(no subject)
You drown yourself in the music and silently watch at the lights flicker and blink. People scream mute words into crowded spaces and everything's inaudible. Your body shakes with the thumping of the bass as bodies claw at each other on the dance floor and you see this guy that looks like a model, you see him everywhere too. Everywhere they choke down the alcohol as if it were keeping them alive and you thought that maybe it was. You wanted to feel relieved and cleared. Everything plays out like a dream and you sit alone absorbing every movement, every detail. Images disappear and reappear with every flash of light and you watch. They laugh and talk amongst themselves with blinking smiles and open their mouths but say nothing. And you're half awake sitting alone with your ears ringing and with an overwhelming want to make everything go away. To fall asleep and live in an empty dream as you dance the night away and say drunken words to whoever cares to listen. Words coated with fake want and imaginary desire. And you sit in the corner watching because closing your eyes is too scary an option. Because you don't want to lose yourself. You watch as people walk out with their arms around their half naked trophies and guiltless conscience. People leave, forgetting the garbage that lines the edges of the carpet and the few that couldn't make it home. The floor is almost empty with you sitting in the corner listening to the sound that lingers within the four walls and you are missing something. You blink and you can't bare the silence, the room feels cold and vacant. And after the room is ventilated you start to miss the waves of body heat permeating across the air and the odor of sweat that has left its trace. Dead memories of men and women gone home to their broken families or empty apartments remain as you sit in the corner watching everything with your unfeeling eyes and listening for sounds that no longer exist. In the dark you sit and refuse to move because you're waiting for someone you're waiting for a look even if it's from the corner of an eye. And you weren't gaining anything, but everything was alright.