(no subject)
dont know why she walked over here just to close the door on me without saying anything to leave me in the pitch black room with no windows. its almost as if she doesnt want me to stay up.
reading thru other peoples personal lives without their knowledge makes me feel a bit shady but i dont think theyl mind all that much. it kinda dissapoints me when i learn more about people ive known for a long time from the fuckin internet than from all the conversations ive had with them in the entirety of this godforsaken life. i like how people that have just been an aqquaintence for years can evolve into the most beutiful person after they do a good enough job of communicating that they are. kinda sad and makes me realize how shallow we are. people ignored until their minds expressed to you by means you can understand (speech, writing) and its a satisfactory job and than theyre amazing and you love em to death. its funny now that i dont even bother with ballin (70s slang haha) but i just have all these people that i really care about because of said explanations. because of nights spent talking all night, drunk as shit but no longer belligerant when the conversation is meaningful and not just space filling part conversations. fuck parties. a bunch of people getting fucked up under these unspoken rules that allow them to be in a large group of people and not really need to know them beyond "the guy that brought the jim beam" or "that slut i hooked up with last night when you guys were all doin coke." Im fed up with all the bullshit now. argh. to many years of apathetic waste. and im fuckin young so thats saying something. just fresh thirteen, drama drama drama, mental institutions and programs and jdc and prozac threatened or acted out on and after the short term preventative measures put in place by said subject and afraid to care anymore. anything that isnt a space filler in life is blatantly disregarded. "hey, human language cant encompass emotions so they might as well be disregarded. shit if humans cant accept iit than theres no use in being human." years of mental torture because of some fucks who dont understand shit. fuck that shit. fuck people who think theyre close to someone to the point they feel they can make decisions for them when they dont even realize if that person can feel or not. fucking bastards. thru with that shit. closets being cleaned. and its fuckin jam packed right now. this is a bad time to be this lonely. and im trying to stop myself from the physical crutches i have at the same time. fuckin sucks. i cant live here so distant from anyone im not distant from. i cant keep myself on lifestyle foreplay terms with so many people.
FUCK.
reading thru other peoples personal lives without their knowledge makes me feel a bit shady but i dont think theyl mind all that much. it kinda dissapoints me when i learn more about people ive known for a long time from the fuckin internet than from all the conversations ive had with them in the entirety of this godforsaken life. i like how people that have just been an aqquaintence for years can evolve into the most beutiful person after they do a good enough job of communicating that they are. kinda sad and makes me realize how shallow we are. people ignored until their minds expressed to you by means you can understand (speech, writing) and its a satisfactory job and than theyre amazing and you love em to death. its funny now that i dont even bother with ballin (70s slang haha) but i just have all these people that i really care about because of said explanations. because of nights spent talking all night, drunk as shit but no longer belligerant when the conversation is meaningful and not just space filling part conversations. fuck parties. a bunch of people getting fucked up under these unspoken rules that allow them to be in a large group of people and not really need to know them beyond "the guy that brought the jim beam" or "that slut i hooked up with last night when you guys were all doin coke." Im fed up with all the bullshit now. argh. to many years of apathetic waste. and im fuckin young so thats saying something. just fresh thirteen, drama drama drama, mental institutions and programs and jdc and prozac threatened or acted out on and after the short term preventative measures put in place by said subject and afraid to care anymore. anything that isnt a space filler in life is blatantly disregarded. "hey, human language cant encompass emotions so they might as well be disregarded. shit if humans cant accept iit than theres no use in being human." years of mental torture because of some fucks who dont understand shit. fuck that shit. fuck people who think theyre close to someone to the point they feel they can make decisions for them when they dont even realize if that person can feel or not. fucking bastards. thru with that shit. closets being cleaned. and its fuckin jam packed right now. this is a bad time to be this lonely. and im trying to stop myself from the physical crutches i have at the same time. fuckin sucks. i cant live here so distant from anyone im not distant from. i cant keep myself on lifestyle foreplay terms with so many people.
FUCK.