Lo Siento
I wish I could go back and be a bit more considerate, selfless, maybe even generous. But I cannot.
I wish I had more time to share, more of something to give... but I don't.
I don't think I am all that important to anyone but myself, but I know that even the most unimportant person can make ME feel like shit. And for that I am sorry.
And the guilt (oh, the guilt!) has made me act even worse. I avoid, and I ignore, and I defend my actions. I do what I want.
I am really putting all my hopes into february 2nd, when I "turn it all around". But that is probably really stupid.
I just feel really off track. And I feel shaky.
I guess with this "vacation" coming to a close, things are going to change. For a person who does little more than read books, watch tv, eat in the occasional diner, and talk talk talk, I really feel like things are going too damn fast and changing and I need everything/everyone to just STOP for a second and let me decide what I have/ want to do. It seems like there are these deadlines in the near future, but I can't really figure out what they all are for. This is not a metaphor, I actually have stuff to do for school, college, brazil, birthdays, concerts, ahhhhhhh!
I want to please the people in my life, but I'm doing a pretty bad job. I need to just start over.
Maybe a quick trip to Boston is a good start.
I wish I had more time to share, more of something to give... but I don't.
I don't think I am all that important to anyone but myself, but I know that even the most unimportant person can make ME feel like shit. And for that I am sorry.
And the guilt (oh, the guilt!) has made me act even worse. I avoid, and I ignore, and I defend my actions. I do what I want.
I am really putting all my hopes into february 2nd, when I "turn it all around". But that is probably really stupid.
I just feel really off track. And I feel shaky.
I guess with this "vacation" coming to a close, things are going to change. For a person who does little more than read books, watch tv, eat in the occasional diner, and talk talk talk, I really feel like things are going too damn fast and changing and I need everything/everyone to just STOP for a second and let me decide what I have/ want to do. It seems like there are these deadlines in the near future, but I can't really figure out what they all are for. This is not a metaphor, I actually have stuff to do for school, college, brazil, birthdays, concerts, ahhhhhhh!
I want to please the people in my life, but I'm doing a pretty bad job. I need to just start over.
Maybe a quick trip to Boston is a good start.