A children's book. Who wants to illustrate?

[yourscaryfriend]

I want to be a pirate and sail all over town
I want to be a pirate and drink that sweet rum down
I want to be a pirate and cause all kinds of harm
I want to be a pirate with two girls on each arm

I'd dress the part in pirate boots and captain's hat and robe
I'd braid my hair and brandish swords and pay my tab in gold
I'd eat and drink and carry on in language foul and hot
The police would fear when I drew near and bother me would not

I haven't been successful in fulfilling my pirate dream
I have a house, a job, two kids, and my grass is always green
but if I had my fondest wish... the thing I'd like to be
Is a pirate on the Spanish Main, drunk, and wild, and free