(no subject)
So, I know I haven't updated in a while. I'm thinking either I'm totally over this whole blog thing, or I just don't feel I have anyhting important to talk about anymore. I always just talk about bullshit, and the boring life I leave, when I remember I use to write about such funny quirky things. Of, the good old days.
I'm not going to talk about that last month I haven't updated. Molly came and went, my first gallery show came and went, and now I'm just kinda sitting around waiting for graduation, but the last four days had made me realize how much I have really changed into someone I don't want to be. I guess it's actually been about a few weeks since I realized it.
Suddenly, I see the transformation I made into a weird, polite, optimistic teenager, into a cranky, sick, vulgar, and most importantly bitchy 22 year old. I have tried to make friends these past four years, but this semester I have realized that more people hate me than ever before in my life. You're going to say, it doesn't matter what people think about you, but that is entirely wrong. People are what makes the world go round. People are what makes life interesting, and worth while. Not all those inanimate objects, my fancy computers, and boxes of shoes, it's the people in my life that make it special, and even though none of these fights I've gotten into have been with people I would call my friends, I still worry about who I have turned into. I am an advocate of peace, and harmony, but at the same time, I have never really understood how much I judge people and tend to shut myself off from people instantaneously.
I really want to change this, and unfortunately, I've been thinking lately about how this might be connected to spirituality. I'm using this word in relation to a plan or set of beliefs that one can live their life. I don't really have one of those. I don't really have a strong passion to do, or not to do anything. The only thing I can think of is not to be physically abusive or defensive, and not to do any drugs. I feel like I have no passion, for anything, and that kinda scares me. I wish I had passion for something, but my personality just doesn't have that programed.
It might just be that I am in deep need of dramatic change. I am so negative so much of the time, but how does someone change that? How do you change the way you're programmed to think? I'm really looking forward to coming home. To being relazed, and confortable, and with my family. I never thought I'd want to be around my family so much. They're crazy, and I love them. I need to figure out more stuff about me, and give some things another chance. I want to be optimistic, I really do.
here's to the end of an era, studio space, and getting up in the morning,
stephanie lynn
I'm not going to talk about that last month I haven't updated. Molly came and went, my first gallery show came and went, and now I'm just kinda sitting around waiting for graduation, but the last four days had made me realize how much I have really changed into someone I don't want to be. I guess it's actually been about a few weeks since I realized it.
Suddenly, I see the transformation I made into a weird, polite, optimistic teenager, into a cranky, sick, vulgar, and most importantly bitchy 22 year old. I have tried to make friends these past four years, but this semester I have realized that more people hate me than ever before in my life. You're going to say, it doesn't matter what people think about you, but that is entirely wrong. People are what makes the world go round. People are what makes life interesting, and worth while. Not all those inanimate objects, my fancy computers, and boxes of shoes, it's the people in my life that make it special, and even though none of these fights I've gotten into have been with people I would call my friends, I still worry about who I have turned into. I am an advocate of peace, and harmony, but at the same time, I have never really understood how much I judge people and tend to shut myself off from people instantaneously.
I really want to change this, and unfortunately, I've been thinking lately about how this might be connected to spirituality. I'm using this word in relation to a plan or set of beliefs that one can live their life. I don't really have one of those. I don't really have a strong passion to do, or not to do anything. The only thing I can think of is not to be physically abusive or defensive, and not to do any drugs. I feel like I have no passion, for anything, and that kinda scares me. I wish I had passion for something, but my personality just doesn't have that programed.
It might just be that I am in deep need of dramatic change. I am so negative so much of the time, but how does someone change that? How do you change the way you're programmed to think? I'm really looking forward to coming home. To being relazed, and confortable, and with my family. I never thought I'd want to be around my family so much. They're crazy, and I love them. I need to figure out more stuff about me, and give some things another chance. I want to be optimistic, I really do.
here's to the end of an era, studio space, and getting up in the morning,
stephanie lynn