i could open my eyes
for amusement. not many of you will get this but almost all of them are true:
you know you go to NYU when:
You walk out into your hallway and immediately get second-hand high
You pay up to $4 to do a load of laundry
You live in the largest dorm in the country, but cannot identify any of your neighbors
You live in a university dorm, and still have a ½ hour commute to campus
When you have to identify yourself every single time you go into your dorm, no matter if you just walked out of it
when you scan your fingerprints to enter you dorm
Your dorm elevator only stops on certain floors
Sometimes you're too lazy to order take out because you would have to walk downstairs
Getting shafted in housing means going to the #2 ranked dorm in America
There is nothing quite like a 3am fire drill
You don't know the meaning of communal bathrooms
Your Ra’s idea of “goodies” is plenty of condoms, lube and dental dams
Every guy you meet has a 1/3 chance of being gay. If he is attractive, the odds go up to 1/2. Attractive and well dressed? Forget it, sweetie.
When being white and heterosexual is a minority
"Are you heterophobic? Come to the heterophobic club, only at NYU!"
"Parties" contain no more than 20 people and are broken up by 1am at the latest.
Getting signed into the party takes as long as the party itself.
When a "frat" party is a sure thing you won't have fun.
One of your welcome activities was a fake orgasm contest
Another one was “guess the straight person”
When you go to school with matilda, the occasional olsen twin, or that kid from the sixth sense
Half your friends are from Long Island, the other half from New Jersey
Fuck it, you’ll just go to BBQ
The football team is undefeated
When ½ your graduating class is just in college waiting for their big break
People have studio instead of classes
You walk into Stern without a suit and people give you funny looks
You hate Columbia with a passion, for really no reason at all
You take class field trips to the MET
Two words: Elevator Rage.
Instead of Frisbees and picnics, your campus lawn has drug dealers and street musicians
You've been chased by a homeless man
When the only way to get a tan is to lie out on the sidewalks of NYC
Tischies and Sternies can immediately be identified at first glance.
When your university is the largest private real estate holder in the city
There is always construction, but nothing actually seems to change
You say excuse me to pigeons
Tourists have taken pictures of you (you're a "real NYU student"!)
You accidentally wander onto film sets
when you get offered several types of drugs just walking to class
Even the bums on the street have ipods
your free mystery concert has animal collective (who make lots of random, loud, piercing noises and play only three real songs but are still fucking awesome) and ghostface killah (whose entourage smokes blunts and drinks hard liquor onstage while 40 nyu female students shake their asses, also onstage)
When your University stops traffic on an entire street in NYC so that Steinhard and Tish students can perform.
the public safety van takes 30 min to get to you and only sends someone if you are in the lobby of an NYU building
when you're only allowed to use your kitchen if your windows are open........ but your windows don't open.
when keeping kosher becomes easier than not.
when your idea of a good show is a musical about STI's and finding your sexuality.
when you pick up a phone in an emergency and your first clear thought is to dial 9999.
you woke up to a threesome ocurring on the bunk overhead
your super original music taste is now only the norm
when you know premeds who want to kill themselves
when you know sternies who go for cocktails at 10am between classes
when your suburban family members freak out every time there is a terror threat and they call you but neither you nor anyone else in new york has heard about it, cares, or is afraid
when you know tischies who think that their lives are dramatic/people want to listen to them sing
you don't go home for breaks and your friends at other schools come visit you on their's
when you can get pizza at 4 am then again at 6 am...and it will still taste really fucking good
you can major in porn as a grad student
your professor was a former porn artist and finds it appropriate to show the class slides of her work
when everyone you know has at least 4 pieces of illegal furniture/stuff or a pet in their room
when you get offered free counceling every day because they are so afraid that you'll off yourself
when you don't know anyone who lkes the olsen twins
when you move to brooklyn for affordable housing
you've stopped someone midsentence to compliment their word usage.
when you see a security guard drive down washington place in a choad-mobile
your library's floor is artistically designed to prevent students from killing themselves...
when you hear the story about too many suicides and the burning couch thrown out the window and your biggest qualm is still the fact that our terraces and windows no longer open.
the punishment for selling drugs and throwing stuff out the window is the same
(getting kicked out of housing)
when every guy plays guitar and/or 15 other instruments
Instead of going to a football/basketball game, people go to see a Broadway show
an entire block is closed for a day for the school to give out free strawberries
when you know a hug from jsex is equivalent to selling your soul to the devil*
*I want a hug from jsex soooo bad. they say he's in the phone book and you can look him up and call him for a hug. i may do that one day during finals.
you know you go to NYU when:
You walk out into your hallway and immediately get second-hand high
You pay up to $4 to do a load of laundry
You live in the largest dorm in the country, but cannot identify any of your neighbors
You live in a university dorm, and still have a ½ hour commute to campus
When you have to identify yourself every single time you go into your dorm, no matter if you just walked out of it
when you scan your fingerprints to enter you dorm
Your dorm elevator only stops on certain floors
Sometimes you're too lazy to order take out because you would have to walk downstairs
Getting shafted in housing means going to the #2 ranked dorm in America
There is nothing quite like a 3am fire drill
You don't know the meaning of communal bathrooms
Your Ra’s idea of “goodies” is plenty of condoms, lube and dental dams
Every guy you meet has a 1/3 chance of being gay. If he is attractive, the odds go up to 1/2. Attractive and well dressed? Forget it, sweetie.
When being white and heterosexual is a minority
"Are you heterophobic? Come to the heterophobic club, only at NYU!"
"Parties" contain no more than 20 people and are broken up by 1am at the latest.
Getting signed into the party takes as long as the party itself.
When a "frat" party is a sure thing you won't have fun.
One of your welcome activities was a fake orgasm contest
Another one was “guess the straight person”
When you go to school with matilda, the occasional olsen twin, or that kid from the sixth sense
Half your friends are from Long Island, the other half from New Jersey
Fuck it, you’ll just go to BBQ
The football team is undefeated
When ½ your graduating class is just in college waiting for their big break
People have studio instead of classes
You walk into Stern without a suit and people give you funny looks
You hate Columbia with a passion, for really no reason at all
You take class field trips to the MET
Two words: Elevator Rage.
Instead of Frisbees and picnics, your campus lawn has drug dealers and street musicians
You've been chased by a homeless man
When the only way to get a tan is to lie out on the sidewalks of NYC
Tischies and Sternies can immediately be identified at first glance.
When your university is the largest private real estate holder in the city
There is always construction, but nothing actually seems to change
You say excuse me to pigeons
Tourists have taken pictures of you (you're a "real NYU student"!)
You accidentally wander onto film sets
when you get offered several types of drugs just walking to class
Even the bums on the street have ipods
your free mystery concert has animal collective (who make lots of random, loud, piercing noises and play only three real songs but are still fucking awesome) and ghostface killah (whose entourage smokes blunts and drinks hard liquor onstage while 40 nyu female students shake their asses, also onstage)
When your University stops traffic on an entire street in NYC so that Steinhard and Tish students can perform.
the public safety van takes 30 min to get to you and only sends someone if you are in the lobby of an NYU building
when you're only allowed to use your kitchen if your windows are open........ but your windows don't open.
when keeping kosher becomes easier than not.
when your idea of a good show is a musical about STI's and finding your sexuality.
when you pick up a phone in an emergency and your first clear thought is to dial 9999.
you woke up to a threesome ocurring on the bunk overhead
your super original music taste is now only the norm
when you know premeds who want to kill themselves
when you know sternies who go for cocktails at 10am between classes
when your suburban family members freak out every time there is a terror threat and they call you but neither you nor anyone else in new york has heard about it, cares, or is afraid
when you know tischies who think that their lives are dramatic/people want to listen to them sing
you don't go home for breaks and your friends at other schools come visit you on their's
when you can get pizza at 4 am then again at 6 am...and it will still taste really fucking good
you can major in porn as a grad student
your professor was a former porn artist and finds it appropriate to show the class slides of her work
when everyone you know has at least 4 pieces of illegal furniture/stuff or a pet in their room
when you get offered free counceling every day because they are so afraid that you'll off yourself
when you don't know anyone who lkes the olsen twins
when you move to brooklyn for affordable housing
you've stopped someone midsentence to compliment their word usage.
when you see a security guard drive down washington place in a choad-mobile
your library's floor is artistically designed to prevent students from killing themselves...
when you hear the story about too many suicides and the burning couch thrown out the window and your biggest qualm is still the fact that our terraces and windows no longer open.
the punishment for selling drugs and throwing stuff out the window is the same
(getting kicked out of housing)
when every guy plays guitar and/or 15 other instruments
Instead of going to a football/basketball game, people go to see a Broadway show
an entire block is closed for a day for the school to give out free strawberries
when you know a hug from jsex is equivalent to selling your soul to the devil*
*I want a hug from jsex soooo bad. they say he's in the phone book and you can look him up and call him for a hug. i may do that one day during finals.