATEST KIND. WHATEVER. LIFE IS ANNOYING. I'M VAGUE BECAUSE THIS POINT IN the ENTrY IS BOTH IRRITATING AND UNCOMFORTABLE TO ADDRESS TO MY LJ AUDIENCE.
--->oh. the great thing was, before this guy i like with the "single..choice" shit, I liked someone who was totally totally unavailable. but so cute. and so silly, and so my type (wtf, you've got a typeYEAHIDO) And you know what, that blew up in my face too. WUNDERBAR.
10) Alright, i'm tired, i'm kind of done with this at the moment.
I'm sorry, did I just hit you with a WALL OF TEXT that hit you for a critical damage of over 9000? Well, yeah. I'm kind of sorry for that, but seriously life. What the fuck. It is only JANUARY. /sigh.
PPPPPS: I ALSO KNOW I'M AWFUL AT BEING THERE. ILU ALL, SRS. SUPER SRS.