(no subject)
tap tap tap tap
just the ball, the net, and him
that was a poem i heard. i thought the man was a good story teller but didnt have as much appreciation as i do since i woke up today. that was about 4 minutes ago. still in the dark. adjusting to the light of the screen. im learning what he spoke of. O had a conversation with my mom along those same lines, when i was trying to illustrate how i felt in watsi <3 to her. I had a dream just now that i was sitting in a hallway with rachel, and than she placed her hand on my side so she was cupping my hip. i moved my hand to the ground inbetween us instead of crossing my stomach with it, and she followed suite with the hand that was on my hip. we started carressing each others hands and than everything changed yet was still the same. the hallway was still there, except i was inbetween standing and sitting and my field manager from work was lecturing me while i was caressing my thigh right above my knee. felt guilty. than i spiraled out of that and escaped the flourescent lights and i was sitting up. leaning against a wall on the ground and rachel was laying down resting her head on my thigh (something i tend to do). she said something about how she loved that it didnt matter if her hair was tied back, dreaded, or just normal when she had her head on my thigh because it wouldnt matter? (that ones beyond me) than we were talking about gardens together. than after that im not sure if i had a false awakening or if i just slipped back into rem sleep real fast before wakin up again (seems more likely). anyway the words just her, the garden, and me came to me while i was asleep. and yesterday (not these exact words)i was saying just me, the forest, and whatever it was be it a song someone was playing, a conversation, a meal, a joint, a cigarette(actually i appreciated those less than. funny that without any distractions and nothing to focus on but the cig i hated em and practically quit.)
I think when I truly care about something i can ignore all the bullshit, the flourescent lights are a little dimmer and i dont feel as closed in. im starting to understand that. i was just thinking about this book i read by a buddhist who was explaining why they eat in silence. alot of what he said has relevence here. i hope to god when theres something good in my life i can appreciate as much as i do in these few situations. i like to think ive been learning that.
just the ball, the net, and him
that was a poem i heard. i thought the man was a good story teller but didnt have as much appreciation as i do since i woke up today. that was about 4 minutes ago. still in the dark. adjusting to the light of the screen. im learning what he spoke of. O had a conversation with my mom along those same lines, when i was trying to illustrate how i felt in watsi <3 to her. I had a dream just now that i was sitting in a hallway with rachel, and than she placed her hand on my side so she was cupping my hip. i moved my hand to the ground inbetween us instead of crossing my stomach with it, and she followed suite with the hand that was on my hip. we started carressing each others hands and than everything changed yet was still the same. the hallway was still there, except i was inbetween standing and sitting and my field manager from work was lecturing me while i was caressing my thigh right above my knee. felt guilty. than i spiraled out of that and escaped the flourescent lights and i was sitting up. leaning against a wall on the ground and rachel was laying down resting her head on my thigh (something i tend to do). she said something about how she loved that it didnt matter if her hair was tied back, dreaded, or just normal when she had her head on my thigh because it wouldnt matter? (that ones beyond me) than we were talking about gardens together. than after that im not sure if i had a false awakening or if i just slipped back into rem sleep real fast before wakin up again (seems more likely). anyway the words just her, the garden, and me came to me while i was asleep. and yesterday (not these exact words)i was saying just me, the forest, and whatever it was be it a song someone was playing, a conversation, a meal, a joint, a cigarette(actually i appreciated those less than. funny that without any distractions and nothing to focus on but the cig i hated em and practically quit.)
I think when I truly care about something i can ignore all the bullshit, the flourescent lights are a little dimmer and i dont feel as closed in. im starting to understand that. i was just thinking about this book i read by a buddhist who was explaining why they eat in silence. alot of what he said has relevence here. i hope to god when theres something good in my life i can appreciate as much as i do in these few situations. i like to think ive been learning that.