entry for jonny
forgive me if it sounds like my heart is not in it this time. i just typed about two pages of things i wanted to tell you and the computer erased everything. i am going to try again but some of this will have to wait until later.
last night when we talked on the phone you didnt really seem like you wanted to talk. i really dont know how to cheer you up when youre like that. i wish i did. you told me too that you didnt want to talk about the army but you wouldnt say why. i dont know if its because you are worried about going to iraq, if you think i'm going to criticize everything they have you do, or if youre just plain tired of talking about it. i do still have a lot of questions though so i hope you change your mind at some point. in the meantime though, i'll just write them all down here.
after we talked last night i watched some iraq diary show on the military channel. i know you tell me i cant believe everything i see on tv but it really did give me a better idea of what is going on over there. the way some of the people are living, especially the children, is just terrible to watch. it helped me to appreciate more what you were saying when you were here, about wanting to help them and wanting to make their quality of life better. i still feel like we should start with our own people first but i am at least beginning to see the other side of things. they are human beings just like us and deserve better. i have to have respect for everyone that is going over there and working day in and day out to make things better. if our soldiers have to their policemen i guess that is the way it has to be. i will probably never fully agree with everything the army does but i will try harder to understand the other side of things, especially if it is your side. i wanted to call you and tell you but i hoped you would be asleep by then and i didnt want to disturb you, especially because i still iwasnt sure if you wanted to be talking to me at all. even worse, it was about the army. so i kept it to myself and im writing it down here so i can tell you when the time is right.
i am trying really hard not to take everything so personally, and i think as the days go by it will get easier and i will learn more patience. this morning i was sad to see you hadnt answered my texts and you hadnt called to say hello but i realize youre busy and dont always have the time for things like that. i hope soon i can fully accept that none of this means you dont care or you are giving up on us.
this morning when i woke up (or rather, when i was woken from a sound sleep by mom yelling at the top of her lungs) there was snow outside. i guess she was trying to tell me but i, of course, figured we had like two flakes and just wanted to go back to sleep. but i gave in and opened the front door and there was snow all over!! i took a picture with my phone and texted it to you but just in case you didnt get to see it, here it is again:
that was at 6-something this morning and we ended up getting a couple more inches after that too! i called in to work and the recording said we were still supposed to come in though!! i decided to go in late and sat down to watch the news. news here is always crazy any time we have winter weather, and its the only thing on tv for hours at a time. this time we saw a truck jackknife and slide across three lanes on the freeway, narrowly missing a few cars. one of the school districts waited until really late in the morning to cancel classes and some students got stranded on buses stuck in the snow or outside at bus stops waiting for buses that never came. it was a disaster. finally, at 8:20 they decided we could go into work late. i pretty much stayed glued to my chair all morning fully enjoying the fact that its a snow day and i dont have anything i have to do at all. i ended up falling asleep in front of the tv for about an hour and called back at noon, only to find out they had closed the center for the rest of the day!
i made lunch and finally got around to baking some peanut butter cookies from that mix we bought when you were still here. for the record, i had one and they are good and i think i'll eat another. =)
i just talked to you on the phone so i dont have a whole lot else to say right now so im going to go eat that cookie and i'll add more later. im hoping i can get fred to go outside so i can take pictures of him in the snow. i dont know how cats are with snow but maybe we'll see...