What the fuck?
"I'd much rather spend my life pretending then having to forget you for one whole minute."
That was the only thing that I could take away from last night's discussion. At least from her and her inability to let go of me. It was crazy because she really opened up about a lot of things that she usually turns down. It was really nice to obtain certain answers on certain things but I am rather disturbed at the games that she has been trying to play. It feels very odd to be proud of someone and disappointed in them at the same time. Apparently, she doesn't want to be my friend because she is scared of me becoming comfortable with the status and never look at her in a romantic light. As a man, I look at it in another light. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I mean, befriend me and then try to shift it into a romantic sense after a while? With her method, I think of it as impatience and nothing more. It's not a diss or anything but in our relationship, she was patient one and I always wanted the quick fixes. Funky how things change whenever you switch positions.
As for the revelations, she decided to share a few things that really caught my attention. Like how she waits at certain places like Dark Alley and Hermony to see if I'll show up so we can actually talk. Why does everything have to come as a cat and mouse game now? I'm willing to talk to you without having to make it so dramatic and you're actually waiting for me to talk to you? Don't play a game because I haven't been in the mood for them as of late. I just don't know how to treat the entire situation. I tell you to move on, you're fine with it and secretly, you're waiting for something to happen so we can be together again? I'm not ruling out the possibility but at least be honest about things without making draining discussions happen before hand.
The most intriguing thing about the entire discussion is the fact that she actually tried to use sex as an asset. Granted, it's been a month since I've been able to have anything smut wise, it was actually a good point to use against me. It's damn true that she does know everything that I like because we were together everyday for four years but I don't like feeling like a dog on a leash. She's always been impressive at..things but don't utilize something that'll surely put me in a vulnerable position. As much as I love smutty fun, using something like that against me will surely piss me off. >: ( It did force me to go back and read old soup logs so I guess she did find a bit of success in the tactic.
Overall, last night ended up being pretty okay. It kept me up until 8 am and she actually delivered as far as talking to me and not at me during our talk on the phone. It does make me smile that she has been watching Bleach and can actually hold a discussion about it. It took..what? 3 years or so to actually get her to start it back up again so that's all good. It's funny as hell that she realized how much of a pussy Orihime was because she is all about crying instead of actually trying to get the man that she loves.
I'm one grumpy mother fucker for her using smut against me, though. This is the longest that I've gone without it and I hope that she doesn't decide to bring it up the next time we speak. It's been a crazy week or so but I'm still happy with who I am and that's the most satisfying part about it all.
Frump day resumes~!